Dtd post baby tmi but advice needed

[Little-Pink-Hen]

Sorry if this is tmi
and not sure where to put it
Since dd has been born almost 8 months ago we have only dtd a handful of times :( lack of libido on my behalf as well as if feels like the first time every time! :( I have no idea why or what to do
has this happened to anyone else are my muscles or anything else changed? :confused: :hair:
starting to really worry now as we want to start ttc number 2

[amiee]

my ob told me it can take up to 12 months for your libido to come back.

in regards to pain you explained way better than me i used to tell dp it was like his penis was covered in sand paper. we had to stop numerous times to start with as it was just too painful. but eventually the pain goes.

[NonnyMouse]

Take it slow, use lots of lube, and try starting with perhaps your partner using his fingers rather than his penis until it feels more comfortable.

After my first child things actually felt tighter down there and we had to go really slow. Some of it can be mental too... and a glass of wine and loads of heavy petting helped as well.

[blackdog]

just persist...you'll get back to normal:yes:

[Tam-I-Am]

Are you breastfeeding? If yes, that's probably your answer. Breastfeeding lowers oestrogen levels (oestrogen inhibits milk production). oestrogen is also the hormone that regulates libido. When you're breastfeeding a baby, your body is in nourishment-mode, not in reproduction mode, so will protect your breastfeeding status and relationship over your ability to produce and sustain another pregnancy.

It doesn't mean you CAN'T have sex comfortably - Nonny advice is spot on there - but it does mean you have to go slow and be easy on yourself.

If you're not breastfeeding, it'd be worth a chat with your GP or Ob. They can prescribe an oestrogen cream that you insert in your vagina that should help with the production of lubrication.

[CheekyChicken]

There was a post on this just recently. It is because of hormones and I am exactly the same- DD is 9 months.

I had a C-sec which can be worse or at least just as bad a VB and you wouldn't really think it would affect your vagina in the same way but the pain etc is not caused from the birth but as said likely from breastfeeding and hormones.

I am seriously considering asking the GP for a script for oestrogen cream as it can help with the hormones and will allow you enjoy DTD a bit more (I hope) and get your body ready for it with natural lubrication.

[Little-Pink-Hen]

Thanks everyone
I was hopping things would be fine as I had a csection
and yes I'm bfing so thought it might be hormonal I'll have a chat to gp :)
but nonny it's the same as what you said ;)

[CheekyChicken]

Yup, in the last thread that was about this topic I think we all realised with a C-sec it was worse!!

[puddinpie]

Are you breastfeeding? If yes, that's probably your answer. Breastfeeding lowers oestrogen levels (oestrogen inhibits milk production). oestrogen is also the hormone that regulates libido. When you're breastfeeding a baby, your body is in nourishment-mode, not in reproduction mode, so will protect your breastfeeding status and relationship over your ability to produce and sustain another pregnancy.

It doesn't mean you CAN'T have sex comfortably - Nonny advice is spot on there - but it does mean you have to go slow and be easy on yourself.

If you're not breastfeeding, it'd be worth a chat with your GP or Ob. They can prescribe an oestrogen cream that you insert in your vagina that should help with the production of lubrication.

Great advice Tam! Spot on and well said. :yelclap:

Men just do not and can not understand the effect that having a child (and breastfeeding) has on a woman's libido. Even when you explain that it's hormonal (we have no control over it!) they can grasp it on an intellectual level but not on an emotional level. It's hard for us too, it's not like as women we have a child and then think, "yes, no need to have sex anymore"! We still want to be sexual beings with a healthy sex life but it can be so hard, especially when your body is doing everything it can to avoid it. Just don't put any pressure on yourself, keep reminding yourself that this is just a very short phase in your life.

Also, don't put any expectations on yourself for your sex life to return to normal. I don't think it can ever be the way it was, but it can be different, and maybe even better in some ways.

[JabberJaw]

I still have no drive and its been 25 months since i had bub :laughing: but really its due to Breastfeeding for me. Plus i am tired as bub still wakes etc etc.

I can 'get' in the mood but it takes extra effort on hubbies part, and well worth it if he does ;)

[Little-Pink-Hen]

I still have no drive and its been 25 months since i had bub :laughing: but really its due to Breastfeeding for me. Plus i am tired as bub still wakes etc etc.

I can 'get' in the mood but it takes extra effort on hubbies part, and well worth it if he does ;)

Good post :laughing:

[Little-Pink-Hen]

Great advice Tam! Spot on and well said. :yelclap:

Men just do not and can not understand the effect that having a child (and breastfeeding) has on a woman's libido. Even when you explain that it's hormonal (we have no control over it!) they can grasp it on an intellectual level but not on an emotional level. It's hard for us too, it's not like as women we have a child and then think, "yes, no need to have sex anymore"! We still want to be sexual beings with a healthy sex life but it can be so hard, especially when your body is doing everything it can to avoid it. Just don't put any pressure on yourself, keep reminding yourself that this is just a very short phase in your life.

Also, don't put any expectations on yourself for your sex life to return to normal. I don't think it can ever be the way it was, but it can be different, and maybe even better in some ways.
Hmm :) send dh a link to this thread :detective:

[kazza76]

:iagree: to the last bit of Puddinpie's post. your s life changes SO much. Pre baby we were at least three/four times a week, post baby, maybe once a week IF we are lucky and that is normally rushed. DP thinks our DS has a radar that can detect when DP wants to get close to me and he starts to cry or wakes up! :laughing: But when you do get the chance, it can be so much better because of the wait in between.

Just take it slow, explain to DH what your going through and what he can do to make it better for you. Tell him to remeber, it all just isn't about penetration!