Termination was decided.. I would love some input [Archive]

alexis243

13-04-2010, 12:57

Hi guys,

I found out i am pregnant, after evening and evenings of discussions me and my partner decided that right now in our lives is the worst time.. we have moved cities, struggling to get back on our feet, and i am our main income. Plus debt.. gah.

I am going to the Eastcoast women's clinic.. I am booked in.

Firstly, my family and friends are snoops. Anything happening to me they ask questions about. I can easily brush the questions off but that would make them more curious.
I feel I dont want to tell them because this is between me and my partner. Does anyone have a suggestion as to why i am being 'admitted to hospital for a small surgical procedure' without it sounding awful??

Also, what am i to expect? Im scared to open up other's questions about terminations.. I would really like to hear from others that have been through it themselves. And has anyone delt with east coast women's before?

thanks x

sweetseven

13-04-2010, 13:00

An ectopic pregnancy would be a logical explanation, and fairly close to the truth.

3'llhavetodo

13-04-2010, 13:03

No advice just :hugs: what a difficult decision. You are a corrageous woman.:hugs:

And can you just tell them nothing Don't tell them about anything to do with it if you don't want anyone knowing. Maybe you could go have the procedure done then go away for the night.

Mathermy

13-04-2010, 13:05

No advice, just sorry you are going through this:hugs::hugs:best wishes.

13-04-2010, 13:07

No experience with eastcoast, but basically you go in have a short counselling session, they'll ask you whether you're sure and the procedure itself is only mildy uncomfortable having to get in a gown and in stirrups, then you're basically under general so you don't remember, you will wake up in recovery, and should be fine after a little while, not sure how long they keep you there, i kinda forgot.

So yeah, the procedure isn't a worry, just the emotional part may knock you as you'll have all the pregnancy hormones and then they'll abruptly stop and having to readjust with your hormones and emotions you may be a bit over the shop, just make sure you are aware that there could still be a grieving process about the whole thing and having the support of your partner will be beneficial for recovery. With the family and friends thing, i dunno i was very open and told my mum i was pregnant so she knew beforehand that i was weighing up my options and then when i made a decision she and most of my family already knew. I don't think it's even worth mentioning really, you can just say you went and had a pap smear, normally noone wants to know the details about that!

:hugs: :hugs: Feel free to PM me if you want.

kuddles

13-04-2010, 13:08

And can you just tell them nothing Don't tell them about anything to do with it if you don't want anyone knowing. Maybe you could go have the procedure done then go away for the night.

I drove my friend to get one done. She didn't tell her family and she lived at home. Myself and her partner where the only ones who knew about it.
She just said we were going shopping for the day.
I say only tell them what you want them to know. If you have to tell them/ or they have already snooped and know a little too much maybe you could just go with the eptopic pregnancy story or just a DC because you had just a sac?
Good luck.

SassyMummy

13-04-2010, 13:10

You don't have to tell them anything.

If they need to know why you're not around on that particular day, say you're going to visit a friend, going on a day trip to have lunch with your partner, etc. That's what I would do.

If they do discover you're getting something done surgically, then just say you've had some reflux or something and they're having a look at your insides on a camera, or something else that is fairly minor and not something that is going to have them concerned for your health, but lets them know that you're likely to not be feeling the greatest afterwards.

TBH, I'd make no mention of it at all. If anyone called in while I was there and wanted to know why I wasn't home, I'd probably say I was shopping or something.

It really is none of their business. I wouldn't tell my family either.

Amara

13-04-2010, 13:13

If you are having a general you could say you had a d and c and fibroid removed. If you will be awake I am not sure what else you could say.

BigRedV

13-04-2010, 13:20

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

soon to be mum of 4

13-04-2010, 13:22

I was just about to suggest the same thing, ectopic pregnancy will be perfect and you will hopefully get a little support/sympathy that you will need. It will also allow you to be able grieve (if you need to) openly without feeling like you have to hide your emotions...good luck hon xxxx

Pinkzy

13-04-2010, 13:23

:hugs: Sorry you're going through this. Wishing you lots of strength and well wishes.

I agree with PP's - if at all possible, I'd probably not mention anything.

summastarlet

13-04-2010, 13:35

First of all big :hugs: for you. Such a tough decision to make.

I would tend to agree with previous posters-you don't need to tell your family/friends anything if you don't feel comfortable about it.

I think East Coast is where I had my termination about 7-8 years ago now. I can't really remember a lot..Just remember getting there quite early in the morning, one last talk with doctor about whether I wanted to go through with it, getting changed into gown and having to wait around for what seems like ages..then I was finally taken in. I told to count backwards from 10 and the next thing I remember is being woken up by a nurse. They then made me have something to eat and drink and then had to wait awhile longer before they let me get up and change and go home.

I didn't experience any discomfort afterwards. Just felt a bit slow and sleepy from the anestetic (Sp?)

All I can suggest is if you are feeling down or upset afterwards please access some counselling. I didn't and I wish I had.

Feel free to PM me if you have any other questions or just want to talk. :hugs:

WorkingClassMum

13-04-2010, 14:08

Lots of :hugs:

Allow yourself time to gieve and maybe also have a chat to counsellor

If someone insists on details - a D&C for a incomplete miscarriage

Good Luck :hugs:

chrysalis

13-04-2010, 14:21

I agree with summastarlet's post, and others here.

You don't need to say anything, it may mean people ask questions. I'd just say nothing, and avoid seeing them for that day and maybe a few days after.

The descriptions others have given you of the process is pretty accurate. You may feel a bit pf pain or discomfort afterwards, and may bleed similar to a period. Taking pain relief is recommended. Also, understand that healing physically and emotionally can take a little while. I'd support the idea of seeing a counsellor, because it can be a hard time.

The procedure itself though is nothing to be scared of, or complicated. The Dr explains everything, and if you have any questions make sure you ask him/her.

Sorry to hear of your situation :hugs:

alexis243

13-04-2010, 19:22

Thanks for the help everyone... Im not sure what to say to anyone.. I'll sleep on it. But yeah, luck has it that my boss is away for a few days when i have booked, so at least work won't be snooping because ill be off work anyway. I can dodge the rest im sure!

Another thing that struck me, i am sure my dr said the procedure was claimable by private health or medicare, but when i booked they said no, its an out of pocket expense.. Maybe i was dreaming when i thought my GP said it was claimable...

I think im just nervous about the whole procedure. Up until i was in this situation I never seemed to take any notice of the subject

noskie

13-04-2010, 20:41

hi alexis :hugs: and good luck with what you decide to do and say, if you say anything.

i had a termination in 2006, and my husband and i are still the only ones who know. It was just a morning procedure and as i was only working 3 days a week we didnt have to explain to anyone an absence. I was only very early on so i didnt really experience any big hormonal changes after.

We too were struggling to stay on our feet financially and had a not-quite-2 year old as well at the time, and i struggled with the idea of another baby and refused to accept it was even a possibility, so to be honest i dont really regret the decision.

As for now i have to keep "forgetting" my yellow card when i go to my parents, as my sister being a midwife wants to read it all the time, and its actually noted on the card, in doctor speak, but i know she will know what it is!

Its nobody's business but yours if you choose to keep it that way, and just remember you do what is right for you, and :hugs: as it is a big decision, but one you need to be totally comfortable and in control with.

Good luck and :hugs:

overitand36

13-04-2010, 20:48

An ectopic pregnancy would be a logical explanation, and fairly close to the truth.

Obviously you have never had an ectopic nothing like a planned termination what an odd thing to say and offensive to those who have lost a baby

Otherwise I agree with noskie the decision is completely yours and partners why tell anyone

Izy

13-04-2010, 21:04

the procedure can be covered by medicare + phi, but only if it's for a medical reason.

for prying family i'd be saying d+c . technically that is pretty much what is being done, and as pp mentioned it allows you to work through the emotions and have support, or to have them give you space

HowCrazyCool

13-04-2010, 21:22

Hey there,
With mine, went in and had a chat with the doc. Had an ultrasound, i didn't look and he didn't ask me if i wanted to.
Afterward all my symptoms were complelty gone.( not sure if this is the norm though) Was strange driving home and not feeling sick.
The bleeding is a bit strange. Some times it can be gushy, that was the biggest shock for me. Was like that for a few days. So get lots of very big pads and Comfy pants. Sort of mild period pain. Every now and then some sharp pains but didn't last long.
I had a very laid back night after, by my self watched some movies. And had some lovely comfort food.

:hugs::hugs:

alexis243

19-04-2010, 10:09

Thanks for all the input.. Honestly im a bit hesitant to say anything about the reason being anything to do with pregnancy.. i feel as the type of sympathy ill get will only make it worse.. upset me, i mean.

alexis243

07-05-2010, 10:42

Well i booked my appointment to go in for a termination, they done a scan, and told me it was too early...which was strange...

The next week i had insane pain - i could not move, went to my GP, she rushed me to emergency... and by midnight they had diagnosed my pregnancy as ectopic. They took me in for surgery and removed the tube, they were worried it would rupture before morning.

So thats how that ended up! After i posted this thread i began feeling that something wasnt right with the pregnancy. And it may sound awful but im glad i didnt actually have the termination - this was a shock, but i didnt want the moment to come where i said 'yes , go ahead with it'

Im very sore and sorry for myself today, i guess its normal after surgery yeah?

WorkingClassMum

07-05-2010, 10:45

:hugs::hugs:

Look after yourself and allow yourself time to grieve

Tam-I-Am

07-05-2010, 11:02

Wow, what a dramatic end to a really hard time, and hard decision-making process :hugs:

Take care of yourself. Take the time to talk, and grieve as you need to. Be kind and gentle with yourself.

Best luck for a swift recovery :hugs:

kuddles

07-05-2010, 12:41

All the best in your recovery.
What a scary situation to have gone through.
Take care :hugs:

alexis243

07-06-2010, 19:49

I still haven't had my period...its been an exact month since I went to hospital and had my tube removed...
I should have had it by now right? Whats the possibility that something could be wrong? Im calling the dr tomorrow....frig...