What if I don't like Number 2 as much (or like Number 2 MORE?)??

[SassyMummy]

I posted this yesterday...but it seems to have disappeared (as have all my posts made yesterday...)...so I'll go over it again...

I'm not pregnant, do am I TTC. Still, I do think about the future, (quite a bit actually) and I've begun to worry about something in regards to my next baby.

What if I like him or her more or less than DD?

It's all well and good to say that parents DON'T prefer one child over another, but I've always had favourites with EVERYTHING...even if I only prefered one SLIGHTLY more than the other. I just know that, with my kids, one will be "liked" more than the other...I know I'll get along with one better than the other...it's just natural.

But what happens then? What do I do? How can I NOT like one more than the other?

I've been thinking about just never having another baby...just to avoid the whole situation. I do want another one though, and I believe that siblings are invaluable (even if they bug you)...and so I want DD to have one.

Has anyone else ever felt this way before? What happened?

[lukaelmo]

Yes, I have wondered about this too. But in a different kind of way. I am pregnant now with number 2, and I cannot imagine for a minute loving this next one as much as the dude.

But I am sure somehow, that the love will be equal. Perhaps not the same, but equal anyway.

[Milliner]

I have thought the same thing! I would like to have another bub next year but I am sure that we all have enough love to go around

[3SPUNKRATZ]

i think its normal to be worried about that. im worried that if i have another boy that i wont love him as much or that iwill love him more. but not as worried about having a girl as they would both be different. but i can say, my sis was worried about that to. she is now preggers with no.4 and is more worried than ever before. but she loves all of her bubs equally. but in different ways.

im sure u will love no.2 just as much. just remember, its not more or less love, its just different!

jess

[MummyCharmzy]

I wondered the same thing when preg with no 2 and was so relieved when it was not an issue. with no 3 it never even entered my head as i knew it wouldnt happen

The love you feel for your children is so unique and yes I love all my children equally but all in different ways because they are unique! Each has there own wonderful qualities! They're all perfect (im not biased at all... its the truth :P) and I can't imagine having a preference for one over another, so don't let that worry you.. though i know you will until you experience it yourself (if you do) .. but take my word for it hehe :D

[bronny-jane]

i was worried too, im quiet picky:D
but i honestly love my dd's the same, they are both so different and unique, but the thing that gets me is how much intense love they feel for me, im their world.....and i couldnt aske for anything more, were lucky to be blessed with this baby due soon as well, and i know that i;ll love her as much as i do her sisters:D

[chubbybubby]

This worries me too! We will be TTC in November this year, and both DP and myself have said we are scared we won't love #2 as much as #1! We just can't imagine loving ANYONE as much as DS! I also worry that if we have another baby, DS will feel rejected! Its so silly and I'm sure once we have another baby, it will be fine, but I think about it all the time!

[jaydensmum]

I know exactly how you feel. I was thinking the same thing when i was pg with my DD but when i saw her beautiful little face i fell in love straight away. A mother's love for her children is very strong and can stretch out amongst all of them! :yes: Try not to worry too much, the feeling will be just the same as the first, im sure. :D

jaydensmum

[Blessed Mum]

Hi Stacey,

I had the exact same fears as you, hence my 10 year gap but you know what it all just falls into place. I'm so glad dd just ' happened' otherwise I might have held off forever.

[Leez]

I have exactly the same thoughts! I look at DD and think no-one could be equal in my feelings for her. DH only wants one anyway so any others would be a MAJOR surprise and would definately be in the 'meant to be' category!:laughing:

My mum (has 3 kids) told me once that you do love all your children equally, but its likely that you're naturally going to get on with one 'better' than the others, just in terms of personalities gelling which no-one can help.

[Reidymac]

I have a theory :detective: Maybe this is why the terrible 2's (3's, &4's) were invented! 2 years between children is a pretty common age gap so maybe this is natures way of helping us see number 1 is not 'so' perfect and then number two looks a lot sweeter and more lovable LOL. :laughing: I'm joking, just joking

DH and I felt the same way. How could we possibly love anyone as much as DD. But we really do.......we are so in love with both of them. DH was a little more standoffish with DS because he forgot how small they could be and DD was his little playmate. But a few weeks in and he was just as madly in love with both of them, they are such different children but we love them completely and equally.

[Baby Girl]

I love both my girls the same but for different reasons and that is okay because all people (babies too) are different. You have to remember you will love your DD for all the very grown up toddler ways she is developing and you will love your new bubba for all the newborn/baby milestones they are reaching.

But most of all you will love them for their differences and you will love them each differently but just as intensly as each other.

[LittleBoysRock]

Funny you should post a thread like this...DH told me last night he isnt sure if he wants another baby because he loves DS so much and is happy just to concerntrate on him.

He did say he wants another baby but wont be disappointed if we cant/dont have one. :rolleyes:

I am ready to have another one, I just cant wait to be pregnant again (despite loathing it the first time! lol) :p

I think everything just has a way of working itself out and that will be the caes when number 2 arrives. :yes:

[Angelmist♥]

I felt exactly the same way when I was expecting DS2 and DD.I was so scared about it I would cry to DH nearly every night.Honestly though you love both/all your children.In my experience I do have a special bond with DS1 (maybe cos he's my guinea pig;) ) but I love all 3 equally in their own little individual ways.

I know it's easy for me to say "you will love them all" LOL but seriously you will!!It may not be exactly the same IYKWIM...

Ok take for example I love DS1 because somehow he knows my every mood and knows when to leave me alone for a few minutes or give me cuddles or ask that "oh so important" question ha ha and because he needs my guidance and reassurance so much.

I love DS2 because of his free spirit, his love for all animals and people smaller than him,his ability to make me laugh from my very inner core and his independence.

So far I love DD for her feistyness!!Apparently she's alot like me as a baby:eek: She does what she wants,when she wants!She pulls the cutest faces and is the biggest 'mummies' girl ever!If she doesn't like someone she "rars" at them and if she does she'll poke her tongue out or squeal louder than I thought was possible!!

Anyway enough of my ramble!Hope it helps!

[zenifa]

Funny you should post a thread like this...DH told me last night he isnt sure if he wants another baby because he loves DS so much and is happy just to concerntrate on him.

He did say he wants another baby but wont be disappointed if we cant/dont have one. :rolleyes:

I am ready to have another one, I just cant wait to be pregnant again (despite loathing it the first time! lol) :p

I think everything just has a way of working itself out and that will be the caes when number 2 arrives.

Sounds like a lot of us are having similar conversations with our DH's :yes: .
As my DD is approaching her 1st birthday, I am starting to think more about this. I am clucky and would like to have another child.

DH is quite happy and content with our DD and thinks she is perfect and is hesitant to take a risk on #2. He wouldn't be disappointed if we can't/don't have another one :rolleyes:
Recently DH has said that yes he would like another baby, preferably a son, for me I don't mind (a boy or girl is fine with me!!). He is worried that he might not like #2 and can't imagine liking # 2 more!!)
I do worry that if I have #2 I will be comparing all the time (pregnancies, birth, the child's personalities, their development at each stage etc) and I don't know how I could love another child like I love my DD.
I had a great pregnancy last time and a good c/s experience, so that doesn't bother me, its just coping with two young children, stress on finances and the topic of this thread......how will I feel about a second child ?

I hope you are right and that everything has a way of working itself out when #2 arrives.

[mumsluv]

Love isn't finite - the more you give, the more you get (and have). Just enjoy and don't get to anxious about it all!

Good luck xx

[mummasbubbas]

Let me just say, that I felt like this throughout my entire pregnancy with DD#2 but I never shared it with anyone as I felt ashamed that I could feel like this. Whilst I was giving birth to my daughter - the midwife ( a little alternate I guess) said to me that she thought that I was holding something back and asked whether I was worried about something. She said that sometimes this can affect things ie relaxing, baby sensing stuff etc and for the first time in nine months I burst into tears and my husband and sister where with me at the time and I said, "I'm frightened that I won't love this baby when she/he comes out, and that everyone will notice it and that my love would be fake. How could I possibly love another baby as much as I love DD?" The midwife said to me, "You will, and I will ask you when the baby is born". I turned around to see my husband and sister also in tears as they never knew how I felt. But I felt relief. Okay...all that out of the way. HOW DID I FEEL WHEN SHE EVENTUALLY CAME OUT........

Firstly, relieved (long, long labour!)only joking, but most importantly instinctly protective, wanting to nurture this little being that I couldn't imagine, and extremely amazed how I could have felt this way for nine months. She was just as perfect as her sister - had her own birth story - was heaps bigger and of course looked different. And felt instantly connected and in love with her without feeling guilty!

In less then one minute after she came out I reached out for her and held her close and had her nuzzled next to me, before I even relised I was doing it. The midwife asked me if I loved her less and I truly couldn't have believed or imagined the way our new baby made me feel and how in control as a mum I felt.

I did feel a little silly, but my feelings were real like everyone else here that has felt this way but I'm not sure that you will be able to get over it until you experience it yourself. So goodluck with it and I wish you well.

[tasmum]

Thank you for posting this question. I think it is a question that we are all too scared to ask. I know that I was.

[Fuchsia!]

hi i'm pregnant with my second son and i worried about it heaps to, but what made it worse was my best friend admitted to me that she couldn't stand her son when her dd was born, she hated herself for thinking this but don't worry she quickly got over it, thank god! So i often think, am i going to ruin this special bond between me and ds? I hope not. Reading these other stories have put my mind at ease. I seen on a show that you think of you kids as seperate neverending bank accouts of love, you love them equally but seperate. Good luck!

[jessgray]

i thought the same thing before i had ds2. and honestly, i love them each equally and they are both so different i could never play favourites. Ds1 is a nut who has hypoactive tendencies and is hitting the charming terrible 2's, and is very creative he also has a quick temper lol where as ds2 is laid back happy to watch everything go by:thumbsup:

[Pippi Longstocking]

I think it's a really normal fear, although usually unfounded. I remember feeling exactly the same way when I was pregnant with my second. But love is a cool emotion - it really is unlimited. You don't have a set amount that must be divided up amongst each child, it just keeps increasing. :yes:
Some days I do have favourites. Some days I have unfavourites. :o Some days I get along with one of my children really well, other days they sh!t me to tears. But beneath all of that, my love for all of them is unlimited so I could not possibly love one over the other.

[mumma_jessy]

I rember worrying about this when i was pregnant with DD too. How on earth could I love another baby as much as i loved my DS? Surely i couldn't possibly have that much love to give again, my DS was my world.

I can admit as soon as i saw her i loved her, but she was a terror of a baby and for months i didn't "like" her as much. But like all things it takes time, I felt terrible, but it passed and soon i found myself just as much in love with her as i was with DS. In a different way, because they are different people, but i love them just as much as eachother!

I have found the love i have to give is so much that i can give more, we are now pregnant with #3, and i am not scared, i know how i will feel, i know i can and will love this baby just as much as it's siblings...

And you will too. It will surprise you how much and how quickly you fall in love with your new bubba, but it will happen, i have no doubt!

[shed]

Now that we have decided to have another baby in a few years i feel like I have reserved a little place in my heart for my next baby already.

I am quite excited to meet him or her and get to know them the way I know DS. I already love him or her in a way. I definitely think of DS as being the "oldest of my children" rather than my "only child". He just got here first that's all.

Maybe I'm just old? Maybe I learned this somewhere along the way in the last 37 years? I don't really know.

I DO know that my mother has a favourite child, and its not me. Yes, she loves me and my sister, but my brother, her firstborn is her forever-baby. You can just tell. Its nothing i can quite put my finger on, just a sort of fascination she has retained. You know that feeling you get when your baby is born and you can't quite believe you're a mum? I am pretty sure you don't get that with the next one. I think she still has it about my brother.

So maybe I am just defiant because I am the last born child? I'm not sure.

I think you would have enough love for ten kids, SassyMummy.

[little kingdom]

I guess just go for the #2, you'll love the baby as much as you love the #1.. ;)