3yr old DS asks 'What does dead mean?"

[Hunni2]

I don't know if this is the right place to ask this question.... but I thought I'd give it a go.

My DS has started going to a daycare once a week. A little guy (who generally seems nice) there has been saying to him "your in dead land." I didn't want to draw attention to it, so I didn't say anything but this week he must be still saying similar things and my DS asked me "what does dead mean mum?"

He is 3, and a sensitive little fellow. In the past when he saw something like a beetle we would say it was just having a long rest.

I was interested to know how others have described 'dead' to their young kids.

Thanks

[Bell & Bug]

I told DD who is 2 that her fave spider had gone for a long sleep.
Though as she grows older I will go into slightly more, age appropriate detail.

[Tam-I-Am]

We've had to deal with this a lot lately. I do NOT tell my kids that their grandfather/pets have gone for a sleep, as I don't want them to be terrified of sleep. We tell them that they've gone away and can't ever come back, and we're very sad about that, but we will always love them and remember them.

As they get older (ie now with DD) we're talking about what that means in a physiological sense - ie that their hearts stopped beating and they weren't getting any oxygen or blood, and so their bodies stopped working, and then they had to go away (as above).

Basically, I follow the guidelines as with any other difficult conversation topic with children - answer any questions truthfully, but with minimal information. If and when they ask more questions, answer those truthfully too. I think it's really important NOT to lie to even really little kids about something that they're likely to have to come into contact with and deal with at least a couple of times in their futures.

[Pax]

I dont use absolutes rather

"some people believe that dead is when our breath leaves our body and goes somewhere else and our body goes to sleep forever"

[Tam-I-Am]

Are you stalking me tonight, Morri? :p

[CookiesRYum]

oh pls don't use the sleep thing. I was told my mum went to sleep and become afraid of sleeping. I would try to stay awake for the rest of my life. And when i was falling asleep and realise would be scared i was dying.

[NonnyMouse]

Be wary of likening death to a long sleep or rest - it's been known to make kids freak out about going to bed at night in case they never wake up again!

When DD asked (when one of our pet mice died) I just told her that when people or animals get really really old, or have very bad accidents or illnesses, their bodies can be so old or hurt that it stops working and so they die. Worn out (dead) bodies then get returned to the earth to nourish it. (I guess if you are religious you would use heaven or whatever instead of the earth analogy)

[AM]

Be wary of likening death to a long sleep or rest - it's been known to make kids freak out about going to bed at night in case they never wake up again!

When DD asked (when one of our pet mice died) I just told her that when people or animals get really really old, or have very bad accidents or illnesses, their bodies can be so old or hurt that it stops working and so they die. Worn out (dead) bodies then get returned to the earth to nourish it. (I guess if you are religious you would use heaven or whatever instead of the earth analogy)

Yep this is pretty much what I have said.

[Blueberry Crumble]

We are not religious by any means, but we use Heaven. It paints a lovely picture for DS to know that his nana is up in heaven looking down at us, rather than in a grave. I try to answer truthfully too. Although on Mothers Day he asked what we were doing when we went to the cemetary to put flowers on mums grave. I just said we were putting flowers on nanas grave, and that he was really a bit too young to understand... and left it at that. He didnt ask any more questions, but if he did I would have tried my best to answer honestly without scaring him

[Seacretsquirrel]

Be wary of likening death to a long sleep or rest - it's been known to make kids freak out about going to bed at night in case they never wake up again!

When DD asked (when one of our pet mice died) I just told her that when people or animals get really really old, or have very bad accidents or illnesses, their bodies can be so old or hurt that it stops working and so they die. Worn out (dead) bodies then get returned to the earth to nourish it. (I guess if you are religious you would use heaven or whatever instead of the earth analogy)

Thats what I sadi to DD too - My MIL's pet cow and sheep and one of her dogs all died within about 4 weeks in March/april and we were visiting and DD noticed that Molly and Jimbo were missing - I just said basically that they had died. My MIL told her they were in Heaven (not sure how happy I was with that but too late now will anwer that question when she asks it:rolleyes:) so she now said that "Molly, Jimbo and Roxy have died to heaven" and seems happy enough with that.
I didn't want to do the sleep thing for the same reason and also I didn't want to say they had "gone away" either because DH is in the navy and goes away all the time so I didn't want to risk her making that accociation either.

[Pax]

Be wary of likening death to a long sleep or rest - it's been known to make kids freak out about going to bed at night in case they never wake up again!

When DD asked (when one of our pet mice died) I just told her that when people or animals get really really old, or have very bad accidents or illnesses, their bodies can be so old or hurt that it stops working and so they die. Worn out (dead) bodies then get returned to the earth to nourish it. (I guess if you are religious you would use heaven or whatever instead of the earth analogy)

its still a bit better than saying our body rots .. :laughing:

[Pax]

Are you stalking me tonight, Morri? :p

:laughing: I stalk thee always

think perhaps we just get interested in the same topics ;)

[RoarsomeMum]

DD is 2.5 and knows Death Means someones body does not work anymore and they are "Gone" from our earth.. Where they go is Heaven ATM.. (though I imagine as she is older we will discuss different people believe different things about our "final resting place")

We have talked openly about death since is spat in our faces 2 years ago with the stillbirth of her Beautiful Cousin.

When Our fish Died Roar was comforted by the fact that they were BubaH's pets now.. and same with our Bird.

She is very sensitive to OP, which is why I think the truth was a better option. (and It sticks in her Mind, when people talk about Dead, Roar immediately pipes up with, My BubbH will look after them and a Big :hugs:)

I wish she never had to learn thou:(

[FiveInTheBed]

My kids and I talk about how our body works all the time...the functions of the heart and brain and bones etc, so when it come sto talking about death I do the same.
It has been handy when they have been playing too rough or dangerous (EG.. If they fall from the top of wobbly a tree and crack their head, their brain might fall out and their body won't work anymore, and they won't be alive...or if they poke a stick near a friends eye - that eye won't work anymore as we only get one set of eyes...)

when it comes to 'what happens when we die' ...I don't "know exactly" what happens to "US" so I just talk about what different people believe...being buried, cremated, going up to the clouds, returning the the earth --- the whole circle of life thing seems to be DS1s Fav..when I ask him what HE thinks, he tells me, we come back as something else, like an animal. (like reincarnation?)
I figure EVERYONE is going to have a different idea (MIL talks about heaven - I DON"T) ..so it is best for them to have a loose grasp on varied ideas.

If we find a dead beetle or worm outside we either leave it for the birds to eat (cirlce of life) or chuck some dirt over it (for it to decompose/break down and return to the earth)

I've never done the 'sleep or rest' thing, I honestly think it would confuse them.