inappropriate belly pat

[experience88]

so i had my first inappropriate belly rub lol... my mums partner hadnt seen me for a few weeks and said "myyyyyy, you're getting biiiigg!!!" and rubbed my stomach :thumbsdown:

lol i don't know, i do find it funny in a way, it was so unexpected, though i'm just in a bad mood which probably made it seem worse

i got an email from FOB who has been interstate indefinitely for a month and a half now.. and the email (which was a sentence long) mentioned "i saw a brand new baby tonight which made me think of ruby" (ruby being our baby girl in utero)... those words alone made me so angry i wanted to cry, not only 2 weeks ago he was telling me he doesnt want any involvement, and it takes seeing a baby in the flesh to make his mind think about his unborn daughter?

anyway don't want to dwell on it, but yes, i'm a real pregnant lady who gets her personal belly space invaded! yay!

[SPC]

Sorry, don't know your story. But, speaking from experience, I'd say that referring to your baby by name before birth and talking about babies at all in a positive way sounds pretty hopeful. When you're pregnant, you're on the fast train to parenthood, the changes you have to make, the decisions, the lifestyle, it's unavoidable. For the FOB, they can still be deciding if they want to go on that journey. It's not real for them. That's the same for husbands living with pregnant wives too.

It took Esme's father about 6 months to call her by name, and I still think he can't separate her from me. He's still on another continent, and still resolutely withdrawn from his daughter.

[experience88]

It took Esme's father about 6 months to call her by name, and I still think he can't separate her from me. He's still on another continent, and still resolutely withdrawn from his daughter.

i completely understand what you mean about separating the mother and the baby in their mind. it frustrates me when things are said like "well, i dont want to have any involvement because you're hard to speak to" and my response is usually " it isn't about me", seems strange that because we don't get along, he doesn't want to know his child.

so i mean... how do you make peace with knowing FOB is choosing to have little or no involvement? i've had 6.5 months to think about it, and the more pregnant i get, the more i'm struggling with the idea that he isn't around.

and what if he isn't in the same part of the country as me, and then when i give birth, he comes back and wants be hands-on all of a sudden.... is that ok or would i be out of line to refuse him that?

i need words of wisdom!! if i did what 'felt right' i'd shut him out completely in everyway... but as my mum keeps telling me "being a parent is putting the childs needs ahead of your own". does that mean exposing them to their flakey father?

[SPC]

I'm probably not the best person to talk about it. My instinct has always been to try and involve FOB and I can't imagine having a baby with somebody I wasn't willing to co-parent with. I believe my daughter would be better off with her father in her life. I know he would be better off with her in his life.

I was less rational when I was pregnant, and it's becoming easier to think less emotionally now I haven't seen him in so long. I used to feel guilty that she didn't get to have a daddy because I wasn't 'good' enough for him. I felt that I failed her. But now I feel sad for him, because he's so messed up he won't even meet his own child, and sad for her, because she deserves better.

We're fabulous and he's an idiot. We're happy and having a lovely life and he's missing that. I wonder if what he has is worth what he's missing here. I doubt it. But how can he even imagine what being her parent is like? If he doesn't want it, he can have no idea. He pays child support and that's important, because it means he's not denying her existence.

All I can advise is not burning any bridges, but get legal advice. People tell you a lot of nonsense. People make threats that they have no hope of ever carrying out. Know where you stand, legally, then work out what you want emotionally. These are early days. Enjoy your pregnancy, take pictures, celebrate it.