want advice

[jessgray]

my cousin who i am close to is a few days older then me and she just told me about something that happened 6 years ago to her.
IMO it was rape but she is adamant (sp?) it was her fault and the poilce if she tells them wont do anything.
it happened when she was 14, her dad's friend who is a grandfather was in hospitial recovering from a stroke and her dad suggested she write a card to him to be nice. and she did then from there the friend and my cousin exchanged letters,she says they got wierd just before they met. she no longer has the letters. but she said to me she told the fathers friend "no" and he didnt listen and she is plagued by night mares to this day.:(
she is depressed and suicidal i want to help her but i dont know what much more i can do.

[Areca]

That is rape...she said no. Regardless of that, she was underage so even she consented he can still be charged for having sex with a minor. As far as the police are concerned she wasn't mature enough to make the decision and even if she initiated the sex (which she didn't) it was up to the man to put a stop to it.

If she refuses to go to the police you can't really do much, but she needs counselling, to help deal with it (and then in turn she will realise that she is not to blame at all and might go on to press charges then). It's good that she told you, if you are the first person she has told then it means that she is starting to reach out for help so you should be able to approach her with help. Are they any phone numbers that are for rape victims (like how's there is the kids helpline etc.) where she could just ring a counsellor to get her feelings out if she isn't willing to go and actually see a counsellor.
At this point I'd be worried about her being suicidal. If it ever feels like it is too much for you and you are worried about her well being then you need to tell someone (her parents if she is close to them?) that she is suicidal. You don't need to tell them why but just tell them that she has told you she is suicidal so they can take action too.

[Niki]

will she try counselling?

[jessgray]

i dont know if she will go to counselling. she seems to really think its her fault. her mum knows (only found out a few months ago) but couldnt convince her to go to police, but now my cousin is considering it but she scared she will somehow be blamed.

[Niki]

:hugs: oh your poor cousin it must be so hard on her!! try to encourage her to go to counselling or the police.....mayb even if she talked it throu with others it mite help her, i just feel so sorry for her

[jessgray]

:) thanks guys. i suggested to her to take her mum with er to the police station as support but she is worried if she get sher mum to go it will cause problems with her mum and her mum's partner. and i told her it wouldnt.
she just so sad at the moment and she is all the way in melb :(

[clarebear1983]

I hope she can get something done by the police or otherwise..............I was raped by my ex bf when i was 17 and was scared to go to the police. My friend took me a year later and the police said unless i had evidence (preferably photographic or a witness) they couldnt do anything about it...........they could investigate it but I would go on a waiting list that could take years before they would even talk to me about what happened (the waiting list was about 6 years long when i went in there)

Worse thing is my ex bf admitted what he did to me and my husband now. When i asked him why he said "Im a man and sometimes we get urges and need our needs met".............rrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggghhhhhhh hhhttttttttt

I have tried "getting over it" and tried to "get to know him" again but he violated that by getting into bed with me while my husband was at work (i thought after 5 years i should give him the benefit of a doubt but then i was always naive) and if DS wasnt in the bed i dont know what he would have done....This guy should be in jail or at the very least kept away from females. He has "touched" a few girls or attempted to inappropriately since he was in high school (found out years later).................wil never let him in my life again as i still have nightmares

My sympathies to your cousin and i pray the police will help her unlike me! Rapists need to be stopped

[Grizabella]

At the age of 14, it is definately rape. Statutory rape. So even if she thinks she is to blame, it is still illegal. As for the self - blame, maybe counselling could help her acknowledge that she wasn't at fault. I'm not saying it will fix what happened to her, but if all it does is give her the strength to get him charged, then that would be enough! That man needs to be punished for what he did to her!

[Briswegian]

He is a predator and will have done it more than once.