Lack of Gender Disappoinment support.

[Pulp Fiction]

I have an early gender detection scan coming up in two weeks, and the one person who I was counting on being able to express my feelings/possible disappoinment to is now out of the picture.

My mum, who I really thought I could talk to about this, particularly since she wants me to have a girl too, rang me up the other night when she was drunk and we had a very unpleasant conversation.

I said how anxious I was about finding out whether the bubby is a boy or a girl because I am desperately wanting a girl (this will maybe be our last baby) and she basically told me I was being stupid and ridiculous and that I would love this baby no matter what.

I tried to explain to her that of course I would love it. Thats not the issue. Then I tried to explain gender disappointment to her, and she got really judgemental.

She told me there was no such thing, anyone who thinks there is is an idiot, etc etc and told me I was being stupid and weird.

See, I really don't understand her way of thinking. Just because SHE hasn't personally experienced something, how can she say it doesn't exist and completely invalidate those who have had it?

I'm not going to tell her I am going to post on bubhub for support because she has already said that people on sites like this are 'a bunch of weirdos.'

Its just annoying because she was the last person I would have expected to get so judgemental and nasty over it. Really makes me not want to talk about it to anyone IKWIM.

I mean, she made me feel like crap. Does she not realise how guilty I feel even wanting a girl so much more than a boy? I know how horrible it sounds to people who haven't experienced it, and OF COURSE I'm going to love it whether its a boy or a girl! Its just that I have always dreamed of having a little girl and this will most likely be my last chance. She was the one person I thought I wouldn't have to justify these feelings to. I was nearly in tears when I got off the phone. No way am I going to talk to her about it now.

I know she was drunk, but that kind of makes it worse because it means thats probably how she really thinks and she just doesn't mention it when she is sober. I would hate to confide in her knowing that in her head she is judging me and thinking those thoughts.

[1+1=5]

you may remember my post a couple of weeks back when I found out about our 3rd little boy. I know how you feel and I know the building of anxiety before it as well. you are not alone in this hun. when is your scan?

[QTB]

Yep, definetly not alone, see my signature!

It took me a while to get over my disappointment, actually it took a baby health scare to get over it, now im just glad he is healthy - sex doesnt matter anymore.

but i know exactly what you mean. I was right with both my boys, as in i knew they were boys from the start, this one i was certain was a girl. so was shocked when i saw a penis on the screen :(

No one in my family understands, as they all have at least one of each sex. my DH understood though.

anyway, just know there is support, its just not always easy to find.

[Pulp Fiction]

you may remember my post a couple of weeks back when I found out about our 3rd little boy. I know how you feel and I know the building of anxiety before it as well. you are not alone in this hun. when is your scan?
Hi Owen and Noah's mum. I do remember your post. :hugs: I know how hard it was for you to come online and tell everyone of your GD and I know that you didn't have much support IRL either.

The thing is, that I thought I did. I really thought my mum of all people would be understanding and non-judgemental...

When I see how wrong I was about that and what nasty judgements she made, it really made me not want to tell anyone. I now think you are even braver for being so upfront. :)

My scan is on the 14th. I will only be 16 weeks but the place I am going to said they can tell you that early. I hope so anyway. Its a 2 hour drive away.

[1+1=5]

Hi Owen and Noah's mum. I do remember your post. :hugs: I know how hard it was for you to come online and tell everyone of your GD and I know that you didn't have much support IRL either.

The thing is, that I thought I did. I really thought my mum of all people would be understanding and non-judgemental...

When I see how wrong I was about that and what nasty judgements she made, it really made me not want to tell anyone. I now think you are even braver for being so upfront. :)

My scan is on the 14th. I will only be 16 weeks but the place I am going to said they can tell you that early. I hope so anyway. Its a 2 hour drive away.


maybe your mum would be more able to think outside of her own feelings when she is not drunk?

I posted out of desperation back then and I didn't realise how strong peoples' opinions were about GD till a couple of weeks later when there was a thread about the issue. Had I of read that first, I would not have posted. I guess i figured people would view the issue the way I do when I don't understand something which would entail not making hurtful comments about something I know nothing about...naive i guess. Lucky I had the support that i got though, this is a pretty special place :yelclap:.

you always have bubhub and we are here 24/7 :hugs:

[lovinmybub]

I'm very sorry to hear you feel you have no-one you can talk to about this. I know how you feel. Of course we will love the beautiful babies we get, for me, the upsetting part was the thought of the baby I might not get now.

I really didn't think I minded if I had a boy or a girl this time around. I wanted a girl so I had one of each, I wanted a boy because we had a name picked out that I love! This is our second baby and we weren't ruling out a third just yet. The problem came for me when we found out it was a boy, and at the same time found out the placenta was in a dangerous position that (without explaining the whole story) could mean this baby is our last. After the scan I was fine, I always thought I'd have boys although I was sick so much more this time around I'd started to think it might be a girl. Then everytime I saw pink at the shops I got upset, then I decided it was time to get rid of the pink stuff we bought when I was pregnant with ds1, I got it out and just bawled!

I kept it to myself for a long time. I didn't want to seem ungrateful as I do feel SO blessed for my new little boy after the troubles we've had in the past. I ended up telling ONE very close friend that I was upset, she was very supportive, and has since made an effort to be really excited in a blue way!

I hope that the support you get here on bubhub with all of us crazies helps you.:D It so often helps me to read posts and know it's not just me. My Mum said to me when I told her it was a boy, "you weren't trying for a girl, you were trying for a baby", which is so true, but telling myself that didn't stop the tears! My inlaws all had one of each with their first two children, so did my Mum, I honestly think it's a feeling you just don't understand until it hits you.

:hugs:

[Pulp Fiction]

maybe your mum would be more able to think outside of her own feelings when she is not drunk? :hugs:
I thought of this, but the fact that she was drunk kind of makes it worse because it probably means that this is how she really thinks, she just doesn't say anything about it when she is sober. So I don't want to confide in her about it, knowing that in her head she is judging me and thinking those thoughts IKWIM.

[Pulp Fiction]

I'm very sorry to hear you feel you have no-one you can talk to about this. I know how you feel. Of course we will love the beautiful babies we get, for me, the upsetting part was the thought of the baby I might not get now.

:hugs:
Thats exactly the part I couldn't make her understand. And thats fine if she doesn't get it, but its not fine to judge me harshly for feeling it. (If I do. I still don't know the gender yet.) Or anyone really.

[Pulp Fiction]

I hope that the support you get here on bubhub with all of us crazies helps you.:D
:hugs:
Yeah. You weirdos are good support. :p:)

[1+1=5]

I thought of this, but the fact that she was drunk kind of makes it worse because it probably means that this is how she really thinks, she just doesn't say anything about it when she is sober. So I don't want to confide in her about it, knowing that in her head she is judging me and thinking those thoughts IKWIM.

I know what you mean hun. I'm sorry that you feel so disappointed, and especially when its from your mum :( :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Sparklydreamer]

I'm so sorry you feel so unsupported by your family and friends and especially now your mum. I know what you mean with worrying that your mum's comments while drunk reflect her genuine opinion but just wanted to say don't give up all hope of her understanding. When she's drunk she's likely to just mouth off whatever comes into her head without thinking it through. When she's sober she might be better able to actually think about what you're saying and understand the concept that you'd be upset about losing the chance to have a girl, and that of course you'd love your baby still, that's not what this is about. So while her comments may reflect what she thought then, it doesn't mean she won't see sense and reason when she's sober, if you know what I mean. (Sorry, I don't think I'm explaining myself very well). If you do talk about it with her now and she sounds more understanding she mightn't be judging in her head - she may truly have changed her mind after thinking it through.

I did have gender disappointment with my last - I desperately wanted my little girl to have a sister (for reasons of my own - and I feel really guilty about it because I know I should feel lucky to have one of each - but I guess everyone's dreams are slightly different). Of course I love my little boy to bursting point, but I'm sad about losing that particular dream. I so desperately wanted my daughter to have a sister. I've never told anyone that though because I'm also scared of being judged - so I know how hard it is to discuss this kind of thing with family. Thank goodness for this place, hey. :hugs:

[second time mumma]

Im sorry you are dealing with this on your own - I know how you feel because I am in a similar situation :(

I desperately want another little girl, my husband just doesnt get how much I want a girl. Of course I am sure that if the baby is a boy I will still love him, but I know in my heart of hearts that I will be disappointed that I didnt get another girl.

When I tried to talk to my twin sister about it, she just told me that if the baby is a boy I can give him to her. I understand that she was probably just trying to lighten the mood and didnt quite know what to say - but honestly it didnt help one bit!!

:hugs: