Sorry, but my children bore me to death

[Ponyboy]

Did anyone read this article on pg 48 of the The Sunday Mail? - Sorry, but my children bore me to death by Helen Kirwan-Taylor. Snippets:

"It takes a brave mother to admit it, and most would vehemently disagree, but Helen Kirwan-Taylor confesses she is often bored by her children, and argues provocatively that modern women must not be enslaved by their offspring."

"Of course I love my children as much as any mother, but the truth is I found such events [child's birthday party] so boring that I made up any excuse. I can't say which activity I dreaded more: playing Pass the Parcel at parties with a child who permanently crawled away from the action towards the priceless knick-knacks, or listening to the other mothers go on about such excitements as teething and potty-training. Mind-numbing!!"

"My children have got used to my disappearting to the gym when they're doing their homework. They know better than to expect me to sit through a cricket match, and they've completely given up on expecting me to spend school holidays taking them to museums or enjoying the latest cinema blockbuster along side them."

"So it is drummed into mothers that if we find our children stressful or dull, it's because there's somethign wrong with us (but not dads, of course, who have a ready-made excuse for being out of the house all day because "they have to go to work"). And yet many spent years studying and then working so that we would not have to do a job as menial as full-time motherhood."

"Frankly, as long as you've fed them, sheltered them and told them they are loved, children will be fine. Mine are - at the risk of sounding smug - well-adjusted, creative children who respect the concept of work. They also accept my limitations."

Anyway, you get the picture. My thoughts - she shouldn't have children if she thinks her career is more important. And yes I understand that children don't need every minute of their day planned with an activity but I've never known a child to be destroyed by love and attention!! And I really don't like the term "menial" to describe motherhood.

Any thoughts???

[Niki]

"Frankly, as long as you've fed them, sheltered them and told them they are loved, children will be fine. Mine are - at the risk of sounding smug - well-adjusted, creative children who respect the concept of work. They also accept my limitations."

Any thoughts???

wat about having fun with kids?

[Areca]

I think she would have been better off not having kids

[Niki]

its sad that she is bored to death by her kids

[my_lot]

my partner bores me more than our kids!:laughing:

[jessgray]

i dont understand how a child can be boring :(
my ds is always showing me new things and up to something lol

[Rainbowbrite]

my partner bores me more than our kids!:laughing:
Have to agree with you there. All my DH does is :ecomcity: :laughing:

People like that dont deserve children :no:

[bearsmummy]

thats really sad that her kiddies bore her... what a shame:shame:

[faery]

maybe it's not her kids who bore her but motherhood. i kinda know how she feels. i LOVE my ds and he doesn't bore me, he makes me laugh all the time. but i get bored staying at home with him. it's boring doing the washing, and the laundry and even being without adult stimulation for too l,ong. and much as mummy groups are great, i'd be bored out of my skull if all we talked about was teething and poo!
i think she is just trying to make a point that becoming a mamma (even a SAHM) doesn't mean that you no longer want to talk about/do things that are not mummy-related. i doubt she is really bored by her kids, or doesn't like her kids, its just a way of writing.

[Pippi Longstocking]

It smacks of the new breed of feminism that I like to call "selfishness". It is sad because it detracts from true feminism. I think that it is akin to choosing an elective c-section due to being "too posh to push" or bottlefeeding because breastfeeding is incovenient. *Not trying to cause offense, it's just how I feel*
Motherhood is hard work. It isn't all fun and games. But we can't just do the stuff we like and ignore the bad! Not that I think going to the museum with my kids is bad, but you get my point....

[whatwasithinking]

My thoughts on this woman would be deleted by the moderators.

Some people............................................ .....................................

[Tisme]

maybe it's not her kids who bore her but motherhood. i kinda know how she feels. i LOVE my ds and he doesn't bore me, he makes me laugh all the time. but i get bored staying at home with him. it's boring doing the washing, and the laundry and even being without adult stimulation for too l,ong. and much as mummy groups are great, i'd be bored out of my skull if all we talked about was teething and poo!
i think she is just trying to make a point that becoming a mamma (even a SAHM) doesn't mean that you no longer want to talk about/do things that are not mummy-related. i doubt she is really bored by her kids, or doesn't like her kids, its just a way of writing.

I'm with you faery .... I love my kids to bits .... hell I even WORK with kids being a casual teacher ... but I too am bored witless by the expectation put on me by my partner to be the "Cleaner, washing machine, dish washer," AS WELL AS "mum, organiser, teacher, friend." and all that. I commend all stay at home Mums and I really do wish I could get past the boredom of the housework to enjoy keeping my kids home with me. And I did try for a while but I found I spent the whole day wandering around the shopping centres just to be out and social which bored the kids.

I just hope that somebody read that article and thought to go to her and offer her an adult conversation to help her work out whether it is the KIDS or the HOUSE that bores her.

It does take alot of courage to come out and say things like that (also the lady who says she loved her partner more than her kids - remember the wrap SHE got for that statement) but then it also takes someone who wants so desperately to see their name in the paper AND those who are screaming for help.

[Pippi Longstocking]

I see what you are saying about being bored with the mundane nature of day to day parenting. But I didn't think that that was what the lady in the article was saying. It was this part
"My children have got used to my disappearting to the gym when they're doing their homework. They know better than to expect me to sit through a cricket match, and they've completely given up on expecting me to spend school holidays taking them to museums or enjoying the latest cinema blockbuster along side them."
that makes me think that she is just plain selfish. I don't know if any of us love washing the dishes, wiping bums, and discussing toilet training at the school gates...but I want my children to know that I enjoy spending time with them, that I want to be with them, that I like doing some of the things that they do and I am prepared to still do things I don't enjoy so much because I want them to be happy. Hell, I even took them to see Herbie at the cinemas, that's true commitment! :p

[*Chels*]

stupid b*tch.grow up.kids need more than a roof over thier heads,clothes and food!!!
she does not deserve kids!

[Little Gorilla]

my mum always said if you are bored YOU are boring....that's what I think about this case.

[Milly]

I wonder what her kids will think about her when they read that article in a few years? :rolleyes:

Motherhood is so undervalued by society and articles like that assert it.

[Charlie]

I see what you are saying about being bored with the mundane nature of day to day parenting. But I didn't think that that was what the lady in the article was saying. It was this part that makes me think that she is just plain selfish. I don't know if any of us love washing the dishes, wiping bums, and discussing toilet training at the school gates...but I want my children to know that I enjoy spending time with them, that I want to be with them, that I like doing some of the things that they do and I am prepared to still do things I don't enjoy so much because I want them to be happy. Hell, I even took them to see Herbie at the cinemas, that's true commitment! :p

I agree 100% with both your posts on the topic!!! WELL SAID :yelclap: :thumbsup:

[xkwzit]

I love having coffee with my girls, I have some wonderful conversations with DD1. Sure I find bday parties in general to be a bit painful, but I'm normally much more stressed than bored...LOL

And I love taking DDs to the museum and art gallery :thumbsup:

If this article makes me feel anything it is pity for the author who can't seem to find the time to find the pleasures in these little things.

It DOES NOT make me think that motherhood is mundane...

Cheers

[Sheer Bliss]

I think it is a bit sad that she feels this way. I can't imagine feeling like that, I can sit for hours playing with DD, or sometimes i sit there & watch her play for ages when she is really engrossed in something. And despite only being 16months, she has already been to a museum - and we all had a great time!!

I guess she was just trying to make a point about there being more than the boring mundane things that she sees in being a mum - but she totally overlooked all the great things. It might have been a good article with a very valid point to make, but it was a very very poor way to go about it!

[SassyMummy]

Sometimes, being a SAHM bores me to death...but my daughter certainly doesn't. If anything, she sometimes drives me nuts...when she's throwing a tantrum, or pulling out CDs or changing the channel on the TV, or smacking the cat. But boring?

I don't really understand how someone who constantly has you on your toes is boring. I guess she's referring to older kids.

I completely disagree that all kids need is shelter, to be fed, and to be told they're loved. I think you need to KNOW it...and to know it, you need to be shown it. IMO, the best way to show it, is to spend time with your kids. Make sacrifices... miss out on your fave TV show and instead watch Dora the Explorer (or Elmo or The Wiggles...or even stuff for older kids...).

I think it's a lot like having a partner. My DP could tell me he loved me all he wants, but if all he did was make sure food was on the table, bills were paid...all the while avoiding spending time with me doing something that I might enjoy...well, I certainly wouldn't feel very nice at all.

I know that, in the future, I'm going to have to do PLENTY of things I hate to do. I'll have to watch sports (can't really think of anything worse...), spend a potentially action-packed day at Dreamworld in the Cartoon Beach kiddies-ride section...help with homework (or seek help if I don't actually understand it)...but isn't that all a part of being a parent? Isn't parenting not only about the necessities for your child, but giving them MORE than they need to survive (more than just food, shelter and clothes)?

[WeThree]

Motherhood is hard work. It isn't all fun and games. But we can't just do the stuff we like and ignore the bad! Not that I think going to the museum with my kids is bad, but you get my point....


I agree, I feel quite sad for her actually, that she didnt enjoy those little moments, taking pleasure in the pleasure that her children would have felt if she enjoyed a tea party with them, or that she didnt laugh and start chasing them when they kept running away from the pass the parcel, or that she never had the pleasure of strolling with her 3 yr old and listening to their philosophies on life (as many of you would know, they do have some interesting ones!)
Not to say there aren't some aspects of motherhood that are mundane, but you can make any situation what you will, she sounds like a terribly selfish, spoilt woman.

[♥My Innocent Angel♥]

My thoughts on this woman would be deleted by the moderators.

Some people............................................ .....................................

hmmmm can i second these thoughts thanks

[Leez]

Its always interesting to me to see the reactions of others when a person goes against the acceptable social norms, and there's nothing like a alternative stance on motherhood to create a reaction. She's just being brutally honest about her experience, and sure, it may not be in line with the standard picture of what good mother is, but why is she so judged for what she feels and how she parents? Princess Anne once said that she doesn't even like children, and her two seem to be functional adults.

I haven't been a mother for very long, but one thing I've realised it that its a very tight clique and in ALL arenas of life, these forums, mothers groups, even talking to a stranger at the shops, you'd better toe the party line - that you are ok with the sacrifices that motherhood requires, not only are you ok with it, that you give joyfully, and its the most fantastic thing thats ever happened to you. If you don't, then you will incur the wrath and judgement of others. It is acceptable to express negative feelings about motherhood, but you need to have Post Natal Depression in order to justify your feelings. It is not acceptable to simply not find motherhood the best thing thats ever happened to you. The response to this is typically 'well you shouldn't have had children in the first place' but my answer is this - how would you know what your experience is going to be prior to actually doing it? You can hear all the stories in the world and watch all your friends, family and neighbours go and have children, and it all means squat until you're a parent yourself.

I see one key benefit that the children of this woman will have as they become adults - they will not for one minute feel the slightest guilt about going off and living their own lives. They will not feel that they are responsible for their mother's happiness because their mother took care of her own happiness in ways not related to them. It is a massive pressure to the the sun, moon and stars to your mother - you mood, your choices, your successes and failures can make or break her. That's not all its cracked up to be. This woman doesn't get an ego trip out of her children, that doesn't make her an awful person, and her children may or may not look back on their childhood and say 'mum never helped me with my homework, what a b*tch'. No matter how into your kids you are, they are going to find fault with you in some area, one day. I have never met a person yet who could say their mother got it all right.

[Karizma]

:no: thats terrible especially the kids birthday party. I myself love it, I get really excited get 10 rolls of film, make party bags everything, I have as much fun as the kids. But I suppose I am a big kid, and didnt have the loving happy childhood. Our parents werent interested in us being kids so I know in a way how upsetting and emotionally damaging it can be on a kid :shame: . But I am making up for it now :D

[Pippi Longstocking]

Leez, I do see what you are saying but I don't necessarily agree with you. I believe that the loving nurturing sharing part of motherhood is very important. It teaches children how to accept and give love, it teaches them that they are important and valued, it builds healthy self esteem and sense of self-worth.
Yep, I agree with you that parenthood is extremely cliquey. Usually I am waaaay out of the clique, me and my 'feral' ways are shunned and frowned upon. I rarely toe the party line :p . But in this instance, I am happy to agree with the majority - children NEED their mother to interact with them on their level, not just the adult level.

[Milly]

I found a great reply to the article by Helen Kirwan-Taylor that was a great read. A great rebuttal for her views. Helen Kirwan-Taylor article caused a stir in the UK.

Here is the link:

http://www.fmwf.com/newsarticle7.php?id=946&cat=6

[moonblossom]

OMG I have to agree with her on so many points. I hate birthday party's and the school mothers gossip group, spesh where Jimmy is doing better than anyone else ROFLMAO.

I'm afraid I totally relate to her on this score. I honestly don't think shes bored with motherhood, just all the "MOTHER'S" that go with it. I am so not into standing around at the school ground gossiping and talking about our children while we wait for our kids to finish school.

Would you say I shouldn't have children??? I think not.

[tickle]

I'm with Norah on this one. I think the self worth point is a very important one. Having your parent there to watch you play cricket, support you and encourage you are so important to their self esteem. I don't think you can ever assume that a child knows how you feel about them just by telling them that you love them every now then. It needs to be shown through actions. Yes, I do hope that my DS chooses a sport slightly more interesting than cricket, but if he likes cricket then I will be there at every match.

[bella'sbub]

:wave: yes very interesting! I'm a little unsure of the context but it is brave of her to admit to being bored by her kids. I mean we all only human right? sounds like she is exagerating to humour her readers. I can remember a few babysitting jobs as a teenager where I was occasionally bored by other people's kids, now that I have my own I sometimes feel exhausted but never bored!

[*~alegna~*]

This woman is the kind that would knock an older person over in the street just because they were "too slow" for her fast pace of walking!..or Take a lollipop away from a little tot just becuase she had a bad day, & why should they have something they enjoy when she can't?!!!!

This makes me very cross!. So many ppl can't have babies & want to love, nuture, SPEND TIME WITH them..And she was blessed with fertility & this is how she carries on.....I bet she only had children to keep up with "The Jones'" anyway....like Paris hilton's puppy.

Sorry If this offends anyone but..GRRRRRRRRRRRRR:banghead: :mad:

Thanks for listening

[bella'sbub]

Thankyou lisa for this:

one thing I've realised it that its a very tight clique and in ALL arenas of life, these forums, mothers groups, even talking to a stranger at the shops, you'd better toe the party line - that you are ok with the sacrifices that motherhood requires, not only are you ok with it, that you give joyfully, and its the most fantastic thing thats ever happened to you. If you don't, then you will incur the wrath and judgement of others... I have never met a person yet who could say their mother got it all right.

It is true that we live in a society which blames parents: our kids are obese, depressed or violent we blame the parents, We are unhappy we blame our parents. But also to make matters worse we parents judge each other, it is easy to think you are not doing such a bad job if that mum down the street is doing worse. This is pretty sad!
We need to believe in our own worth as parents and support each other with honesty and integrity. There must be a balance between acknowledging that it is the hardest job ever and focussing on the possitve. This role of motherhood is incredably important. Imagine if we all went on strike for one day and stopped being mums, even for one hour, our whole society would fall apart at the seams. I think every mother has probably done their very best, at the time.:hugs:

[anna's mum]

I am with Leez on this one, and I actually admire the writer for speaking out. I think she probably wrote that article on a bad day.
I have so much love for my daughter, she is the most precious, happy person to come into my life, and I don't regret having her for an instant. However, I constantly feel as though I am failing her because I would rather read a book than 'play'. I read her stories, we chat, we do housework together, but the thought of 'play' just exhausts me. I get down on the days we spend all day together, it is very rare for me to actually enjoy spending a whole day with just us.
Yes, I have had to confront the fact that I am a lot more selfish than I thought I was. Yes, I would love to be an earth mother, and I am constantly working on it. But I love my daughter with everything that I have, & my own mother's parenting was similar to mine. I am just hoping that my dd will turn out like me, & so she will understand :)
For the judgmental out there: it would be very easy to pick faults with everyone's style of parenting, and living. Let's just acknowledge that everyone is very different, with their own virtues & faults, & get on with supporting each other.
The writer sounds like she needs a big hug, to me.

[Mister Noodle]

Leez,

I agree with you.

I agree with the woman quoted in the OP, though I think she takes it too far.

Truth be told, I'm not fond of children in general. I don't enjoy repetitive games, simplistic music, or inane conversations. Hell, I get bored out of my skull talking to my mum, let alone a toddler.

Now, there are small rewards: it can be fun to be silly, to horse around, talk in funny voices and play the "no, I'm upside-down, not you..." game. For half an hour at a time. And of course it's great to teach them stuff and watch them pick it up.

But on the whole, what I'll get out of parenting is not going to be the day-to-day activity of catering to a small child. I will love the person, and they'll be a huge part of my life, I will be amazingly proud of them and all of my goals will bend around them. I just won't actually enjoy the nitty-gritty details of the first dozen or so yeas of looking after them. (teenagers are a lot more interesting as people, IMHO)

Same with any job. For instance, I love the job I have now - I love working with computers, I love being a sysadmin, I love having my finger on the pulse of this huge system and dealing with all the stuff that comes up. But frankly, I take zero joy in processing yet another 'please extend this person's account' email. Sorry, it's boring drudgery to me. It's something I accept as the price you pay for taking on the job as a whole.

As such, I think that unless the woman is greatly overstating her position, she's falling down on the job.

You don't have to LIKE the fiddly details of parenting. All well and good if you do, but I see no reason to blame anyone if they don't. It's a lot of work, and who the hell is anyone to insist that you enjoy it? Until we have actual thought police roaming the streets, nobody has the right to tell anybody what to feel.

What you DO have to do, though, is pull your weight regardless. You can't stand children's birthday parties? Well, and neither can I. But it's your kid's birthday, so you can damn well put in the effort for your child's sake. If you don't enjoy it, it's going to be harder for you. The phrase that springs to mind is "suck it up, princess". You took responsibility for this child's welfare, and their happiness is part of that. It's your problem, so deal with it.

[anna's mum]

What you DO have to do, though, is pull your weight regardless. You can't stand children's birthday parties? Well, and neither can I. But it's your kid's birthday, so you can damn well put in the effort for your child's sake. If you don't enjoy it, it's going to be harder for you. The phrase that springs to mind is "suck it up, princess". You took responsibility for this child's welfare, and their happiness is part of that. It's your problem, so deal with it.

Yeah, point taken :D

[Pippi Longstocking]

There is a big difference between "not enjoying" and "not doing". There are heaps of aspects of parenting that bore me to tears too. There have been times where I'd rather disembowel myself with a rusty spoon than read Theodore fricken Mouse Goes to Fricken Sea. But as their mother, I have had to put down the rusty spoon, pull up my pants and read all about the ugly little rodent and his stupid fricken boat.:p
I am far from woderwoman, and I wholeheartedly admit that sometimes it just seems too hard. But my children deserve to have the best mother I possibly can be and sometimes that means doing stuff I don't enjoy. I think the key phrase in the artical was
They know better than to expect me to...

[Mister Noodle]

Norah: Exactly.

ETA: See, *this* is why you start teaching them to read as soon as they can focus. :D

[SamanthaJane]

I love children. I would have 12 kids if i could afford it. But, i can't, so instead i choose to work in childcare. I think they are the most amazing little creatures. I have had to sit and observe a child's actions throughout the day, and i'm always totally amazed at their developing abilities. Whether they are a newborn, a 3 year old or a 10 year old, they are learning more and more every day.

To say "my children bore me to death" is just horrible. I sincerely hope she is VERY MUCH exagerating. I'd hate for my mother to have said such a horrible thing.

If you don't want children, and you don't see the fun in having them, then why bother?

"Frankly, as long as you've fed them, sheltered them and told them they are loved, children will be fine" As someone who has done only a few studies in child psychology i really disagree with that statement. To put such a simple phrase on what children need in order to be "fine" is quite insulting.

In my opinion, it sounds as though she loves them because she "has" to, not because she "wants" to, and they are two very different ways of loving someone.

Yes children are hard to look after, yes birthday parties aren't exactly "a whole heap of fun" after you've had 5 of them, but to say your children "bore you to death", come on... thats a bit cruel, isnt it?

[Mister Noodle]

Who said she didn't want them? She just said that she doesn't enjoy the job of looking after them. Just because I don't like cleaning out the litterbox, doesn't mean I don't want my cat.

And frankly, I'd say 'fun' is about the worst reason I could think of for having a child. They're people, not entertainment.

That she is not willing to put the effort in despite not enjoying it... says very little that's good about her. But that she doesn't find fulfilment for all her life's aspirations in playing dress-ups with a toddler... I think that says she's intelligent, independent and doesn't consider parenthood to be the only meaningful part of her life.

[WeThree]

There is a big difference between "not enjoying" and "not doing". There are heaps of aspects of parenting that bore me to tears too. There have been times where I'd rather disembowel myself with a rusty spoon than read Theodore fricken Mouse Goes to Fricken Sea. But as their mother, I have had to put down the rusty spoon, pull up my pants and read all about the ugly little rodent and his stupid fricken boat.:p
I am far from woderwoman, and I wholeheartedly admit that sometimes it just seems too hard. But my children deserve to have the best mother I possibly can be and sometimes that means doing stuff I don't enjoy. I think the key phrase in the artical was

Wow, you summed everything I would have like to have said, only worded it much better than I could :D
If I have to hear about the fireworks my 3 yr old saw back in January one more time, I think I will scream (inside) but I will put on my big smile and I will listen intently to the SAME story I have heard every day, then I will give him a kiss and distract him with his box of cars :p
What I was trying to say also in my first post is that by constantly focusing on yourself and what YOU are missing out on, as this woman seemed to have always done, you miss out on those little things, that if you are in the right frame of mind, can be very pleasurable, and I think it is a shame for her that she missed out on those things and I feel sad for her children that they learnt to not expect their mother to want to have anything to do with them.

[Mum&bubs]

Its a bit sad to hear as it seems like she doesnt spend much 'quality' time with her kids. She only makes sure theres a roof over their head etc..
I think growing up i would have rather lived in a caravan then having a mother who didnt want to spend time with me. Part of being a mother is making a child feel special & wanted- like you WANT to go to their birthday pary not just because you have to. But who knows? Maybe this woman is just desperate to return to work, is going crazy from being inside the house all the time?? Again Who knows! Im just glad thats not the way i see my child. I think i bore her before she bores me :laughing:

[BJelly]

I feel sorry for her. I can understand someone being bogged down by the mundane tasks of motherhood and being a housewife, but I love spending time with my child. I'm not arguing for the other extreme either: I don't want my child to be the centre of my universe - I don't want to be her best friend - she'll have lots of those, but only one mother. I agree with the posters who have said providing for your children and telling them you love them is not enough - love is a doing word - we can say "I love you" to someone a thousand times a day, but it means nothing if they can't see that you like them, or want to spend time with them. If we were to treat our spouses like that I don't expect many of them would stick around for very long.

To not find any sort of enjoyment in your children's experience of joy and achievements seems more than a little narcissistic and emotionally stunted. Heck, I can understand that hosting a kiddies party is very stressful and not alot of fun, but for her not to find any joy in it whatsoever is beyond my understanding.

I've always kind of liked kids, but not really gotten joy from them. One of the gifts motherhood has given me is that not only do I enjoy my child, I truly see the wonder of other people's children too - maybe I should count my blessings, because there are obviously more Mum's (and Dad's) than just this writer who feels this way about their children.

My feeling was that I hope her kids have a more hands on Dad who likes to go to their games, play with them, take them to the movies and museums. How else do we really get to know our kids if we don't take an interest in the things that interest them?

If we don't get the feeling that our parents (or at least one of them) think we are special enough to go the extra mile for us, how will we ever become the sort of people who will go the extra mile for others? Maybe this is why so many people in our society are so emotionally disconnected and unempathetic? Don't get me wrong - I don't believe in parents dropping everything for their kids - kids need to know they are an important part in our lives, but not the centre of the known universe. I think there is a middle ground that is necessary to bring up emotionally and socially mature individuals who value others and themselves in a healthy way.

[SassyMummy]

I do agree with Norah on this one...there is a MASSIVE different between not enjoying something (but going along with it for the sake of the happiness of your child) and not doing something and completely admitting, publically, that you would prefer to spend as little time as possible with your children doing things that they might enjoy.

Very little of what I do with DD is actually truly enjoyable for me. Making her lunch isn't much fun (neither is cleaning up the mess afterwards), singing nursery rhymes and dancing along to the song is not something I'd do were she not around, and I most certainly would prefer to not have to take half and hour just to get out the door and go out somewhere with DD...

However, that's the responsibility that comes along with a child.

I do things FOR my daughter...things that SHE NEEDS and things that SHE ENJOYS... I do them because she wants/needs them...not because they particularly interest me.

I have sat through sporting games on TV for my partner...I've gone to his family functions however boring they might be. I do it because I know it makes him happy. IMO, it's exactly the same with my DD...I make sacrifices for her because she is my daughter and I want her to be happy and feel loved.

[Angelmist♥]

I have to agree with everyone who said they feel sorry for this woman.I can't imagine anyone who doesn't find something about children enjoyable.

I mean yes late night feeding,spewing,diarrhoea and the general 'grottiness' of kids isn't all that fun but there is so much that is.For example making animals out of clouds while laying on the grass,seeing your child think they are so big when they can tie their own shoes for the first time,score their first goal in whichever sport they choose, taking first steps,throwing a 'party' when they use the toilet for the first time and the list goes on and on.I honestly live for these times with my kids :laughing: I even don't mind the philosophical talks of death,birth,booby feeding and 'naughty' kids at school.

Maybe that's the way she was brought up???Maybe she may need some counselling, but then again maybe I do.I love my 'me' time don't get me wrong, but I could not let another single soul take over my role even when the times do get tough.

Growing up with 'distant' parents, I know how hard it is for kids.Yes they told me they loved me but they was never there when I needed them and IMO I would have preferred for them to show it rather than just say it.

[jessgray]

i agree with nara. i bet most people have at leat one thing they love about having children.
for me, i spent last night up and down all night with a sick 15 month old but i'm up at 6am(time i am used to ds waking me up lol) and i dont feel cranky about lack of sleep or anything.nothing a coffee cant fix :D hehehe.

i treasure each day with ds coz he isnt going to be little forever.one day he isnt gunna want my hugs and kisses lol

[Tannie]

It's a fine line..........I read the article and some of it made me go "OUCH....." :devil6: But a lot of it made sense too.

I find the day to day of being a SAHM very boring I admit.......and like Leez put so well - it's hard though as I DO feel I have to "toe the party line" when people ask me about being a mum and go on and on......and ON....about how wonderful it is.....isn't it the most fantastic job in the world??....:ecomcity: Because many days - I certainly don't think so.......in fact, I've had dentist appt's i've enjoyed WAY more then many of the days I have now!

But I love my kids and I DO manage to do the day to days and repetitive things with a smile on my face and like it's the most facinating thing on earth and the ONLY thing I want to be doing :smiliedance:

However, there is also NO harm IMO in kids learning (in age appropriate way of course) that they can't get what they want from mummy ALL the time...that mummy gets bored with what THEY want to play over and over and over again and needs a break.........etc - you get the picture. That's to me part of parenting - teaching them the limitations and boundries of behaviour and small unpleasant realities of life.

I do think too many parents, mothers in particular these days go overboard with the entire "sacrifice for the kids" ideals. What's wrong with kids learning that mum is human too? What's wrong with the odd "go play by yourself cause mum wants to read a book"? What's wrong with mum admitting she's bored to tears with yet another bloody Saturday soccer match and would rather do something else this weekend? Why SHOULD parents have to sit through EVERY single "activity" their kids decide to become involved in? My parents certainly didn't and although at times disappointing - I know I NEVER took it for granted and loved it SO much more when they COULD make it that's for sure :yelclap:

I think too many parents completely sacrifice themselves to their children and their childrens needs at the expense of themself and the children become over indulged and when the reality of life finally sets in (usually late primary school age when they realise that perhaps they aren't the centre of everyones universe!) then these kids must have a hell of a time adjusting to normal life and normal relationships........I wager that many of the so called "middle class" teenagers who have behavioural disorders and depression etc.....were these kids in earlier life.

Oh - I will admit though that I am clearly NOT a "baby" person. I can't wait till my kids grow up a bit more, I am enjoying the older one more and more as she can DO more and communicate more etc.......I think perhaps some of us DO make better parents to younger or older children. Like my mum - I know I will be "better" at it when my kids are teenagers and older......that's just me, I wish it were different so I could enjoy it more now - but I just have to accept that I am who and how I am. My kids too I guess will just learn this in time.

Anyway - we are all different - I guess as long as we are happy with what we are doing with our kids and our kids are happy........who cares really?
T

[Ana Gram]

Totally agree Yeti.

I've made enough of a sacrifice by staying home to raise DD, I'm certainly not going to stop every thing I enjoy because it isn't child friendly.

being at home all day, doing the same repetative chores all day, watching children's television and litening to DD natter all day drives me bonkers sometimes. So I reguarly go out with friends to parties and clubbing and stay out all night. I have been told that this is selfish for a mother to do but I would rather teach DD that life does not stop for a women once she pops a child out.

[reAllytee]

Yep i agree with Yetti & Mr N.

I think half of my problem is that from day one of finding out i was pregnant i was expected to feel elated to enjoy it etc etc. Yet those people werent the ones living 24hrs a day in their bathroom hurling their guts up nor were they the ones who couldnt keep even a glass of water down.
They also werent the ones that had a bad birthing experience so to hear " oh but your child is healthy now " seriously i want to slap them.
Then to have them say " but im sure its not all that bad " if i mentioned the fact that he would only sleep for 20 mins twice a day as a newborn would scream or cry every other time. They didnt want to hear how i didnt want him how i wish he would go away how i wish i had never had him.
Now its the present day & here is little old me a sobbing wreck every other day because i am bored with my life running around after a 17mth old who as much as i love him i often think would be better off without me.
Im sick of towing the line & im sick of trying to break into a mothers group where i obviously dont fit in & really to be honest i dont care. I dont need to brag about my kid, i dont need to talk about how much of a genius he is etc etc when all he is , is a normal 17mth old.
I have no idea what im meant to do with him half the time. Yes i feed him, clothe him, cuddle him, talk to him but im tired of keeping him amused tired of being a supermum i want my life back. I realise that my life has changed now but it doesnt need to be so different i dont recognise it !
I sat & cried the other day because im sick of not being anything other than a mum. Im now seen as a mother by family, friends & even the world in general so all of a sudden that makes me "different" well sorry but no it darn well doesnt !!! I am still me & why cant i be ?!?!?!?!?
Why does it mean we have to live for our kids ? That isnt entirely healthy
While i dont necessarily agree with all she has said i congratulate her on being honest with how she feels it doesnt make her a bad mother nor does it mean she shouldnt have had kids. I think it just means she is being herself.
Not everyone can be a fantastic stay at home earth mama.

[pegasus]

Im sick of towing the line & im sick of trying to break into a mothers group where i obviously dont fit in & really to be honest i dont care. I dont need to brag about my kid, i dont need to talk about how much of a genius he is etc etc when all he is , is a normal 17mth old.


There are so many quotes I could put in this post, but this is the one I chose - I love my kids and marvel at what they do, but (and this could be part of the curse of being a therapist and working with kids) as far as I can see they are normal 3week, and 27month old kids. I couldn't believe when I got an email at Christmas from a friend who spouted that her daughter (born at the same time as DS) could count to 20 and knew her colours (would have been about 21months at the time). I love working with kids, and I love my kids, but I am not a kid person - does that make sense? Probably not, but the fact is that I don't approach strangers in the shopping centre to find out what their kid is up to or comment on them (as I've had people do to me) and I try not to go on about my kids' achievements while accepting that other people will do that. I grew up with the "gifted tag" attached to me and definitely believe that in the long run the definition of gifted is so varied that you just have to accept what is gifted for some kids is normal for others - so I'd rather not boast about my kids.

The point behind the previous paragraph is that I accept that raising these children to be adults is a job I've chosen and while the rewards are there, they are not there everyday and I'm writing this after a particularly frustrating day where I would have done anything to be anywhere else with no ties to the house. I won't go into my day - I'm sure a lot of you have those same days, and I am guilty today of putting some videos on for my 2 year old so I could eat breakfast in peace (didn't work) - I do get bored doing the same stuff day to day when for the second day in a row I couldn't get my 2year old to have his day sleep and my 3weeker was up numerous times overnight. Ask me on a day when I've got sleep for myself and some me time with their rests sorted out and I'll tell you that it's all fine, and I'll add heaps more stimulation to their days, which in turn, adds stimulation to my day.

[Tulp]

Well said Yeti.

Life does not stop once you have a baby. When you become a mother, you do not stop being a daughter, sister, a friend, a wife. Those relationships that were important before the baby, still must be maintained. In short, you still need to be your own person.

I want to welcome my child as a wonderful addition to the family but he will not be the center and that will not make me a bad mother.

The author, I am sure, loves her kids. She does not want the kids to take over her life and she's expressed that the best way she knows how. It does not make her a bad mother. What is the perfect mother? Being a SAHM is not for everyone. I don't doubt her 2 little ones love her no matter what.

[kathrine]

bored is probably the wrong word.

i love my children so much i ache everyday when i have to go to work

but i am also tired of being a mum

i tired of the washing, cleaning, shopping, cooking, discipling......

i am tired of the demands......

i pine for the easy answers.......

:gloomy:

[SassyMummy]

I think that EVERY SINGLE MOTHER OUT THERE hates some aspect to being a parent (and, even if I DO offend someone with this comment: anyone who says they're 100% happy with all that being a parent brings, is a liar). I know I certainly do.

I hate trying to change a nappy...all while DD is wriggling and whinging and I'm trying to make sure she doesn't roll in her own poo...

I hate getting bitten and pinched and scratched...and not hearing a "sorry" because of it.

I hate that I KNOW I can't have free time unless it's between 2-4 and after 10pm...I really wish there was a bit more room for movement there.

I hate that going out means not only getting myself ready and out the door...but cleaning, dressing, feeding DD first...as well as putting the carseat in the car, getting the pram and nappy bag organised, and preparing meals "just in case." There's no "I'll just nip down to the servo for some bread" anymore...

I hate that I've only had 3 haircuts (and even then, they were just trims) in the past year...all because I have nobody to watch DD while I get it done.


Yes, there ARE aspects of parenting I hate...things that I LOATHE.

I think there is a massive difference between what I said, and what the article said.

While I may hate many aspects of parenting, I just suck it up and do it. It's what comes with being a mother. I will not give up my life completely (there are rare moments when I get free time)...and I will not sacrifice EVERYTHING for the sake of my daughter. When she's older, I won't praise every little thing she does, and I won't attend every single event of signifigance in her life.

The difference is though, I will do SOME of it. I will endure boring sporting events, I will go watch her self-choreographed dance routine in the lounge room, I will taxi her around so she can play with her friends, I will interact with her friends parents, even if I don't really like them.

The mother in question didn't seem to do anything she didn't enjoy. It was "I don't like this...so I'm not going." While you don't have to sacrifice ALL of your time in order to attend boring events for your children, you should, as a parent, IMO, sacrifice SOME of it.

It shouldn't be all "me me me" from either mother or child...I think children need to learn that they AREN'T the be all and end all...but at the same time, the mother shouldn't be so selfish as to not even help her children with their homework!

There is a VERY BIG DIFFERENCE between not liking certain tasks...yet doing some of them anyway for the happiness of your children...and not doing any tasks at all simply because you find no personal enjoyment in them. Life SHOULD be about sacrificing for people you love...that doesn't mean forgetting who YOU are and becomming a servant to your kids...but surely a mother should make SOME allowances.

[Pippi Longstocking]

Yep, I agree with you SassyMummy. I think it is perfectly fine to say that some aspects of parenting are boring. It's fine to not make your kids the centre of your universe. My daughter received bronze for her saxophone solo at her brass eisteddford yeterday and I wasn't there. At no point did I say "you know better than to expect me to come to your eisteddford!" She knows that sometimes other stuff gets in the way but when I can be there for things like that, I am. She knows that because it is important to her it is important to me, even if I'm not there.

And while our children may not always be the centre of our universe, I think we need to keep in mind that generally we as their parents are the centre of theirs.

[FourAngelKisses]

I have only read the original post in this thread as I don't have time to read all 6 pages, so this is not aimed at anyones thoughts or opinions, simply at the artical in question in the original post.

I am appalled that this woman finds her kids boring. If she didn't want to have to sit through sporting matches etc, she shouldn't have ahd them. Sport is a part of life when you are a kid. As is helping them out with homework and finding out how their day has been.
She sounds like the sort of person who was in love with the idea of having a baby but forgot that they actually grow up to be toddlers and then children before turning into teenagers with raging hormones.
To not WANT to spend time with them on the holidays is disgusting. I miss my kids when they are at school. I want to spend as much time as I can with them without smothering them.
I want to take them places and teach them new things, yet this woman (I use the term loosely, she makes me ashamed to be a woman) doesn't even want to help them with their homework.

She needs to realsie that her career will always be there, but her kids wont. They will grow up and leave home before she knows it.

[pestiferous]

I think she deserves a medal for being so brutally honest.

If we were all as open about the realities of parenthood, perhaps those who really don't have what it takes to 'sacrifice everything' could make an informed decision BEFORE having children. You simply can not end every complaint with 'but i wouldn't give it up in a million years' or 'just a smile makes it all worthwhile' then expect people to know what they are REALLY getting themselves into!

If you think those needing more stimulation than the wiggles shouldn't have kids, then stop bull****ting them into believing you can really have it all.

When it comes to the woman not attending birthdays etc, I think we should consider just how much children really take in. Most of us can, for the sake of the kids tolerate the most mind numbing activities known to man. Some people cant, just as some fathers cant stand to change a nappy this woman simply can not do parties.

No matter how well you fake a smile, children know when mum has reached her limit, they know when you really don't want to be there.

I'm sure the woman's children gained more from knowing their mother loves them but hates homework than they would have suffering years of such an obvious act. (The words "She tried to hide it, but mum really hated spending time with us" spring to mind) and I don't think it takes a genius to work out which is healthier for the child :rolleyes:

[SamanthaJane]

I have only read the original post in this thread as I don't have time to read all 6 pages, so this is not aimed at anyones thoughts or opinions, simply at the artical in question in the original post.

I am appalled that this woman finds her kids boring. If she didn't want to have to sit through sporting matches etc, she shouldn't have ahd them. Sport is a part of life when you are a kid. As is helping them out with homework and finding out how their day has been.
She sounds like the sort of person who was in love with the idea of having a baby but forgot that they actually grow up to be toddlers and then children before turning into teenagers with raging hormones.
To not WANT to spend time with them on the holidays is disgusting. I miss my kids when they are at school. I want to spend as much time as I can with them without smothering them.
I want to take them places and teach them new things, yet this woman (I use the term loosely, she makes me ashamed to be a woman) doesn't even want to help them with their homework.

She needs to realsie that her career will always be there, but her kids wont. They will grow up and leave home before she knows it.

Same as what i was thinking ... :yes:

[FourAngelKisses]

I have been a mother for 3629 days and not ONE of those days have I been bored of my children.:no:

[natasha]

Yep i agree with Yetti & Mr N.

I think half of my problem is that from day one of finding out i was pregnant i was expected to feel elated to enjoy it etc etc. Yet those people werent the ones living 24hrs a day in their bathroom hurling their guts up nor were they the ones who couldnt keep even a glass of water down.
They also werent the ones that had a bad birthing experience so to hear " oh but your child is healthy now " seriously i want to slap them.
Then to have them say " but im sure its not all that bad " if i mentioned the fact that he would only sleep for 20 mins twice a day as a newborn would scream or cry every other time. They didnt want to hear how i didnt want him how i wish he would go away how i wish i had never had him.
Now its the present day & here is little old me a sobbing wreck every other day because i am bored with my life running around after a 17mth old who as much as i love him i often think would be better off without me.
Im sick of towing the line & im sick of trying to break into a mothers group where i obviously dont fit in & really to be honest i dont care. I dont need to brag about my kid, i dont need to talk about how much of a genius he is etc etc when all he is , is a normal 17mth old.
I have no idea what im meant to do with him half the time. Yes i feed him, clothe him, cuddle him, talk to him but im tired of keeping him amused tired of being a supermum i want my life back. I realise that my life has changed now but it doesnt need to be so different i dont recognise it !
I sat & cried the other day because im sick of not being anything other than a mum. Im now seen as a mother by family, friends & even the world in general so all of a sudden that makes me "different" well sorry but no it darn well doesnt !!! I am still me & why cant i be ?!?!?!?!?
Why does it mean we have to live for our kids ? That isnt entirely healthy
While i dont necessarily agree with all she has said i congratulate her on being honest with how she feels it doesnt make her a bad mother nor does it mean she shouldnt have had kids. I think it just means she is being herself.
Not everyone can be a fantastic stay at home earth mama.

Fantastic post Ally!!:yelclap: I'm glad someone is being honest round here. I get bored with DD all the time, I get bored with life, I get bored of being a stupid boring SAHM. Sometimes I don't have a clue either as to what the heck I am supposed to do with DD. I bath her, feed her, read her stories and then it's like :confused: 'what now'?!
Don't get me wrong, I love her to death but It's bloody exhausting sometimes and Im tired of all these mothers coming on here and saying things like 'Oh I have never been bored with my child, Its fun 24/7, never a dull moment.:ecomcity:
My 18 month old is hard work, 24/7! So yes , it hard, its tiring and sometimes it's very very boring.
Just read your post sassymummy, i agree 100%.

[tickle]

I don't think we can make assumptions about exactly how someone feels about their life, everyone is different. I wouldn't say I get bored being a mother, yes I get tired, frustrated, cranky and I'm not always having fun, but bored isn't a word that springs to mind for me. Each to their own.

[Pixie]

I have only been a mum for 4 months so I don't think I can comment as much as others but I don't get bored with her at all doubt I ever will I may get fed up playing dolly's over and over again, but I wanted children for a very long time I really hope I never hear myself saying they bore me.

[Angelmist♥]

I've made enough of a sacrifice by staying home to raise DD, I'm certainly not going to stop every thing I enjoy because it isn't child friendly.

being at home all day, doing the same repetative chores all day, watching children's television and litening to DD natter all day drives me bonkers sometimes. So I reguarly go out with friends to parties and clubbing and stay out all night. I have been told that this is selfish for a mother to do but I would rather teach DD that life does not stop for a women once she pops a child out.

It's a pity we're so far away, we could be 'selfish mothers' together;)

[SamanthaJane]

In regards to chellegoth's post:

I dont think it is selfish for a mother to go out and party or go out with friends at all! :shame:

I mean, we all need our "me" time no matter whether we are mother or not. Every person needs time to just go out and enjoy something, without their children in tow... whether it be going to a club, going for a run, or to the library to read a book.

I think we would go insane if were constantly surrounded by our children without that "me" time.

So no, it does not make you a selfish mother at all chelle. Perhaps the people that see this as selfish are just jealous of your little bit of freedom ;)

[pookiesossige]

Some of you girls are pretty lucky! I guess my ones are too small to be able to get away for the night.
I would LOVE to have a bit more freedom... The last time I went out with friends was a Christmas dinner with workmates and it sucked. That was 8 months ago. I'm really down about it all, but Ariene's only three months old, doesn't take EBM or formula from a bottle and feeds quite frequently in the evening (before sleeping till 4-5am thankfully). And I can't keep my son in bed later then 5.30am. Very depressing. DH is home most evenings, but he works with a lot of his friends and they have lunch together, go out occasionally...
There doesn't seem to be much light at the end of this very, very long tunnel..

[pookiesossige]

If this article makes me feel anything it is pity for the author who can't seem to find the time to find the pleasures in these little things.


I agree- I think it's sad. And I also agree with the person who's mother always told them "If you are bored- you are boring"- Mabe the author should attempt to make life interesting for both her and her children together.

And I can't wait for the day I can take my kids to the cinema, gallaries, have lunch together!!

When I read the article I felt sad for the people who have been ttc for aggges who had to read how this woman takes her kids for granted- and then is bored by them for being kids...

[FourAngelKisses]

This will all come and bite this woman in the *** when she is older. When she is in a nursing home and asks her kids to visit her, they will say "not today, it's too tedious and boring". What goes around comes around.

[SilverStarfish]

I feel pity for that woman, and my first reaction after reading her acticle was the same as many other mums here: "So why the heck do did you have children in the first place?" And why did she have another one? That doesn't even work with dogs. If you don't have time/can't be bothered looking after one, what makes you think that two is going to be any better/more fun?

Yes there are parts of being a SAHM that are drop dead boring - namely the washing and washing and cleaning and cleaning and cleaning... but, for me at least, the parts that she especially seems to despise (the outings, sporting events, helping with homework) are the parts that make this whole motherhood thing worthwhile :)

[SamanthaJane]

I My parent's always treated myself and my sister like we were their world, they attended everything with us and our successes were theirs too, our failures weren't failures as such but something to learn from.

Me too... :yes:

I think there is a big difference between the article and what a few of the posts have mentioned... yes doing the washing, packing school bags, cleaning up after the kids and changing nappies aren't exactly "fun" ... and to be honest im sure they are quite boring.

But the message I PERSONALLY got from the article was that she resented her kids. She hated running around after them (in fact, she made it quite clear that she didn't run around after them, because "they know better than that") and to me she didn't seem interested in their lives at all.

I can't wait to have birthday parties (as messy and as loud as they can be), attend school assemblies (because my daughter's year 1 class is putting on a play), watch their game of soccer (even if its the middle of winter... eek cold), watch their music festivals (as deafening as the singing may be) go into parenting days, and look at their school work (even though i cant see how their painting is a picture of the sydney harbour bridge). Children feel proud when you let them feel proud. You need to recognise their efforts, you need to praise and encourage them and you should appreciate having them. By saying that your not interested at all in their sporting event or their birthday party, so your not going, is hurtful.

Yes, i still want to go out and have my freedom, and maybe i can't attend EVERY single event in their lives, but i'll try my hardest to do it. Because i want children. I want to make that effort, and i want to make them feel loved and welcome by me. Looking after children is not as easy as a walk in the park. But if your not prepared to make the effort, then why bother have them? Because in the long run all you are doing is hurting them and hurting yourself.

Just My Opinion! Thats how i interpreted the article... but each to their own :thumbsup:

[pestiferous]

Has anyone bothered to read the entire article ? It seems quite obvious to me that it has been exaggerated for effect. and there are a number of points I think we could all relate to.

If every word is taken at face value, then yes, the woman seems quite selfish. As a result most people who read it will jump up and down screaming how mean and horrible she really is.

But the fact she has not bothered to 'suck up' to those holier than thou mothers reading, simply helps to highlight and prove how socially unacceptable it is to admit that mother hood is NOT the be all and end all of a woman's life!

Which is the point she is trying to make!

I find it amazing that (some of) those condemning this woman's belief that she is entitled to choose work over home are the same people who scream a mothers right to choose at every SAHM Vs Working mothers debate (or is the 'right to choose' only allowed to those who choose a centrelink pension over providing for themselves ?)

Those same people saying motherhood is the most fulfilling job in world, who claim they never tire of their children, also scream blue murder when it is suggested the stress involved is no excuse for the abuse or harm of a child!

We can't have it both ways.

Either motherhood CAN be a stressful, horrible, boring job at times where mothers NEED to have their own life to stay sane and sympathy for those who are not coping is in order.

OR it is all a bed of roses and those complaining about late nights, screaming children, messy houses, lack of me time etc should just buckle up and get over themselves.

(while were at it, don't forget to cancel all those childcare places SAHM are entitled to, After all, If mother's never tire of their children and 'good' mothers sacrifice everything there would be no need for time without them, would there?)

In addition to the above, i have to wonder just how disgusted we would be had the article been written by a father instead :rolleyes:

Regardless of how selfish the woman sounds, I still believe she is simply saying out loud what every single one of us has at some point in time wished we had the courage to say ourselves.

The sooner we all admit parenthood is not everything and the perfect mother does not exist, the easier life will be for all of us including the children we raise!

[Ana Gram]

As a journalist to the masses, she should know that it is difficult to show sarcasm and to use exaggeration to make a point. Conveying emotions, wit and sarcasm rarely work effectively in a typed format.

[reAllytee]

Has anyone bothered to read the entire article ? It seems quite obvious to me that it has been exaggerated for effect. and there are a number of points I think we could all relate to.

If every word is taken at face value, then yes, the woman seems quite selfish. As a result most people who read it will jump up and down screaming how mean and horrible she really is.

But the fact she has not bothered to 'suck up' to those holier than thou mothers reading, simply helps to highlight and prove how socially unacceptable it is to admit that mother hood is NOT the be all and end all of a woman's life!

Which is the point she is trying to make!

I find it amazing that (some of) those condemning this woman's belief that she is entitled to choose work over home are the same people who scream a mothers right to choose at every SAHM Vs Working mothers debate (or is the 'right to choose' only allowed to those who choose a centrelink pension over providing for themselves ?)

Those same people saying motherhood is the most fulfilling job in world, who claim they never tire of their children, also scream blue murder when it is suggested the stress involved is no excuse for the abuse or harm of a child!

We can't have it both ways.

Either motherhood CAN be a stressful, horrible, boring job at times where mothers NEED to have their own life to stay sane and sympathy for those who are not coping is in order.

OR it is all a bed of roses and those complaining about late nights, screaming children, messy houses, lack of me time etc should just buckle up and get over themselves.

(while were at it, don't forget to cancel all those childcare places SAHM are entitled to, After all, If mother's never tire of their children and 'good' mothers sacrifice everything there would be no need for time without them, would there?)

In addition to the above, i have to wonder just how disgusted we would be had the article been written by a father instead :rolleyes:

Regardless of how selfish the woman sounds, I still believe she is simply saying out loud what every single one of us has at some point in time wished we had the courage to say ourselves.

The sooner we all admit parenthood is not everything and the perfect mother does not exist, the easier life will be for all of us including the children we raise!


Im waiting to be shot down yet again i agree i swear the moon must be doing something weird or the likes because this is just plain weird.

This article is a vent just like many of us make here on the Hub !
Im sure if our kids read half our posts when they are older they would be just as taken aback by our words. The difference is if our kids really know where our love lies then it doesnt make a difference especially if we have taught them to be confident in themselves & independant they wont crumble because they arent reliant on their parents to "love" them. Sorry again i go back to having an unhealthy relationship with our kids seriously yes they should be a major part of our lives but making them our world leads to problems if not for them then ourselves.
As Chelle said sarcasm often doesnt come off well in articles just as it often falls flat on here because they are just mere words on a page for someone to read. I know im often taken the wrong way on here & its pretty darn obvious this woman is too !

[Angelmist♥]

In addition to the above, i have to wonder just how disgusted we would be had the article been written by a father instead :rolleyes:

TBH I would have been more disgusted if it had have been written by a father.I mean in our case,DH works 12.5 hr shifts usually 9 days/nights a fortnight, so he doesn't necessarily have the day-to-day **** of washing and cleaning up after them.

Being a SAHM, I can relate to why some parts of everyday parenting are boring.But in honesty I don't think it so much the parenting side I find boring, it's more the cleaning side of it.I know I never get excited about coming home to wash up,mop the floors and put clothes away;)

[BJelly]

I think she is as selfish as she says she is, I don't know how we are supposed to ignore comments like :
"To be honest, I spent much of the early years of my children's lives in a workaholic frenzy because the thought of spending time with them was more stressful than any journalistic assignment I could imagine."

"While all my girlfriends were dropping important careers and occupying their afternoons with cake baking, I was begging the nanny to stay on, at least until she had read my two a bedtime story. What kind of mother hates reading bedtime stories? A bad mother, that's who, and a mother who is bored rigid by her children."

I wouldn't have believed it unless I'd seen documentaries about mothers who for eg, had two live in nannies at a time to do all the child care, and even brought nannies on holidays so they didn't have to look after their own kids. The nannies felt very sorry for the kids they looked after because they never saw their own parents. Also there was one family on Wife Swap where the woman spent all her time at the gym and shopping, she'd never even had to look after a sick child - it was all done by the nannies. After she came back to her own life, she did make changes because she saw how important it was to her kids for her to participate in their upbringing. These sorts of mothers and fathers do exist, we shouldn't try to make excuses for them by saying, they are exaggerating for literary effect.

[FourAngelKisses]

I saw that episode of Wife Swap and I was utterly disgusted by that poor excuse for a mother.

[our little treasures]

How can raising children be boring, I think my SIL is like this... I don't know what mum can say that, the fun I have with my children is priceless and I already cry worried about the day they stop needing me to be there #1 supporter....

[Yasmeena]

I can only advise that people stop reading the sunday mail :banghead:
I think the article was a bit tongue in cheek, I certainly wasn't offended by it. What this woman is describing is essentially the traditional role of a father. Surely no one wonders why fathers have been having children for the last 100 years?
I find it quite absurd that so many people have had such a passionate and angry reaction to this woman. She might be selfish, she appears to ascribe to a 'minimalistic parenting' approach, she's a journalist for the Sunday Mail (not exactly a point in her favour) But really, why get so uptight about it? She said she loves her kids, you could certainly find some far worse parenting philosophies, and who knows what relationships her children have with their father, with each other, she obviously has not taken the role of primary care giver but so what? :cool:
Women that abuse their children are 'poor excuses for mothers' women that burn their children with cigarettes should never have had children. It's all a bit harsh and over the top for someone who just doesn't get involved in intensive child-rearing.

Of course people who watch wife swap are possibly more likely to take the Sunday mail seriously.............:laughing:

[Mister Noodle]

Nice post :)

[BJelly]

A lot of men in particular have been critical of their father's parenting styles of the 1950s etc. Eg the song "Cat's in the Cradle" is a classic eg of this critique.
See link for lyrics:
http://www.lyricsdepot.com/harry-chapin/cats-in-the-cradle.html

The thing that puzzles me is that when so many baby boomers and gen x'ers felt the loss of their father's in their lives through their workaholism or their tendency to golf or booze their weekends away from their families, now many women are joining them so now kids are growing up with emotionally distant from both parents who then sometimes overindulge them materially to make up for not being with them when it counts.

Yes it's great that she's not beating up her kids or in a physically abusive relationship etc, but her kids will probably grow up like her (she says her parents didn't come to her school events either) emotionally distant and unable to get out of her "head" and her intellectual and social snobbery to allow herself to get down and dirty with her kids - I dunno, I kind of feel sorry for her and her kids because she is missing out on stuff she doesn't even know she's missing out on - but her kids I feel are paying a price for having uninvolved parents who'd rather work or shop than spend time with them.

[Angelmist♥]

:yelclap: BJelly!!Well said!

I would just like to add, that just because it's not physical, abuse comes in many forms including emotional.

[Pippi Longstocking]

Yasmeena, I understand your point but I guess I still think that a large part of parenting is about sacrifice. You are right in that what she is describing is the traditional role of the father, but that doesn't make it alright.

I don't agree with her parenting style, but I guess I don't find it anymore damaging than CC, physical punishment or inadequate nutrition etc.

And yes, the Sunday Mail.......she probably said "I smother my children with love, it is a veritable smorgasbord of hugs, kisses, pillow fights and birthday parties at our house! Why, I just can't get enough of their extra curricular activities. I hate the thought of missing out on sharing these moments with them...." and the wonderful journos at the SM forgot a few words along the way "I smother my children with....pillows. I hate....them"
Gotta love the Sunday Mail....:p

[CarolineF]

This thread has been fascinating to me for a number of reasons, but perhaps the most interesting thing has been the diverse reactions.

The fact this woman spoke out as she did, controversially and against standard acceptable behaviour, has resulted in gasps of disgust from some. It is sad to me that she has been berated for her openness, however distasteful it may be to some. It seems to me from reading many of the posts that the white picket fence description of what motherhood is meant to be is being defended to the bitter end and god forbid this woman who speaks out against the accepted view and slashes the illusions.

Support is clearly only given to someone who does toe the line and takes on the earth mother role.

Maybe, if more women felt able to speak out about how they feel without being made to feel guilty we would have fewer cases of child abuse brought about by tired, bored, disillusioned and frustrated mothers who are told they should be coping cos everyone else does etc.

I do not agree with all she says, but i have found that motherhood is not all its cracked up to be and that I have bought into some kind of sisterhood conspiracy that forces perfection as parents upon us and we HAVE to like it and do nothing to shatter the illusions.

Maybe her openness will help others who feel as if they are living a life they did not bargain for but have been too afraid to speak out about, seek out help and therefore let others know they are not alone....

[reAllytee]

This thread has been fascinating to me for a number of reasons, but perhaps the most interesting thing has been the diverse reactions.

The fact this woman spoke out as she did, controversially and against standard acceptable behaviour, has resulted in gasps of disgust from some. It is sad to me that she has been berated for her openness, however distasteful it may be to some. It seems to me from reading many of the posts that the white picket fence description of what motherhood is meant to be is being defended to the bitter end and god forbid this woman who speaks out against the accepted view and slashes the illusions.

Support is clearly only given to someone who does toe the line and takes on the earth mother role.

Maybe, if more women felt able to speak out about how they feel without being made to feel guilty we would have fewer cases of child abuse brought about by tired, bored, disillusioned and frustrated mothers who are told they should be coping cos everyone else does etc.

I do not agree with all she says, but i have found that motherhood is not all its cracked up to be and that I have bought into some kind of sisterhood conspiracy that forces perfection as parents upon us and we HAVE to like it and do nothing to shatter the illusions.

Maybe her openness will help others who feel as if they are living a life they did not bargain for but have been too afraid to speak out about, seek out help and therefore let others know they are not alone....

Oh how beautifully said :yes:

I so agree with everything you have said i dont understand why there has to be an illusion & i dont understand why its such a bad thing if you dont toe the line !

I know im sick to death of towing it !!
Im sick of being of trying to be "perfect" its was has lead to all my stress to begin with so maybe if there wasnt this so called "reality" for mothers then many women wouldnt suffer depression or the likes when becoming a mum.

[Harlequin]

I think the reason I wince when I read parts of what she wrote is because she's worded it in such a way to get a reaction much like the reactions we see in this thread.

At least thats my opinion. :)
I think most of what she's said could have been said more tactfully, making it sound less like she finds her kids boring and more like others have said - occasionally being a mother is a boring job.

Cause, I mean really, if you found your child and so many aspects of raising your child boring you wouldn't have another.
So yeah, Im calling bs. I think she's intentionally made the article blunt and harsh to get a rise out of people.

[sugar n spice]

Ok here i go. Yes i dont think its nice that she finds everylittle thing about her kids boring but i can understand her escaping to the gym at the end of the day.

I actually just wrote a note to dh as i didnt get a chance to say it to him this morning that im finding things tuff. My life feels boring yes its the same thing day in day out. yes i could put my kids in day care and get a job well im preg so maybe not a job but i mean i want my kids at home because i love them dearly they are my life but at the same time i need time to myself and i dont get it. I need more to my life than cleaning the house making dinners making sure the house looks perfect etc.

I need adult stimulation so bad and i think thats prob why im on here alot though its not the same as person to person. it annoys me so much when i make a time to catch up with a friend and then they cancel on me.

From what most of you said about that ladies article implies that any mother who finds motherhood boring does not deserve kids, does that mean i dont? I do i love them i on the otherhand love taking my kids to fun and exciting places when we go away and love to give them bday parties and spoil them but at the same time yes my life is boring.

[Angelmist♥]

I think there's a big difference between saying you need time-out (and realistically who the heck doesn't) and saying your children bore you to death.I'm the first mother to put my hand up and say we need our time too.I didn't die, I gave birth.

I think all mum's need to do whatever it is that makes them feel better.Personally for me it's either going out with 'the girls' or going to the gym.:laughing: not too much of the latter lately tho;)

[BJelly]

I agree with Nara, I'm no Earth mother, I don't bake, I don't run around finding activities for my DD every day, I love to have some time to myself, and feel no need to apologise for that - I do some paperwork at the office for a few hours a week and sometimes get some time to do some shopping and errands while the grandparents look after my DD.

But the writer of the article sets up the false dichotomy of all sacrificing earth mother versus woman who refuses to be "enslaved" to her kids, who avoids going to her children's important events (too boring), who would rather have her highlights done or shop at Harvey Nichols than put herself through the hell of watching a game of pass the parcel (too boring).

I feel strongly that for the good of our kids we need to find a middle ground where our kids aren't our total universe (I agree with the writer here) but we don't go to the other extreme where we become removed from the day to day life experiences of our kids - the writer doesn't know the names of most of her kids' teachers.

She says she has done her kids a favour by not doing things for them as they are very capable. You can say the same for children of alcoholics, they also have to grow up quick and nuture themselves, but noone would argue that that is a sign of successful parenting. I'm not arguing that we shouldn't teach our kids basic housekeeping skills, they need to learn these things, but not because we can't be bothered to do them (or it is too menial a task for someone with a university degree - big whoop - is wiping her nose too menial for her - some jobs just need to be done) in the first place.

The one positive I can find to her having more than one kid is that they will be able to tell themselves it wasn't personal, she found mothering boring, not them as individuals - if it was just one kid, you'd never know for sure. The thing is most of us know if we are too self centred to have kids, I knew that I was when I was a 20something, and I know women who haven't had kids because they know they don't have that mothering feeling in them - and there's nothing wrong with that - far better not to do the "done thing" and have your 2.1 kids when you know you are too busy with your career to stop and smell the roses with your kids - because it's too boring.

[littleone101]

It must feel great to dissapoint your children and not feel any regret!!!:thumbsdown:
Those kids didn't ask to be born and by giving birth to them or even adopting parents make a commitment to love them and protect them...beating down their little spirits by letting them know that them, their interests and pretty much anything that makes them happy is of no relevance to you...oh and hey by the way incase you can't tell I really don't agree with this "person"...I agree with "me" time but children need to be taught how to value themselves and if they are or feel as though they are of no importance to their Mum or Dad then why would they feel special at all. This is really quite upsetting!:(

[CarolineF]

i think that we must all remember that this woman will have been asked to speak bluntly in order to sell papers. an article like this carries the worst kind of tabloid agenda re sales and we must never forget that.

In saying that though the article may prove helpful to some. It is impossible to tell from this article how much this woman loves her children. Not spending time at a museum or not doing homework with them is not the same as not loving them.

I realise that we shall have to agree to disagree, but perhaps we should be a little less judgemental. I'd much rather people spoke out about how they feel and promote a debate into this rather than stay silent so that others cannot learn from their experiences. This article did promote a discussion and a humdinger of a debate the world over. This was clearly the intention. Maybe a more sanitised version of it would not have had the same reaction??!!

Parenting is not easy and is not always pleasant. I always love my dd but there are moments when i find it hard to like her behaviour. There are many more parents than her that I see on a daily basis in court and on the street who i despair at and who are lacking basic skills and who need a basic dose of reality.

[SamanthaJane]

From another point of view... i'd hate to come across that article in the next couple of years if i was one of her children...

I doubt i'd feel very loved...

[CarolineF]

From another point of view... i'd hate to come across that article in the next couple of years if i was one of her children...

I doubt i'd feel very loved...

I tend to agree to a point. It would have perhaps been better written by a psychologist or anonymised to protect the family. I suppose it depends upon the closeness and openess of the relationship within the family concerned, and the ages of the kids.

[ButterflyMama]

That article kind of upset me..
The fact that she had children and then is bored by them.. children aren't an entertainment system.. it kind of offended me the way it was written.. :(

[peaches]

i havent read any of your replies to this thread at all, but i must applaud this woman.
Of course children are boring, they watch boring tv shows, play boring games and are just boring.

I was not born for the sole purpose of having children. I was born to live my life, go to school and university, work in all types of jobs, travel the world, go out to pubs and clubs, meet all kinds of weird and wonderful peope, experience all kind of people, before i settled down and had a family.
I am very sad to say that my mother lived for her children. She never had a job, let alone a career. She devoted her whole life to us. She sacrifised so much for us. Do you think we appreciated that?? Hell no, we were out of home so fast, my dad paid my uni fees and rent from when i was 17, i couldnt wait to get out of there. I didnt appreciate what my mum was doing for us, that she gave up her life for us, i didnt care, i just wanted to live my life.

So, what i am saying to you is, please dont sacrifice your life for your kids, they will not appreciate it. You have to live your own life, you have to establish your own career/identity, you are a person and you are important.
Of course when you first have kids, for the first 6 months/year they are your life, but they are soon itching to spend time with other people. Then what will you do? If you dont have a career to fall back on, then you are living your life for your kids, and that is very, very sad. You are on a path of self destruction.

[FourAngelKisses]

Well gee, I may as well go and blow myself up seeing as I am in the process of self destructing.

I, like your poor mother, devote my life to my children. I live for them. They are precious, they bring so much joy, they appreciate me as much as I appreciate them. They cheer me up when I am feeling upset. They are not boring, not if you get involved with them and enjoy their activities. They are not a toy that you bore with after 6mths.
Everything I do, I do for my kids. I enjoy every minute. Not once have I regretted my decision to be a stay at home mum. Do I have a career to fall back on? No I don't. But I will be able to look back and say that I had the BEST job ever. I raised 4 members of the next generation and I did my damned best on minimal pay and in harsh conditions. I got swore at, spat on, pooped on, slapped and I came out the other end smiling and proud of how my kids turned out.

[misskittyfantastico]

This is your opinion Peaches. Many people believe that being a SAHM is not only a valid life choice, but an incredibly rewarding one...far from a path to self-destruction!

I believe that we need to be open to the fact that everyones opinion is valid.:)

[Niki]

Well gee, I may as well go and blow myself up seeing as I am in the process of self destructing.

me 2 then

[Little Gorilla]

i havent read any of your replies to this thread at all, but i must applaud this woman.
Of course children are boring, they watch boring tv shows, play boring games and are just boring.

I was not born for the sole purpose of having children. I was born to live my life, go to school and university, work in all types of jobs, travel the world, go out to pubs and clubs, meet all kinds of weird and wonderful peope, experience all kind of people, before i settled down and had a family.
I am very sad to say that my mother lived for her children. She never had a job, let alone a career. She devoted her whole life to us. She sacrifised so much for us. Do you think we appreciated that?? Hell no, we were out of home so fast, my dad paid my uni fees and rent from when i was 17, i couldnt wait to get out of there. I didnt appreciate what my mum was doing for us, that she gave up her life for us, i didnt care, i just wanted to live my life.

So, what i am saying to you is, please dont sacrifice your life for your kids, they will not appreciate it. You have to live your own life, you have to establish your own career/identity, you are a person and you are important.
Of course when you first have kids, for the first 6 months/year they are your life, but they are soon itching to spend time with other people. Then what will you do? If you dont have a career to fall back on, then you are living your life for your kids, and that is very, very sad. You are on a path of self destruction.

sorry, peaches, but not every woman on the face of the earth needs a career to make them feel whole or to have their children respect and look up to them.......I had a career, then I had a baby, then I juggled a career and a baby....and now I have chosen to go down a path of "self destruction" by being a SAHM:rolleyes:

a woman's career doesn't = a woman's identity

[Little Gorilla]

She never had a job, let alone a career.

I suppose your mother thought her "job" was being mother, cleaner, cook, etc etc to the rest of your family.....

[Tannie]

Well - I can sort of see the point you are trying to make Peaches........there's more to life then motherhood for most of us I agree. I also agree that SOME mothers in particular, go overboard with "living their life through their children", lately the term Helicopter Mum has been coined for these types of parents and I agree that it's unhealthy for both these women and their children to be like this.

But to say that women are on a path of self destruction seems a little over the top!! It's everyones choice to be the type of parent they want to be and unlike your mum (and mine) women today DO have choices about whether to work, SAH or combine the 2 - some women more choice then others of course (which is the sad part - I'm not going into the financial side of things - just the concept that it's now acceptable for women to work outside the home when they are married with kids...).......but nevertheless - if a modern woman wants to work outside the home, she usually can OR she can start her own business from home OR stay at home and devote her time 100% to her family......

You are obviously a pretty cut-n-dried type and perhaps your mum did give up too much of herself in your opinion. But maybe she wanted it that way? or did she seem bitter about it or not?
My mum did too - but we kids loved her for it and respected her for it and certainly we always appreciated her sacrifices (which were huge....) so perhaps it depends on the type of parenting rather then generalising that ALL stay at home mums have ungrateful kids who just want to leave home and live their life?? We had major issues in our familylife - but both parents were forever explaining the importance of "family" and "home" and we kids always LOVED being at home on holidays (we went to boarding school cause we lived in the country) and although we were greatly encouraged always to move on from home as soon as we finished school (and we all did except 1 - he stayed in the country).......we have always gravitated back home and have always been welcome to stay at home when we've needed to and from time to time over the years, different ones of us have spent periods at home....i.e. after coming back from overseas trips, between jobs, between uni courses etc etc etc.

I suppose though, these things ARE very individual and depend greatly on how one envisages living their life, what they expect from life and certainly how self-sacrificing one is. As a nurse, I am very aware that some people just ARE more inclined to really WANT to give of themselves continually....others less so and some not at all. There are huge variations......so it's not up to me to say that how someone else lives their life is wrong............HOWEVER, I DO take issue and am VERY passionate about women esp having CHOICE.......so I wouldn't support someone staying at home if they really didn't want to...but nor do I support (and I sincerely wish it wasn't the case as often as it is) someone being forced back into teh workforce if they would rather devote their time and energy to their family.

Y

[Little Gorilla]

oh, yetti....haven't seen you around before...what a great post:yelclap: :thumbsup:

[Tannie]

Thank you :kiss: Compliments are always welcome in "Stay at home motherhood-land"! It IS hard work mentally as well as physically eh? Some days, I'm bored brainless :banghead: and crave for that career focussed life I used to have..........that's when firey internet discussions are life saving :thumbsup:
But - I can always go back to career, jobs come and go, uni's are always there to go to AND I wouldn't want to be travelling the world atm anyway!..........with babies, I nearly missed the boat waiting for the "right time" and overplanning it........I just thank the big guy in the sky for letting me get away with it...PHEW - coulda missed out completely and that would have been a very sad thing indeed :gloomy:
Cheers,
Y

[xkwzit]

We need to get this thread back on track. It is not a working mums vs SAHM issue, it is about an article written by one woman about her feelings regarding mothering.

Does anyone have any further comment to add regarding the OP, if no-one has anything new, this thread will be closed.

Cheers

[SamanthaJane]

So, what i am saying to you is, please dont sacrifice your life for your kids, they will not appreciate it.

I guess i must be like a needle in a haystack then. My mother has always been a SAHM and she did everything for us. Took us everywhere we wanted to go, picked us up from various places at various times. She fed us, clothed us and sheltered us. She sacrificed her "life" for her children and i realise that and i appreciate that. I always have. I have never been ungrateful. I have always said thank you for every trip into the shops, for every item of clothing she bought me, for every time she picked me up from a late night party, for every time she spent the night sewing up my costume (because i'd left it till the last minute to ask for one), i thank her for cleaning up after me and i always thank her for making dinner. I appreciate everything my mother has done, whether it be big or small.

I'm not becoming a stay at home mum so that i can feel "appreciated". I'm doing it because i want to be there for my child for every step. I want to see that for my own personal gain. I'm sacrificing my body, my social life, and perhaps even my emotional wellbeing in order to become a mother. I'm not after appreciation or thanks, at the end of the day i just want to look at my child and think "wow, what a good job i've done". I just want to be proud of them.

I'd hate to think that being a mum and sacrificing things comes down to being appreciated...

[xkwzit]

This thread is now closed, thanks to everyone who contributed constructively.

Cheers