I am scared I will be a pushover....

[MunchiesMummy]

:o

Ok so I think my DD did her first "real" couple of tanties yesterday!!! (she is only 20 months!) :no:

She would just cry and cry for no reason - but like an angry cry, chuck things around, kinda kick her legs and If I tried to go and hug her and calm her she would push me away or hit at me kind of. I eventually said do you want mummy to leave you alone to which she replied 'Ok' :crying:

Anyways point to the thread as she has been sick over the past week I made sure I gave her lots of cuddles when I could and offered a lot of things to try to see what she was upset about.

My question is - are there any "pointers" for how to best deal with tanties? I kind of want her to know its ok to be frustrated and once she is calm she can come for a cuddle and a talk.

I dont really know how to deal with it?????

[mummyvioletta]

my dd is 18 months and when she throws a tanty i walk away and ignore and then act like it never happened, give cuddles if she wants one. i did it with ds1 too.

[brogeybear]

Yep, don't add fuel to the fire. You can't reason with a tantruming toddler so just walk away and be there for her when she is over it. Let her know that behaviour like that certainly wont get her what she wants, but do allow her the freedom to vent her frustration, without allowing her to hurt you, herself or others.

Ask her to stop, but if she is too far gone and won't - just walk away and get on with something else. You only end up getting angry if you stay and try to reason.

[Teegzie]

Sometimes you can see a tantrum on the horizon and are able to redirect their frustration/anger etc before the tantrum actually hits. But if they are already in full swing, or simply won't be distracted from whatever has got them upset, then I agree wtih the others it is best (usually) to go with the ignore option and let them get it out. By refusing to acknowledge the tantrum you aren't reinforcing the behaviour. If you desperately try to reason with them/bribe them/threaten them etc (and believe me there are some days when you will try because it seems like it might help :o) then they will realise that the tantrum has a power over you and will be more inclined to try that option first.

DD is becoming a tantrum queen because she is going through the stage where she is getting a lot more clear with her requests, but still struggles at times to express herself and doesn't yet know how to vent her frustration or anger. It can be really trying for me and DF, particularly when we are in public and it feels like everyone is staring at us (often they aren't or they are giving us that sympathetic, knowing look of a fellow parent :p), but I just keep silently chanting the mantra my Mum suggested to me... "this too shall pass!".