Running onto the road - NOT LISTENING TO ME!

[MissSteph]

Hi everyone,

DD (18 months) does not listen to me! :banghead:

I think she has selective hearing! I know she can understand what I say to her (well most things anyway).
Once I open the garage door she runs her little heart out straight onto the road and continues running down the road! I'm 38 weeks pregnant so chasing her is very near impossible, by the time I get to her she's 3 blocks down. I call out to her, I tell her firmly to get inside.. I've even tried saying bye to her in the hope she will freak out and run back but nope, she laughs and continues running! When I open the garage door I tell her that "we wait for mummy" or to hold my hand but once the door is open she bolts out. Same with when we are at the shops or anywhere really, unless she is strapped into a pram or trolley she won't stay near me, she'll just happily run off!

So what do you/would you do? I'm obviously very concerned about her safety but have really run out of ideas! I have tried disciplining her by sending her to her room/cot but she gets all hysterical. She doesn't understand that being naughty = go to your room. She expects me to let her watch her tv show and when I say no or don't let her watch it she goes nuts cos she doesn't understand that being naughty = consequence.. How do I make that apparent to her?

[SuperGranny]

hi miss steph, At 18 mths, you have to just hold on to her. Get a harness thingy, the little doggy back pack ones are cute, or get some sort of way to be in control of her. She is too young to see the dangers and also too young to understand the point of the discipline. You have to be in control of her, there is not much else you can do. Marie.

[Bo0tifuL]

This is honestly a no brainer, control her, hold her while you open the garage, im sorry if it seems a bit mean, but she is running on the ROAD!

[Areca]

I agree with Marie...she's too young to get it so you can't expect her too...instead you need to guarantee her safety...we never did harnesses but DD2 learnt real quick that if you run you are strapped in. We only ever gave her the chance where she was safe so anywhere she wasn't she was strapped in...tough luck.

[MissSteph]

We have one of those harnesses but she hates wearing it. When we are inside the house and I tell her "no" to opening certain cupboards or if she's rough with the dogs or if she does something I don't want her doing then she will listen to my request. It's just when we are out of the house in the open air she just runs off and laughs when I say no to her.

I guess I was just hoping that with a newborn almost here, there was a way I could have DD alongside me - even on the driveway - without running off. I can't imagine it would be very practical (or safe) to run with a newborn :p.

EDIT - Getting her to the car without running on the road - how could I strap her in? What about when I'm carrying a newborn to the car and DD won't stand alongside me, what do I do then? I meant in general standing alongside me without running off.. She goes in the trolley or pram when we are out!

[SuperGranny]

sorry miss steph, but I can see no way she is going to stop unless you stop her. What ever she does inside the house is, for the most part, not a matter of life and death, but running away from you on to the road, is potentaly a matter of life and death. You will have to use the harness whether she likes it or not. Marie.

[Areca]

From house to car - do them one at a time if you need to (take one out, strap them in to the car, go and get the other). Strap her in the car before opening the garage door...get a hug-a-bub or similar and have newbie strapped to you so you have two hands free for your runner.

[MissSteph]

Thanks Marie. When she wears the harness she sits down. I physically cannot see myself carrying her while holding a baby to get the the car, open the door etc etc. I'm trying to teach her to simply get to the car walking alongside me/holding my hand which I don't think is a very hard ask.

[Areca]

Thanks Marie. When she wears the harness she sits down. I physically cannot see myself carrying her while holding a baby to get the the car, open the door etc etc. I'm trying to teach her to simply get to the car walking alongside me/holding my hand which I don't think is a very hard ask.

hold on to her wrist. They have a harder time wriggling away from your grasp if you have their wrist.

[MissSteph]

Thank you Areca

[SuperGranny]

miss steph, I agree I dont think it is a very hard thing for a little one to do, to just walk along side you and hold your hand. I can get my grandsons to do that with no problem. Maybe you need to hold her arm so she cant get away from you. I dont think you are asking her to do anything she is not able to do, but she doesnt see the dangers, and she thinks the open air is for running away from mummy. At her age she is not going to be reasoned with, she is not going to just follow your directions, and so you have to pick her up and carry her, or use a harness , or hold her by the arm. Whatever you choose to do, you are the one responsible for keeping her safe, and so you have to take control. Marie.

[danielle13]

I'd be forcing her to wear the harness. If she dislikes it that much, it might be a good incentive for her to stay close in the future.

But if you don't want to do that, you can get wrist strap thingies which you wear one end and she wears the other, that way she can't wriggle from your grasp and you don't even need a free hand.
We got one from babies galore (I think), they're only about $10.

[Areca]

no problem, oh and if you have a hug-a-bub style carrier you can hold both of them. My first two are 21 months apart, my second and third are 2 years and 2 months apart and there has been the odd ocassion where I've had no.3 in a carrier and one kid on each hip (no easy feat let me tell you!) But with my older two I often carried them both like that - through carparks etc.

[MissSteph]

Wow Danielle, they sound fantastic! I'll definately be getting one of those to try out!

Areca - we just bought a Bubba Moe the other day, I didn't even think of using it while controlling my sprinting toddler! We never had a sling with DD but I'm sure it won't be hard to get used to

Thank you heaps for the helpful hints

[~ElectricPink~]

Unfortunately, at that age they really have no concept of dangers, and they can be difficult to reason with. My son is nearly 3 and a half, and STILL bolts towards roads occasionally... he still doesn't really get the concept of dangers, and he's not all that great at following directions. :rolleyes:

The only thing you can really do is take preventative measures, at least until she is old enough to reason with!

Good luck :hugs:

[MermaidSister]

I would load her into the pram while inside/before opening doors. Pack her into the car before opening garage doors.

My son was the same at that age, I couldn't let him out of my sight for a second and he gave me several near-heart-attacks. I have looked after other people's kids that never even needed to be taught to stay by your side and i don't think the parents could possibly understand what it's like to have a child that runs off like that.

As they grow older they get a bit of sense and start to understand the importance of not going on the road, etc.

I really don't think it's all about how you discipline her either. If you've tried everything you just have to accept that some kids are very spirited and fearless and just love to take off.

Oh and defo get a double pram when no 2 comes along :yes:

[MermaidSister]

[QUOTE=joshcamgrandma;4783642]miss steph, I agree I dont think it is a very hard thing for a little one to do, to just walk along side you and hold your hand. I can get my grandsons to do that with no problem. QUOTE]

On this note, it sounds easy but i for one have a child who would and will just NEVER hold my hand. That is why he still goes in the pram near roads/ busy places. He has protested every time i try to hand-hold and just simply sits down on the ground so i'm forced to pull him along, then he wriggles and screams like he's being tortured and everybody in the immediate vicinity gets that "I'm calling DoCS" look on their faces.

I used to think having a kid who could walk well in a pram was ridiculous, but now i understand why. It is better to be safe than sorry, and prams are secure and much much easier to get around with than lugging a reluctant child desperate to get out of your grasp.

[MummaBear03]

I agree with the harness idea. She might not like it, but guaranteed she will not like how it feels to be hit by a moving vehicle. I know which I'd prefer given a choice between a living, tantruming toddler and a dead one because the tantrums were too much to handle. She will grow up and you need to keep her safe while she does. She won't be a 5 year old still running to the road if you control it now using either a harness or by holding her.

[mummajugs]

My DD has recently decided that she is a big girl(23months) and that she doesnt need to hold my hand... to this, well tough, she either holds my hand, i pick her up or i leave her in the house until i have evrything else in the car, so i can then just carry her from house to car without her even putting one foot on the ground :D with a newborn as well, i would do the same thing, leave newborn in rocker/pram whist you are putting toddler in the car, or vise versa!
and she always goes into the car before the shopping does. if its too much hassle when you have a newborn, do online shopping with woolies/coles, they deliver!

pretty simple really

[Hooves]

I'd be forcing her to wear the harness. If she dislikes it that much, it might be a good incentive for her to stay close in the future.

But if you don't want to do that, you can get wrist strap thingies which you wear one end and she wears the other, that way she can't wriggle from your grasp and you don't even need a free hand.
We got one from babies galore (I think), they're only about $10.


Target is where I got mine from. I had both a wrist strap and a harness.

If my son was good he wore the wrist strap. IF he wasn't it was the harness.


He used to say to me, He wasn't a DOG! I figured if he was smart enough to know he didn't like being on a lead (:laughing:) then he should be smart enough to know, how to walk nicely beside me.

In all honesty though, Do what you need to do to keep your child safe.

[Hooves]

Just another tip, that helped us Teach our stubborn child.

WE used to play a STOP GO game. I started this at home, in the back yard.

But we graduated it to outside and outings. STOP means STOP, though. Unless they understand that, and listen to that. My children, still hold my hand.

[Mum2Mimi]

This is honestly a no brainer, control her, hold her while you open the garage, im sorry if it seems a bit mean, but she is running on the ROAD!

:iagree: or dont open the garage roller door til she is straped in car seat :confused:

sending her to her room she prolly wont understand,have you tried time out a min per year of age,for her 1 min? this may work,sitting her in a certain spot where she can still see you

[~BEXTER~]

No offence but I think you are letting your little one have to much control over you, you are the parent not her.

One thing I have done is when we go to the car Keiara has to put her hands on it and stay there until I am ready, Same for when we have finished the shopping.

It took some time but she got the hang of it.

I have never used the harness Keiara she either held my hand or she was put in the pram, Keiara use to run to the road ever chance she got, so if you know your child is a runner you make sure you are ALWAYS holding their hand, if you can't do that then you use the harness, start it now she she is use to it for when bubs is born, if she does not like it to bad, it is either that or she will get hit by a car.

Keiara is now 5 and I have just started letting go of her hand, as soon as she runs off a bit she has to hold my hand again, I can now trust her around the road though so it does get better, you just need to pick something and stick to it no matter how bad the tantrum is because of it.

[MissSteph]

Our car is parked outside of the garage as we don't have room for it in the garage.. It's like our storage area, so I can't strap her in before opening the door and our driveway is really steep.. Although prams have brakes, I don't trust parking it on a steep driveway to load children in the car. With a harness she sits down as soon as I put it on her so I'm not exactly going to drag her bum along the floor to the car.
It is extremely hard to handle a toddler that is very tempermental. When she doesn't get her own way boy you will know about it and so will people in the next suburb over and unfortunately it really isn't as simple as holding her hand or even picking her up as she will wriggle, kick, squirm - do whatever she needs to get away. There have been several times where I've had to grab her ankle as she has come that close to jumping out of my arms. But in saying that she isn't like this every single time.. Just most of the time :laughing: and I'm sure all toddlers go through a similar phase.

I think the bubba moe seems to be the most realistic option for us when bub comes along and the attempt at wrist holding. I'm far too paranoid about leaving 1 in the car while going back inside the house to get the other child. You never know who could come around the corner and take off with them.

And I am WELL aware it is dangerous for her to be running on the road which is why I have asked for ways to get her safetly to the car without resulting in a dropped newborn because of a squirming toddler. I want her to learn to hold my hand when need be.. I don't see her randomly waking up one morning and deciding today is the day she will start holding my hand happily and no I don't think it's a hard ask for any toddler. She's capable of listening and understand other askes so hand holding surely can't be that difficult!

[guerin]

Our car is parked outside of the garage as we don't have room for it in the garage.. It's like our storage area, so I can't strap her in before opening the door and our driveway is really steep.. Although prams have brakes, I don't trust parking it on a steep driveway to load children in the car. With a harness she sits down as soon as I put it on her so I'm not exactly going to drag her bum along the floor to the car.
It is extremely hard to handle a toddler that is very tempermental. When she doesn't get her own way boy you will know about it and so will people in the next suburb over and unfortunately it really isn't as simple as holding her hand or even picking her up as she will wriggle, kick, squirm - do whatever she needs to get away. There have been several times where I've had to grab her ankle as she has come that close to jumping out of my arms. But in saying that she isn't like this every single time.. Just most of the time :laughing: and I'm sure all toddlers go through a similar phase.

I think the bubba moe seems to be the most realistic option for us when bub comes along and the attempt at wrist holding. I'm far too paranoid about leaving 1 in the car while going back inside the house to get the other child. You never know who could come around the corner and take off with them.

And I am WELL aware it is dangerous for her to be running on the road which is why I have asked for ways to get her safetly to the car without resulting in a dropped newborn because of a squirming toddler. I want her to learn to hold my hand when need be.. I don't see her randomly waking up one morning and deciding today is the day she will start holding my hand happily and no I don't think it's a hard ask for any toddler. She's capable of listening and understand other askes so hand holding surely can't be that difficult!


Clear your garage out and park your car in it.

[onelasttime]

I had the same problem. I used the harness to and both my kids gets out of them. Especially the wrist ones. They were useless no matter how tight it was both my ds and dd ripped them off and off they would run.
Now if my kids run off i start the car and get in. Both of them freak out and bolt in the car. They got scared i was living. And it still works. They no now to get in the car and not to muck around.
When we get home i get one child in at a time so they dont run off. I have 3 to control and its really hard

[onelasttime]

I just read what you wrote about not feeling safe while one child is in the car and one in the house.
I feel completely opposite. I sometimes put my toddlers in the car and strapped up while baby is inside at the front door. They are all in sight and safe (we have no garage). I think this is a much safer options. I think my child has more of a chance getting hit by a car than stolen from a locked car or house. You have to way up the safer options.

[Mrs Nietzsche]

I have this same problem, and used to put DS (toddler) into the car just on the seat, then strap in the baby, then strap in the toddler. He was 14 mths when she was born and he learnt to hold my hand when walking very quickly. I used a baby bjorn too at first and strapped him in first. However I haven't used that for months now, I just get him to climb into the car, then strap in the baby, then strap in him.

[moozle]

I had the same problem. I used the harness to and both my kids gets out of them. Especially the wrist ones. They were useless no matter how tight it was both my ds and dd ripped them off and off they would run.
Now if my kids run off i start the car and get in. Both of them freak out and bolt in the car. They got scared i was living. And it still works. They no now to get in the car and not to muck around.
When we get home i get one child in at a time so they dont run off. I have 3 to control and its really hard

I'm sure it's very hard with 3 but there is NO WAY I would be starting a car anywhere near children who are running around. Accidents happen WAY too frequently!

OP - give the wrist strap a go if you feel it will work for you but the chances of someone coming around the corner and taking your child from the car in the minute it takes you to take one child in compared with the risk of having your child run 3 blocks before you can catch her putting her life in danger is a no brainer to me.

I am quite concerned about your mention of trying to 'discipline' your 18 month old. I too have an 18 month old and there is NO WAY he understands consequence. Sure, he knows simple right and wrongs and what I want and don't want but he doesn't understand the difference between saying no because of danger and saying no because of inconvenience (mess etc) so they are still working everything out. You wouldn't put your DD in her room or cot and leave her there screaming for no reason, would you? To her, that is what you are doing. She can't even REMEMBER what it is she's done by the time she's in there or even work out that it's even a punnishment. I honestly think it would be sensible to wait until she's a bit older, her language is developed and she can explain to you that she understands before you punnish her. She's still a baby!

[Mrs Nietzsche]

I agree withj moozle too, I was flabbergasted to read about time out and being sent to your room for a 18 mth old. What the????

First of all, he's too young to reliably learn that stuff, secondly, it's the parent's responsibility to get him in the car safely, not his, and thirdly, as if he would have a clue why he's been sent to his room. The thought of any baby that age being sent to their room is pretty dire.

[MummaBear03]

I agree withj moozle too, I was flabbergasted to read about time out and being sent to your room for a 18 mth old. What the????

First of all, he's too young to reliably learn that stuff, secondly, it's the parent's responsibility to get him in the car safely, not his, and thirdly, as if he would have a clue why he's been sent to his room. The thought of any baby that age being sent to their room is pretty dire.

Yeah exactly, a simple and instant "uh uh" or "no" is about all they can get before forgetting what they've done.

Sitting them down briefly (for a few seconds) as soon as they've done something might be ok, but actual time out doesn't work and is not recommended for children under 3 years of age, then it's 1 minute per year of age until 10 and it's 10 minutes max for any age. Although if they haven't got it by 10 then they won't get it hahaha.

Sending to the room is not going to solve anything, they don't make that kind of connection. This is not recommended for any child under 5.

I've had to get 5 kids to the car with one being a runner at 18 months, and 2 being autistic at 3 years and 5 years of age, the other 5 year old was very obedient but the 7 year old was a fighter in the mornings before school. I know what it's like.

The 18 month old was put in the car first then the 3 year old, then the 5 year olds were both put in their carseats then I did battle with the 7 year old. I don't have a garage, nor do I live in a particularly safe neighbourhood, but it was safer than having them run on the road, especially at school traffic time.

You have to keep them safe, you have to take the safest option. Now, time outs and confiscating things would have worked on the 7 year old, but not the other kids. They 2 autistic kids forget within moments, and the 18 month old had the attention span of, well, an 18 month old.

[SPC]

I have a runner too and at 19 months she's perfectly able to work out cause and effect. She can also make choices and control her impulses to some degree. She has over 100 words, can speak two and three word sentences and knows what the rules are but she is not afraid of me at all and so I need a disincentive to stop her running!

No amount of shouting would stop Esme running off and so she learned that if she does she gets put into her time out spot for two minutes. It took two goes for her to learn that running off means time out. She now at least pauses long enough for me to grab her. I remind her that she'll go into time out and she stops. The same goes for biting, hitting and hair pulling; zero tolerance in this house. Time out isn't for everyone, but modern life is dangerous for small children and I would rather have a toddler who goes into time out than one hit by a car.