Is a fear (or avoidence) of Men Normal in toddlers?

[RoarsomeMum]

We come from a 2 parent home where DD favors Dad.. (Probably cause he is more fun! :yes:) But she is totally freaked by other males..

She is almost 2 and a half and STILL will not kiss or cuddle her Grandads or Uncles or male cousins.. (not that we try to force her, it's just she smothers her female relatives in affection)

She actually puts her hands over her eyes to walk past any of them :(:( If they even say Hello she becomes hysterical.

I know she can not have been interfered with (I only say "know" because she has never ever been left with anyone - other than 3 hours with a FDP for a wedding when she was 1 - and the behaviour has not changed)

I am a SA survivor and her reaction to men triggers memories in me I can not deal with very Well - and (though I do my crying in private as to not add to the problem) I also wonder if *I* am sending off some sort of "fear" response she is picking up on.. I really hope not..

I feel really sad for her, (and her Grandads) and wonder if we are doing something unknowingly that is causing it..

Is it a normal "kid" response? She will hug and kiss Women who are complete strangers to her, and yet the people she has known from birth who happen to be male she won't even LOOK at:(:( She is fine with her male cousins who are children though..

I want to help her.. I have no idea how..

Any suggestions welcome and appreciated.

[Mrs Nietzsche]

I have seen threads on this topic before so you are def not alone.

I myself was the same as a child, esp for young/teenage males. I have no idea where it comes from?

Some ppl say its only men with beards, etc etc.

I kept a fair bit of hesitancy I think all through childhood.

[chickenandfrog]

Sorry i don't have any advice or suggestions. Just wanted to give you hugs, And bump this up for you :)

[shelle65]

Yes it is normal, I remember being very scared of a number of men until I was about 5, there was no reason for it except just natural instinct, being scared of things a lot bigger and different, IYKWIM.

DD is the same, she will chat away to any lady on the train, but if a man says hello to her she will bury her head and refuse to look at him. I try not to laugh or make a big deal out of it, just smile apologetically at the man who said hello.

:hugs::hugs:

[Veritas]

DD's absolute favourite person in the world was my grandfather when she was younger, but she too was petrified of other males too the point she was hysterical when my uncle turned up one day....

In the last 18 mths though that has changed heaps....she is still cautious of people in general but not to the extent that she was....

[Lil M]

Yep it's normal - I was like it too, esp tall men & men with glasses.

[RoarsomeMum]

Is there anything we can do??

Why do other kids seem O.K with their Granddads??

I guess it's the question lately (asked by my dad and inferred by the inlaws)
"could she have been hurt"

that is making me feel really anxious.. and even though I know it can't be so, I am scared.

I feel I am failing her somehow cause of my own experience and that is something I SWORE I would not do to my children...

[Bron]

I was terrified of "big boys" when I was little. I think I got over it around 5? We had some family friends who had older boys who played a lot of army games and had a lot of toy guns and things. Mum remembers my fear developing after we'd spent an afternoon at their house, so possibly they'd scared me with gun play or something? I have no idea, I was only little.

Anyway, that fear was originally of boys older than me, but kind of morphed into a fear of men as well, although not those I was related to, they were fine.

It is quite normal and may or may not have been triggered by something, but in my experience, they get over it eventually.

[Mathermy]

DD was a bit like that too when she was little, shes almost 6 and now her Gdads and everyone are now ok, but she doesn't like "boys" :rolleyes: Go figure!:laughing: I assume that's something she has picked up at school.

[Bell & Bug]

DD is and was much like your DD. Though she has slowly gotten over it for FIL but we see him twice a week. She loves him.
With any other man she will cling to me like crazy, and will close her eyes as if pretending they aren't there when they talk to her.
It is very normal. If you think, men are all big and have loud gruff voices and hairy faces, much different to us females :)

[linmum]

I have seen this so many times with young children especially girls. I've questioned it when I see it in children I've cared for and many times they can't explain it but those who have tried to explain often tell me it's loud ( deep ) voices and like PP has mentioned beards ?

I would suggest letting your DD observe you cuddling and being near those males she is nervous around and maybe mentioning to them to use a soft voice around her.

Also talk about them using photos with your DD when it's just the two of you, this way she will still be kind of getting to know them and know more about them when she does see them.

hope this helps a little.