View Full Version : Gender Dissapointment for siblings ?
My DH and I have been blessed with a pidgeon pair :bee: and in 12 days time will be finding out the gender of our 3rd and final child :goodvibes:
We are so excited as we have never found out before the day of delivery with the other two and are treating this as a midway suprise to help us through the last 20 weeks of pregnancy that we will share as a couple.
But......we have hit a bump in the road :o.. our darling 4 going on 14 DD is insistant on having a little sister and will not even entertain the idea of it being another brother. She has her heart so set that we have even had tears trying to explain to her that we dont know yet if its a boy or a girl and it's not a situation that we have direct control over.
This might sound weird but she is a very mature little girl for her age and is very understanding that this will be our last aby so if she doesnt get her sister now she will be the only girl at our house xcept for mummy.
I dont want to break her heart nor am I hoping for one gender over another, after our M/C last year I just get excited over ten fingers and toes and strong heart beat.
Sorry to be so long winded but my question basically boils down to...
1. have you ever had a child with gender dissapointment ?
2. How do I help her understand and accept if the baby does turn out to be a boy ?
thank you for any help or advice.
My DS1 was really disappointed when we found out DS3 was a boy, he really wanted another sister.
I think we are going to face the same thing you are this time with our DD who is 3.5. She is convinced we will have a baby girl called Ashlea....and she is too little to understand that we can't choose.
I really think they get over it once the bub is born though, really, kids are so great like that. Being 4, your daughter will be a great mini mummy no matter the gender.
I could have written your exact post.
My daughter was naturally concieved and my DS was IVF.....we didn't find out with either but we stoked to be blessed with another bub after a miscarriage as well.
My daughter was 4 when my son was due to be born. She was adament it was a sister and would NOT entertain the idea of a brother. She had even a name which she referred to as her sister.
I prepared her siblings arrival carefully. We bought her a shirt that has her *name* and underneath "THe Big SIster" in her favourite colour. I also bought a mermaid barbie which she had her eye on for months and a few other trinkets all for her to recieve when she met her sibling.
I went into labour at 4am and dropped DD off with my parents on the way to the hospital. DS was born at 8.30am. I called her at 8.45am to tell her she had a brother. She dropped the phone and refused to talk to me. My Mum said she refused to talk to anyone all day until her Daddy came home from the hospital at around lunchtime. Lets just say she was not impressed.
She came to see me at hospital that night. I handed her brother over and sat with her for a long time and we chatted about how much I had missed her and then presented her with all her gifts from her brother. She was then over the moon. She sat up on the bed and posed for photos with her brother and her mermaid barbie. She loves him to death and he is now 7 months. We have had no sibling jealousy to deal with to date. Although she does bang on about having another baby and this time it WILL be a sister.
Hopefully your DD will come around once the little mite arrives. Good Luck and I get so excited when I hear people not finding out till the birth:D
We didnt find out what we were having with the last to children. DD1 wanted a brother and when i was having DD2 had even named him Thomas. She was really disappointed when she came to the hospital and found out we had a girl. She wouldnt talk to me or DD2 because she was a girl. I got her a present she had been asking for, for ages and we sat down and said this is from your sister, she loves you so much and wanted to get you something. After that (took about 2wks) she loved her sister.
My niece was the same, very intellignent and well advanced for her age, when SIL was expecting her 3rd bubba, they had named baby Emma as due to medical reasons B & SIL have to find out gender of their bubs anyhow they were told it was a girl and Emma it was until their last scan (one of about 5 they had done) and turns out their little girl was actually a James.. :p
My neice was dead set on it being a girl and was devastated to hear that bub was a boy, my brother however to try counter act her sadness broke the news to her while they were out and about and used the time to get her to buy her brothers first clothes and choose something to bring him home from hospital in.
It worked a treat cause as much as she hated hearing it was a boy she soon turned her attention to i'm the big sister and I am helping out she was ok, because they had a few weeks before the birth to get used to the idea she was fine about him being a boy by the day he arrived.
Thanks so much for your replys ladies.
Yes our DD has named her "sister" as well and when we try discuss a boy's name with her she just wont have a bar of it ! LOL is very cute to see her so passionate about something but it will break my heart to see her disappointed all at the same time.
I think the gift is a wonderful idea and we did do that when we had our DS, it was just so much easier then as she wasnt quiet 2.5 years old.
Re- enforcing the "BIG SISTER" aspect i think will be other winner with her.
I just wish i knew already so i could either join her excitement for a little sister or start getting her excited about another brother :goodvibes:..
A long 12 sleeps to go :laughing:
Apparently my older sister was the same when I was born. Everyone was convinced I was going to be a boy and had named me Benjamin, so my sister was waiting for the arrival of her baby brother. But I came out a girl :eek: When I was born she apparently took one look at me, screwed her face up, then looked around the room and said 'where's Ben?' :laughing: She got over it though. I'm sure Eloise will love another baby brother as much as she will love a baby sister once she gets over the initial dissapointment :hugs:
Ohhh poor Tarshi! My god daughter is so excited about being a big sister. So so so excited! :laughing: She will be disapointed if its not a girl. Poor Tarshi. :cool:
maybe buy her an amazing make-up case, full of her own make-up (so she doesnt go into yours!!!) and give that to her as a prezzie! :yes:
God help me if i have a girl and you have a boy.... She already accused me of stealing her baby sister when you M/C and i fell preg! :o
Just go through the great advantages of having a brother with her, IF its a boy!
No magic advice her hun. Except maybe asking my mum haha. I was like Miss E. Right up to meeting my younger brother.
Quoted as by mum I said "He's nice put him back & show me my sister" hehe.
we found out last week we are having another girl, my DD who is 6 ran around the scan room shouting "i told you i told you i was right!" as she has been adamant she is having a baby sister, wont even entertain the idea of a boy. :laughing:
i tried to explain before the scan if it happens to be a boy we cant change it and its just how it is but youll love him just the same, and her answer was "its ok mum if its a boy we can just have another baby until i get a sister" :cool: doesnt work like that lol
My DS wasn't fussed about either of his sisters genders (in fact called our third child his second sister his brother-sister despite knowing she was a girl:laughing:) but when I became pregnant last year he was adamant we were having a boy and he was going to get a baby brother:yes: as once I had DD2 almost everyone we knew had boys bar one friend.
When we found out I'd lost the baby, he grieved for the baby brother he'd lost and my idiotic MIL told him "it's ok Mummy and Daddy can have another one" which just infuriates me on so many levels:banghead: (invalidating a childs feelings and giving false hope is not on)
Prior to this pregnancy and since finding out we were pregnant and telling them we've tried to be clear we don't get to chose if we're having a boy or a girl but made plans for him in particular to be involved in anything gender wise once we found out. Well I'm not having the baby brother he wanted:no: so he had a few days of being upset and even said "but I wanted a baby brother" while we were having the scan done. It took a few days but he turned around and gave me a big hug and kiss and said "I'm glad you're having another family member, Mummy. I'm so excited I'm getting another baby sister" and couldn't be happier now that he's getting to be the big brother of three sisters.:yes:
Now I'm using DS as he is the one who experienced the GD as DD1 4yo doesn't care too much what the baby was excited either way and DD2 who is 2yo just says "no baby" though has recently decided I do have a baby in my tummy and wants one in hers too.:laughing:
So my tips are don't push her, don't invalidate any feelings she might tell you as it's okay for her to feel that way let her adjust in her own time, get her involved in anything you do for baby maybe let her pick out a special outfit and/or present for new baby. (DH has a tradition of taking the older sibling/s to the shop to help pick out a special stuffed toy the day the new baby is born and bringing it up to the hospital which my kids love doing)
I also make sure they are all told that even though the new baby is coming Mummy and Daddy still love them very much and we read a book called "You're all my favourites" (http://www.amazon.com/Youre-All-Favorites-Sam-McBratney/dp/076362442X) to them which I actually have to dig out as it's with the baby things in the garage.
lol im one of 4 all in our 20s and mum bought us all the book Your all my Favourites, because we always joke about it, didnt take us long to point out there is only 3 children in the book! My little sister wasnt impressed!
My older brother didnt suffer gender dissapointment, rather Colour dissapointment lol, he wanted our younger brother to be a Black baby as mums aboriginal friend had visited with her new baby!!:p
Only 4 sleeps to go :smiliedance: !!!! Geez I am excited !!!
Thanks so much for the insight and sharing your own experineces, that book " Your all my Favourites" sounds like a wonderful idea :goodvibes: I am def going to go and have a look for that !
Over the last week we have been having lots of conversations with DD and I feel we have def made head way with at least her now understanding that it may be another brother, she really likes the boy name we have chosen so now that we have been using "names" and not just the term "baby" she is more open to the gender discussion.
I would have loved to take her with me on friday but its going to be a long scan, we have family history of congenital heart defects so my 20 weeks scan is always very detailed and I just dont think she would sit through it with out getting restless. But I have promissed her she can go shopping on Saturday morning and pick the baby out its first teddy so she is excited about that ;).
Oh little DS idolises his big sister so we keep reminding her how much she loves playing with him and how easy it would be to just add another brother to the mix and also remind her how special she is if she does indeed turn out to be the only girl.
Oh come on friday LOL... You will hear a little 4 year old squeal wih Joy if she turns out to be right, DH keeps telling me not to write her guess off just yet as she told me I was pregnant before I knew I was pregnant :p
Yum Mum Amanda
Gender problem is basically our point of view and old thoughts of old people. But if you were there to support her, then she understand and love when he/she comes.:valentine:
Results are in :D.....
we are having a very happy healthy little BOY:cloud9:...
We had our 20 week scan yesterday and straight away as soon as the scan begun it was very obvious it was another little boy and DH and I could not be happier.
Miss E was broken the news when we got home...that was interesting LOL...
Let's just say I was given my very first taste of the "silent treatment" as a mum LOL/ She flat out refused to talk to me for the rest of the evening and avoided any actual contact with me right up till bed time, DH she was fine with unless he tried to talk to her about the baby.
Needless to say I did alot of thinking when i went to bed as to how to takle her today.
But my beautiful princess woke me at 7 am showing what a truely wonderful little girl she is with a blue teddy she found in her collection and simpley said this is for my new brother who I am going to love very much :goodvibes:...
One very proud mum and one very understanding 4.5 year old...
thank you for all your advice ladies :hugs:
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