Does the IVF stigma ever disappear?

[traveler]

I am very luck to have been blessed with a BEAUTIFUL DS on my second IVF attempt. I love him dearly, and never take anything for granted. In fact, at the end of each day I get a little sad that he is another day older, and will never be this little again.

I just feel like, whenever I do "complain" about him having an unsettled night, or having trouble with feeding or teething etc I feel ungrateful, and that I don't have the right to complain. I also feel like my friends never allow me to be a normal mum and have down days because "I am so lucky to have a baby at all." I felt like this all the way through my pregnancy too, i could never mention morning sickness or being tired because it was all part or my "wonderful pregnancy"

is it just me, am I imagining things and just need to vent, or do other people feel this too?

[gottabecrazy]

Traveler - If you to have down day ..bugger your friends if you ask me they dont sound very supportive ..you are a human after all not a robot and after the things we do to achieve our dreams of becoming parents ..bugger what they think

You can always come to BH and you know we will listen!!

[River Song]

i totally hear you.

I am lucky to have a supportive group of mummies to be on here...but other then them i really can not complain or i get the "well, you went to so much trouble to get pregnant you should be willing to do ANYTHING to keep it".

I have had a shocking pregnancy so far, morning sickness and now bleeding due to placenta previa and it looks like I'll be in hospital for a few months....but complain...hell no, its not OK.

I am trying to voice my feelings and sometimes it gets through and people are understanding.

I hadn't thought about it continuing to after i give birth...seriously, a sleepless night is a sleepless night and effects all humans the same. It is not a reflection of how much we love our kids!!

Hang in there:hugs:

[JetGirl]

We're all in the same boat here traveler and I believe that's why PND is more common with ivfers. Personally I think you can tell who your true friends are from such reactions!!!

[jfblady72]

i agree with Jet re the ivf - PND thing, there is a lot of reserach into it ....i think having a down day is normal and you should feel able to express it and have a whinge like any other mum.... yes having an ivf baby makes you realise how precious a baby is (that i would imagine is stronger when u have struggled but i wouldnt know cos i havent NOT struggled :rolleyes:) BUT it doesnt make you a super human mum with superpowers either physically or psychologically ........i have been extremely lucky in a way as my BFF is about to have an ivf baby and we have complained to each other heaps during pg about this and that with no one to berate us for being "ungrateful" we both know we are super lucky it worked but at the same time that doesnt help us when your vjj feels like it will explode and youve had enuf of crappy nights sleep for weeks....but yes when i have a whine to others i do sometimes feel compelled to add "but its all worth it" etc etc cos i dont want to seem ungrateful....but mostly i plan to express how i feel honestly cos i feel its important to acknowledge your real feelings, particularly if you are really struggling and need help or someone to just listen....more so that trying to not upset "others" who misinterpret that as being ungrateful..its normal!!!

[chicken and eggs mum]

Do ppl seriously think that?!?!?!! WTF?!?! you are able to complain as much as you like - mother hood is not easy no matter how the baby was conveived!!! Pregnancy is not easy no matter how the baby is conceived!!!

I have a friend who is my age (25) and has been trying for 4 years to get pregnant and finally is pregnant with twins through IVF, yes it is amazing and yes it is wonderful she is pregnant, but her pregnancy is no different to mine!! (we are due around the same time!!)

Complain away and bugger those ppl who dont resepct how you feel..... even if they are so called friends......

[traveler]

smileygirl, I'm so sorry things are not going great for you...I think you have justified reasons for complaining!

I'm glad that others feel the same as me, I guess it just shows how important BH is! I've gotten so good at adding tag lines to everything I say like ..."don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining" or "i know how lucky I am". it's nice to come on here and not have to do that.

It just makes me sad that people I consider my closest friends can be so unthoughtful, especially when they are mum's themselves (my two BF's fell pregnant first time and then complained that it happened too quickly?!?!) I just really hope that ONE DAY everything will be normal for our family - whatever that means :)

[Fizzgig75]

I so hear you. I even had my DH one day whilst I was pregnant question me if I was happy. grrr. I was no way ungrateful, I just needed to vent!

I think it's particularly difficult when we think back to when we were TTC... oh I'd give anything to feel MS or to go through teething etc, this thought process just sets us up to feel guilty and ungrateful and we shouldn't, as PP's have said our complaints etc are not indicative of the love or committment we have for our kids. We are human and our experience of motherhood is no different to a non-ivfer... so feel free to vent!! Kids are kids no matter how they were conceived, they were not only born to bring a great deal of joy but an equal amount of 'doing our heads in' too ;) :hugs: