View Full Version : Just need to cry...
My partner and I got engaged about 6 weeks ago (2 weeks after my ectopic pregnancy). Was really lovely and romantic, he proposed at the beach under a lighthouse and was awesome. Perfect timing :-)
We had been posted to HMAS Kuttabul (Sydney) from Melbourne and moved here in April. I still dont know ANYONE!!! Not a soul.
We had decided to ttc again and plan our wedding. We met in Melbourne and so decided we wanted to marry there. We had our guest list together (120 people) and already tentatively booked our church and reception venue. I thought I was doing brilliantly!
Then last night he comes home saying that he has a posting. Begins 7th of November THIS YEAR and in March next year he goes away for 8 MONTHS!!! Destination TBC - but it'll be the gulf for sure.
Today I have madly rushed around to organise our wedding - we want to marry before he leaves and the only date we can use is the 5th of November - yep, 10 weeks away!!! Have found a church and venue that are available, but we will only have 30 of our original 120 guests....
To make matters worse, the last few days have been 'the days' to try, so of course we were dutifully bedding (hehehe...) and NOW if we have fallen pg he will leave when I am 7 months pregnant, WONT be here when the baby is born and wont get to see bub til its 5 MONTHS OLD!!!
Has anyone else been in this situation?!?
How did you survive?!?!?
I am so sorry, that would be really hard... I have never been there, I know a fraction of what you are feeling (my partner very rarely has to go away for work, but only for a week or so) and I hate it so I could neva imagine what you are going through... What a yucky situation... Sorry I don't have any advise for you, but I am sure that all the other bub hubbers will. :(
My husband is based at HMAS Cerberus until tomorrow than has been posted to HMAS Albatross from the next week.
I moved down to Melbourne Sept last year, and havent met anyone, so i know how lonely you must be. We planned our wedding in 6 weeks, i planned it while he was at recruit school, he flew back to townsville, and then the next day to come back down here. I was lefted at Townsville with two children. Mikayla was 1 1/2 and Abby was only 6 months. I was lucky enough to still have my Mum there.
Do you know where abouts you are being posted to?
I was in a similiar situation regarding a pregnancy. We lived in Brisbane and my husband got accepted into the NT Police. I was 8 months pregnant with hypertension so was deemed unable to fly. He left me to go to Darwin when i was 36 weeks and we had a 17 month old as well. Birth was difficult, i was resentful for a long time that he missed his sons birth, and left me to cope with feeding 2 kids at night. I don't want to blow my own trumpet but honestly i don't know how i survived.
Because of how serious and intense his studies were, i decided to stay put in Brisbane where at least i could call on my mum if i needed to.When Baby was 5 months old and college was over, we moved up. He missed so much and even now he comments that i was never this big when pregnant with Ben ( ummmmmmmmm because you weren't here when i was THIS big !!:(
Well Good luck, hope all goes well with the wedding and a maybe baby :D
We met while he was in recruit school at HMAS Cerberus in Melbourne. He got posted to Kuttabul/Waterhen in February of this year. He has now got a posting for HMAS Ballarat which begins on the 7th of November - so we have planned our wedding for the 5th of November. His deployment starts on the 1st of March next year and he gets back on the 27th of September (but whose counting...)
Amazingly, I have already found a beautiful church and fantastic function room that are both available! Yay! :p Am now searching for the perfect wedding cake, transport and florist... Have 3 weeks left cause he goes to Perth for 6 weeks and gets back one week before the wedding!!!
Thank god I have already found my dress - and it ties up at the back!!! Bonus!! :D
My family are in Melbourne, I am in Sydney and my closest girlfriends are in Brisbane. If I am pregnant (10 more days til we find out!) then he will leave for his deployment when I am about 7 months or so and will come back when the bub is 5 months old... :(
Fingers crossed all works out!!!
Ally you poor thing!!! My hubby is in the RAAF in Newcastle and I know how lonely you can get at posting time! Will you be relocating to Ballarat or staying in Sydney?
I can't personally help with advice on surviving giving birth while hubby was away... (mind you they were going to send him on deployment but his sargent noticed his deployment date and my due date - which was the same day - and said no he wasn't available) We did have a workmate os Dh's that was in the same situation as you and she found it tough (even though she was a raafie herself)... suffered badly with post natal but she ended up going home to her parents... Is that an option for you? I know it was one that we were going to do if it came down to it and DH HAD to go...
Feel free to (cry) PM me anytime! I hope this month of bding works!! And good luck with organising the wedding!
Thank you!!! We will be staying in Sydney, as this is still where Grants 'land-posting' is for when he isn't at sea. I dont have any family in Sydney (except for a long-lost aunt who I dont even know!!!) and am starting to make friends through the church which we have stumbled on.
Thats interesting about your hubby being excepted from deployment cause of your due date... Maybe we can pull some strings too? Thats if I fall pg!!! Fingers and toes crossed!
Wedding plans are coming along very quickly - unfortunately cause its so soon we hadn't saved as much $$ as we need (these things are pricey!!!) so it will be down to whether the bank says yes or no... Very anxious at the moment - surely cant help but am trying to keep optimistic :o
Eeek! I have to try and keep my mind off things and there are some fantastic sales on at the shops right now... Put 2 and 2 together... Hehehe... :D
I found our local church a great way of meeting people to! Also when we go to a new posting (prior to bub's arrival) I would register with employment agencies for Temp work - have also made some friends through that!
Personally I think it will be easier at new postings with bubs because at least then you can go to mothers group etc... Where as there is nothing in place for young spouses that don't have kids
Gee Weddings can cost alot can't they!!! Good luck with the bank!
As for the deployment thing, it is worth a shot (when you find out that you are!) but I think it all depends on the unit... my DH is lucky, his bosses are really good! The same can't be said for other units...
Do you have msn?? Mine is email@example.com
It is hard to stay away from sales isn't it... I am a shopaholic from way back!! (and I am only 26!!!) :D
Your right about the deployment... and moving states - even though children would make it a tad more 'difficult' (for lack of a better word) I agree, mothers groups will be places where I will be able to get support.
My fiance, like myself, really wants to have children, and I wants to RIGHT NOW!!! He is really scared about not being here though - he is worried that because he will miss out on the last 2 months in the womb and first 5 months in the flesh then he will not be able to bond with the baby properly.
I dont want to worry about it too much (cause I might not even be pg!) but it is a concern - could it happen that bonding is more difficult cause he is away for so long?
With my friend's situation she just made sure that her bub had male contact in the first few months (such as her father and brother etc) so when he got home it wasn't a huge thing with being held by a male... her bub was 6mths old by the time he got home and didn't have too much of a problem with bonding with her (it helped that she was initially breastfeeding). He also called home at every opportunity so he was able to speak with bub and thereforre she was ableto recognise the voice.
When DH mentioned the possiblity of him going o/s he suggested maybe getting a webcam (not sure what it is like on a ship with getting internet access home..) each...
I would try not to stress to much about it much just yet.... (easier said then done I know!)
I thought I would share my mum's story with you to allay any concerns about bonding etc. My grandfather was an American solider who met my grandmother in New Zealand during WW2. The got married (much to the horror of many of the family) and she fell pregnant. Then he was shipped out to the Phillipines. Mum was born in NZ and when she was 9 months old my grandmother and several hundred other mothers and babies were put on a ship to be taken to the US. They then travelled across the country by train until they arrived in Pennsylvania where he was from. So mum not only didn't meet him until she was 10 months old, but she also had all the travelling and upheaval for a little person. Despite that, she and my Pop were very close all his life and she said that she never felt that she missed out with him not being around for the first few months. So - it has been happening for years and families have survived and still had close relationships. I hope the same happens for you.
Hey draught - that is incredible about your grandparents! Wow. I suppose it has happened in the past and is bound to happen in the future. I guess its just one of those things that happen to 'other people'... You never think that you may actually have to deal with it yourself...
Leisha - thats a great idea about having the baby have contact with other males. I guess I just have to find some! Hehehe... Just kidding.
We both have phones with videotalk, so at least we will be able to use that (a must when we just got new ones!) Always a bonus!
Just make sure they have international roaming activated... I know when DH had to do a stint in Butterworth (Malaysia) we had to get activated in order for us to call each other!
Good luck with everything with the wedding. I had the same thing happen to me- we were meant to get married in the sept but he went to bouganville and didnt get back till dec. i got pg the night we got engaged so i was huge by the time we got married!! Then he was off again and only got back the week before bub was born and then had to leave again even before i was d/c from hospital!! Not bad coming home after a c/section to an empty house. At least the dog was glad to see me. :o #2 was the same- had bubba on the monday- moved house/state on the thurs and he went back to the ship before we got a house- so i was left with two under twos in the travellodge in Bris! FUN!!
Have you heard the saying that 'if the defence force intended you to have a wife and children they would have issued you with one? I used to hate hearing that.
Take any support that if offered to you and take it easy on yourself too. The webcam/ video phone thing is a great idea. I think it also depends on the individual too. My (EX) husband nver really bonded with the boys and was never really that interested in them when he was home but i think that is more of a reflection on him rather than the situation. Best of luck :)
Mumoffour - My DH Flight Sargent told me the same thing while we were at a function and i made a comment of how are we supposed to have children if they won't leave him at home long enough!!!
Sucks doesn't it! Although in saying that, at his new unit here they were really good about sending him away while i was pregnant and of course they told him that he wasn't to leave base for the first two months after Ryan was born.
I was so grateful but i take my hat off to you - I don't know how you coped!!!
im sorry to say that i didnt cope- i ended up with major postnatal depression and two years later left. The navy sent us a marriage councellor who was next to useless and put us in a townhouse in the middle of suburbia (civvies) who had no idea what being married to a sailor was like. I didnt want to mention it before but we were no sucess story im afraid. Im sure it will be different for others though- just be ready to put your hand up and get help and support. ;)
Where abouts in Sydney are you? My suitation is similar to you. In my case I am the serving member adn my h2b is not. We are both from Adelaide and I moved to HMAS Cerberus in 2003 to do my training. I was to be there for 16mths for my training. However 2mths after finishing recuit school we went on a mths xmas leave and in that time we fell pregnant with our first child. I had to return to Melb to complete my training however h2b had to stay in Adel as the navy wouldnt grant us defacto (to them a baby wasnt a big enough commitement) and we werent ready to get married then. I stayed in Melb for my whole pregnancy until 2 weeks before my due date. I then moved to Adel for babys birth (gorgeous baby girl Kieley Jaide) who I had a week early.
We had only moved into our house 3 days before she was born and had unpacked hardly anything. We stayed in Adel for 8mths and then I had to return to Melb (this time with h2b) for 2 mths. July this year I got a posting to HMAS Kuttabul (Sydney) we have now been here for 3mths. We have no family and friends here and h2b knows no one except for our neighbour (he is stay at home daddy)
It is so hard but it can be done, I was just lucky that I made it back to Adel before Kieley was born (just).
If you want to chat then let me know.
Hi girls My name is Yasmin I am 23 and now living in croydon Park Hubby is at Hmas Cerberus. We wanted to get married before he went to recruit school and ended up havin to plan the whole thing in 2 weeks. Surprisingly it went well, we had a garden wedding at his parents place and had around a hundred guests. It was a lovely day! We have 2 georgeus girls and I spent the first 10 months of our married life with our oldest child living with his parents in Qld while he was in Melbourne. We finally moved to melbourne in february of this year, because we were sick of waiting for his security clearance and were only there for two months and we got moved to sydney. Our second Daughter was born in July. At least we are together now but he is on course at the moment and will probably be going away around the end of the year or early next year. I look forward to hearing from you
My email addy is firstname.lastname@example.org if you feel like a chat or any thing
What does your hubby do in the Navy? How do you like Cerberus? My husband was there for 18months, we only just moved 2 months ago. It must be a Navy thing, because i had to organise our wedding in 8 weeks, so they would move me down there. As they think kids aint enough???
Holy dooly! Organised a wedding in 2 weeks?!? Man- thats fast!
I suppose a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do!!!
Circumstances have changed now - we're not pg anymore (ectopic) so at least that has softened the situation a little (optimism is a wonderful thing...)
Yas & Mummy of 2 - Where are you both based now?
I'm at Sydney - DF is at Kuttabul but begins a posting to the ship HMAS Ballarat in December. I will still be living here, but when he goes away for 6-8 months I am considering moving back north to Queensland with my friends. Lots cheaper than Sydney plus I will at least know someone!!!
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