Toddler tantrums: giving in or keeping the peace?

[Chickadee]

Here's a not-so hypothetical situation: Your toddler is throwing a tantrum at the table because their favorite spoon (fork, bowl, cup, plate, cereal, jam etc) is not available. Do you:
a) calmly evaluate the situation and decide whether the battle is worth it (hahahaha)
b) grit your teeth, plant your feet and be as stubborn as your 2 year old that they'll have to accept a substitute
c) give in and wash the darn thing to get some peace
d) all of the above in progression.
e) depends on how tired you are, whether you've had a coffee, and how often this particular tantrum topic occurs.

DH has already said that watching DD and I argue is a sight to behold. I admit I'm stubborn. But how do you walk the fine line between keeping a happy child while still teaching them that they can't always have everything they want?

[Ana Gram]

I'll admit it, I am stubborn and never give in.

[Desertress]

I do try and pick my battle and keep my temper when it comes to ds1 temper tantrums but when its No.500 for the day then i get very frustrted very quickly and end up yhelling that he can just deal with what he has got or go without.

[~Emmylou~]

I tend to pick my battles and I have to say alot depends on my mood as well :o

Prime example - last night DD was coming down with a cold, and had been up for a few hours in the middle of the night before as well so I felt like death by last night. She decided she didn't want to eat in her highchair (ongoing battle of late). Since she wasn't having something messy for dinner I let her eat standing at the coffee table. Not something I'd normally do but I just didn't think it was worth it last night.

But other times I can dig my heels in pretty well and she won't get past me at all.
So much for consistency eh.

[rynosmum]

Good question Martha - I think it really comes down to the toddler's personality.

When DS chucks a wobbly because his fave bowl is in the dishwasher, I open the dishwasher to show him it is dirty and then will put a few out and let him choose another one. It usually works. Usually.....:laughing:

[xkwzit]

I usu don't give in, but that's not to say the girls don't have a win every now and then. For your example, in my mind - it is very unreasonable for me to do extra work when there is a perfectly good bowl available and if they continued to scream I would send them to their room for a bit and then go back in, get an apology, ask them if they'd like to eat dinner and present them with exactly the same bowl. At that point, mine usu decide that dinner is a better option, even if fave bowl isn't there. If they don't want to eat, that's fine too.

I do also believe that you have to pick your battles, if you don't mind cleaning up the bowl then maybe just wash it straight away.

I think the worst course is to have put your foot down and then relent. You are telling them that if they carry on enough you will give in and that's not a message you want to give them.

Cheers

[razzle]

We usually do a compromise. Hard to compromise with a 2 and half year old, but we kind of manage. :o

If I sense that an arguement is waiting to happen, I try to get her to choose - do you want your noodles in this bowl or that bowl? Do you want to sit in your highchair or the green chair? It works most of the time.

Distraction is a good one too. Or pointing out the finer points of the mum-chosen thing vs the child-chosen thing. But this bowl has your favourite bunnies on it!

They can be trying sometimes, but a little stubborness is good I think.

[Chickadee]

Normally I can work her around whatever the tantrum is over, show her that her choice is unavailable through empty boxes or spoons in the sink, or distract her. But this morning nothing was working.

I showed her the dirty spoon. She yelled louder.
I gave her a choice of 3 other spoons. They all hit the floor.
I offered toast instead. No go.
Tried 3 spoons again, they hit the floor again.
Told her breakfast was done then and she could get down. Even bigger tears.

At which point I was kicking myself for not washing the d*mn spoon in the first place, but couldn't back down at that point :banghead: :banghead: We did eventually find a soup spoon she liked and get the cereal eaten.

She and I are both scorpio and both stubborn as mules. I can't wait to see the fireworks when she hits her teens!

[razzle]

Oh no! LOL, sorry... I can just picture it! :hugs:

On the tram this morning heading into the office Eloise wouldn't sit in the pram (crowded tram, standing room only) so I tried to pick her up and plonk her down. No way, arched back, semi-tanty. So I just let her stand there all wobbly (I was holding her arm) and under my breathe muttered 'fine, just stand there then and when you fall over and split your head open and your brains fall out you'll be sorry'. She didn't hear me, but the lady standing beside me did and she cracked up. I was very red faced. :o

Sometimes you do just have to give up.... E and I are both Aries, so I understand your shared stubborness!!

[SassyMummy]

I would probably pick my battle. Sometimes I just let DD do whatever she wants, whether or not I want her to do it...

But sometimes I'll tell her "NO!" and make sure I uphold what I'm telling her. Touching the CD player and TV is one of the things I'm stubborn with...I don't want her to wreck it. But I just let her play with a piece of paper or something if it seems to be making her happy (even if I have to clean up after her when she's done).

She's not into favourites yet...she doesn't care. But when she does, I'll definately let her know that she can just forget about it - food tastes the same no matter what bowl it comes from.

[Chickadee]

...under my breathe muttered 'fine, just stand there then and when you fall over and split your head open and your brains fall out you'll be sorry'.
Lol! Poor you, being overheard! I don't dare voice my thoughts like that in public, even quietly :) But I have caught myself saying to DD "Well I told you that you'd get hurt if you...", not that it helps ease her tears at all.

[Percy]

I guess i have all this to look forward to. DS is usally pretty good, but on the odd occasion he throws a tanty i am able to put my foot down.

Saying that though, if i havent had my coffee, thats a different story!!

[Chickadee]

She's not into favourites yet...she doesn't care. But when she does, I'll definately let her know that she can just forget about it - food tastes the same no matter what bowl it comes from.
I'm ashamed to say that usually I give in to requests for certain bowls or cups, if they're available. And this house has been turned upside down at horrible hours of the night in search of the favorite dummy :banghead:

[Ana Gram]

I am now thinking I am a terribly mean mummy. We started new cereal for breakfast when we were trying to cut down the wheat. Didn't go well for about a week. She refused to have it the first day, so I got her out of the chair and sent her on her way, ignring all tantrums. She came back to tell me she was hungry and sh edidn't like the choice of snack, had a tantrum which i ignored. Didn't like the choice for lunch, had a tantrum I ignored. by dinner time I think she realised I wasn't going to give in, and actually ate her dinner.
Next morning, I put her in the high chair, put the cereal she refused to eat in front of her and then took away all her favourite things. No blankie, no lambie, no TV. Each mouthful she took, she got one thing back. Took just under a week of doing that for all meals, now she eats a bowl FULL of cereal and says "Hooray!"

Lesson the first : Mummy is much more stubborn than Ruby.

Lesson the second: Mummy is much taller than Ruby and can put things out of reach

Lesson the third: After years of being at clubs that play noise, Mummy can ignore the best of Ruby's tantrums

[reAllytee]

I am now thinking I am a terribly mean mummy. We started new cereal for breakfast when we were trying to cut down the wheat. Didn't go well for about a week. She refused to have it the first day, so I got her out of the chair and sent her on her way, ignring all tantrums. She came back to tell me she was hungry and sh edidn't like the choice of snack, had a tantrum which i ignored. Didn't like the choice for lunch, had a tantrum I ignored. by dinner time I think she realised I wasn't going to give in, and actually ate her dinner.
Next morning, I put her in the high chair, put the cereal she refused to eat in front of her and then took away all her favourite things. No blankie, no lambie, no TV. Each mouthful she took, she got one thing back. Took just under a week of doing that for all meals, now she eats a bowl FULL of cereal and says "Hooray!"

Lesson the first : Mummy is much more stubborn than Ruby.

Lesson the second: Mummy is much taller than Ruby and can put things out of reach

Lesson the third: After years of being at clubs that play noise, Mummy can ignore the best of Ruby's tantrums


Can you come play "super nanny" in my house for a week ?!?!?!?!?!

Please im begging you :yes:

[xkwzit]

Chelle

You made me smile :) . I'm not one to be out stubborned by my tot either - once I've decided that is it (even if I have second thoughts - having picked the fight - I can't afford to lose it).

Cheers

[Chickadee]

Lol Chelle! :laughing: You definitely out do me on tantrum tolerance. DD is so small for her age that I tend to negotiate meals rather than be strict (which is probably why she has cereal for dinner most nights :rolleyes: ). Forget coming to play supernanny here, can I send DD to your place for a week? Pleeeaase?? :D

[Sarie]

No is no in our house, they eat with what they have in front of them or they go without.
I won't have my boys demand and receive, I don't think it's good manners that they get everything they want when they want. They need to learn that they can't have everything right when they want it.