Thats it, I QUIT

[Rainbowbrite]

Trying to "fit in" with society & do things the 'normal' way!

For so long i've had people telling me that MJ "should" be in her own room in a cot by now. Well, we tried & i quit. She flat out refuses to go near the cot. As soon as she is in it she screams till she's hoarse :crying: I moved the cot to her own room 2 weeks ago & have tried everything. Sitting with her, waiting till she's asleep, giving her her fave bear all to no avail. She refused to go to sleep tonight, as was overtired so i tried again. Taking her to the room, putting her in, patting, singing, reading & all she did with every one was scream till she was heaving. There is no way i'll be doing it again. I'm a wreck. DH is upset that MJ was upset etc.

I never left her side, but still it didnt help. As soon as I picked her up, she held me so tight & refused to let go. She passed out on my shoulder within seconds but the grip would not let up. Eventually i got her to let go & lay on the lounge with me, but she is still sobbing in her sleep 45 mins later. DH is holding & hugging her now.

Why does everyone feel they have the right to ask about her sleeping then go on to tell me i'm doing the wrong thing by letting my baby be close to me?

Is it such a bad thing, that she gets hugs when she wants/needs them?

Why is it that EVERYTHING I want to do to make my child a better person is so wrong to everyone else? WOW, i'm an extended breastfeeder (well hope to be), co-sleeping, baby wearing (MJ permitting) mum who plans on homeschooling. Apparently this makes me a selfish freak. Why doesnt it make me a mum who wants the best for her child?

Surely i'm not doing MJ harm by letting her know that mum & dad are going to be there whenever she wants us?

I'm just sick to death of making myself feel like a loser of a mother for trying to do things the "normal" way & failing everytime because i'm weak & hate hearing my baby calling out for me.

Sorry about :ecomcity: just really needed to get that off my chest. I'm going to leave DH & MJ asleep on the lounge & go have a hot bath. Maybe one day people will just suppprt me, instead of feeling the need to but into my life all the time :fingerscrossed:

If you got to the end of this, thanks so much for caring enough to read my rant :hugs:

[whatwasithinking]

Rainbow

You are doing great - you keep doing what YOU want to do for your little girl.

Big huge hugs :hugs: enjoy your relaxing bath.

[Crazy Monkey]

I think you just need to do whats right for you and your family... Don't worry about what the norm is and do what feels right...

:hugs: Stop beating yourself up, you're a fantastic mother, doing whats best for your family...

Enjoy your bath

[AquaDevil78]

Exactly what is "normal" anyway?



There is no definition of normal.. parenting is a personal experiance. DO IT YOUR WAY HUN! Only you know and feel what is right for your situation :yes: :hugs:

[WeThree]

Hey RB, just wanted to give you a kiss :kiss:

Who says she has to be in her own room by now? Where does it say that this is the norm, or what the majority of society does?
Do what is best for YOU and MJ, dont let anyone else get to you, once you become truly content with your decisions, you wont give a toss what others think, you will be too happy to care. Take a bit of this and a bit of that from different people/places/your experiences, stir it all up and you have the parenting style that is perfect for YOU (and MJ of course) just relax, enjoy bubs and do things your way, and remember, other people can only get to you if you let them :yes:

[DragonFly Baby]

Hey there,

I totally hear what your saying as I get this too.

But you know what? YOU are the person that best knows your child, and anyway I think co sleeping is beautiful and I've been doing it for over a year.

It sounds to me like you are doing a most wonderbul job....so just do what makes you guys happy and screw everyone else:yes:

[draught]

RB - I think you are doing a fantastic job with MJ. You are bringing up a little person who knows that she is loved and cherished and that is the most important thing in the world. Where she sleeps and how she sleeps is no one's business but yours and your DH's. If it becomes a problem for you, then you tackle it, but if you are both happy with your arrangement, it isn't a problem and you keep doing it as long as you are all happy. Have a nice bath!

[Manxie]

Hi:wave:

I can sympathise with a couple of things. It was DD's first birthday on Saturday and she was very clingy and crying lots (teeth and has just gotten over being very sick)- oops see there I go justifying why she was upset. I felt very "bad" that she wanted to be held by me and copped the "she's very clingy comments". So what she's only one, if she wants to be held by me the whole time whats the big deal? Apart from my dear bubhubber pa ( :wave: l) , no-one else bothered to try and help.

I am also STILL breastfeeding, shock horror!!

At the end of the day, they are not going to be in our arms/beds/attached to our boobs for ever. I figure the next year is a huge scary year for them, they've got to learn to walk, talk, play with other bubs:ecomcity: So what if we provide them with the comfort they need to feel safe and secure during this time.

Common Rainbowbrite lets hold our heads high and feel proud that we are responding to our babies needs and b****r what everyone else thinks.

And yay for supportive DH'S

[Harmony83]

I totally hear ya!! My DS sleeps in our bed, and people always have to comment, apparently they know whats best for our child!! Why are people so quick to deny a child comfort and security? MJ loves you guys, and she wants your cuddles to help her sleep - so what - she is happy and you are happy, thats all that matters!

[razzle]

:hugs: to you and MJ. (And your supportive DH.)

Sweets you know what's right for MJ and your family - who cares what anyone else says. If MJ wants to go into her own room and bed, then she'll probably indicate to you when she's ready. Until then, enjoy your bedtime cuddles. :hugs:

[Elfin]

RB don't listen to these people, just keep going the way you are and do what is best for your daughter and family. If you do what everyone tells you, it won't make you happy in the long run. You are doing a fantastic job. People will just have to like it or lump it! Everyone parents and mothers in their own way, I just don't understand why people can't accept that, they should leave you alone to make your own choices. MJ wil grow into a fantastic person.

Enjoy your bath and know that you are always welcome to vent here and be supported in your choices:yes:

[Niki]

my ds is the same he hates his cot so i know where your coming from....i love night time cuddles its wat my ds wants and its wat i want, i say treasure these she mite grow out of it soon....you are doing a terrific job and there is no way your selfish in everything u said you put dd 1st!! :hugs:

[Tam-I-Am]

Don't let the b**tards get you down, RB. MJ sounds like a happy well-adjusted baby who loves to be with her mummy and daddy. There's nothing more important than that. You're doing a fantastic job - please don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. MJ's opinion is FAR more important than any other person's on the planet. :hugs:

[~Chick79~]

:hugs:

Quite frankly, it is yours (and your DH) decision on how you want to bring MJ up. Who cares if she isn't sleeping in her own cot in her own room? She is only 15mths old for crying out loud!

You do what is right for you! You are an awesome mum who obviously cares a great deal about her little girl.... Don't let society dictate to you on what you should or shouldn't be doing......

Each to their own is my motto!

:hugs: :hugs:

[Mummabear]

RB - it's everyone else with the problem, not you :no:

It was me at Manxie's place on the weekend for her DD's birthday party :wave: and we were talking about this out the front, away from judgemental ears. My DS is also going through a clingly phase and I just lap it up to be totally honest. I love the cuddles, they make him feel better, DH and I ususally 'fight' over who gets to cuddle him, lol. They're not going to be 15 and still attached to the boob/hip/bed are they!!! I feel that as parents it's our job to make sure that they feel safe and secure within this world and if that means that holding on to me tight just a bit longer than 'normal' then that's exactly what's going to happen.

I honestly think that if we push them to detach from us before they're ready then they'll end up with separation issues and lord only know what else - I'd rather have him attached to me 24/7 and know that eventually, when he's ready, he's going to break away from me as a confident and happy little man, knowing the Mumma and Dadda are always right there with him every step of the way.

Don't question yourself - give yourself a pat on the back instead and know that you are providing a wonderful, safe, loving and nurturing environment for MJ which will serve her well all the way into adulthood. All those people that judge you will be eating their words when they have the pleasure of knowing her as a confident, happy child/adult. Then they'll all be asking your advice :laughing:

[chubbybubby]

My son is 2 years and 8 months, and is still clingy in strange situations. He also slept in our bed for pretty much the first 12 months of his life (our choice). He sleeps in his own bed now, but sometimes comes in with us. I don't mind. He is only a child! But my son is also one of the most well-adjusted, well-behaved kids I know (and I'm not just being biased!!). Do what you feel is right - you know your child better than anyone else. :) And hey, if you child IS still breast-feeding and sleeping in your bed at 15, THEN you will admit 'they' were right! LOL! :)

[moomoosmummy]

ive allways thought listen to what everyone has to say take whats handy and what you like and dont give the rest of it another thought. Im sure all you ladies know having babies out in public is like opening up a convasation! Everyone knows best about whats wrong with your child.....well so they think AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it makes me mad but keep breathing put a smile on and keep moving:rolleyes::cool:

[shed]

See, this is why I am not listening to other people from the get-go. I have been a mother for one week tomorrow and I am already a stubborn old b*tch who has used the "I'm the mummy" card and will continue to do so.

coz I AM the mummy. He's MY baby and I will do what I want.

Why?

COZ I'M THE MUMMY, ha ha ha ha. that's the only reason that will ever be given ha ha ha ha ha (evil laugh).

[Rockett]

Good on you for doing what you think is right for your child,it's really no one elses business how you plan on raising YOUR daughter.
If they don't like it,tough,but out and leave you and your hubby to do whats right for MJ.:thumbsup:
She's lucky to have such wonderful parents.:)

[reAllytee]

RB :hugs:

I think we are all at some stage bowing to what someone else wants us to do or even what society wants us to do.

I had a whole paragraph of stuff written out which i just re-read & thought meh thats got nothing in it lol.
The best thing i can say is honestly do what you want to do & dont listen to others. Dont get me wrong many offer great advice but the thing is to learn to listen & then take what you need then bin all the rest of the cr@p.
I honestly have nites where i cry because of what others say & sometimes because of what they dont say.
But i think both of us can look at our gorgeous lo's & safely say we are doing a darned good job at raising them & after all whats everyones problem with us doing things our way ? Arent we the ones who are going to have to deal with the "problems" later ??? Yeah well adjusted kids :rolleyes:

Take care your a great mama :hugs:

[Funkychicken]

RB, you are an inspiration to me on this forum!! Even though i have had two before, this baby is the one I'm sticking to my guns with and reading your posts is so reassuring at times. We have had a few rough nights lately and yesterday I started to think about doing things differently ("normal") and after a bit of time reading this AP forum, I am renewed in my conviction to keep doing things the way we are.
Please know that you have support here, even if it is cyber-support, it is very real and we believe in you and what you are doing with MJ. :thumbsup:
Keep following your heart, you know what is right for your family:)

[Rainbowbrite]

Thanks so much guys. I've been reading these posts with tears running down my face. I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful group of people like you guys :hugs: I must admit i'm so lucky to have such a supportive DH. He loves everything about AP

Sal, your message is so beautiful :hugs: And Allyoo,

I did enjoy my bath last night, came out & DH & MJ were snoring in unisen. I picked up MJ, got the biggest cuddle & took her straight to bed with me. She slept like a dream. There is nothing better than waking up to a smiling happy baby giving you a kiss.

Thanks again to you all, it means so much having such a great support network here. I dont know what i would do without you all :hugs:

[MamaSage]

Donelle, you have the task of rearing a precious girl - do it your way, as that is the way that will be best for her. It is nobody elses issue how you do things. I am sure that you and MJ's dad will raise her in a loving way and she will grow up secure in the fact that her parents did all they could to do things gently. And as for the sleepinfg thing - enjoy it! There will come a time where she may not need to sleep with you guys, and you will no doubt miss it. Non co sleepers who bag it obviously have little idea of what they are missing! Big :hugs: to you.

[moonblossom]

You are doing an absolutely AWESOME job. In my book you are doing everything PERFECTLY.

Don't change a thing, keep going how you are and you will raise a happy loving, secure woman.

CHEERS to you, and to all of us who raise our children this way.

:hugs:

[Karizma]

My son is 3 yrs old and he is still in my room, as is my 4 months old. But i dont think my 3yr old is ready for his own room yet, or me ready yet :laughing: As a mother I will decide when he will go in his own room. My father is always carring on about my 3yr old not being in his own room, and I just say yeah he should be and then he leaves it. :D Stuff em hun it's your buisness :D

[*Chels*]

You are doing an awesome job!!!never ever question it!!you are so lucky you have a supportive DH too!!!!
You are a great mumma and dont forget it!!:hugs:

[skyejax]

i say do what ever works for u. we all need sleep and if it is causing to much distress to make bubs sleep in own bed then dont do it.
dd always hated her cot and never slept more than 30 mins straight in it so most nights i slept with her in my bed and hubby went to spare room to sleep.(has to go to work realllly early) before long it was just the norm. when she was about 1, i started putting her in her own bed to sleep. i would sit or lay with her till she nodded off then leav. i dont know what went wrong but when she got to 18mths she started screaming about being in there. so i got one of those kiddy couches and would lay in front of telly with her and before long out like a light, no fuss. i would then move her too her room and she would stay....most nights.
when i got to preg to move her i just left her and that is still where she sleeps now and she is 2 1/2. whn its time for bed i put on a movie for herlay with her and before movie is half over she is out to it and she stays that way all night. i figure that its better for her to get a good nights sleep out in the lounge then a wrestless one in her room. she isnt going to sleep there for ever i know she wil grow out of it, but for the time being it works so i dont care what anyone thinks.
i say go for it girl your the mum and whatever works for u is your right.

mary
sorry this is so long!!!

[the_queen]

Hey RB, a friend of mine told me about this t-shirt she saw on a kid recently, it said:

I let Mum and Dad sleep in my bed with me

:D

(i think, or words to that effect anyway)


I'm usually an advocate for the truth in all circumstances - but in this instance I just would lie about it. Although, (thinking out loud here) you guys consider your sleeping-place to be "the family bed", yeah? Well then, she IS in her own bed, it just happens to be that it's also yours and DH's bed.

You're a great mum D, you're doing a great job, and hey, the proof is in the pudding! When MJ is a fabulously well-adjusted teenager who comes to you for advice, and who makes good choices, and who is secure and has self-respect, then you can say to all those people HA-HA I WAS RIGHT :D

[bronny-jane]

my dd's are still in our bed:D and because of this i got peeded on at 2am this morning:o