Wanting to start a family... help.

[Smeg]

Hi,

My partner & I have been together for three years & wanted to start working on having a family. So far we've looked at a few clinics websites & trawled forums on DIY stories.

So far the clinics seem really expensive & if we were to do it through one we would struggle with money afterwards, however if we did it DIY we’d be much better off financially. But the clinics still seem a much better way of doing things.

I was just wondering if anyone had any other input. Like pros & cons on both options. Also if anyone knows of some gay friends GPs in Sydney.

We’d love to talk to people who’ve been down either track as well.

Any info will be greatly appreciated.

[aquagirl]

Sorry no advice just wanted to say good luck with whatever u do

[jonsteer]

Hi I am a AI only donor but I'm in melbourne.
There are three websites that I use that have donor profiles. So you can at least search for someone if you want certain things.
www.co-parentmatch.com
www.coparents.net
these two are paid sites and are not just a co-parent site.
and FSDW free sperm donor worldwide which I think you have to pay now but donors don't. Do a google search for fsdw. The site is a bit clunky to search.
There is also yahoo groups like freespermdonors but I find they attract lowlifes looking for sex and you have to be careful of people wanting to be your instant friend and want to comment on everything you say.
The biggest complaints about donors are guys who have donor fetishes, unreliable, disappear and those who later ask for sex at the last minute. The less you want to know about the donor the greater those risks are. STD tests may have to be paid for as GP's don't like ordering unnecessary tests for diseases with theres no symptoms under medicare. It depends where the funding comes from. I also donated to a clinic and they paid for them and I managed get a gp to run the tests once but he had to ask for clarification. Donors don't like to show up to a GP at a state funded gay clinic if they are not gay. You may have to hold there hand.
Also if they have donated before ask if you can contact them. All those I have pregnant are happy to talk to others.

[ontheway]

Hi Smeg

We are also in Sdy:D, What part of syd are you in? Their are some great gay friends GPs in in the inner west.
We also went with DIY because financially we did not to go under.We are about to start trying for #2 in July.
PM if you like:)

[FLP]

Hi Smeg,

I figure everyone has their own reasons for making the choices they do & there is no right or wrong way of going about things. Personally, my partner & I wanted to use a known donor & weren't keen on going down the anon path at all. For many reasons, but mainly becausewe feel that when everything is transparent from the beginning, then the child doesnt grow up with unanswered questions or identity issues, Even though the anon donor's details are made available when they turn 18, it can be a difficult period in the meantime. However, not everyone has the great fortune we have by having someone they know willing to donate, and so I understand that it isnt always an option.

Early on, we also toyed with the option of DIY vs clinic and obviously the $$ factor was a big part of it...it seemed silly to spend that money on the clinic, when it could be put to better use once we actually had a baby. In the end, we decided on the clinic because (a) More thorough testing is available, (b) It was easier to approach our donor with the very professional, structured clinic scenario as opposed to the awkwardness that we could perceive might come up with DIY...esp given that it doesnt often happen first attempt (c) legally, the moment the sperm passes through the hands of a medical practitioner, the donor absolves himself of any ownership / tie to the sample. Hence, any offspring are not legally family in any way. This protects us & the child in regards to future requests for access / custodial rights, but also protects the donor and his family, should the donor child try to seek inheritance entitlements etc down the track. Even though you dont conceive naturally with the donor, the "turkey baster" methos can be challenged in court and the donor is still deemed as the biological parent of the donor child.
I guess the clinic method just tied up loose ends and seemed a whole lot more "clear cut" for us. I've justified the costs, by realising that its not uncommon for couples to spend $20k on a wedding (and thats just one day), so it isnt really alot of money to spend on something so important.
But each to their own, I say...you will come up with the right fit for you two. Good luck with whatever path you decide to take!