View Full Version : reaction to 4 kids
when DS3 arrived mid last year i swore i was done. 3 was my magic number and there was no point arguing about it!!
8 months on and i'm less set in this decision. There are a lot of factors to be considered, car, bedrooms and finances just to begin with!!
It was something i had been thinking about, and hinting about with DH (who seems rather excited about the idea) but hadn't made any decisions.
I was having coffee with a few friends, who have all had #1 in the last 12 months and they started discussing when they want #2. One girl looked at me and said something about me not having to think about it. I just smiled and brushed it off but one of the other girls is one of my bestys and knows me too well. She blurted out "YOU WANT MORE KIDS?"
So the looks and general comments made really surprised me. It seems having 4 kids is unbelievable and they all seemed horrified at the idea! The didn't raise any of my three main concerns (finances, car, house size) it seemed it was the idea of 4 kids alone that was so bad.
I thought i might hear some feedback in this area as to what sort of reactions you all got when #4+ was being considered, announced and arrived.
Also, in what ways is 4 so different to 3?
well i have to say i didnt get the best reactions announcing #3 lots of "omg dont u have a tv?" "why would u want anymore when u have one of each?" and even"was it an accident?":rolleyes:
so we are trying for #4 now and pretty much everyone close to me knows we are ttc so im hoping as they will not be suprised by the announcement they can prepare somewhat more polite responses!
but yeah ive noticed the general consensus is that 4 or more children is just crazy!
suppose its hard for people who only have 1 child to imagine having 4
if u want it i say go for it!
i sorted the car 12 months ago as having a full car just wasnt working for me anyway. my oldest is 12 and always wants to bring a friend along etc so we got an older model tarago. didnt cost a fortune i just sold my other car and bought this one so its a few yrs older but i dont care im really really happy with it. think ill drive one now for a long time till my kids start moving out as its just so handy having so many extra seats:thumbsup:
we've been doing reno's and slowly getting the house bigger and better but its all half done and what not at the moment.
i am a little worried about money as in our weekly incoming but i dont really care im finding a way for #4:D
You know what you can handle so don't worry about the reactions you are going to get them forever. WE have just celebrated our daughter's first birthday she has 3 older brothers. WE had 50 people at our place they all adore our kids. It's never been an issue with those closest to us.
Four is def more work but you make it work though and I wouldn't swap it for the world.
You can see people counting your kids while your shopping and they have this funny look on their face. Not many people get the courage to move to 4 but those that do love every minute of it. I say patience is a virtue.
Yeah, it is weird isn't it....it is like you are crazy for even considering more than 2 or 3.......weird.
Alot of our friends have 4 or more children so it is quite normal in our circle but I know when I tell family that number 5 is on the way they will think we are crazy and silly.
Doesn't matter. I strongly believe in the saying that "The only children you regret are the ones you don't have." or something like that.
Also, 4 isn't too much different to 3 if you already have enough bedrooms and a big car. I foud the transition easy. Will let you know about 5:D
I never expected to have 4 kids. We only planned on 2 lol! Going from 2-3 was no worries, then #4 came along :o. We only had 2 x 5 seater cars in the beginning and if we went out as a family, we'd have to take both cars so that was a PITA. We now have a 6 seater, much better. We are also very lucky to have 2 boys and 2 girls...we have a 3 bedroom house so the girls share a room with bunks and the boys share a room with bunks.
Hubby and I are seperated now and yes...ppl do say "wow, 4 kids!! how do you do it?" but I have always had a routine for the kids and that makes things easier :)
I found the only real difference between 3 and 4 was the car. Between 4 and 5 I did notice the washing change (mind you my little boy does like to get very muddy and change his a lot).
You certainly get comment from mums of one or two children. They just don't get it. The work load really gradually builds so you don't really notice it. The fun and the love builds really fast :laughing: and boy is it worth it. i love having a big family.
Well I have to admit I used to call people who had three kids crazy. Now I have three myself, and if it was up to me I'd have another. The only reason I used to think it was crazy, was I couldn't imagine coping with more than two when my first two were small. Now they are at school, and number three is such a breeze, I can't stop thinking I'd like a number four. I really feel like as time goes by, I get better at this whole mum thing. More organised, more patience, more experienced, more accepting of the workload.
So yeah, you're friends can't imagine coping with more than two, but wait and see, once they get the hang of it, they may be wanting more themselves. If you feel you're managing well with three, I'm sure you could handle four. By the way, I love our Kia Grand Carnival.
I am 24 weeks pregnant with number four, we only told a couple of people in the early stages and i took there comments to heart not one person said congratulations it was more like how are you going to manage and was it planned and lots of laughing. I found it really hard and got quite stressed and started to think about maybe it wasn't the best idea. Then i thought who cares what other people think i know we will be fine and we have three beautiful children and i am sure the next one is going to fit right in.
For the record no it wasn't planned but hey none of ours have been and so far we have managed
I had someone (who I thought was supposed to be a good friend :rolleyes:) tell me 'OMG that is my worst nightmare' when I told her I was having twins in my 3rd pregnancy. NICE!
Lost of people think I am crazy (which I actually AM half the time having 4 little ones!) We didn't really choose the 4th, we were just blessed enough to have him choose us! :cloud9: But lots of people can't help but comment. "you've got your hands full' gets old really quickly, lol. But I got lots of OMG you're planning ANOTHER one when I said we would have another after #2. People assumed that because I had a boy and a girl then we would stop. Nope, I knew i wanted another baby - regardless of sex.
OMG I had a huge vent about this on facebook Just the other day. My number 4 is 8 days old and I can tell you I have had all the comments under the sun. All the way through pregnancy. What really got to me though was the "congratulations" followed but the lil comment like.
DH can keep it in his pants or have the snip and all sorts. It really got to me like it was a tanted congratulations.
Oh and if I hear "You have ur hands full" one more time Im gonna go postal on someones ***.
I would say do what u want. I have 4 4 and under and I can tell you it's hard but well worth it.
A Party of Five
I truly beleive that we live in such a materialistic world today which is one reason why many families limit the children they have. If only everyone new the value of family, children and all the love that comes with it.
And for anyone at all, I turn around their negative comments to somehow say: "but we LOVE children, dont you?" whether their comment is just that we must be really busy or whether its a nastier comment. Only once did I let myself be nasty back and replied: "how sad for you that you obviously dont like children much, because we consider everyone of ours a wonderful blessing". But I try to avoid being nasty.
The worst comment I ever got was a complete stranger in a shop who counted five I had with me and asked out of the blue "Do they all have the same father?" I wont tell you my reply to that one :banghead:
Lil Bugs Mummy
as long as u and ur dp are happy and financially can do it more the merrier i hope it works out for us to have four go for it it you has to care for them not ur friends
i'm one of 6. i know people who are one of/have had like 11 or whatever. big families are awesome, we want to have 3 or 4, regardless of sex. i just think that 1 or 2 would (without meaning to imply that kids are easy) be boring.
oh and the one of each thing drives me nuts! even dp's mum (who had 4- bgbb) said if you get one of each stop but you know what? if it were up to me i'd have 4 girls. people who talk about one of each or pidgin pair (which quite frankly kinda disgusts me) sound so much like they're collecting. and that's not what having children is about.
I am wayyy past the whole 'wow you have your hands full' and ' worked out what causes it yet' comments.
Now I come back with either 'WTG on stating the obvious!'
Or 'Yup I think its sexual intercourse!'
Or I come out with 'You wouldn't believe it, we did actually buy a tv and we even put it in OUR room'
Normally leaves people a little taken back but seriously I cannot walk more then 10steps in the shops sometimes without someone having to make a comment! It gets annoying!
4 kids are great! I couldn't imagine life without them.. and I will forever be thankful that I had my kids young because I am now studying part time and I will be qualified and ready to start work the year my baby starts school so its worked out perfectly.
I have a 9month old, 20month old, 4 year old and 5 year old. Hell it gets busy, I wont lie however my kids are only whingy kids when they are hungry, tired or sick!
Since my kids are rarely sick and have a routine for dinner and bed we very rarely have any problems.
When we had our 3rd Son my Dh was done.. I some how felt I wasn't. It took nearly a year for Dh to decide that yes he wanted a 4th also. We decided to mention it in passing to some ppl. the reactions varied.. Some were excited but others kept harping on how we were only going back for a girl (we have 3 boys )
when we had our 4th she ended up being a girl and then the comments started again.. oh now you will stop because you have a girl yada yada yada... We stopped because we feel our family is complete.
Some days 4 kids drive me insane and if I dare mention I am having a bad day I get the " you brought it on yourself" Bad days are getting farther apart now.. Our DD is a very strong willed child so I don't think it is because we have 4 children but just because we have 4 very different personalities in the house
Going out is now easier then it was. We don't even get lots of looks anymore as it seems larger families are in the rise around our area..
Anyways good luck if you do go for baby number 4.. yes our life is busy and very very loud but it was loud with just 1 child.. Xmas morning is awesome and so is going places where the kids get excited.. Yiou get 4 times the fun and laughter..
hi, I first has one son, and followed him with twin daughters 21months later. When we had our second son three years plus after the girls, everyone thought he must have been an accident. He was just as wanted as the rest, and definatly not an accident. Marie.
Thankyou all so much for sharing your stories with me. As i said at the moment we are just considering a 4th but after reading how happy you all are it has made me think even more about it!!
DH is still undecided due to the costs involved. I think if the house was 1 room bigger he would say go for it today!
I'm glad i'm not the only one who was met with some very negative comments. Hopefully if we decide to have #4 they will come around. I think i will go mad if they keep saying these things!!
Most of our friends have just had their first so as one of you said, they may just not be able to get their heads around coping with 4!! Sometimes i confess to wondering what they do all day with only 1, doesn't take long to forget how overwhelming the first can be!! Although i would never actually SAY that to them!!
Our fourth baby was a surprise, so there were no comments about TTC, and I was very nervous announcing the pregnancy. My husband was so worried, he didn't tell his parents until I was around 18 weeks! In the end, we didn't really get any negative comments from friends or family. To be honest we got a bigger reaction for number three. Most people were excited and happy about DS2, if they had concerns or issues, they kept it to themselves and hid it pretty well :)
I do get the comments now about being crazy for (maybe) wanting another one in the future, but I don't think it's negative, more just surprise.
As for the difference between 3 and 4, it was pretty much the same until DS2 began to be mobile and eat solid food etc. Now I'm finding the juggling a bit ... interesting! I know it will get better though and it's not that much of change from having three kids. The hardest thing has been the car issue. We just don't have the finances to get a bigger car at the moment (hopefully very soon though), so for the past 14 months we've had to take two cars everywhere or have someone babysat if we want to go anywhere :rolleyes:
Good luck with your decision!
I would LOVE a big family... at present we are TTC#3 after a 9 yr break (my youngest is 9yrs). I think my only chance of getting DH to agree is to have twins (any tips anyone :D)...
I have a friend who has recently had #4 (Well two are hers, one is his, and #4 is theirs - but they are all theirs IYKWIM). He was planned and for the moment they have moved to a futon bed in the main living area as they have a 3 bedroom house and want the older kids to have their own rooms at the moment - so it is doable.
We will be rearranging our house and making a 'parents area' in our 'room under the house' (which has internal staircase access) when #3 comes along - and technically our house is only 2 bedroom (amazing what can be done with a sunroom and a half rumpus/half cellar :yes:).
My 'favourite :rolleyes:' comment when mentioning we were thinking of ttc was 'oh you DON'T want another, it will just bury you financially and emotionally' :banghead:
Good luck with your decision. I vote to go for #4!
My plan is to pre-empt any news of more babies with 'I'm so excited to tell you our wonderful news...' so that people know I want a positive response. Like you, I also try casually to drop it in that I want more kids.
I already get 'wow, your hands are full' and I only have two! (I think it's because they're both under two).
When I told people we were expecting #3 alot were shocked so I can't imagine what they'd say if #4 came along (I'm not pregnant btw)
we had to buy a delica and we only have a 3 bedroom house, I dont ever get a reaction from people and Im really proud to have 4 but I was one of those people who thought youd have to be crazy to have even 3 but I love it now:cool:
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