Will it get easier?

[Nina]

Hi all, having a hard time here with my kids. Hoping someone can help with advice.

I'm currently going through a mess of a divorce. My ex is being the biggest ***** ever. We've agreed that he has the kids every wk. But after signing the stupid thing i wondered if i made a huge mistake. So for the last few wks the arrangement has been in place. EVERY time the kids have to come home i have problems. That night my son will cry, usually wake up during the night and cry. The first day or two he'll say he doesn't like me and that he wants dad. Then it finally settles and blasted days go by quick and they are back with the nut case.

My daughter is so stressed out, she's on edge all the time. I've arranged months ago for her to talk to a counsellor at school, but not sure if it's working. She also would prefer to be with him, but is now not making a huge deal about it so her brother doesn't copy and be worse. They are 3 and 8yrs old. I don't know what to do.

He must be saying some stuff to them. They are even now different in all other situations, like my son has became such a sook when we go out, most times now he won't go to my mum or brothers, ends up hiding behind me, and it takes him at least 30 mins till he finally will talk to them. And that's after a lollie or something nice is used. WIll this ever stop? Will my kids go back to normal, or is this normal now?

And have i given him too much time with them?

Thanks everyone.

[daisyxs]

hi, welcome to the world of parenting after seperating.:hugs:

sorry to say but this is more then likely gonna be the new "normal" until things start to develop into a routine but even then im sure you can expect ur 8yr old to come home with an attitude and your 3yr old to be clingy.:rolleyes:

how long until the orders get reviewed?
maybe every 2nd week would work better? im sure that considering its having such an adverse effect on your babies (your son's nightmares) that you may be able to alter it.

all the best,
Daisy

[gracewolds]

Hard to read this as I have 2 views - now they are only my vies so please do not be offended.

Firstly - you need to consider your children's emotions and feelings before everything else - they are only kids and cannot understand what is going on - whether he is saying things to them or not is not relevant if they fell loved and secure with you.
From the tone o your email, I can understand you are frustrated and ****ed off, but I am hoping you are not showing this to the kids - if you are acting out these emotions to them - it will be hard for them to come around to you.

Don''t expect to much from them - just be therefor them. And when it gets hard think of something awful that you have heard happen to someone else - such as the young mum of 2 kids dying last week on 60 minutes and it will put everything else in perspective and make you love and appreciate your children.

They are little for such a short time - so no matter what HE is doing just aim to be a great mum, no one cam ask for more than that from you

Otherwise just make sure tere is a cold bottle of wine in the fridge after the kids are in bed!!

[Nina]

I think my lawyer doesn't really care, she could have told me it's better every fortnight rather then wk, of course after i signed it he called up and now i don't even get the $20 a month from him plus my payments are cut. And it seems he's will go up.

The only way i can change anything is to go back to court and prove it's not working, which apparently isn't easy.

I really hate the situation i'm in right now. It's so hard, and it hurts so much when they return and hate me and just want him for the next day. I hate it!!! Makes me want to pull my hair out. Which makes it hard to do what i need to to bring them back around.

Just having a really bad time right now, too much stress and not really much support. My mum is really bad and can't lean on her, thank GOD i have my two much younger brothers.

The nut knows he's stressing me out, and i'm sure he's plan is to make me move, currently he's wanting 50% of the house, knowing i can't buy him out at that rate.

If only the kids didn't have to see any of it. But he makes sure they are updated on things. It's always 'poor dad'. :banghead: :banghead: