Tell me I'm not alone...

[petster]

Hi guys

Not sure where to post this - but here goes...

The birth of my daughter Eleni was quite traumatic - won't go into it again - and I feel like I've (mostly) dealt with any issues I had regarding it. BUT, I'm feeling very weird about the impending birth of a close friend's baby. I would never wish a "yucky" birth experience on anyone, but at the same time, I know I'm going to be absolutely gutted if my friend has a straightforward natural birth. (What is the definition of a "straighforward natural birth" anyway???) I'm so excited for her, and I hope she has a great experience, but I know it will upset me to hear about it if she does! I'm driving myself crazy! I feel sick with the guilt of these thoughts! Please tell me there is someone else out there who feels, or has felt, the same! And I hope I've not offended anyone - I do realize that what I may perceive as an "easy" birth could have been incredibly traumatic for someone else - I'm not judging here... I certainly hope no-one thinks any less of me for my hideous thoughts! Quite obviously I have NOT dealt with ALL the issues relating to Eleni's birth - and am fully expecting to be shipped off to the Psych Unit any second! Sorry - I shouldn't make fun of it... Automatic defense mechanism...

Thanks for letting me vent out some of my hideousness!

Cheers!

[Honey]

No you're not alone. I haven't felt what you are feeling
edited to say- i have in a different way. I don't have normal pregnancies I suffer from Hyperemesis which is severe nausea and vomiting to the extent that I am hospitalised and on lots of drugs and f eel like I'd prefer to be dead most of the time. So I know the feeling of seeing other healthy pregnant glowing women and feeling jeolous (athough I've dealth with that now) and even seeing two of my close friends newly pregnant at the moment at 8 weeks and 9 weeks (a point where I am normally very sick in my preg's) and they have just normal pregnancy symptoms, I don't wish anything upon them but I guess it makes me stop and think I wish I could experience what they are.

but I am involved with a support group called Healing Birth for women who have had traumatic birth experiences and I have heard many stories and seen the different feelings woman go through.
I would suggest spending some time dealing with your feelings so that you can heal and feel more at peace with whatever your friends experience.
How to do that? There are lots of things you can do. See a counsellor. Write out your birth story. Do some debriefing and reflecting. Here are some q's you can write out and think about that help with relflection (I have done this about 6 times in 2 years and each time it is different and I learn something new)

1) Describe the experience?
2) How did you feel then and how do you feel now?
3) What have you learned from the experience?
4) What would you do differently?
5) What have you discovered doing the debreifing?

It should not be so much about what happened but why you think it happened, how it made you feel and what you have learnt from the experience. Finally, you explore the choices you might make if the same situation occurred again in the future.

You might feel a bit raw after doing this so you need to take it easy on yourself. Many women find it really helps with the healing and understanding their feelings.
Hope that helps
Honey-26
DD-22mths

[jsmythe8]

I have been in a similar position. I know the feeling. My friend and I were due to have our 3rd babies two days apart, so we were really excited to be going through it together, my son however was born at 28wks weighing 2 1/2lb and hers was born at term weighing 9lb7oz.

I must admit that when she was still pregnant and I wasn't but was still supposed to be I could not talk to her and when she had her baby I was so jealous that everything had gone so well for her and that she had a whopper baby and I had a micro one.

If it is a really good friend they will understand. I would literally ignore my phone if I saw it was her calling me and would never call her back, but when I did she wasn't upset or angry and seemed to understand. So even though it is kind of a different situation you are not the only one to experience those feelings.

Hope this makes you feel better!

Jessica
DH Justin
DS Thomas 4
DS Ben 2
DS Aidan 8 mths
Baby no 4 due Jan 06

[Briannabear]

I can relate to how you are feeling. :(
I am dealing with similar issues at the moment myself!
Feel free to email or PM me if you want to talk or vent!
Becca :D

[our little treasures]

I have the same feelings, my first I suffered hyperemesis gravidarum- severe morn sickness was hospitalised again and again and lost 15kg similar with second but not as severe but lost 13kg I never put on the full amount by end of preggars.

I then had a terrible birth with everyone trying to force c/s and drugs etc.Had normal birth with peth and gas but endured 39hr labour.dd had spent 5dys in special care as well.
With #2 Had 19hr labour and no drugs although proud and happy I was pushing for 2hrs and my baby was stuck he came out and needed to be revived for12mins then his heart raced to 300bpm. They had taken him from me to scn and told me we couldn't see him for awhile So we held him about 3hrs later. He was placed on me when he came out but I knew he wasn't breathing he was limp. My hubby and mother said that he looked dead when he came out.
My sis in laws were due around same time as both for my first my sis inlaws drank and smoked and they had quick labours with no probs during pregnancy.
With #2 dh sis was due and had her bub in 5hrs and was fine. although I am happy i also hate the fact that I haemorage, have long labour 3rd degree tears and both bubs had to be rushed away. I get so frustrated.

[petster]

Hi guys

Thanks so much for your support! Knowing there are others out there feeling the same way, makes me feel so much better! Yay!!! I am not a freak!!

Thanks Honey for the tips on working through things...

A big thumbs up to Bub Hub! My saviour again!

Cheers!

[mummyb]

i know exactly what your talking about ,after having a premmie baby by emergency csection i felt realy ripped off everytime someone i knew had a "good "birth story .it seems wrong to want your friends to suffer but i think what i actually wanted was someone to relate to how i felt about birth and babies .
when had my 2nd ds i had a "straight forth " :rolleyes: birth experince and i wanted everyone to know about it i felt so proud .
i think its all normal and hopefully i the end we only remember the joy of holding our bubs for the first time . :)