2 Children.... How will I Manage?

[eemaz]

I am confident everything will be okay financially because I am doing everything I can do on my part to have things correct and comfortable. Anything that happens outside of positive is something I must go through to prepare me for the next obstacle in life....
My son will be 4 (in beg Jan20110) by the time our (<---My DH and I) bub arrives (also Jan2011, hopefully the end of jan-beg feb) , (we are hoping our son gets a little sister.)
but I am wondering how good I will be at dividing my love and energy between 2 little people?

What do you think? HOw many do you have? How do you handle? Do you think age makes a difference?:babydust2:

[eemaz]

How do you think my son will feel?

[Beck13]

I'm in the same boat. My ds1 will be 3yrs 3 monh when ds2 arrives in 6 weeks and I'm starting to worry about this too. I know that when it happens you will just cope - as you do..but I too worry about giving them both enough on my time. Ds1 is so used to having mummy to himself, although he is very independent and I have been trying to get him to play more by himself at times lately - mainly because I'm so bloody tired but also so that I know he can entertain himself when he needs to - eg when feeding bub. Then I'm also worried about not being able to give ds2 the same one on one time that I gave to ds1, but I guess he will not know any different. I think it will be a juggling act but I'm sure you will cope just fine. We are going to put aside a time each weekend - even just an hour or so where hubby or I will take ds1 to the park or just do something with only him. I think I'll also try and do one on one stuff - painting, playdough, drawing, reading with him regularly when bub is sleeping and try and keep him involved as much as far as helping me with baby.

[eemaz]

I'm in the same boat. My ds1 will be 3yrs 3 monh when ds2 arrives in 6 weeks and I'm starting to worry about this too. I know that when it happens you will just cope - as you do..but I too worry about giving them both enough on my time. Ds1 is so used to having mummy to himself, although he is very independent and I have been trying to get him to play more by himself at times lately - mainly because I'm so bloody tired but also so that I know he can entertain himself when he needs to - eg when feeding bub. Then I'm also worried about not being able to give ds2 the same one on one time that I gave to ds1, but I guess he will not know any different. I think it will be a juggling act but I'm sure you will cope just fine. We are going to put aside a time each weekend - even just an hour or so where hubby or I will take ds1 to the park or just do something with only him. I think I'll also try and do one on one stuff - painting, playdough, drawing, reading with him regularly when bub is sleeping and try and keep him involved as much as far as helping me with baby.

I very much agree on including ds1 in activities as much as possible too...That is the main thing I have been thinking about as a resolution. Congrats on your pregnancy by the way....:yelclap:
But another thing I am trying to keep in mind is that dc2, (dear child 2 for me because I will not find out the gender for a couple more months) will be taught the ropes and I think will excel a little faster than ds1 because they are learning from their older sibling....

[_Missy_Moo_]

DD turned 1 six weeks before i had DD2 and i worried that i woldnt be able to spend any quality time with either of them with out neglecting the other but some how i have managed, DS turns 3 in a few days and they are both happy healthy kids, Im not saying it was easy but you find a way to make it work for you

[eemaz]

You are all great...

[eemaz]

Pleas share your ideas...:ecomcity:

[Beck13]

But another thing I am trying to keep in mind is that dc2, (dear child 2 for me because I will not find out the gender for a couple more months) will be taught the ropes and I think will excel a little faster than ds1 because they are learning from their older sibling....

Yes this kinda makes me a bit sad as this is likely to be our last child so I kinda want him to be a baby as long as possible! I do however have some friend who have found the opposite - that their 2nd child has been a bit slower at these things like crawling and talking because the first child will sit there and play with them so they don't feel the need to get around as much and the first child tends to "speak" for the second. Who knows, I guess each child is different. I think there will just be an adjustment period where we will all need to get used to the change. I think with the first child being a bit older that things may (hoping) go a bit smoother as my ds really seems to "understand" what is going on and he is really good with other babies (just adores them) so fingers crossed I don't have too many jealousy issues.

[Beck13]

Oh another thing I keep doing is explaining to ds that when bub is born he won't be able to walk/talk and that he will have to help mummy to teach him to do these things. This seems to get him quite excited and makes him feel like a big boy.

[SuperGranny]

hi eemaz, It is all a learning journey. for you and for your child, and for the baby. Everyday can be a different story. I had four kids in five and a half years, each one different, each reacted different, each one followed their own pattern in reaching milestones. there were times when I was :hair:or:confused:or:crying: or just :laughing:. The only advice I can offer is take each day as it comes, and dont worry about yesterday or tomorrow. good luck, Marie.

[robsgirl]

Hi there,

When i had dd2 dd1 was 3 nearly four and was very excited she was going to be a big sister and before hand i went out and bought her a dora big sister doll.
And she also had her little babies she played with. I also spent some one on one time after dd2 was born with dd1 so she wasn't jealous of dd2. Also when dd2 is sleeping i will do cooking or a game just dd1 wants to play.

Now #3 is coming along 5 days before dd2 turns 1 so life is going to be bit hectic but im sure we will cope fine. DD1 is so helpful and excited she is going to be a big sister again. Dont know what dd2 will think when we bring #3 home its going to be a juggling act.

[danik]

When DD2 is born DD1 will have just turned 4 and boy is she excited about having a little sister! Actually I think DD1 was born to be a big sister because she's always fussed over younger babies and kids.

I've told her that she'll be my number 1 helper when the newborn arrives and she loves this idea because she loves to help and get in on the action. I'm excited for DH and I to become parents again but even more so for DD to become a big sister.

[4fullstop]

In terms of coping - we just do it, coz we have to and no one will do it for us!! I've got a 4th on the way, the age gaps are 20mths, 17mths and this will be 20mths again. Like others have said - some days you're tearing your hair out, some days you just want to scream/cry/breakdown, some days everything just seems to go right.... but no matter what, you never get enough sleep :) You don't get the 1-on-1 time with subsequent kids, it's just impossible, but you have different experiences with each one. And the younger one/s get an older sibling/s to play with which your 1st never had. As for dividing your love - you don't need to, it multiplies!! My DH was worried about that too, but love is finite, the more people you have to love, the more you have to give. Just as you'll have good & bad days the siblings will too, but just love them & do your best & it'll all work out fine :) (at least, this is what I keep telling myself!!)

[lilpearl]

Sounds like beautifully easy sailing to me, to be honest. I think your son will love having a baby around. I'm about to have 5 children, and my eldest just turned six. Two children, four years apart sounds like blissful luxury....not that it will all be easy, of course, but you'll all get used to it and wont be able to imagine life without your new baby! Enjoy! :)

[amanda779]

i have three kids already and one on the way i have an 11 year old and i also have a 3 year old and a 10 month old. i was worried last year when i was having our third that our then 2 year old would cope but i included her in everything she came to all the appointments and all the ultrasounds to see her sister on screen she used to listen to her at home on the doppler thing and i just really involved her she was a wonderful girl onc ashlee came she was fasinated but we would let her get involved they bathed to gether and still do and our now 3 year old used to give bubs a bottle and everything now they are very close and she is very excited abouther brother coming i am not sure how our 10month old will go she will just have turned one when we have our new addition i am thinking fo staying at hospital 2 nights this time around so that i can get our 10mth old used to it she can come and see him and have cuddles and everything and then i can slowly get her involved with him it all works out in the end.

[MummyStar]

You'll love it & be fine :)...in a few months time after all has settled down it will be the norm. I have two boys, DS1 was 21mths old when DS2 was born...now they are 2.5yrs old & 8.5mths old. I was also really worried about how I would divide my attention between the two & will DS1 be really jealous of bub & will our relationship be weakened..all those thoughts & feelings go through your head but DS1 has been wonderful!!! Part of my concern was because he is full on & quite demanding when it comes to getting attention but every day he surprises me more & more with the affection that he shows DS2, it really does melt my heart. I thought will DS1 be jealous & throw tantrums if he wanted something while I was BF DS2 but nothing like it :yelclap:. He did become a lot closer to DH while I was PG & when DS2 was born he would always want me to pick up bub, it was so cute.
DS1 loves having a baby brother & DS1 goes to kindy 3 days a week so I do get to enjoy one on one time with DS2 & most of the time their day sleeps are like tag team so I spend the majority of the morning with DS1 & the majority of the afternoon with DS2 while the other is sleeping & a bit of the early morning with both & in the middle of the day & the early night with both. DS1 insists on DS2 sitting right next to him when he's at the bench in the high chair & he's starting to want to hold him more & more & he has always given him kisses from day one, he hands him toys to hold & pats his head/tummy when he's crying & says "it's ok or hey hey"...it's so adorable.
My advice is to lead the way by suggesting things to your son, like do you want to give bub a kiss or a cuddle or come watch him have a bath etc...I often have both of them sitting on my lap on the lounge room floor & when ever I go into DS2's room to change his nappy or put him to sleep I ask DS1 if he wants to come (I send him out if he makes too much noise when trying to put bub to sleep but he's getting the hang of being quiet & shhhhhhh). A few things became easier like getting DS1 into the car is so so much better now cos DS2 is sitting there with him. We didn't change his bedroom or move his car seat which I think was a good move. Sometime I think a 2.5 yr or 3 year age gap would have been easier due to DS1 being able to communicate better & understand more but we did plan the 2yr gap & if we go ahead to have a 3rd I would have the same gap...but now I worry how will DS2 feel about being a middle child :laughing:...I think as Mum's we will always worry cos we want what is best for our Baby's...no matter what age they are :yes:. The 4 year age gap will be nice because your son will understand things & even though DS1 was only 21mths they can see that bub is crying & needs your attention just the same as when the older one needs you I don't think it takes long for the younger one to see & understand this concept...& when they are both crying (unless one is hurt & it's obviouse they need my attention 1st) I sometimes go to the older one first & sometimes I go to the younger one first. I was told once to always go to the older one as they are used to it & the younger one doesn't know any different but that never felt right to me as I don't want either to think that one is more important than the other, as they are equal & I totally love them both but you do have a different relationship with both as they a different little people. One more thing having showers & going to the toilet became much easier for me as DS1 was happy to have some company in the lounge room from DS2 & it takes the pressure off you to be the one always having to occupy one or the other cos they'll have each other...It's Lovely. (You probably don't have that problem thought with your 4yr old following you to the shower/toilet).
All the Best...it's not all easy but you'll enjoy it.

[Deema]

You will be fine. Women are natural providers...