One year on

[Poopandpee]

In 9 days time it will be a year since we lost our first baby together Gabriel.

I can honestly say I think about it less and less everyday but there was a time when it was my constant thought,

Its not something we discuss together very often but I know we both think about it.

Thinking about it today in length has made it feel like it was only yesterday and I think thats why we both go to such great lengths to avoid the thought.

His blanket hasnt left our cupboard for the entire year.

I dont feel guilt for not talking about it, I know thats how we have coped all this time,

All I can think about as it draws closer to the day is that we had such great plans for our lives together and we were so excited and everyday we talked about how he would look and what his middle name would be and how having a baby really brought us back together.

I thought about a beautiful new house (inwhich we never ended renting) and a baby hammock in the lounge.

Id had a baby before I met my partner and Gabriel was to be his first and for along time I felt horrible for him that he experienced this with his first child.

I appear to be rambling

but I really come on here because I am unsure what to do on this day a year on?

What do two people who have barely spoke about this say to each other?

How do you remember such a sad day in your lives?

[CookiesRYum]

I'm sorry for your loss - I don't have any real answers or suggestions as to what to do on the day...

Perhaps you could plant a tree or something (in a pot if you renting) to remember and celebrate him one yr on? Maybe something like a bay tree - its a tree you have for life and can go in a pot for a number of yrs before you may want to transplant it. They say you only ever have one bay in your life, which I think is fitting...

[Gabi]

I'm sorry for the loss of your little Gabriel. Your feelings are very understandable imo. I can relate to what you say about ruminating on the hopes and dreams your had. Do you feel you want to talk about it with your partner now?

What comforting things did you do a year ago when you lost Gabriel? Now might be a good time to do them again.

Gabriel is the name of our first baby too!:hugs: We lost our Gabi in a second trimester miscarriage.

One thing we always do is have a birthday cake. I like to celebrate the happy time we spent with our baby. We also have a date at home, with comfort food and a movie. It gives me the opportunity to have a cry and be comforted. It also means we have marked the day in my mind, but we don't have to go into it all again.

I would suggest mentioning to DP that this day is coming up. Just noting it to him. This way he will know it's coming, it creates an in to talk about it now if you feel like it, and it gives him an opportunity to think about what he would like to do to mark the day.


:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Rileysmuma]

First, im so sorry for your loss lots and lots of these :hugs:

We also lost a little baby, little Layna. We lost her at 24 weeks. I have an incompitant cervix and she was born premature. So can understand a little, every body feels differently and grieves differently when they loss there baby.

My husband and I didnt really speak about it roughly a month after her passing mainly becuase i would break down at a thought of her and I think it was also our age we were very young ( i was 18 he was 21) and didnt now how to deal with the intense feelings.

On the anniversary of her passing I woke up and cooked him bacon and eggs on toast, somthing i rarely do :laughing: Then we went out for the day. We went to a movie and out for lunch and just had a fun day together. Then we can home and we planted a tree for her. We planted a lemon tree becuase for some reason when i was pregnant and ate a lemon ( i love lemons) she would start kicking like mad.

Come to think of it we didnt really speak about her that day either it was more of a silent support.

Anyway im rambling :ecomcity:. I probably havent helped in the slightest but i wish you the best of luck on that day and all the support in the world:hugs: