What Do I Do ??????

[reAllytee]

Im seriously at my wits end
I dont like screaming, i dont like yelling nor do i like wanting to throttle my child but im seriously considering it !!!!
:banghead:
He wont listen to me full stop !
Ive tried everything & im almost about to sit & cry.
He pulls out the dvd's i try to divert his attention to his other toys he looks at me & pretty much laughs at the idea. This happens with anything like climbing onto the lounge to get at the curtains to hang off them. I pull him off the lounge to go play with something else or to tell him not to do it this lasts of all 5 seconds & he is back at it.
Why wont he listen to me :crying:
I cant do this anymore i really am a cr@p mother.

[tyler's mum]

your not a bad mum ally:hugs:

have you got harry in a day care maybe you should be him in for 1day a week to give you both a break???

[tickle]

I don't have much advice for you apart from a few things that I have found.
You are an excellent mother and are at your wits end because toddlers do our heads in.
He doesn't listen to you because he is a toddler, took me ages to work it out but it's just them unfortunately. They get frustrated by their lack of language skills and they either can't understand or through their frustration, don't bother listening.
They will grow out of it and start to listen. My DS has just hit 2 and is finally starting to stop and listen. After much persistence he has realised that if he listens to what I am yabbering on about things go his way a bit more. He has also grown up a bit more and has a better understanding of what I am saying.
It will pass, I promise.

[KarniF00l]

Ally you're NOT a cr@p mother. I bet you majority of the mother's here go through the same thing or will go through it when their child reaches that age to push their buttons.

Have you tried sitting in the same room watching DS before he does it and when he goes to touch something he shouldn't firmly say no. Keep doing it if you are. You need to be constant and persistant. Which means keeping a very close eye on him.

goodluck honey :fingerscrossed:

[reAllytee]

Ive tried to be persistant, ive tried to be constant but its like he laughs at me !!!!
I try different ways of trying to get through to him whether its the firm "no" or diversion. Ive even tried the "look" lol :rolleyes: that gets even more of a laugh than me saying a firm "no".
He now even purposely stands at the t.v when im watching something like the news & turns it off while looking at me !!!!! Then runs off laughing !!!!!
I then turn it back on & he is back there smiling & trying to turn it back off :banghead:
My gosh he is only 17mths & he already know how to push my buttons :banghead: :crying:

[tyler's mum]

tyler knew how to push my button at 5months i think all baby test they mums to see how far they can push them,,

it really sounds like you need a break, like i said have you got him in day care:confused: i found that when i have time away from tyler such as my mum, dad have her on sat nite she seem to be more settle when she comes home and doesnt get into things like she normally does

i really hope things get better:hugs:

[~rambox~]

You are not a **** mother as he is learning so are you. Have you tried a naughty chair??? And you dont have to yell you kneel down so you are at his level and talk to him with a stern voice. If you dont want to be watching the TV when he is playing his game of off / on. Turn it off at the wall and he wont be able to do it. :fingerscrossed:

I really hope things get better for you but just remember we have all been there at some point and you just have to find a level ground that works for both you and him:thumbsup:

Cheers
Bec :hugs:

[twinkles]

Allyoo,

You are not a bad Mum, but kids will try it on. When he pulls the Tv stunt, just take out the plug, put the plug out of reach and say nothing - just go on with your usual work, when he starts pulling DVD's out, firmly direct him to help you put them back and if that doesn't work, remove them from his reach. I found the kids did that alot and when we had a DVD time, if there were any DVD's out of place, they all had to be neatly put away so we could have the movie, Dvd's out, no movie. Every now and then if they remember without me needing to ask I give them some popcorn - only sometimes though so it's not expected and I always remeber to give a big smile and thanks for the lovely job. It may not work, but something will, and if not, he'll get bored of it eventually anyway. I hope this helps - mine can be frustrating too sometimes!

Twinkles

[Chickadee]

You're not a bad mum Ally. Your little boy has learned some new tricks and loves getting a reaction out of you. Doesn't matter much to him that it's a bad reaction unfortunately.

If it helps at all to know you're not alone, yesterday I abandoned all the plans I had made for the day (shopping, planting the garden, etc) and took DD to a playcentre for 3 hours instead. We both needed a change of scenery and she loved having new things to explore.If I'd stayed home with her we'd both have been driven nuts. If all else fails, bundle him up into the pram, screaming if necessary, and take yourselves for a walk out in the fresh air. It sounds simple, but getting some sunshine and exercise can do wonders.

[reAllytee]

Tam - No he doesnt go to daycare or anything i have never left him for more than a few hours when he has been asleep im a basket case i cant leave him :o

Relvy - Not keen on the naughty chair especially not at this age but then ask me again tomorrow lol :rolleyes:

twinkles - I soooo wish i could pull the plug on the t.v but the problem is Daddy is such a legend that he has put all cords into the wall which then goes into a hidey hole section with a powerboard that i cant get too !!!!! The dvd's i cant put away again Daddy loves to collect them so we have over a hundred which sit in open bookcases :banghead:

Martha - Yeah i think a trip out may be in order think i will have to get Daddy organised & head out for a big day out tomorrow !

I just wish i knew what i was doing wrong ... I know i cant expect a perfect child who obeys etc he is too little & also he cant be perfect but i just wsh he would listen to me even just a few times a day !

[~rambox~]

Girlfriend just gave me the name of two books that might be helpful Toddler Tamming
Discipline without shouting or spanking
You can get them from any book store.

[Peaceangels]

Ally you are a great mother!, stop being so hard on yourself.
Like someone said earlier, they are just at an age where they cannot communicate very easily so they do naughty things to get our attention.

Do you praise all the positive stuff he does? Like good helping, good sharing etc., reinforcing the positive and not focusing so much on the negative works, but it takes a while.

I find the naughty chair also works well, I don't think he is too young for it (the supernanny rule is that they sit on it 1minute for every year of their age, so he'll only be on there for 1minute).

Good idea for you to have some me time this weekend!:thumbsup:

[meme]

you are not a cr@p mum, i have been feeling like this aswell as my 3 kids run rings around me if we ever go out or have people over and i feel like the worlds worst mum. but a lot of it is normal kid behaviour, when i think they are really out of control this is what works for me.
- concentrate on spending some quality child time playing with them and catch them being good doing what i want ie listening to me and give specific praise, 'you followed my instructions really well..' or something. then i continue to make a big deal of how good they can do it, like when we next go out i'll say remember how good you are at following my instructions ( or listening..whatever).
-phraes things positively and give alternatives, the couch is for sitting on, if you feel like bouncing we could go out to the trampoline.
-make sure that they are not hungry or full of sugar or overtired, can't expect to much good behaviour if the basic needs aren't happenning.
-i use the ole go to your room if i need to intervene in misbehaviour, mainly to let me calm down and think.

my kids have beeen described as rowdy this week so i dunno if you wanna listen to me:p

[Foxy]

I just wish i knew what i was doing wrong ...!


Nothing!!!! He is finding where he stands, persist with your consistent "rules" and he will learn - he does sound very smart!

As long as your household is as "baby proofed" as possible, then you just have to go with the flow, even if it means a loud, mean "no" 100+ times a day.

I agree that getting out of the house every day is a good idea, even if it's just a walk around the block. I have noticed that my 18 month old does the "forbidden" things like standind on the couch etc, when I have been doing housework etc and we have had too much time at home. On the days that we get out and about, I find him much more agreeable.

You will both get through this! Good Luck :)

[sam's mum]

on one of the lifestyle channel kids shows they had a mum with twins about 2 or 3 who kept playing with tv, video etc. They used the naughty playpen. This way the mum just picked the kid up, said no, put them in the playpen and waited 2 minutes. The kids were very much improved within a week or two, she had been very consistent though and made she was straight onto them every time as soon as they were doing whatever it was they shouldn't have been. there were no worries of trying to keep them in a naughty chair, because they were in the playpen. It is just a time out and they get annoyed and bored. They are too young to really understand when you say no (isn't this a game mum?) and I hate smacking, so this is a real consequence where they are not rewarded with mum's attention.

[Little Gorilla]

Allyoo are you sure our boys weren't seperated at birth???;)

my son is exactly the same.

He tells ME "NO", yet he doesn't listen when I say it to him :banghead:

he runs off from me all the time and won't come back

I've tried tapping him on the hand and then he just taps his hand himself so Its obviously not sinking in....

I feel so frustrated everyday

[red crayon]

allyoo...if you find the answer, let me know. spencer does the TV stunt as well. thinks it's hysterical. the latest stunt which is driving me nuts is pouring his juice/water out of his sippy cup into his dinner or onto the couch. martham's suggestion of getting out of the house is a great one. i find that helps. even if it's as far as the front courtyard, it's enough to diffuse the situation. i've tried everything you've tried - the look, the stern voice, the diversions - they really don't work too well. food works but that's not the best solution. i think happy lady is right when she says it's gets easier to communicate with them as they get older.

my other suggestion is a very large glass of wine after he's in bed :thumbsup:

[reAllytee]

on one of the lifestyle channel kids shows they had a mum with twins about 2 or 3 who kept playing with tv, video etc. They used the naughty playpen. This way the mum just picked the kid up, said no, put them in the playpen and waited 2 minutes. The kids were very much improved within a week or two, she had been very consistent though and made she was straight onto them every time as soon as they were doing whatever it was they shouldn't have been. there were no worries of trying to keep them in a naughty chair, because they were in the playpen. It is just a time out and they get annoyed and bored. They are too young to really understand when you say no (isn't this a game mum?) and I hate smacking, so this is a real consequence where they are not rewarded with mum's attention.



:laughing: :laughing:

Sorry i shouldnt laugh i know but otherwise i will just cry this has been the worst day ever & i honestly cant wait for it to be over !!!!!
My lovely "darling" son :rolleyes: learnt to drag his playpen around the house if he was put in it even before he was walking !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So the playpen got put into the garage months ago. If i put him into it now he would laugh harder than i did above im sure !!!!!!

I think im going to take Spencersmum's advice & have a nice glass of wine tonite hopefully tomorrow is a better day !!! BG i hope you do too :hugs:

[Little Gorilla]

:laughing: :laughing:

Sorry i shouldnt laugh i know but otherwise i will just cry this has been the worst day ever & i honestly cant wait for it to be over !!!!!
My lovely "darling" son :rolleyes: learnt to drag his playpen around the house if he was put in it even before he was walking !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So the playpen got put into the garage months ago. If i put him into it now he would laugh harder than i did above im sure !!!!!!

I think im going to take Spencersmum's advice & have a nice glass of wine tonite hopefully tomorrow is a better day !!! BG i hope you do too

allyoo re the drink - its our bubhub Gold Coast Girls night out tomorrow night for me thank god...I'll be making up for almost 18 months of not really having a big drink.....:D

[Briswegian]

You are a great mum cause you are thinking through how to help your bub. I used to put DS1 in his cot for a minute time out so that he was not accidentally reinforced for his behaviour and also so I wouldn't (a) cry in front of him or (b) lose my cool and yell or smack.
Matthew sanders positive parenting book has good advice on practical solutions to childrens behaviour problems.
My best advice is when bub is pushing your buttons, take a big deep breath and appear disinterested, bored even....as you say (for eg): No, children don't touch the TV because it's not safe.....try and divert with a lively happy voice and if he engages then PRAISE and a sticker or a biccie or something he really values and if he goes back to the TV, use your boring voice. He'll stop trying to push your buttons if they no longer work. I know its harder said than done but I used to write a reminder and stick it on the wall and it helped me to keep my resolve. ....my latest was: he's only 2, model the correct behaviour, serenity now! (seinfeld reference), which then reminded me what to do and made me laugh instead of my getting upset and childs continued disobedience. I find having the written prompt helps as when I'm upset I cant problem solve.
And it will pass. My boy was a livewire so my coping mechanism was to tire him out with activities in the morning then he would have a nap and play at home in the PM.
GOOD LUCK

[natasha]

PM'd you Ally hun.:thumbsup: :hugs: