Your thoughts please...

[kuddles]

Well just a bit of background info.

DP and I aren't officially engaged but technically we are minus the ring. We don't want/expect presents. DP feels it is rude to invite close family and friends and not cater. I would just like a quiet wedding with some wine, cheese and biscuits afterwards.
Anyway I was wondering what peoples thoughts were on:

1.) Engagement party that is really a surprise we are getting married today event.

2.) Outdoor garden/beach wedding - Is it wrong to expect friends and family to attend if we aren't planning on putting together a sit down meal?

3.) People paying for their own food? Maybe just booking a restaurant for afterwards and people ordering and paying for their own meals and drinks.

TIA.

[shellmabell]

What about an afternoon tea wedding? Let friends now it's only a small function, don't ask for presents but just have some drinks and nibbles after the wedding for only 1-2 hours. You can just do bikkies & cheese, some sweets if you want, anti-pasto plates etc. You can order those kind of platters from Woolworths and Coles and they aren't expensive. If you have the wedding in a park you should be able to just set up some tables near where you are having the ceremony and maybe hire some chairs?

Just a thought...
Good luck with it

[AwwDad]

Look, we had the whole sit down meal dealio, but I've been to lots of weddings, they're all different; in my opinion, the wine and cheese option would be just fine if you are comfortable with it.

Also, although I have heard of some lovely surprise weddings, I would be concerned some people would not be there; some may try and save their pennies so that they can be at the wedding rather than the engagement party and that may mean some important people aren't there. For me, I have a lot of interstaters so that would be a concern for me.

[notquitesupermum]

We moved 6 hours away from our friends and family 10 months before our wedding. Because nearly all our guest had to travel and make a full weekend of our wedding it was important to us to put on a big do with a sit down meal.

However, had we been in sydney for our wedding we would absolutely have had a 'cocktail reception' with a quick ceremony (probably at the same venue) followed by drinks and canepes.

I like the idea of a surprise wedding but if it was me I would probably just forgo the engagement party and send out wedding invitations. less stress.

As a guest, I think I would prefer a cocktail type reception to a sit down meal in most situations.

[aquagirl]

I think it might seem a bit rude getting people to pay for themselves at a restaurant, but perhaps just a small gathering or something that everyone knows will be a small thing maybe they bring food or drinks or something.
We never had a sit down meal, we had canapes and drinks supplied, we catered for what WE wanted not what we thought everyone else would want.
I think the first idea is wonderful, but I would be wondering if some would think "oh well its just engagement party, we can just go for wedding"(but then again all our family live at least a 6hour trip away)

[kuddles]

Thanks for your replies. :)

We don't want a big wedding so even if we went the whole hog we would have <20 guests anyway.
DP wants to elope or have a sit down beautiful wedding.
I want a lovely quiet beach wedding with close friends and immediate family. This thread has been triggered by something that has happened with our sons 1st Birthday.
We invited our parents, DP's Great Aunt and my siblings and 5 close friends. My grandmother has decided to send me an abusive FB message because she wasn't invited. Apparently I have impacted her health, I'm cruel and should be ashamed of myself! So our guest list has gotten a lot shorter.

When I was a teenager I wanted the big elaborate wedding but now I just see it as a huge waste of money. I think of all the better things we could do with that money. I'm a bit frugal. We aren't very well off since having DS and me becoming a SAHM.
Today my idea of a lovely wedding would be to get married (on our anniversary 15 Aug) beach side in a nice white jacket and nice pants. Clothes that I could wear again. DP likes the idea of that but we are having trouble agreeing on what to do about guests and the celebration part. We don't want to be rude or upset our guests... Our friends and family are the type that wouldn't expect us to pay for them usually and if we go out to dinner normally for birthdays, engagements etc everyone pays for themselves but once you through the word wedding into anything things get a bit different.

[Shh]

Your beach idea sounds lovely.

What about having high tea (elegant finger sandwiches, pastries, cupcakes etc) with champagne after your ceremony?

Or some places here do gourmet bbqs for events and that'd be fun and different, they can do it on or near the beach.

Personally I had a sit down wedding for 110. It was a wonderful day but if I'd had my way it would have been a much smaller do.

I wouldn't have an engagement party, just announce you're getting married.

[kuddles]

I think it might seem a bit rude getting people to pay for themselves at a restaurant, but perhaps just a small gathering or something that everyone knows will be a small thing maybe they bring food or drinks or something.
We never had a sit down meal, we had canapes and drinks supplied, we catered for what WE wanted not what we thought everyone else would want.
I think the first idea is wonderful, but I would be wondering if some would think "oh well its just engagement party, we can just go for wedding"(but then again all our family live at least a 6hour trip away)

I've been invited to a few pay for yourself weddings where they had a per head charge. They got catering in and asked for $60 per person. I found that a bit rich. Not keen on the idea personally but thought i'd throw it out there, thanks for confirming how I felt about that one. It was a suggestion made to me by a friend. I adapted it because I can honestly say I don't want a reception type meal. We will probably just go out for dinner with anyone that is still around anyway. Saves cooking and cleaning...
Our friend's and family are quiet scattered atm. We probably would have the same guest list that we had for DS's birthday.
With the engagement party idea we sort of have the idea that all our friends and family would be there because we are pretty close knit.

[Herchy]

My surprise wedding at my engagement party was awesome! So relaxed, and so us and SOOO much cheaper than the standard wedding.
I can't remember exactly how much we spent, but for 50 guests with a sit down meal and all drinks, it was under $5,000

[kuddles]

My surprise wedding at my engagement party was awesome! So relaxed, and so us and SOOO much cheaper than the standard wedding.
I can't remember exactly how much we spent, but for 50 guests with a sit down meal and all drinks, it was under $5,000

I've always liked the idea. :)
Was your entire wedding under 5K or just the catering?

[Herchy]

the entire wedding.

[kuddles]

Thanks. :)

I think I'm going to start pricing and getting ideas...

[halloweenmum]

Well just a bit of background info.

DP and I aren't officially engaged but technically we are minus the ring. We don't want/expect presents. DP feels it is rude to invite close family and friends and not cater. I would just like a quiet wedding with some wine, cheese and biscuits afterwards.
Anyway I was wondering what peoples thoughts were on:

1.) Engagement party that is really a surprise we are getting married today event.

2.) Outdoor garden/beach wedding - Is it wrong to expect friends and family to attend if we aren't planning on putting together a sit down meal?

3.) People paying for their own food? Maybe just booking a restaurant for afterwards and people ordering and paying for their own meals and drinks.

TIA.

What about an afternoon beach wedding and hire out the local surf club so after the ceremony you can all walk up to the surf club and have drinks and nibbles there. Nice relaxed atmosphere and the surf clubs are cheap to hire out their function rooms. And if you are wearing jacket & pants no need to worry about the afternoon sea breeze blowing your dress/veil,lol.

Also, if its such a small crowd (ie 20 people) why not cater & decorate yourself, get someone to help you and put together a few platters the day before, and a couple of eskys with ice and champagne/beer in them. Buy your own flowers/balloons etc

I think if you make it clear there is no sit down meal on the invites, then nobody will find this rude. And really IMO these days, does anyone truly enjoy the traditional sit down wedding anyway? Give me the casual beach one anyday!

I did my wedding for under $2K with 60 guests. I decorated the venue myself, I bought flowers from one of those vans on the side of the road and balloons etc from the local $2 store. I made my own cake, mum made my dress, etc etc

We allocated $5K but because I did it so cheaply, this meant we got really nice gold wedding rings. And since thats the only thing that lasts, Im glad :)

One other tip - I bought 10 of those little disposable cameras and handed them out to guests to snap away on the day. I got some of my very best photos this way. (Lucky, because my photographer accidentally exposed 3 films of pics I lost all my formal photos, I dont have any at all.)

[SassyMummy]

The only real problem I could see is the "suprise" part. You might end up with some angry guests (probably your mothers, mostly), because they didn't think to bring their cameras.

The pay-for-yourself thing is fine IMO - so long as people know ahead of time, and know where the event will be (so they can see if they can afford it), then it shouldn't be an issue. Just make sure to let people know that you won't be offended if they choose not to come to that part of the wedding - because you understand that not everyone has the money. That way, people only show up if they want to, and they know you're not going to be sh*tty if they can't.

[mum2bubba]

.) Engagement party that is really a surprise we are getting married today event.
I love that idea, if you want bridesmaids and all that then obviously you'd need to let them know beforehand and tell them not to say anything to anyone else. One thing though, some people might not show up if they are told it's just an engagment party (they might think the actual wedding is more important) and then IF they don't come and they find out the next day it was an actual wedding/you got married they might be dissapointed that they missed out

2.) Outdoor garden/beach wedding - Is it wrong to expect friends and family to attend if we aren't planning on putting together a sit down meal?
Well, it's your wedding. If your family and friends want to be there for you and see you get married they'll be there no matter what type of wedding it is.

3.) People paying for their own food? Maybe just booking a restaurant for afterwards and people ordering and paying for their own meals and drinks.
I think it's fine. It's something I have thought about too.