What were you thinking having 3???

[1+1=5]

this is what a friend said to me when she rang me to say congratulations on the baby. I was actually quite hurt by it as it followed with "you should have called me before having another, i would have talked you out of it". ****.... i just think that's a nasty thing to say to someone. anyhoo, I just figured that's one person (she has 3 kids).

Today while picking Owen up, I had two different mothers say this to me. I guess my pregnancy is really obvious now and these comments are going to come.

do other mums of 3 or more kids feel this way? do people think i can't cope with 3? i wanted 3, hell i want 4 at the moment...but we will see if that changes :laughing:.

[anewme]

I certainly don't. I say have 5 it's way more fun. :D

[katieinwa]

some people think they are being funny and witty when they say this sort of stuff

[Mrs Nietzsche]

Sounds pretty rude. I think I would find it less offensive given that she has 3 kids.. maybe its what she really believes but the horse has bolted now, why not just be supportive

[Ffrenchknickers]

I find people on the whole - apart from my close friends who are the ones that matter - are really neagtive about having children in general these days.....especially if you have more that the normal 2. Sad really.

You will cope and it will be wonderful :smiliedance:

[StretchmarkBarbie]

I'm finding three really hard. But would never talk someone out of having a child!!

[1+1=5]

I certainly don't. I say have 5 it's way more fun. :D

finances permitting, i would probably got o 5 :yelclap:

[Areca]

Oh I definitely think two is a lot easier than three but I would never be so rude as to say something like that! If I have a friend who is considering a third I tell them to make sure it's what they really want and let them know that I have found having three very busy and a lot more challenging than having two but I also add that that is just my experience and others breeze through the 2-3 transition.

I don't think they think you can't cope. I breezed through having two under two and found it so easy, I was really shocked at just how hard I found the transition from 2-3 and I don't think it's something that someone with two kids can comprehend (well that's my personal experience on it anyway).

I had a woman tell me once (before I was pregnant with my no. 3) that I had to have three kids to realise I should've stopped at two! I thought it was a bit wrong at the time but now I think it holds so much truth!!!! For me it does anyway.

However don't stress, you're not going to fall apart or anything if you do find the transition difficult. You're just going to think to yourself daily 'omg having two kids was so ******* easy!' My DS is 5 months old and it is getting easier...still really busy, but easier.

[Ffrenchknickers]

finances permitting, i would probably got o 5 :yelclap:

:thumbsup: Dooooo it :D

[1+1=5]

I'm finding three really hard. But would never talk someone out of having a child!!


and its a bit too late to 'talk someone out of it' once they are 3 months pregnant. as a PP said, people think they are being witty when say it. i had a mum do a shiver of disgust at the thought of having any more than 2 :confused:

[1+1=5]

:thumbsup: Dooooo it :D

its probably pregnancy hormones that makes me want to have more. i need some clarity :laughing:. we'll see how we go once i start working and the income comes in.

[1+1=5]

Oh I definitely think two is a lot easier than three but I would never be so rude as to say something like that! If I have a friend who is considering a third I tell them to make sure it's what they really want and let them know that I have found having three very busy and a lot more challenging than having two but I also add that that is just my experience and others breeze through the 2-3 transition.

I don't think they think you can't cope. I breezed through having two under two and found it so easy, I was really shocked at just how hard I found the transition from 2-3 and I don't think it's something that someone with two kids can comprehend (well that's my personal experience on it anyway).

I had a woman tell me once (before I was pregnant with my no. 3) that I had to have three kids to realise I should've stopped at two! I thought it was a bit wrong at the time but now I think it holds so much truth!!!! For me it does anyway.

However don't stress, you're not going to fall apart or anything if you do find the transition difficult. You're just going to think to yourself daily 'omg having two kids was so ******* easy!' My DS is 5 months old and it is getting easier...still really busy, but easier.

:eek: ok, now you have me worried!

i didn't find going from 1 to 2 that bad so i hope thats the case with 2 to 3. it was harder but not overwhelming at all, that's what made me want to have 4. do you think age difference makes a difference? we have 3.5 yrs between our kidlets.

[MimiGrace]

I find people on the whole - apart from my close friends who are the ones that matter - are really neagtive about having children in general these days.....especially if you have more that the normal 2. Sad really.

You will cope and it will be wonderful :smiliedance:
it is sad :(

i've always said i want a BIG family (like, minimum six children) - i get lots of 'pfft, you'll be changing your tune once you've given birth' from other people

now i keep my mouth shut...but ooh they better watch themselves if they decide to open their pie holes when i'm pregnant with number 3+ :devil::shame:


Owen&Noahs mum, you KNOW you want this baby - so ignore what they say. You find as much support as you need, and then poke your tongue out at them when you are doing awesomely with your [guaranteed to be] gorgeous little bundle of joy :cloud9:

[Ffrenchknickers]

:eek: ok, now you have me worried!



Honestly, I did find 2 to 3 harder than 1 to 2, but not super hard, it is all worth it - I think because the kids outnumber the adults, they also outnumber your hands and your eyes hehe. 3 to 4 was easy and I will let you know about 4 to 5 at the end of the year:D We had a 4 year age gap between 1 and 2 which was very easy too.

[1+1=5]

Owen&Noahs mum, you KNOW you want this baby - so ignore what they say. You find as much support as you need, and then poke your tongue out at them when you are doing awesomely with your [guaranteed to be] gorgeous little bundle of joy :cloud9:

well, we do make cute babies so that's a given :yes:

[MimiGrace]

Honestly, I did find 2 to 3 harder than 1 to 2 - I think because the kid soutnumber the adults, they also outnumber your hands and your eyes hehe. 3 to 4 was easy and I will let you know about 4 to 5 at the end of the year:D We had a 4 year age gap between 1 and 2 which was very easy too.
wouldn't the biggest adjustment be 0-1 though?

at least if you've already got two your semi-prepared for what being a parent [again] will likely throw at you. :p

so really, if the scariest step is 0-1 all of you ladies have already done the hardest one. :laughing:;)

[1+1=5]

wouldn't the biggest adjustment be 0-1 though?

at least if you've already got two your semi-prepared for what being a parent [again] will likely throw at you. :p

so really, if the scariest step is 0-1 all of you ladies have already done the hardest one. :laughing:;)

oh man, 0 to 1 rocks your world. it took me a long long time to adjust but thats probably because we had him so young and he was a complete suprise/shock.

[MimiGrace]

just feel confident in yourself - people who like to make comments, they sense it when you're a bit unsure about feelings etc [i'm convinced this is true] - so if you are very *this is how it is/shall be/has been decreed by me* most people are smart enough not to argue or make stupid comments :p

[RainbowSky]

That's a really rude and insensitive comment to make to someone and makes me feel sorry for her #3 if she dislikes having 3 so much and feels the need to talk others out of it!!!

My 2 best friends have 3 and 5 kids and both of them love it!! I've always wanted a big family and would like at least 4 but everytime I ever mention wanting 4, the reaction is negative. My mum's the same, she cannot understand why you'd ever want or have more than 2. It's sad. :no:

The more, the merrier I think!!!! :laughing:

[korfire]

I find that the people who make those comments are the people who wouldn't be able to cope with 3 or more.

A bit of jealousy at someone who is willing to have a go, sacrifice a bit more and take the risk of having a large beautiful family.

I once heard that you can't go holidays if you have more than two children. Strange really.:confused:

[Areca]

:eek: ok, now you have me worried!

i didn't find going from 1 to 2 that bad so i hope thats the case with 2 to 3. it was harder but not overwhelming at all, that's what made me want to have 4. do you think age difference makes a difference? we have 3.5 yrs between our kidlets.

Don't let me worry you...no point in worrying! You'll either breeze through it or you'll find it difficult but you'll manage because you just have to!

I think a couple of things made it harder for me. We hadn't planned a third child and after being pregnant and/or breastfeeding babies with food allergies (so restricted diet for me too) for over 3 years I had DD2 down to one bf a day that was lasting all of two minutes. I was very keen to have my body back to myself and then bam...hello surprise baby! I was studying, I was really looking forward to doing something for me and being back in the workplace etc. and that all got put on hold. I don't know if I would've found it as difficult if we had planned our DS because we would've been wanting to do the whole baby stage again...I did not want to do it again. I was really looking forward to the next stage of our life.

My husband works 80-90 hours a week. He is hardly ever home. It means I get everyone ready of a morning (DH makes the girls breakfast while I'm at the gym but I get home and he leaves not long after and everything else still needs to be done. He works his butt off and he is a great help when he is around, he just isn't around much!) and then I do the bath/dinner/bed routine by myself too. Through the day I find it okay...busy but manageable. It's the getting ready for the day and getting ready for bed bit I struggle with but the morning routine is getting easier.

I had three kids under four. DD1 was born at the end of Nov and I had always said that I would never have a summer baby again. I live at the beach in summer, it's hard to do with a newborn. So, DS was born the 2nd Nov. I could manage taking two to the beach by myself. I can not take two kids and a newborn to the beach by myself because DS needs to stay under the sun shelter which does not work when you have two little girls wanting to play in the water. So I had to wait for someone to be able to come with me and DH works a lot so he often isn't around on the weekend. I know it sounds silly but I struggled with that and to make matters worse I hated the house we were living in so I was stuck hibernating in a house I hated with a baby that we hadn't planned (he is very much loved though! Wouldn't give him back for the world!)

When DS was three weeks old DD1 turned 4. She had a party so we organised a party for a 4 year old with a newborn and a 2 year old in the house. Then straight after that it was xmas party after xmas party, throw in DD2 getting tonsilitis then xmas itself. Then it was NYE. Then it was DH's birthday at the beginning of Jan, then we moved house middle of Jan. Ten days after we moved we had a house warming party and two weeks later we got in the car and drove for 12 hours to go on holidays for three weeks. That was all in the first 3 months of DS's life. We came back and the next weekend we were away again for the weekend. The following weekend we had an engagement party and I followed that straight up with a 48 hour stomach virus. Then DS started showing signs of allergies so I started an elimination diet for the third time and throw in to that my birthday and Easter. There was no stopping and just enjoying and adjusting to my new life. Nov is a bad month to have a baby! Because my kids have allergies there is no 'tonight just isn't happening, we're having take away' nights. I have to cook. Even if it's as simple as beans on toast...it still means I have to be in the kitchen. My girls are ready for bed at 7pm, DS is ready at 6.30pm but I am on my own and needing to organise the girls so they can get to bed and get enough sleep. It means I have three tired and grumpy kids on my hands while I try to race through teeth brushing, toileting, story reading time. I really feel sorry for DS at this time because as tired as he is he just has to wait because it is the easiest way in the end.

I would say that going from 2-3 was my most difficult in some ways but in other ways 0-1 was my most difficult. You are already used to juggling life with kids so that part of it is easy but I find that I am just constantly being pulled in different directions all day with three kids. Obviously people manage it really well....there are lots of families out there with 4, 5+ kids. We were done at two, we have our bonus baby and we love him to pieces but he came at a very busy time in our life and we're not able to just stop.

After having DD2 I just kept waiting for the difficult part to come that everyone had warned me about. Then she turned one and life suddenly got easier, but I never found it all that difficult. I get what's difficult with having three kids. I totally understand where people are coming from when they say it's hard!

DD1 goes to school next year and DD2 will be in pre-school one day a week. I'm anticipating that this year will be my hardest year and next year will be a lot easier.

At the end of the day I do find parenting three small children a real challenge....but I end the day with a smile on my face, I'm able to laugh still and I am enjoying life. Ideally I would have loved to have had 4 children but I know I wouldn't be a good mother to 4 kids because I would find it too overwhelming. So I'm honest about how I find it. Three kids is too many for me but that doesn't mean it will be too many for you and I think these people with their rude comments are just experiencing life with three the same way I am. I just hope I'm more tactful. I miss my life with just two kids but in no way do I regret having my DS.

[mum2bubba]

When my sister found out I was pregnant with my third she wasn't impressed. I know mine and Grant's relationship isn't the best and perhaps having a baby was not the best idea but I love my children no matter what and would not give them up for anything.

She told me the other day that I should have told her early in the pregnancy that I was pregnant (she found out when I was 3 months along) because she would have tried to convince me to have an abortion. :mad: I told her that she could try and convince me all she wants but it didn't even cross my mind, yes I was a bit nervous about having a third especially the way things were between me and Grant but as I said, abortion didn't cross my mind once.

I really do not understand how people, especially family and friends, can actually say these things. I really don't think they realise that it is quite hurtful.

My sister loves my kids and I know she meant well, but I was really just gobsmacked and hurt that she said it.

God knows what she'd say if we ended up with a fourth. OR if Grant and I broke up and I met someone else and a few years later we decide to have a child together (so it'd be my fourth) is she gonna be saying the same things again? I know some days it's hard to cope with the three but it's not always bad or anything.

[brogeybear]

I find that the people who make those comments are the people who wouldn't be able to cope with 3 or more.

A bit of jealousy at someone who is willing to have a go, sacrifice a bit more and take the risk of having a large beautiful family.

I once heard that you can't go holidays if you have more than two children. Strange really.:confused:

While not a blanket rule as its not always the case, I find this also. I particularly find it from the 2 children = perfect family people. Well that is great for them and it may be their perfect family, why does it have to be everyone elses? Just like the judgement for only having one child...

For me I want at least 3, possibly 5 - as long as we can all fit in a relatively normal car, Im happy! LOL I cannot believe how rude some people can be though - like can they not read the social cues that tell them that YOU are happy about the situation so they should be too or if not hold their tongue....
and why is it their business to approve of it anyway? :rolleyes: