So APers, how do you deal with tantys & discipline?

[peanutbutter&jelly]

Because my just turned 2 year old DS is driving me absolutely mental at the moment!
Tantrums over everything possible (normal I know, but seriously? **** I just want to have 2 minutes to feed your sister kidlet! No one else can do it, it has to be Mummy and then I can play/get you MORE strawberries/give you cuddles etc)

Having a really hard time dealing with him at the moment with a 3 month old as well, any ideas?

[iluvdubs]

I don't have much experience but could you get him a cabbage patch doll that he could use to feed/cuddle/bath etc when you are doing those things with your 3 month old. That way he could look after his baby while you look after yours and he could sit with you sharing the experience.
As for the tantrums they are always hard work but I usually try and ignore my DS or redirect his attention.
Good luck I hope u get more responses as I may need some ideas when number 2 is born in 5 months!

[reAllytee]

Get him involved as much as you can & he is happy to, so while you are feeding maybe ask him to get you a bib/ spew cloth ( I know not always 'needed' but just something easy he can grab ). Ask him to help with changing her nappy etc etc .... A doll as the PP said is another great option Boof loved this & is why he is so attached to his !

Otherwise have you made up a special box for him during feed times so that he has books, toys, bits & bobs only available to him during that time so he can't get bored.

See if he will read a book with you while you feed to help him feel part of the feeding process.

It's a jealousy thing & it's hard to deal with because yeah you have to feed Miss B but he can't understand that he wants you & doesn't grasp why he has to wait. He never had to wait before "SHE" came along iykwim.

Try & spend an hour each day with something special only the two of you both do together. Make it your special time & make a fuss about it.

In regards to the tantrums, obviously trying to work out what will cause them to avoid them is the first thing to go for. If he is frustrated because he wants something or can't explain etc then try to help him by either asking him to show you if he can't find the words etc. Go with lots of cuddles if he wants them otherwise keep him in the area where you can see him & he is safe & let him vent. He is angry, frustrated etc so let him release that, it's ok. Tell him that's OK say " OK you are angry/ upset & that's OK mama will be over here when you are ready & we can have a hug " ... You could also try a cuddle toy so that when he is feeling like he is needing a 'moment' that he can go & sit/ lay whatever with his toy & cuddle it. Boof also found around 2.5yrs that he would go & take himself to his 'quiet place' re: a book we have. This allows him to calm down & relax when he feels himself starting to get overwhelmed & it is often a great thing for him now at 5yrs as he starts getting angry & volatile still when overstimulated. It was never a time out, he chose to do this himself when he needed it.

And remember to chant ....

" This too shall pass "

:p:hugs:

[codswallop]

i found with DD when DS was first born that if she came and sat with us while feeding (i also tandem fed for the first few months till she self weaned) that it helped with the boob jelousy, id read her a book or something at that time
i also tried to spend a good part of each day when bub was alseep with her, some times playing with her , or just cuddles but even my house hold chores id turn in to something just for us "big girls to do"
but when she dose tanty and now that DS is starting (and he throws a wobbly with the best of them0 time out usually works well, but not always, some times DD gets sent to bed for a rest! (and 9 out 0f 10 times she will end up having a sleep)

[Destini]

I really suggest going to the library and borrowing "Toddler Tactics" by Pinky Mckay. It is a wonderful book and will help you understand the reason for his "tantys." It has a lot to do with the part of the brain that deals with controlling emotions - it doesn't actually develop until about 4 years of age.
The book has really helped me understand our little man.

Good luck :)

[OJandMe]

I fed on the go. Slings, Ergos's wraps... just kept bub on me while I fed, and then I could chase the other ones around.


However, I am really struggling with tantrum thing atm too.

Generally though I just say "J2/G (I expect more from O and J) ... you are throwing a tantrum. I am not listening while you scream at me." and then I ignore it.

Although I have to say at the moment I'm removing J2, sitting him in the sunroom and telling him he can't come back till he's finished screaming.

It really depends what the tantrum is about...

[Lillynix]

Here, we don't do reward charts, loss of privileges or time-outs so it's a whole heap of understanding, reasoning, explanation and distraction/redirection. It's working, though may not have immediate effects and it takes a lot of reminders for it to sink in :rolleyes: but we get there.

I am however reading a book at the moment called 'Unconditional Parenting' by Alfie Kohn (seriously, i'm recommending this book to EVERYONE at the moment :laughing: ) and it's bloody brilliant! It is reinforcing the way I want to parent and putting into words why I feel uneasy about certain discipline methods (rewards/time-outs etc). It also offers up alternatives to those other discipline methods though I haven't read that far yet, but can't wait to read what those suggestions are! With a 3.5yo, a 2yo and a 3mo I need all the tips I can get!!