hows ur sexlife after having children?

[tracynben]

Hi everyone
Just wondering if your interest in sex is not that good after having children.
My partner keeps whinging about sex and is getting on my nerves with it.
I have 2 VERY active demanding children (3 and 1) and by the end of the day im too knackered to even think about sex.

Just wondering if this is common or should i be making more of an effort?

thanks tracy xxxx

[SPC]

I'm a lone parent, but I seem to have a more active sex life than most of my married friends. I guess it's a case of not appreciating what you have til it's gone! Which ever way you look at it, most marriages are based on the idea that you're going to be having an active sex life, and although having children does effect that, you probably would be wise to try and keep things ticking over. However, there has to be give and take. If he's not taking the kids to the park and allowing you to sleep in at the weekends, he can't expect you to have any energy left for him. So, if he wants an hour of sex, you should be getting an hour of completely child free time to do those things that women need to do in order to feel sexy; sleep, have a bath etc. Or maybe two hours. Yup, a ratio of two hours child free time to one hour sex sounds reasonable to me.

[BabelFish]

Ummmmm sex life?

I've heard of those ...

[cherryberry]

If he's not taking the kids to the park and allowing you to sleep in at the weekends, he can't expect you to have any energy left for him. So, if he wants an hour of sex, you should be getting an hour of completely child free time to do those things that women need to do in order to feel sexy; sleep, have a bath etc. Or maybe two hours. Yup, a ratio of two hours child free time to one hour sex sounds reasonable to me.
:laughing: This is sort of what I do! This weekend I am getting a feature wall painted in DD1's room and the kitty litter emptied, last week it was a sleep in on Sunday and the lawns mowed! Life is about give and take at our house! Seriously though, it helps you to feel more connected to your partner if you are intimate regularly, studies have shown that couples with an active sex life are less likely to separate if they have problems than those who's sex life is lacking. After DD2 I was tired and not interested but after about 8 months I realized that I enjoyed it once we got going and I started making the first move so that he wasn't always nagging me, coz I hated that, once he hassled, it wasn't going to happen! After DD3, it's been great, she's 9 weeks old and we are doing great IYKWIM ;). Can you try mornings? Coz I find by the end of the day I have zero energy, but if we start the day off with it...TMI I know!!!:o

[*babygirl*]

I found that my drive decreased but it was already far too high for dp's liking anyways lol so Now Im still too intense for him but it's better for him lol.... We do it a couple of times a week when we find time around DD and always lots on the weekend :) helps me feel connected to him and everytime we do it I remember why we are together, that he is the man I am WITH not just DD's dad and the guy who supports us iykwim :)

[Sparklydreamer]

I think that yes its common but you should also make an effort to do it more. If you don't feed your rship it'll waste away. I made that mistake with our first and its taken a long time for us to recover & it created some issues that were v unpleasant to fix. This time I make an effort to never say no and its actually been lots of fun and keeps us feeling like adults not just parents.

Plus I discovered that its faster to just do it than say no & then deal with the sulks or have to talk about how crappy things are. So I get to sleep sooner. :)

[mum2bubba]

Our sex life hardly happens. I can count on one hand the amount of times me and Grant have had sex after Nathan was born.

[overitand36]

I have 2 VERY active demanding children (3 and 1) and by the end of the day im too knackered to even think about sex.

Just wondering if this is common or should i be making more of an effort?

Have your DP look after the kids for a few days when he has walked in your shoes things could be a little different.

As far as making an effort, love should be NO effort

[*babygirl*]

I found that my drive decreased but it was already far too high for dp's liking anyways lol so Now Im still too intense for him but it's better for him lol.... We do it a couple of times a week when we find time around DD and always lots on the weekend :) helps me feel connected to him and everytime we do it I remember why we are together, that he is the man I am WITH not just DD's dad and the guy who supports us iykwim :)

[Pulp Fiction]

Hi everyone
Just wondering if your interest in sex is not that good after having children.
My partner keeps whinging about sex and is getting on my nerves with it.
I have 2 VERY active demanding children (3 and 1) and by the end of the day im too knackered to even think about sex.

Just wondering if this is common or should i be making more of an effort?

thanks tracy xxxx

If I don't feel like having sex I'm not going to have sex. Simple as that. I don't believe in doing it because I feel I 'should'.

When I was pregnant with DS I pretty much never felt like sex so guess what...we just pretty much never had it.

We got our sex life back on track for a while, but DS is one now and really tires me out PLUS I'm pregnant again and am just not feeling like it, so its going to be another few sparse months for us sexually I think.

I'm lucky in that DP is pretty supportive and doesn't badger me for it too much. Maybe he knows how stubborn I am and that there is no point. :D

I don't think our relationship suffers, even when we are going through a sexually sparse period so I'm lucky there too I guess....

[waterlily]

DD sleeps in our bed soo we pretty much only have sex once a week when my mum watches her for a few hours. But some mornings when bub goes for a nap at 8 we sneak out ;) oh that's if DF is starting late :). He only works 5 mins away which comes in handy!!!
But we have gone months. Hahah.

[Nowhere]

none existant

[Mum2Mimi]

our sex life has deffinatley decreased... but we prob still do it more then most people who have kids do, we have it atleast 4times a week, average is 3times awek in sure..:rolleyes:

[Seacretsquirrel]

Okay Iam seeing one major benefit to DH being in th Navy ..... regular "honeymoon" periods :D
He basically is only home 4 weeks out of 12 so we try to be intimate fairly often when he is here and we have kids the same age as yours (1 & 3) so usually it is either in the wee small hours (if one of us wakes the other) or at night after the kids are in bed makes life a bot boring (we have lost a bit of the spontaneity - the sex dice sound interesting:detective:)

I agree with sparklydreamer that sometimes an effort is required (on both our parts) but it is worth it and reminds us we are a couple as well as parents.:kiss:

I disagree overitand36 love does involve effort it isn't always sunshine and roses you need to put some effort into keeping the spark alive otherwise it fizzles out. But if your husban/partner is the right one then the effort is worth it and its not a chore.

[NonnyMouse]

My sex drive is the same, but opportunities are fewer, so we have to be creative. I'm too tired at the end of the day (plus we don't go to bed here uintil midnight usually) so instead we run off at around 10am when DS goes down for his morning nap. ;)

[blooper]

pretty much the same as before hand. Just a bit more creative ;) .

[aliasmel]

We have had sex twice this year..... sad...very sad

[Witchypoo]

As far as making an effort, love should be NO effort

It is an effort if you're dead tired and craving sleep. I think it's wrong to assume that you can only express love by having sex. Where's the love in wanting someone to have sex with you when they're exhausted.

[embryonichappyperson]

My libido has pretty much packed up and left. Poor DP who has a *normal* sex drive ha ha.

[TacoFest]

Our sex life is pretty good. I have a high sex drive, as does dp. We used to have sex at least once a day, now it's 4-5 times a week :D

[Boobycino]

Its a bit of a mood killer when I cant have sex without glancing at the time and weighing up whether its worth the time that could be better spent sleeping.

Pre-Jasper we'd have sex 7 times a week... not every day, but we'd make up for it on weekends (supprise supprise if you have sex that often and dont always use protection you kinda get pregnant after a while - in case nobody else realised this.....)

Ummmmmm, probably 4-5 times a month...

But Oddly 3 times in the last week.

I have to stop saying I want another baby, as he goes all smiley and excited and says "why not" and I dont want to have to tell him exactly WHY NOT because he looks so happy. So, the plan is, we're gonna TTC while I'm on the pill :D:yes: but I think all this baby talk is making us both a bitt.... errr..... affectionate. (but still NO NO NO NO NO NO no no no no no! NO!!! NO NO!!! No no no no no to another baby)

[Opinionated]

What is this sex life thing you talk about:confused::( I have a higher than normal drive. Dh has no drive.

[Mrs Molly Coddle]

Pretty crap according to my DH! Well, by pretty crap I mean 'pretty much non existent'. That's co-sleeping for you!

[CluckySC]

So so. DS takes a *long time* to get to sleep at night so even if I'm feeling a bit 'how you doin?' during the day often by the time he's finally asleep I can't imagine anything worse :p

General rule, if I'm ovulating I come out and attack him, if I'm not he's got a 50/50 chance ;) Averaged out through the month it's probably 1-2 times a week. We'd both like it more if it happened but are fine if it doesn't.

DS co-sleeps too but that doesn't affect it. If I'm lying down in bed I'm not thinking about s*x, I'm thinking about sleep :D

[Mummaholic]

We have a great sex life, we suit each other's sex drives well.

[MsMummy]

Pretty crap according to my DH! Well, by pretty crap I mean 'pretty much non existent'. That's co-sleeping for you!

:yes:

And the chances of my son ever having a siblings are very remote at this rate.:D

[misskittyfantastico]

A shout out to the co-sleepers, your mojo comes back! I have a 4.5 year old and a 2 yr old (he's breastfed and hey both jump into out bed) and we're fo shizzling most nights.:D

[MsMummy]

A shout out to the co-sleepers, your mojo comes back! I have a 4.5 year old and a 2 yr old (he's breastfed and hey both jump into out bed) and we're fo shizzling most nights.:D

I'll let my partner know there's hope.:D

[Mathermy]

The same, just a little less spontaneous as we usually have company!

lot's of middle of the night action..:sleeping::sleeping:

[Leisa21]

Having DS hasn't affected our sex life at all. We both have high sex drives and have quite a healthy sex life. We're both pretty happy.

There are times where we have dry spell because I'm busy with work or DH is on night shift although I usually wake him up for some lovin when DS has his day nap. We're comfortable though, usually if I'm not in the mood for a week or 3, nor is DH because we're both feeling the affects of something. When it's like that we just snuggle all night or DH passes out and I jump on the computer because my mind is racing.

[updaduff]

hmmm well...lets just say, i dont see how we are going to have baby number two...