Booked in for wednesday

[pinkgirl]

Hi, I have posted a thread under Single Parents telling my story but thought I would post this one here.
I am about 7 weeks preg and I have been left to make a hard descision as to whether to proceed with preg or not. The 'father' (my ex)moved to qld yesterday. A descision he made after I told him I was preg.
He left me money for a termination with his mum as he wants me to have one.
I am already a single mum. I have 2 teenage DS. 18 and 17 yrs old. And a DD 3 yrs old. They are all to different dads which makes me feel worse but I got preg with my DS both on the pill. My eldest DS dads was abusive and I was only 17, I was married to my 2nd DS father and had him when I was 19 but got divorced when I was 22. My DD was planned and I was engaged, house ect but I didnt plan him to run off with my friend and birth support partner when she was 8 weeks old.
I am now pregnant again. The babys dad and I were together for a year and have been split up for 6 months but trying to sort things out.
I had a termination to him just over a year ago cause we had only been together for a month. I had the depo injection but app it wasnt working effectively. I ended up coming off it cause it caused me alot of medical issues. Anyway that termination was hard to get over cause I changed my mind at the last minute but they just sedated me. It was the right descision at the time as my DD was only 1.5yr old and I was still in a court battle with her dad. Even thou it was for the best it still hurt like hell specially as my close friend was preg.
Now I am preg again...and yes so is the same close friend! She is due 2 months before me.
Anyway I have been left to make this descision without the dad and I have no clue what to do. I have great support from my friends but have booked in for a termination on wed morning cause I dont really know what the best descsion for me will be until I am faced with going into THAT room. I have spoken to the centre about this (different place than last time) and they said they are pro choice and if I change my mind at all thats fine. My DS are very supportive. My eldest thinks I should keep it. My DD now sees her dad regulary too but he lives an hour away. I have also just started my own business.
I feel that if I have a termination it wont be the best descision but just something that needs to be done. If the father was around supporting me in whatever descision I made I would not even be thinking of having a termination. I dont want us back together but if he was there for me in some way that would be enough. Its the thought of doing everything on my own again that scares me. I just started to get some sort of life back for me but then I feel selfish thinking like that too.
I am very confused as you can tell and I am sorry this is so long but I really really needed to get it out of my head. Thanks for reading.

[MummaBear03]

I just wanted to say that I really feel for you right now, and couldn't just leave this without a response. I hope you can get through this next few days ok. :hugs:

[Theophania]

I think you sound like a very strong woman. I am pro choice as well and I believe that it is definitely your choice to make but you have proven that you are so very strong and can do it on your own. You sound very unsure, maybe its worth holding out for another couple of weeks to think about it. Being only 7 weeks along you have some time up your sleeve, the worse thing you could do is rush into it and regret it. Good Luck :hugs:

[Mum2Mimi]

:iagree:


goodluck with ur decsion :hugs::kiss:

[1+1=5]

I agree with Theophania, you sound unsure and I think it would be wise to wait until you were 100% sure of your decision. :hugs::hugs:

[3'llhavetodo]

I agree with all PP just wanted :kiss::hugs:Stay strong

[raisingthree]

Hi,

I just wanted to say that whatever your decision - make one that you won't regret - it doesn't matter what other people think of you just make the decision that is yours and yours alone (especially with the Dad out of the pic).

Thinking of you.;)

[Princess Drama]

I agree with others. Wed is close and if it were me I would reschedule to give myself time to make a firm decision.

You dont seem 100% sure and it would be sad if you were to really regret getting it done.

Sending you hugs

[Dreamscape]

:iagree:With everyone else, if you are going back and forth trying to decide, i would reschedule & give yourself some more time to think about it. Maybe the clinic has a counsellor you could talk to aswell? It may help.
Goodluck in whatever decision you make, im sure you have plenty of people around you who would be willing to help you out, but its upto you, and only you know whats right for your situation :hugs:

[brogeybear]

After reading some stories of those who have been through this and regretted it, and also you story on how you felt last time; I would urge you to consider what truly would be best for you and your family.
You sound like you do have a lovely support network around you, regardless of whether the father is around or not and as you know the decision is one that only YOU can make and one that you will live with either way.
I wouldn't normally post in this section but couldn't read your post without replying.

[pinkgirl]

Thank you everyone for your support. It made me cry but only cause the support you made me feel I had was amazing.
I have spoken to a counsellor from the centre twice now and spoken to my regular counsellor too. They all say the same words as you about if I'm not 100% sure. The only problem is I dont know when I will be 100% sure until I walk thru the doors of the centre. If I walk in and my instinct and heart say NO walk away, then I know my decision. If I walk in and think ok, this hurts like hell but I know in my heart I have to do it, then thats the descision. I have been over and over both choices in my head so much. Weighed up the pros and cons and it is seriously starting to affect my life so I think the only choice I have left is to walk in to the centre and listen to my heart cause that is when I will really be faced with the descision. I know myself and I wont feel like I have to go thru with it just cause I am there. I have spoken to my friend who is taking me, the centre counsellor and the centre staff so they are all aware that I may need to walk away. If i do walk away then I know my descision and I will embrace that and take each day as it comes and grow my business while I'm growing my baby. My heart is telling me to keep it but there is always that part of your brain that says 'think how your life will change and how hard it will be'. That is what is confusing me. God I cant believe I am such a mess. I am normally such a strong woman and a friend yesterday said to me 'if it was any of my other friends I would say terminate, but I know how well you pulled thru and raised Jaz after her dad left so if anyone can do this its you'.
Why have I seemed to lost belief and faith in myself. Sorry for posting so long again. It just seems to help me get these thoughts out of my head. I have a journal but strangely enough it doesnt reply to me like you all do. lol
Thank you. You are all beautiful, wonderful, strong women and I feel blessed to have found you.

[CHARLIEandNOAH]

I honestly believe u have come to your decision from reading today's post .. listen to your heart, it whispers, so listen closely .. huge hugs:flowerz:

[pinkgirl]

Hi everyone. Thank you again for all your support and Happy Easter !
Well I have made my descision. Finally. I thought I wouldnt be able to make it until I walked thru the doors of the centre but yesterday the SD (sperm donor) mum dropped off money that he had left with her before he moved to qld, for me to have a termination.
It was in a white envelope and had $500 worth of $50 notes. I opened it after she left and just burst into tears. I thought this is what it comes down too. $500 or this babys life. I felt like a little teenage girl that was being handed hush money to make the problem go away and it made me realise that this baby is not the problem, its father is. :thumbsdown: Even if I had a termination $500 might fix HIS problem but it wont fix me and the hurt I would feel. No amount of money could. I felt so protective over it it was unbelievable. I know I am only 7 weeks but i feel like this baby already has a soul and I cant send that soul back to heaven cause that soul will be my heaven on earth from the moment I meet it. :bee:
So decision is made....I am keeping this baby and I am going to be a proud pregnant mumma cause I have nothing to be ashamed of. He does. When I told my friends I couldnt go thru with the termination they all said, yeah we know, we knew you wouldnt be able to but we were just giving you the space to find the answer yourself. I am truly blessed to have such wonderful friends and this beautiful bubba inside me. They will tie my tubes after the caesar (cause I have to one now) so this will be the last angel in my family. My DS's are excited and my 17 yr old already wants a boy so he has a little brother.
I know I have the made right descision cause I am so excited now and really at peace and looking forward to all the future brings.
Thank you again for all your support :hugs:and now I can move to other sections in the forum....yippee !:smiliedance:

[brogeybear]

Im so happy for you sweetie! I look forward to reading about your beautiful pregancy journey in other threads as the months go on! *hugs*

[pinkgirl]

Im so happy for you sweetie! I look forward to reading about your beautiful pregancy journey in other threads as the months go on! *hugs*

Thanks Brogeybear :hugs:

[twins plus]

Congratulations:kiss:. You sound like an awesome lady and a great mum.

[sweetsugardumplin']

:hugs: What an incredibly strong, courageous and beautiful woman you are :yelclap:

[raisingthree]

Wow - you are one strong lady - good on you!

And be excited - you are having a bubba that is yours and yours alone.:)

[raisingthree]

Just wanted to mention that you might want to check out the thread started by mythreecubs called unplanned pregnancy with a positive outcome, its inspirational to lots of women on this site.

[MummaBear03]

I'm glad you have made a decision for you and not for your ex. I'm also glad you have a wonderful group of friends for support. There is loads of support, and I'm sorry that it won't be coming from FOB or his family, but you will get there without him and without them.

[Bubmum]

Awwww..this story had the happy ending I wanted. Not that I am pro-life, I am pro-choice, but that another baby is coming into the world. And that you have all of us here for support. Of course it is going to be tough, but you sound like one of the most amazing, strong women, who can overcome the hurdles in her way.
I think your baby is going to become an awesome little human being.

[pinkgirl]

Thank you so much everyone for your support.
unfortunately I have some sad news.
I went for my 8 week scan yesterday and took my best friend and my son with me.
unfortunately the babys heart stopped beating at 6 weeks and 1 day and my sac as haemorraged.
All I have experienced in the last 2 weeks are some slight cramps which i put down to normal growing pains. I have had no spotting and still had pregnancy symptoms and my hcg level a week ago had risen, but the baby has no heart beat and has not grown since 6 weeks.
I am now left to wait for it to miscarriage. I have to go to the hospital today to book in for a dnc if nothing happens by Monday.
I am so unbelievably sad and depressed. All that rollercoaster of emotions trying to make a descision and now this.
I had told him the nite before last i was keeping it and he wanted his money back cause I didnt have a termination.
I told him last nite he didnt need to stress over being a father anymore cause the baby had died and he said he was sorry to hear that! I threw my iphone and broke it so then I had to go to woolies to buy a cheap phone until I get mine repaired. He then sent a txt and said he was sorry to hear about our kid and to use the money to go away for a couple of days!!! now its our kid !!! bloody men !!!
Anyway I just wanted to let you all know cause you have been the most wonderful support group. I will have a look in the miscarriage thread now.
Oh and when I was laying in bed a week ago the name Madeline Rose came to me out of nowhere so even thou I dont know if it was a boy or girl I am going with girl and remembering her as that name.

[noskie]

:hugs: so sorry for your loss pinkgirl.

thankyou for sharing your story and journey with us. i know it isnt easy to say the words let alone write them down for strangers to read, but we are strangers with a common bond :hugs:

i hope you feel better soon and can look past the last couple of weeks and realise just how strong and wonderful you are as a woman and a mother. You now have your very own angel to watch over you each and every day :angel:

[brogeybear]

Sweetheart! I am so so sorry darl! That is really really sad! Sending you many many hugs and wishing you all the best! It is truly a loss and yes men can be and often are idiots and will never understand the emotions that a woman can experience.

Hugs darl!

[sandy cheeks]

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
Sorry for your loss.