Question about moving forward with relationships

[Issey]

I am posting in this section as want re-partnered mums or dads advice.

I have been in a relationship for a year. I really feel like he is the man I want to spend my life with.

He is an action man, that is he doesn't say much about how he feels unless I dig for it and I am feeling lonely in that department as I like words of affirmation.

The problem is I want to find out if he feels like we have a future together but I don't want to scare him off. How am I supposed to know when he is ready to hear what I have to say. How can I test the waters... I do want to progress the relationship however I am also happy to stay as is as long as I know it is going somewhere.

Any advice on how to handle it. This is my 2nd long term relationship since divorse so I have pretty much let him lead the way as he has no children and I have a 4yr old so understand it is probably difficult taking on someones child also. My son has bonded with him and tells him he loves him and he says it back (more to my son than me!) I am just feeling a bit lonely I think and not knowing what to do about it.

[SweetSerenity]

Hi There :wave:

I think if he has formed a bond with your son and they exchange the "I love you's" to each other, you are well and truly at a point to ask him questions on how he feels.

Just bite the bullet one night and ask him. I he IS the one for you, then he won't get scared...far from it. Especially if you have been together for a year now.

Are you both living together yet?

:hugs: Can be a hard situation.

With my now DF he was actually the one who suggested me and my DS moving in with him, which made it clear to me where he wanted us to go. Now going on 2 years we have been living together 1.5yrs and have baby no.2 due in 3 weeks :D

Just lay your cards on the table I say :yes:

[Benji]

I think one year is well and truly enough time to ask him without scaring him off. What he needs to understand is that you have a child, there's three hearts at stake here.

I'd say if he's telling your boy he loves him, he's not going anywhere any time soon. I agree with SweetSerenity - ask him. Ask him if he wants to get married some day *hint hint* and what kind of house he sees himself in in future.

I used to test the water quite early with my DP but he's been really wonderfully honest from the beginning. He asked me and DS to move in with him within a few months.

[Issey]

thanks...

we don't live together but I would like to and if it isn't going to lead to that in the future I would be devastated.

not sure how to bring it up as he doesn't talk about his feeling much. He shows me that he cares by doing things for me ie: fixing things around my house, tidying up the yard, taking me out to dinner and paying a babysitter for me so I can have a break.

I have treaded carefully mainly because I so badly want it to work and because he hasn't had a child, so assume it is harder for him.

[SweetSerenity]

My DF came into our relationship child free also.

I think you need to stop seeing it as "it must be hard for him", and just see it as, he has chosen to be with you :)

Yes he has no children, but don't feel like you need to tread carefully just because you have a child and he doesn't, it doesn't make you any less deserving of him :goodvibes:

Also, it's hard on all of you equally, not him more...iykwim?

Maybe organise a nice night for the both of you and bring it up. You need to know where things are going to feel secure and there is nothing wrong with that :)

[Issey]

thanks sweetserenity I hadn't looked at it that way but that is how I was feeling I guess less deserving because I am a single mum

[Benji]

You're not less deserving of happiness. You're more deserving!!

I always tell DP he's lucky he got a two-for-one deal. He gained twice the love when he gained me and my son :bee:

[SweetSerenity]

thanks sweetserenity I hadn't looked at it that way but that is how I was feeling I guess less deserving because I am a single mum

Yeah definitely get that out of your head :p

You are more deserving :yes: Any man is more than lucky to be a part of yours and your sons life.

:hugs:


You're not less deserving of happiness. You're more deserving!!

I always tell DP he's lucky he got a two-for-one deal. He gained twice the love when he gained me and my son :bee:

That's what DF actually says to me, that he's lucky as he got a 2 for 1 deal :cloud9:

[raisingthree]

I had two children when my DH met me and he had none.

It was funny how he didn't react to the fact I had two kids and just acted like it was normal.

The first date he asked me on he said "can I take you and your kids out to dinner"?

I think you just know - I think you should go with your gut feeling.

I would speak to him in terms of not wanting to hurt your son if it doesn't work out. Make it clear that it doesn't have to happen "now" but "could" they happen in the future?

[liesel]

I agree. be happy. have fun if he accepts you and trusts you and wants to be with you 100%. I"m jealous. I am the ring in, on my end...I get 4 times the love, so they say... OK...well a lot of the time I do. definitely by my eldest step son. finds me important but, the other 3 depend on mood...


Wishing you all the happiness in the world

Lieel


You're not less deserving of happiness. You're more deserving!!

I always tell DP he's lucky he got a two-for-one deal. He gained twice the love when he gained me and my son :bee:

[Allanah]

You're not less deserving of happiness. You're more deserving!!

I always tell DP he's lucky he got a two-for-one deal. He gained twice the love when he gained me and my son :bee:

I love this!!!


Im with everyone else.... I know wanting to make a relationship work is really important, but it should also be equal, whether you have a child or not!!!
He may be feeling exactly the same as you, and not know whether you are happy.... You wont know until you speak up!

Men are normally pretty simple creatures, Id say if he has been with you for a year he loves your company and is probably hoping you feel the same!

My DP also has none of his own, and I know sometimes he finds it a challenge, but I understand this and let him know that its ok cause I often find parenting a challenge too!