17 Month Old and Smacking

[Little Boys Blue]

Ok so I need some advice.

My darling son has for some reason started smacking me whenever he is upset with me or he gets into trouble. Most times it doesn't particularly hurt but it is the principle of the matter, a child should not hit their parent!

I have tried ignoring it hoping he would stop as he isn't getting a reaction; I've tried explaining that it's not on in a firm voice; I've tried my angry voice; I've tried walking away (he will just chase me down and hit me again) and I have recently tried giving him a smack on the hand.

None of these work! He just keeps hitting me until he has decided it's enough or something. And it's not just the hitting either, he will actually death glare me aswell. Who knew a 17mo could death glare, seriously?

He was starting to do it to DH aswell but he used his 'angry' voice and now he no longer hits him.

I just don't know what to do, he just doesn't take me seriously!! :hair:

Any advice would be great!

ETA: I forgot to say that besides this issue, he is a really good boy pretty much all the time, just likes to test the boundaries I guess.

[Lillynix]

Firstly, I wouldn't smack him back in any manner. You're trying to teach him that he shouldn't hit you, so you shouldn't hit him either, it's counter productive and confusing for him, why can you do it if he can't...

If's he's hitting you when he's upset, i'm more likely inclined to say it's because he hasn't yet found a way to cope with his emotions.

Children feel all the same emotions we do (obviously!) but are ill equipped to deal with them and don't yet have the ability to deal with and express those emotions in a more acceptable and rational manner, so they can lash out by hitting, kicking, screaming, throwing things etc...

First thing to remember is that it is totally NORMAL behavior and that it is just a phase, it WILL pass, may not be any time soon, but it will pass.

My suggestion would be to tell him why hitting isn't nice, why we don't do it and how it makes us feel. In an age appropriate manner of course.

Try something like "don't hit Mummy, it makes me sad" and use a sad face to show him that you're sad, and change it a little occasionally, like "I don't like it when you hit me" or "be gentle, like *this*" and show him how to touch your gently or even "I like it better when you kiss me!"

All these things well help him to understand WHY we don't hit people rather than just chastising him and making him even more upset.

Hope that helps :)

[ummmm]

I also agree with the no smacking back to discourage them from doing it as it only encouraged my son to smack back more. I no longer smack him as I just don't see a point in it as he seems to think violence is then ok.

It can get pretty bad in my house as DS won't listen to me so I put him in a corner and we sit and talk about why he shouldn't smack. Sometimes we will sit there for up to an hour but I want and need him to understand that smacking is not acceptable. He tries to escape so I then repeat why we are in the corner and we leave once he has said sorry.

If I see him going in for the kill of smacking, I pull him up and say gentle before he actually smacks and that usually stops him dead in his tracks.

[cassvanm]

My DD3 is the same as Nate (a week older), and we've been going through this lovely phase for about a month or so now.
I tell her firlmly "No Hitting". If she does it again I say it again and plonk her on her bottom and walk away. Sometimes if she's feeling really feisty she chases me and hits me again. I then pick her up, not making eye-contact, put her in her cot (not toys / side up) and say "No Hitting Piper!". I then leave the room, close the door, and wait 1-2 minutes. I then go in, pick her up, say "we don't hit, we cuddle". Have a cuddle, then go do something fun.
It works for me - it's drastically reduced her behaviour and how often it happens.
Once she bit me - I went straight to the cot time-out, she's never done it again :yes:

[Little Boys Blue]

I am pleased to know that my situation is not abnormal and that he should grow out of it!

cassvanm- I have taken your approach with Nate and it seems to be working! When I get him from the cot he will actually give me a cuddle (which is very abnormal for him cause he is not a very snuggly boy) so I think he does understand that it makes me sad and it's not nice!

I have also noticed a decrease in how often he smacks me too, so it muct be working!

Thank you to all of you for your helpful advice :D :thumbsup:

[blackdog]

http://www.triplep.net/

[OJandMe]

It's a phase. He'll grow out of it. When my 4 were doing this I'd say "That hurts! Be gentle. Don't hit Mummy." then I'd put them down, or walk away.

They do grow out of it.

[cocoalbert]

In our house we say "Hands are for hugging", if we can catch the hit before it happens I say "What are hands for? - hugs, give mummy a hug" This works for anything naughty with hands, pinching, pulling hair ect.

I think hitting is a stage all toddlers go through, my little girl is pulling hair at the moment - ouch that hurts.

[BabelFish]

My DD is the same but with kicking. We have tried everything suggested above and nothing has worked. She gets extremely defiant when punished in any way, and time passing does not change her attitude.

She is never contrite, never sorry, never remorseful. I find that her attitude hurts me more than the kicking. She just does not seem to care and absolutely refuses under any circumstances to say sorry, hug or kiss or anything.

Discipline just makes her furious and has no effect on her behaviour at all. We have tried everything. In fact I think that trying everything has just confused her and we need to pick one thing and stick to it!

I don't have any advice, sorry, as things are exactly the same in our house and I just don't know what to do anymore.

[AM]

I'm glad you are seeing progress... It does pass, especially if you stick with teaching them empathy.


My DD is the same but with kicking. We have tried everything suggested above and nothing has worked. She gets extremely defiant when punished in any way, and time passing does not change her attitude.

She is never contrite, never sorry, never remorseful. I find that her attitude hurts me more than the kicking. She just does not seem to care and absolutely refuses under any circumstances to say sorry, hug or kiss or anything.

Discipline just makes her furious and has no effect on her behaviour at all. We have tried everything. In fact I think that trying everything has just confused her and we need to pick one thing and stick to it!

I don't have any advice, sorry, as things are exactly the same in our house and I just don't know what to do anymore.

Have you read "Raising your spirited child"? It addresses stuff like this. Has helped me immensely.

Your post brings to mind my full on second son. It can be so exhausting.

[SPC]

Yes, Esme, 17 months is about the same so far as paying attention to discipline goes. She runs off and nothing I do bothers her. She just thinks it's funny. I guess I'm just not intimadating. I'm not a shouty person so it's not like she's used to being yelled at, but I do when she runs into the road, obviously. But nothing stops her, she just giggles and keeps on running. It makes getting the pram/shopping out really tricky. I just have to keep her on her leash.

[JiminyCricket]

My DD3 is the same as Nate (a week older), and we've been going through this lovely phase for about a month or so now.
I tell her firlmly "No Hitting". If she does it again I say it again and plonk her on her bottom and walk away. Sometimes if she's feeling really feisty she chases me and hits me again. I then pick her up, not making eye-contact, put her in her cot (not toys / side up) and say "No Hitting Piper!". I then leave the room, close the door, and wait 1-2 minutes. I then go in, pick her up, say "we don't hit, we cuddle". Have a cuddle, then go do something fun.
It works for me - it's drastically reduced her behaviour and how often it happens.
Once she bit me - I went straight to the cot time-out, she's never done it again :yes:

:iagree: I do the same sort of thing, IF ds hits I say ''no hitting , hitting hurts'' then i put him down on the floor and walk away.
I then go back after he's had a little whinge and ply a game or distract him with something.

[JiminyCricket]

Also I think they are comfortable pushing the boundrys with their mums because they trust us completely.
They feel comfortable because they know that you will not leave them or hurt them.

[cassvanm]

She is never contrite, never sorry, never remorseful. I find that her attitude hurts me more than the kicking. She just does not seem to care and absolutely refuses under any circumstances to say sorry, hug or kiss or anything.
.

You'll find that your DD does not have the cognitive capacity to feel contrition, or remorse, at this age. That type of emotion is not felt for a while yet.
It is nothing personal, she is just being a toddler. Easy for me to say though, doesn't make it easier for you to deal with it when she's kicking the bejeezers out of you!