** possibly distressing ** help me understand

[keevs]

my autistic nephew just drowned his dog. its so upsetting. my sister has given up and said she just can't handle him anymore and he's been given to my nan. please help me get some insight from other mums of autistic kids? he has autism and adhd.

[pinkfluffymarshmellows]

gosh that is awful your poor sister and her son , it is tough :(
i dont know how severe his autism is but sounds bad to of done that, i dont know a lot about the subject but when i was a nanny for triplets one of them had mild autism , it was very frustrating at times , i can understand why your sister is feeling like she cant cope

[melinc]

:( that is just so sad on both counts.

i was talking to a mum recently of an autistic child. apparently he wasn't
diagnosed properly until about 2 years of age, and unfortunately the help
just wasn't readily available.

she started with her local CHN and got contacts and info from there
and today, one year on she has a fantastic support group and friends made
thru it.

so there's a starting point. i wish you the best.

mel x

[keevs]

he has a bad case. he has other problems too, lazy eyes and undeceded testes. shes a single mum too. is this a normal trait for autism?

[MummaBear03]

I wouldn't say anything is necessary "normal" for an autistic child since it's such a complex condition.

I haven't personally come across it despite coming into contact with many autistic children including my own. My daughter is very protective of animals.

Her father apparently has Asperger's Syndrome along with other things and he was cruel to animals as a child.

The last thing you want is for his mother to give up. It's hard work, believe me I know, I'm a single mum to an autistic child and I know how hard it is but you can't give up because that's when things can go bad fast.

I can't give much advice, my brain fell asleep about 20 minutes ago but couldn't leave this without responding.

I wish your sister all the best with this and hope she finds the help and support she and her son need.

[Pinkzy]

:hugs: to you and your sister. I can't even imagine what your sister would be going through right now.

[ManekiNeko]

I think it's probably more common than people think. I think for autistic children who are rough with or that hurt animals it has alot to do with lack of control and understanding of the situation. My DD is very rough with animals and her younger sibling she often hurts them. She knows what she is doing is wrong but it's as if she just gets so caught up she can't stop and she appears to lack empathy in certain situations. I mean I could be wrong but that's jsut my take on the issue.

[josie and the pussycats]

That is very sad and so hard for your sister. I have worked with a lot of autistic children in my job and i have to admit that it is the one thing i fear for my child once he is born. There is no normal. Each case is unique. That is part of what makes it all so complicated.

[kiwibird27]

Autism is so different from child to child.. they don't understand empathy or pain, or understand that death is sad, Probably drowning the dog was more of an interesting thing to do than to actually kill it. I could recommend anyone who is struggling with an autistic child call the autism advisor in your state.. they are there to guid and ensure you have the therapy needed

I don't believe a normal person can possibly understand an autistic persons perspective, a world where you are guided by your senses, people and living things are simply objects and the world is confusing

[mummy2sophie]

I'm guessing that the child's intention was to not actually drown the dog. My friend's boy (also autistic) has undersensitive sense of touch. When he pats an animal he presses hard in order to be able to feel it's fur better. Perhaps the boy was simply intending to "help" the dog drink some water or trying to give it a cuddle.

It's easy to misunderstand an autistic. Their brains are wired differently to ours. There's great treatment and support out there...I'd encourage the whole family to help out.

[peanutbutter&jelly]

A person or child with austism, not an autistic person or child :gloomy:

[MummaBear03]

A person or child with austism, not as autistic person or child :gloomy:

Huh? I don't get this. But I do like the new name ;)

[flyawayfree]

The way of saying it, your are a person first not a disability, I agree.

[ManekiNeko]

I think saying a child is autistic is relevant to this discussion just as if I were having a discussion about my child's nationality I would say she is Australian. Of course I don't go around refering to her as my autistic child, australian child or female child, just because it's not relevant to life in general. To me yes my daughter is autistic but it doesn't mean she is defined by it and well I have no problem saying she is because I don't think it's something she just has it's something that is a part of her that she shouldn't be ashamed to admit.

[Kaitlins Mum]

A person or child with austism, not as autistic person or child
:yelclap::iagree::yelclap:


I'm guessing that the child's intention was to not actually drown the dog. My friend's boy (also autistic) has undersensitive sense of touch. When he pats an animal he presses hard in order to be able to feel it's fur better. Perhaps the boy was simply intending to "help" the dog drink some water or trying to give it a cuddle.

It's easy to misunderstand an autistic. Their brains are wired differently to ours. There's great treatment and support out there...I'd encourage the whole family to help out.
:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[trishalishous]

this is such a hard situation!
my sister is autistic, and she has high levels of empathy for animals, but not people.
she can't understand human motive/feelings(ie when our dad died, and when mum repartnered) but is great with animals, although my mum runs a shelter, so she's had lots of contact with mistreated animals and shes actually vegan now

[veve]

I agree with the above posters ... I have not come across many kids that have autism who are malicious (none that immediately spring to mind anyway??) ... there are certainly some children who have special needs who are brutal to other people and or animals .. but those children weren't autistic.

Children who have autism would get no excitement out of causing pain to another person/ item ... they simply dont connect to others like that ..

Was the puppy's death an accident??? or intentional?

If the little guy's mum isn't coping -she really needs to contact the govt dept that is responsible for disability in her area (e.g. in qld .. its Disability Services Queensland)... so she can get .. or at least TRY to get some more support.

[peanutbutter&jelly]

Sorry, wasn't meaning to be un-helpful (is that even a word? lol)
Had a babe in arms!

It's a bit of a sore topic here still, my DF has Asperger's and either his family over-do or under-do their reactions to it.

Maneki, in your situation I see it differently... I guess I judge differently depending on someone's experience, you seem quite at peace with your daughter's autism, I'm still pretty raw, even though I've known about DF's for 2 1/2 years (he didn't think it was important to tell me :rolleyes:) :shakehands:

The easiest way I can describe it to them is that when DF was 10 his grandmother surprised him with a trip to America. Literally, they were all dropping her off at the airport and she said to him - well, we're not just here to drop me off, you're coming too.
He just stood there. He didn't smile, he didn't get excited. He'd never seen anyone in that position before and didn't know how to react.
His family (who still didn't get that there was *something* different about him) thought he didn't understand what they were saying and went over it a few times, they just didn't get that he didn't know how to react.

He is on basically the lowest end of the spectrum, he functions well, has small things that he's pedantic about, but not many and most of the time he's good with his perception of others. Oh, and he only sometimes has true emotions. Most of the time they're fake fake fake. You know how people say that someone's smile is fake in photos? Yeah, his is 99% of the time FAKE. It was real when our children were born :goodvibes: He has said that a few times now, I believe that through and through.

I agree with PP, its most likely he didn't mean to, and if he's upset (which is possible) he may not know how to show it, having never seen anyone else in the same situation.

[ManekiNeko]

That's ok pbj I do get where you are coming from because there was a time where I hadn't come to terms with DD's diagnosis or the possibility that I myself who exhibit many ASD traits had passsed this onto her. I woke up one day thought I can't go on like this being sad or angry about it anymore and I was going to embrace the beautiful things about her and no tmiss that. I do understand though people on the spectrum are all different and this may make it hard for their surrounding family memebers it definately is hard to come to terms with :hugs:

Like I said though people on the Autism spectrum are all different and you can't pidgeon hole them as just being violent or not violent. Some Austics are violent others not. However there are many people on the spectrum who do exhibit violent behaviour towards people and animals. Sure they lack empathy and it's probably not about deriving pleasure in most cases but the fact that they can be capable of those things because they lack empathy and do not connect or understand pain.

DD often hurts her brother she knows it's wrong but she still does it. She has told me why she does it and other times I get why she does it. Sometimes she will pinch him repeatedly and think it's funny to watch his reaction. It's upsetting for me but I understand she lacks empathy in some areas. She will also attack him if he takes something she is possessive and obsessed with. She has a strong sense of social justice aswell and believes it's upon her to ;punish' him when he does something wrong. So yes she may not always derive pleasure from it but if her brother or our dog upset her enough she will react violently towards them because she has no concept of empathy and that they are feeling pain from her actions.

You only have to type in autism and violence in google to see a plethora of stories of desperate parents with violent autistic children. I know a woman who had to call the police on her teenage autistic son because he has on many occasions become violent, attacked her or trahsed their house over the most trivial things that he thought were wrong. I think an autistic child that is killing animals or seriously injuring them needs serious psychological help and it shouldn't be ignored or swept under the carpet. What happens if next time that dog is a person? I never leave my DD alone in the bath with my DS... Why? Because I don't trust what she is capable of. She is still a lovely little girll but when she hurts someone she feels no pain for them because she doesn't understand.

[MummaBear03]

I guess it's different for me because I knew what it was about 4 years before I could get anyone else to believe it. It was frustrating that people could not see what I could see in her.

And yeah, I think the little one in the OP probably did not mean to do it, I can't imagine it would have been a malicious act but rather a complete accident. I still think his mother should not just leave this be though, she needs help and support to give him the help and support he needs.

[mrsc84]

I think the violence more comes from the ADHD but I am sure every child has different traits. Mine can be a little violent but not in a malicious way. ADHD has not being mentioned with him though. How awful a situation to be in, makes me want to cry for everyone involved :(