View Full Version : Can't Accept She's Gone! ! !
I don't know how to move on. My mum passed away 8 months ago, she had cancer. We found out about 2 months before she past away. It was good that we had warning and I got to be with her when she went but it is so hard to accept that she isn't here anymore.
I finally got to give her the granddaughter that she wanted but she wasn't here to welcome her into the world. She knew we were having a girl, we knew that she wouldn't make till our bundle of joy would arrive so we found out the sex so we could tell her. It made her so happy all she could do was cry.
My dad got to keep her at home till the day before she died, he had palliative care coming to the house until then.
Every time I say DD's name I think of her. 2 nights before she died she started getting confused, she was complaining to 1 of her friends that we wouldn't let her see Tamara, that was 1 of the 3 names we had on our short list which we had told her. I went and told DH what she had called the baby and from then on if it came out a girl like they told us it was going to be Tamara.
I'm trying my hardest to put on a happy face to let everyone think that I'm coping just fine with it but I'm not. I'm just worried that everyone will think that I should have excepted it by now but I haven't. I want her back so much, it's just not fair.
I don't know what I can do to move on and accept that she isn't coming back.
Anyway thanks for taking the time to read this. Anyone with advice I'd love to hear it.
:hugs: Hugs to u
I know what you are going through. My mum passed away just over 4yrs ago and I still miss her so much every day. It's hard being a "mumless mum". I would so love for her to enjoy and share the special moments we have with DS.
I look at my DS and I can see my mum all over. My mums name was Juliene and my DS(julian) was named after her.
The only support I can offer you is that "time does really heal wounds" It may take more time for some than others but it will get easier. You never forget and you still always feel that sadness and emptiness but I promise you it will get easier.
Don't worry what other people think, you take all the time you need and there is nothing wrong in showing your emotions.
hey sweetie:hugs: just wanted to say that its only been a short time and 8 months may feel like a long time to other but this was your mum, the person who gave you life and probably was the only one to make you feel better when no-one else could...im not saying you will never get past the pain but be good to yourself and dont put on the brave face just for other people...im sure that anyone who loves you would want you to feel as though u could miss your mum and respect the fact that you will never forget her and also that it may take a ver very long time to accept...... i havent lost my mum but she has parkinsons disease and alot of other health problems so i know i need to make every phone call and visit count when im with her (she lives in another state) and when she goes i know it will be the hardest thing ill ever have to go through so all i wanna say is i wanna give u all the best wishes in the world and theres always someone who will listen:hugs: also wat a beautiful gift that your mother got to choose your daughters name :kiss:
I know how you feel my mum died 4 years ago and it is was just devastating, everyone grieves differently but I think for most it is a long process. I still miss my mum but the raw pain of her loss took about 2 years to pass. I really think time is the only thing that helps.
I also like to light a candle for special days like the anniversary of her death, birthday, mothers day etc. We are also going to plant a special blood red rose bush in the garden as well soon to remember my mum as this was her favourite flower. These are nice ways to remember her.
I really don't have any great advice, just give yourself time as 8 months is still too soon to be over your grief. It is ok to have good and bad days just be kind to yourself and give yourself time.
Hugs to you:hugs:
No matter what, she is always going to be alive in your heart and your children will carry on her legacy. She would be so proud of you!!!
:hugs: I totally agree!! Take as long as you need to heal! Death of a loved one is SO difficult to deal with and something that we shouldnt rush.
My grandmother was VERY special to me (I saw her everyday as we were best mates). She passed away almost 2 years ago and I miss her terribly. She was helping me plan my wedding but past away suddenly before it happened. She also didnt know I was pregnant with my son who she would have loved. I tell me son that he has a special Nan in heaven who is the angel who sent him to me.
Take care :hugs:
It is a very hard road. My mum has been gone for 8 years now. She knew my son for a short 18months & of course he can't remember her & I too have dd now & I yearn for her to be here, still. In all honesty that never goes away. With some intensive grief counselling I for the last few years have been able to be at peace with the fact she is gone, she is never coming back but she certainly is always with me in my heart & my memories. Some days will be harder than others as I'm sure you know, hold her memories close to you teach your children all about her & we mumless mums are a strong lot, feel free to draw on or from that strength here anytime - I'm always here via a pm.
:hugs: for you & I hope your pain & anguish can start to ease soon, just don't let it consume it.
So much good advice has already been said, so I just wanted to send you some :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
As people have said, it's only been 8 months. My mum passed away 8 years ago and I still cry sometimes. And somethings trigger me to do so.
My heart goes out to you. Please don't think you need to put on a happy face - you don't!!! No one expects you to and no one wants you to! I wouldn't be able to make it this far if I pretended that I was okay in the 'early years'.
:hugs: It's a lot to get through and a lot to process. Best of luck.. and feel free to rant, cry, kick, scream and fuss!!!!
Thanks guys for understanding. It is just so much easier to write it down and I knew that you guys would help me. I'm just waiting for Shanz to read this and have a go at me for not talking to her, but it is so hard to even say her name without the tears flowing.
The hardest time is when DS1 asks if Nan is coming back from heaven yet. I keep telling him that she can't come back to us but we have the photos and videos of her when we want to see her again.
It just seems to be getting harder not easier. Maybe that is because I didn't really grieve when she went.
Anyway thanks again for taking the time to help me. It makes it a little easier knowing that there are other's that understand exactly what I'm going through and how I'm feeling.
Sorry again Shandi for not being able to talk to you but it is just so hard to say, it is something that I've been keeping all to myself.:shame: :banghead: :devil6:
I really don't know what to say but reading this really did bring tears to my eyes. :crying: You are such a strong women from the sounds of things.
My dad passed away 13 years ago from cancer. We found out 4 months before he died. I was releived when he did go for he wasn't in pain anymore. My mother couldn't beleive that i was happy then for that reason. but as time went on and i saw that he was missing out on so much of my life. I am the only girl of my generation, so he did dote on me. and now I am sad as he is missing out on my little girl that I had on 25 may 06. She looks nothing like my family. Except that i do have a photo of my dad and his twin sister when they were babies, just sitting up and my little girl has the same mowhawk and hairline that he had.
But as i am not religious I do believe that he is in a place free of pain andkeeping an Eye on us.
My daughter had and episode when she was 3 weeks and stopped breathing. But my hubby and i kept our heads and called an ambelance and tried to keep her breathing and after going to hospital and getting a drip, she is doing so well and a picture of perfection and I did say my prays to my dad and all my other family that has passed over and I thanked them all very much as well.
And thats how i keep going. Mind you i did almost have a breakdown 2 years after he died.
If you want to PM me feel free. I do still get teary over dad too.:hugs:
I'm just worried that everyone will think that I should have excepted it by now but I haven't. I want her back so much, it's just not fair.
I really don't know what to say to you. I have been struggling alot since Kaiden was born. Brings back everything you know you are missing and no, it isn't fair.
Eight months really isn't a long time and it will still be very fresh in your mind.
It takes a great deal of time and effort to heal, but I really don't think we will ever heal completely.
There is always a part of us missing.
Hope you are feeling better soon.
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