When are you going to have another one.....

[Mischief]

Arrrrgggggg!!!! What is it with people?!

Oliver isnt even 4 months old yet, and already EVERYONE (except mum and Steven) are asking when we are having a brother or sister for him....a typical converstation goes like this:

Them: So when are you having a brother or sister for Oliver
Us: We arent, one is enough for us
Them: You have to have a brother or sister for him, he will be lonely
Us: No, we were lucky this time, I had a hard labour and we dont really want to tempt fate
Them: Oh, you'll change your mind
Us: No, we dont want another one, one is enough
Them: But Oliver needs a brother or sister, you cant just have one! Only children are always lonely!
Us: I'm an only child, I wasnt lonely, it just means that parents have to spend more time with the child...Steven thinks his mum should have stopped at 2 (him)
Them: Oh, you will change your mind in a year.....Oliver needs a brother or sister, you'll change your mind

Arrrggggggg........Why does everyone have to argue with us....we are only having ONE! Why cant people respect that....why why why?! Its driving me nuts! I'm getting SOOOOO sick of being made to feel selfish and like I should just "get over it"!

YAY for people who want big families, I think its great, but we now only want one child, we want to do it once and do it right....is that so wrong?!

[nikkiiandriley]

:)You need to do what is right for you and your husband. People do need to respect that and not judge you for it.
My husband has 3 boys to x wife. 13,11,9. and wejust had a beautiful girl at the end of May. We are thinking of having an other one and will try again at xmas. But that is our decision.:)

[Pixie]

Each to their own Kat what you do is your business, we have the opposite converstations as we want 4 and if everything is OK we'll go for 6 and all we hear is whoa 4 kids that's far to many :ecomcity::ecomcity: well who cares we know that we're capable in every aspect and that is all that matters wether it be one child or four!

I'd be outright and I have been and said "well you won't be the one raising them so um what's your point?" And that generally ends the disscussion!

[Mischief]

N&R and Pixie - Thank you. LOL Sorry, I just re read what I wrote and realised I sounded really anti big families....I'm sooooo not!

We always wanted at least 2, possibly 3, but I had such a hard time during labour and due to religious and personal reasons will not take blood transfusions. It could have been very bad....

My labour was very long and hard, and I had to be on a drip for ages after to make sure I didnt hemorage.

What is annoying me the most are most of these people are MEN, and the women who are saying it all had 7 hour labours, no morning sickness, no spotting, no NOTHING...nice easy happy pregnancies and labour....I just think they dont understand what its like to be worried that your baby is going to die and that you could too.

[DB&O]

We get this also & more so now that Liv is almost 18 months old. Ppl seem to think that I should either have another babe or go back to work, like choosing to stay at home with my beautiful little girl isn't good enough. I have stopped being nice & just say that when & if we have another baby it will be because both DH & I have decided we want to & not because of your incessant pestering:D and funnily enough its not our families who push.
Ciao,
Brooke.

[Mischief]

Brooke - I understand totally! Oh...it makes me so mad, and even worse, if we do decide to go again later on, all these people are going to be all smug and go " I TOLD YOU you would have another one...." Ohhh.....my blood is boiling!

[angcaltam]

Kat,

You poor thing. My sister gets the same because she only wants the one. Just try not to worry about what everyone else is saying, it is you that went through what you went through nobody else, they don't have the right to judge you. If Mr O is all you need and want then so be it, he is going to be one very happy Mr O.

:hugs: & :kiss: coming your way.

[Niki]

poor you must get so frustrating, its your choice so they should bak off!stick to your guns :D

[nikkiiandriley]

Mischief I know htat a bad labour and pregnacy can be enough to put you off. My babe is lucky to be here to. but i did choose to have a c-section because of my back problems. My girl friend is about to have her second one now and is very worried about going though the labour because of her first ordeal. she had student everything. it took the stud enth 6 goes to get the eppidural in and the qualified one go. she also had stu midwife and her waters broke 2am sunday morning and she had her babe 7.30pm monday.

So don't feel bad about the choices that you have made now. But it is early days and if you become unsure about your choice you can always change it. Just get all your info on what could happen the second time around if you choose. And if your religion is o.k with it. c-section if a good way to go and what matters is that you have a baby at the end of the day. If you choose.

:ecomcity:(i'm not trying to say that you should have an other one or not just keep options open, The biggest thing is be happy with the decision that you make as the other one said you are the one living with that decision) :ecomcity:

The thing with thisis no one can see you face when saying something so you are never to sure if it comes out the way you mean or not.:)

[Minke]

Hey Kat, we had the same thing for 4 1/2 years! When are you having another?, the gap will be too big, you'll never go back and you have to have an equal number of children (that from my MIL - she's a bit unique). We had problems falling pregnant the second time round (3 yrs) and had finally decided to stick to one, and again copped it over that as well. Obviously didn't end up going to the doc for a pill script (Jack, you just made it!) but I got very good at making people feel bad for pressing the point when it was none of their business! You shouldn't have to justify your reasons!

And, yeah, now that we've had two, everyone keeps asking when is DH getting the snip? :laughing: We don't plan on anymore....

It's your life, your choice, and as i said to my friend who's on to her fifth (as everyone has told her she's stupid for having so many), your the one who raises them, no-one else, so why is it anyone else's business?

OHH, and love your new av, Oliver is gorgeous!

[moonblossom]

LOL Mis, you do what is right for you. As a mother of a big family I love it, but my sister only has 1 and that is ALL SHE WROTE lol. She would NEVER have another and all the power to her :)

Your a family wether you have 1 or eight like me :smiliedance:

[reddwarf]

I know what you are saying. I have a 5yr age gap between dd and ds because of everything that happened (severe PND/PTSD) yet people were constantly asking when are you having another one? Then since having ds I have spent 6mths in hospital with PTSD/PND again and people still ask when I'm having the next :banghead: . I would love more but i don't have babies well :no: at all.

But the worst story I ever heard was a friend who was being asked when she was having the next one.........



















when she was 3 months pregnant with the first :eek: :banghead:

[blueeyes]

We are in the same boat. The babe is 61/2 months old and we have been told to get on with it! (it being the missing ingredient at the moment IYKWIM!!!) DP is harder to persuade than me, we are not adamant that we will only have one, if something happens, it happens, if not then it is just us and the babe.
I dont have any comebacks, I generally just shrug my shoulders and continue to play with the babe and just say 'whenever'. Kat, rest assured you arent the only one that has that problem, the way I look at it is, people will always have a question ie when are you getting married (probably never), any sign of children (we have one now), any more (maybe), how long are staying at home (as long as I like thanks), when are you returning to work (when I want to and for as long as I want to), are you sending them to daycare (what is it to you are you offering to babysit?), which school are you sending them to (one that has teachers) etc etc :ecomcity: :ecomcity: :ecomcity:
People just love to comment, as they say in one ear out the other

[pookiesossige]

I feel like my family is complete with two kids... Dh would love a third down the track, so hmmm... things are going to get interesting, aren't they? Bet you can guess- I cam from a fam of two kids, he was from a fam of three. I like the idea of starting young and finishing young and then kinda growing up with my children. I love being a mum, I know I do it well and I feel like I am in my element- but I also know my limits. Our families would never pressure us to have another- they would totally understand if two was enough for us.

[jessgray]

i am preg with #2 and i am getting asked when #3 will be coming :eek: lmao
before i got preg with #2 i would get the exact same convo in the orginal post.i ended up telling the people if they were so intrested in knowing when #2 was coming they should buy a ticket to when #2 would be concived! lol it shut them up :D

[reAllytee]

Gotta love it !
If your happy this way then dont worry & who knows what the future brings anyways.
I was pg with Boof probably around the 5mth mark sick as a dog with hyperemesis when my MIL was organising when i would have the next etc :banghead:
Suprised it actually hasnt been mentioned again but then she hasnt been game to make any comments after she bagged me out for the fiftieth time for not b/f when Boof was 3mths to which DP nearly took her head off.
I had a bad pg & bad labour too i actually dont care about strangers asking me those types of questions because they dont know what happened but when family & friends start honestly they can bugger off !!!!
Ive spoken about having more & my mum nearly fell over because she thought after all that happened there was no way id have more !
Its our choice though !

[Ana Gram]

Everyone else would love for me to have another child including DP (I think the novelty would wear off for DD pretty quick). My favourite answer is that when science can work out a way for DP to get pregnant, give birth and breastfeed and someone else can pay the child's way for teh rest of it's life, I'd be happy to have another.

[Mischief]

Thanks guys!

My new witty reply is...."Okay then, YOU have one for me and I'll adopt!"

Its really making me upset, just cause all these people, Including my MIL are making me feel like its wrong and selfish of me to only want one now. Noone belives that Steven is just as adamant, if not MORE than me....off couse it has to me the woman....

"You'll forget about it, everyone does"....they dont seem to understand that I HAVE already forgotten about the pain and I really would LOVE to have more than one child, but neither Steven or I are prepared to take a risk again....second babies are usually bigger, and lets face it...Oliver was too big for me. C-Sections have their own set of risks too!

Grrrrrr

[subaruforestermum]

LOL...I know how you feel on this subject...I was lying in the hospital bed 2 days after having major surgery after the birth of my son, when people started asking me...it drove me insane, and it was the last thing on my mind................

The annoying thing is that now he is 12months, I am getting asked still, as "Oh he needs a sibling to play with"...:ecomcity:

I am still getting use to being a mum, and am not ready to be a mum to another child yet, I tell people if it happens it happens (just like my son), if not I'm not going to be sad, as I'm already a mum to a terrific little boy, and the here and now is what matters to me........

[faery]

OMG! our motto is "one is fun" (signs that are all over india) when people start on the sibling thing.
i might want another one when ds is like 10 or something!! i certainly don't want to deal with multiple babies/toddlers at the same time.
I hate that question! my mum was going on about it in the hospital after i had a 20 hour labour! thankfully those endorphins were pumping!

[Jamily]

Geez - I had exactly the same thing! Then when I did fall pregnant when DD was 10 months old, everyone said we were mad as it was going to be so much work!!! :rolleyes:

[FourAngelKisses]

I keep getting asked when I'm going to STOP having more. Why do people think you are strange if you want more than 2 kids?

[~EmsMum~]

i get that question alot!!!
it annoys me because atm im happy with the one