Please help - need new discipline strategies for 2.5yr old

[abiishu]

I am struggling to deal with DDs challenging behaviour atm.

Her behaviour is not anything out of the ordinary, just the usual stuff for her age.

But I don't have any effective strategies for dealing with it. Quiet time/time out was working for a while but not any more.

I find I need to have an action plan in place for what I will do when she misbehaves otherwise I just find myself slipping back into my own learned patterns and I really don't think they are at all effective. And I really dislike raising my voice to her, but this is the only way I can make her listen at the moment, especially if she is doing something potentially dangerous and I am busy with the baby.

I really need something else to try as raising my voice is just creating a whole other set of issues, as now she will just yell back at me, or escalate and get louder and louder herself, and this ends up waking or upsetting the baby too.

Plus I can just feel my stress levels getting higher and higher...

Anyone have any gentle discipline techniques that have worked for them? I would love to hear them! Or any other advice is welcome too ;)

TIA!

[WorkingClassMum]

** bump **

[genegeenie]

Can't really help you with behaviour management as my 3yo and I have been clashing a bit lately. I am busy with a younger sibling too... an obvious cause of stress for him.

I have gone back to basics with food and lifestyle and things are really improving for us (less wild/desperate days). Here are some really obvious things that are helping us:

Sleep - he needs at least 11hours. I have been strict on early bedtime and have swapped bath to before tea to speed things up. This helps so much with the bedtime process plus his behaviour the next day. Plus I get to prepare tea while he is in the bath (kitchen near the bath so this might not work for you). We also have rest time with story during the day - I need the time out to cope with two all day.

Food - am cutting out as much flavouring and colouring as possible. We still have treats (too much sugar and salt but heh its a start). Also I try and get him to eat as much as possible at tea time as the mornings can be wild if he is hungry. We often have weetbix or weeties after the tea bit.

No shouting rule - I found myself yelling and shouting and beside myself and it just made him yell back louder at me and at my daughter. So I apologised to him and told him we weren't going to yell any more because we have a 'no shouting rule'. He liked it, and it has made a difference.

Re behaviour I am really muddling through too but I have stepped back from insisting he share and 'be nice' and am not 'telling off' for other problem behaviour as much. I know when I have to intervene and am busy enough with that. I am trying to praise and reward more. I don't have a problem with bribery/ incentives... although I try to make rewards active things like going to a special playground or playing chasey.

Getting out - I have discovered the best way to make the day work is to get out the house ASAP. Even if its just around the block, to the shop. Hanging around the house for ages is a recipe for disaster in this house. Its also really focuses on them - I get distracted around the house and find it hard to do one on one as the constant mess distracts me.

Cant think of much else. We use a 'thinking spot' but I am finding it doesn't really work so I try and think of a consequence for the behaviour at that time. Ie if you keep banging into your sister on the tricycle your trike will have to go up high. Give warnings, then do it if it doesn't stop.

I am trying to play with him more, and laugh... it either that or we cry!

Good luck. Hope these aren't too obvious.

[SuperGranny]

hi, I had a bit of success with the old "One , two, three', there had to always be a consequence once you go to 'three'. It was a easy thing, just like giving warnings, but when they know the "three" is coming they tended to stop. I did also yell, but only sometimes and they never yelled back at me. Whatever method of disicipline you decide to use, you have to be consistant, there has to be consequences and they children have to know that. Marie.

[Beck13]

I totally agree with all genegreenie's comments and suggestions. The counting also works here. I am having some probs at the moment with my 3 yr old son and as he loves his books I am using that as a threat to punishment at the moment. If he's not listening I'll tell him that he will only get one book at sleep or bedtime but if he puts on his listening ears and behaves he'll get 2 or 3 books. It is working for now. I also find that having a organised activity for him really helps. Even if it is just to set him up with some colouring or playdough and sit with him for a while and do that then he seems happy enough to play well by himself at other times. He is an only child (2nd due in 7 weeks) so I think he gets bored playing by himself, even though I try to participate as much as I can - getting down to play with those trains is getting a bit harder now with my pertruding belly! I also tell him that if he behaves this morning we can go to the park after his sleep or go for a ride around the block on his trike - something I know he loves to do. Involving them as much as possible in what your doing also helps - my son loves to help even if its with the housework. The other day I was dusting and just generally cleaning up and asked him to clean the windows for me (he loves to use the spray bottles). So I filled a spray bottle with water and gave him a cloth and he went around to every window in the house he could reach! Kept him happy for ages! Good luck - I think its all about trial and error until you find something that works.

[Seacretsquirrel]

Same issues here with DD (3) we do the 1, 2, 3 thing here to - fairly quick counting as DH told me I was to slow :D
But we are doing a new strategy here that my mum suggested (she is a preprep (4 ish YOs)teacher and uses it at work too) where rather than yelling etc we simply pick her up and put her on the chair (it is one of our high stools that sit at the bench but I move it into the hall where it is boring) no talking or anything then after the 3 mins (or however long) we go as ask her why was she put there - usually she can tell us if not we tell her why and why it is uncceptable then she is required to go an apologise to whoever she hurt or was rude to which he does. It is taking a whie but I think it is working - its one of those consistency things though you have to do the same thing EVERY time and DH/P and others hae to follow it too otherwise it isn't as effective, and it does take a while for it to work - so not a quick fix but I think it will be worth it in the long run.
hth

[lemongrass]

Getting out - I have discovered the best way to make the day work is to get out the house ASAP. Even if its just around the block, to the shop. Hanging around the house for ages is a recipe for disaster in this house. Its also really focuses on them - I get distracted around the house and find it hard to do one on one as the constant mess distracts me.

.

This works for us too. I always try to go out every day wih my almost 3 year old son and a 2 month old. We usually set early in the morning, go to parks, grocery shopping ( even though just to local shop and only get a tooth paste and chicken nuggets), go to shopping centre, visit DH in the city etc.

once we get home DS is happy and i am happier cause we dont stuck at home all day and end up fighting.