Adopt sister's baby?

[aquagirl]

Ok, I'm gonna try and make this as understandable as possible but I'm sure it's gonna go oooonnnn.....

So I recently found out my little sister is pregnant again and she doesn't wanna have an abortion, and doesn't think she can cope with another baby. She has two boys(nearly 5, and 3 months), one girl(3) and one step-daughter(4). And she is nearly 24. Strangely enough me and my older sister were just talking about whether or not me and hubby would adopt either of my sister's baby if we were asked. Hubby has always said he would never adopt but when I said my sisters babies he was like "yeah". I know he wants another baby, but I have said I don't, but now that we are faced with this I don't really know how I feel. So my little sister and I were talking about whether hubby and i would do that.

I am worried because I had depression with both my girls and i think that is my main fear with having another baby(mine or hers), I am wondering if I would want to do this for my sister or myself, I am wondering how my whole family will deal with this if we went through with it(my mum adopted out her first to child to her oldest sister coz she got told she could not have any more after one kid), I am wondering if I would feel the same way about this kid as I do my own, I am wondering if we could afford another family member, I am wondering how our goals would be affected within the next few years with another child, gee the list just goes on and on

I have soooooooooo many thoughts and don't really know how I feel so any opinions or thoughts would be a great help!

[OJandMe]

I don't have any suggestions.

I have 4 (almost 5) children 5yrs and under and I can tell you it's a tough job!

I know I feel much better about the future now that DH has made the decision to have a vasectomy... maybe that's something your sister needs to talk to her partner about??

I don't know about the adoption thing... personally myself I don't think I could handle the heartache of seeing my child growing up with someone else other than me...

but that's just me.

Is there anyway you and your sister can support/help your little sis in other ways so that she doesn't feel so overwhelmed with the workload of a large family at a young age (I'm 26).

Does she have access to child care? Even just for the older ones a couple of days a week?

I don't have any advice really.. :hugs:

[Little Gorilla]

I think if I were you I would try and just offer extra support to her when she does have #3.

Maybe you could offer to look after her older child more often, pop round with meals, do some washing for her, take the younger babies for a walk while she has and hour or so to herself rather than the more drastic option of adoption. Just as much support as you (and anyone else) can possibly give her and help her keep her family together.

That is probably what I would do if it was my sister.

[peanutbutter&jelly]

I offered to do this with my best friend. She chose not to keep the baby, but yes, I would do it should she find herself in the situation again and make a different decision :)

[bumMum]

no I would just help your sister out in any way you can.

[jackie7]

Firstly this would actually not be an adoption to start with but would come under Kinship care and then possibly transition over into adoption.
It would be important for to emotionally and legally understand where you stand at different stages of the process.
I would also say if this is a real possibility you would need to find out how the rest of your extended (your parents, your siblings, your IL's, your pg sister's IL's) will feel about this as it will impact on all of them. Also find out what sort of long term support DOCS/DHS provide you with if things arise between your sister and her DP/DH.

I do know families that have kinship care situations but they tend to be the grandparent raising the child - mainly due to the parent being unable to because of other issues such drug use or medical conditions (tending to be brought on by past drug use). These have been very challenging situations and at times the grandparents have chosen to limit contact for the child with the parent.

That said in some cultures it is often the responsibility of the extend family to raise the child and at times the child will be placed with other family members. However normally with these cultural groups you grow up with this thought process where in many Westernised families you don't and it could be hard to break away from the thought of the child being 'mine' IYKWIM.


I do think those that said support your sister are making very valid and useful pathways.
You need to talk to professionals about this- from your profile I am assuming your in QLD.

http://www.childsafety.qld.gov.au/fostercare/kinship-care.html

[MordecaiAliVanAllenO'Shea]

I can't imagine how it would work for the child - would they call you mum but know their "aunty" is actually their mum. I know adopted children, especially when they find out their biological mother kept other children but not them, often suffer feelings of rejection, may be even harder for this child actually seeing their aunt/mother and siblings/cousins regularly and maybe thinking well, what's wrong with me that she didnt want me? Not saying don't go ahead with it, just that you'll need to consider how you will explain things to the child as they get older.

Otherwise the other issues as to whether you're ready I'm sorry not much advice - it's complicated!

[aquagirl]

I have never even heard of this kinship care! Thanks so much, definitely looking into everything.

I suppose I should have said first off that I am in QLD, and my sister is not. I think that at the moment I am really at looking to help my sister above all else, but I reckon having two of our own is really always gonna be my first priority.

Thank you to everyone that replied and we'll see what happens-about to talk to my sister again...