MissBrightside
18-05-2010, 11:19
Just need to write things down and maybe get some more insight from other step parents.
Ok here goes. I met my fiance 2 and a half years ago. He has twins a boy and a girl who were 12 at the time. He had them every second weekend and had them over for tea one night on the alternate weeks. I have two boys (3 and 5 at the time), full time.
After a year or so of dating we decided to move in together. 6 months after his son moved in with us full time. He had told us how bad he'd been treated at home my his step dad so we opened the door for him to stay. At the time it was supposed to be for a few weeks but possibly a year to sort out their issues. His bio mum and I had never spoken and i had heard all this stuff she had put my DF through over the years so I felt like I had to hate her too. I always had a problem with this as i didn't know her and i felt like I had to have these feelings toward someone I didn't even know.
After a few months of hearing SS arguing almost every night on the phone with his mum i had had enough. we all had to sit and hear it. DF and I never argued before he moved in and I didn't want my kids hearing it. So we told him no more arguing talk nicely or no phone calls. He caused alot of the fighting and because there was no communication between Biomum and DF, SS was manipulating situations where it caused a hell of a lot of conflict. On top of that he was stealing from my house.
I had enough and just switched off. There was still a bit of communication between me and SS but not much I was angry.
We ended up having a meeting with SS mum and Step dad and aired quite alot out. I found out that the bio mum hated me not sure why but i said to her that i wasn't a bad person and that I was sorry for any bad blood. I think it helped heaps and I can talk to her now without any resentment.
Things got better between the adults but SS didn't like that he couldn't play us off against each other and went totally off the tracks running away and being really difficult.
Df felt so bad because it was his son he was turning away. But then I was here telling DF I didn't want SS living here anymore. He felt in the middle and i never asked him to choose because I knew that wasn't fair.
So I completely just blocked SS out didn't talk to him at all. My DF was miserable and i felt like it was all my fault. i tried explaining to him that it is really hard to all of a sudden be a parent to a 14 year old that i didn't know to well before he moved in. it was like ok he's here now deal with it. i felt like I was never given a choice but i put up with it all so DF could try and be a good dad.
I discovered last week that he had stolen $30 from my son's money box and i was furious. I said some horrible things to SS.
I have been so angry about this for months now and yesterday i got to a point in my head where I said ok enough I need to stop the anger because i'm going to lose my DF. My anger would just rot me away.
So i apologised to SS and are on the road to try and fix things. Then DF comes home from work saying his boss wants to send him away for 2 months for work. So now I am going to be the sole parent to a difficult 14 yo plus my two sons one which has autism.
Then on top of all this i think I'm pregnant and I don't know how to tell DF cos he thinks 4 kids between us is enough. I have a dr's appointment on thursday but the test i did showed a faint positive line. i know he will be happy but i don't know how to bring it up with him. What a rollercoaster life is!
I feel like I have either done something really bad in a past life or all the great karma is waiting to come.
I'm hoping it's the later!!!:fingerscrossed:
Ok here goes. I met my fiance 2 and a half years ago. He has twins a boy and a girl who were 12 at the time. He had them every second weekend and had them over for tea one night on the alternate weeks. I have two boys (3 and 5 at the time), full time.
After a year or so of dating we decided to move in together. 6 months after his son moved in with us full time. He had told us how bad he'd been treated at home my his step dad so we opened the door for him to stay. At the time it was supposed to be for a few weeks but possibly a year to sort out their issues. His bio mum and I had never spoken and i had heard all this stuff she had put my DF through over the years so I felt like I had to hate her too. I always had a problem with this as i didn't know her and i felt like I had to have these feelings toward someone I didn't even know.
After a few months of hearing SS arguing almost every night on the phone with his mum i had had enough. we all had to sit and hear it. DF and I never argued before he moved in and I didn't want my kids hearing it. So we told him no more arguing talk nicely or no phone calls. He caused alot of the fighting and because there was no communication between Biomum and DF, SS was manipulating situations where it caused a hell of a lot of conflict. On top of that he was stealing from my house.
I had enough and just switched off. There was still a bit of communication between me and SS but not much I was angry.
We ended up having a meeting with SS mum and Step dad and aired quite alot out. I found out that the bio mum hated me not sure why but i said to her that i wasn't a bad person and that I was sorry for any bad blood. I think it helped heaps and I can talk to her now without any resentment.
Things got better between the adults but SS didn't like that he couldn't play us off against each other and went totally off the tracks running away and being really difficult.
Df felt so bad because it was his son he was turning away. But then I was here telling DF I didn't want SS living here anymore. He felt in the middle and i never asked him to choose because I knew that wasn't fair.
So I completely just blocked SS out didn't talk to him at all. My DF was miserable and i felt like it was all my fault. i tried explaining to him that it is really hard to all of a sudden be a parent to a 14 year old that i didn't know to well before he moved in. it was like ok he's here now deal with it. i felt like I was never given a choice but i put up with it all so DF could try and be a good dad.
I discovered last week that he had stolen $30 from my son's money box and i was furious. I said some horrible things to SS.
I have been so angry about this for months now and yesterday i got to a point in my head where I said ok enough I need to stop the anger because i'm going to lose my DF. My anger would just rot me away.
So i apologised to SS and are on the road to try and fix things. Then DF comes home from work saying his boss wants to send him away for 2 months for work. So now I am going to be the sole parent to a difficult 14 yo plus my two sons one which has autism.
Then on top of all this i think I'm pregnant and I don't know how to tell DF cos he thinks 4 kids between us is enough. I have a dr's appointment on thursday but the test i did showed a faint positive line. i know he will be happy but i don't know how to bring it up with him. What a rollercoaster life is!
I feel like I have either done something really bad in a past life or all the great karma is waiting to come.
I'm hoping it's the later!!!:fingerscrossed: