How hard is it REALLY?

[RubyRedToes]

Not a defence force family - yet!

My partner might be able to join the army, so at the moment we're weighing up what would happen, inevitably moving a few times for the next 6 or so years.

However, I'm quite close to my family here in QLD and we'd be moving to another state completely if he gets in, plus I don't like the idea of changing things so much for the kids.

But...this is dp's dream and I want to support him! So I'm asking for any pointers or tips or just random advice on what life is like as a defence force family!

Thanks in advance!

[emma2938]

BIG BIG QUESTION! LOL

We have been an army family for 6 years, first without kids, now with 2.

It is a hard life. defintely. without a doubt. tghere is loneliness isolation, challenges of moving to a new place, this list goe on and on.

HOWEVER!

It is also a really rewarding life. I love army life 90% of the time. It is different, if you like moving new places, trying new things, meeting new people, you will thrive. If you move and just stay in your own little coocoon you wont like it at all.

There are tonnes of financial benefits as well, but ultimately we do it because of the feeling we get (not just DH) of serving our country. It is a truly great thing and a priveledge to be able to do it.

So really its up to the individual family toi weigh up all the pros and cons, and see whats best for them :yelclap::australia-flag-06::australia-flag-06:

Good luck with your decision!

[Seacretsquirrel]

I agree with Emma it is up to the indivitual family. My hubby is in the navy and we are about to try the married separated with dependants (which means we live in Brisbane - with all our family - and he is in Darwin working).
We move every 2-3 years in the RAN (mostly) - but this may be somewhat to do with the fact that DH only wants to work on small boats so our options are limited. However I have had GF with DH's in the Army and they did their whole careers (Albeit short ones 9 yrs and under) at Enoggera - apart from some deployments. So there are sme options for you guys.

The separation is hard and it is hard on the kids esp once they are of an age to realise that Daddy is gone and that is hard both for your DH and for you too. But mosty the kids are pretty resiliant - I think schooling is the hardest part esp if you do have to do lots of moves but from what I have seen they do try to keep you in once place for as much of high school as they can (esp yr 11 and 12).
There are lots of perks too cheap housing (esp good in this rent market), the chance to see other parts of the country and meet new people. It is a stable career and depending on what he choses to do in the army it can allow for career oportunities outside if the army gets too mcuh (and then there is always the reserves to keep his hand in if thats what he wants)

I think my biggest piece of advice is try to be flexible - really hard esp with the ADF who are know for the last minute changes :hair: and enjoy every moment you are together - it has its advantages as you get lots of "honeymoon" periods ;)
Try to get involved with the DCO and other family support services esp if they are going on deployment (I am bad at this)
Oops gotta run Ds is getting way worked up will be back if I think of anything else.

[Bellini]

I find it fairly difficult at times. They really push the fact that they are ‘family friendly’, however DH’s particular unit seem to be quite the opposite :( That’s just our experience though.

The financial benefits are excellent. We wouldn’t survive on a single income family if DH wasn’t in the army. We live in a large three bedroom house in a nice neighbourhood and only pay $170 a week. Before that, we lived in a penthouse apartment in the city and paid $200 a week – our non-defence neighbours were paying just under $600. Plus DH’s medical and dental are all paid for and we move around the country at the cost of the army. After his initial four year service, we will get assistance with purchasing a home, as they have a home-owners scheme. There are heaps of other financial benefits, those are just a few.

He also gets lots of leave per year, and he has the advantage of accruing extra when he goes out field.
The separation can be really hard. DH often goes out bush for weeks at a time, and it is a zero contact zone, so I basically don’t get to hear a word from him the whole time. It doesn’t *sound* hard to begin with, but once four or five days pass I start to feel incredibly distant and isolated. He was deployed last year for humanitarian relief, and it was difficult as DS was only 4 months-old. There was also limited contact, but it was only for two months which wasn't too bad. I agree with Seacret Squirrel about the ‘honeymoon periods'. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder :D

[Raising Leprechauns]

I cant speak as a wife or mother...... but I was an army kid my whole life.

As far as I am concerned I had a great time. We saw all over Australia, had postings overseas and got to do lots of amazing things "civvie kids" would never have done.

I can definatley say though - its not just a career - it is a total lifestyle.

[EquineMum]

This is such a broad question, I just don't know where to start LOL I don't think there's a simple answer!

I guess it is as hard as you want to make it. If you're a naturally independent, proactive, outgoing person and cope well with making decisions on your own, functioning on your own (ie can mow lawns/catch or kill spiders/take the bins out and/or basically do everything your DP might normally do :D) and have a generally positive outlook, then you will definitely make the most of what can be a fantastic opportunity.

If you're a more clingy introvert, that really depends on your partner for everything and struggle on your own, then it's not the life for you.

You need to be happy to occasionally take a back seat to a career (not a job, a career and it WILL happen) without letting it get to you too much (of course, everyone has their limits with this!) and with always being known in army paperwork as a 'dependent' (how I HATED that term at first! LOL Small things....really it's the small things...) :geek:

If you take pride in Australia and want to know that you've 'done your bit' in serving this great country, it will make things much easier :yes:

At the end of the day, if you and your DP have a loving, supporting and most importantly TRUSTWORTHY relationship, then that's a great start. Long absences if there are trust issues to begin with is NOT good :no:

I wish you both all the best in whichever way your decision goes. I sat in the careers office at school with my DH some 14 years ago and convinced him to follow his gut and join the Army. It always makes me laugh when people say "oh, didn't you know what you were in for when you married him?!?" :D I love it. I love him. I wouldn't change it for the world.

[KJEmum]

I guess it is as hard as you want to make it. If you're a naturally independent, proactive, outgoing person and cope well with making decisions on your own, functioning on your own (ie can mow lawns/catch or kill spiders/take the bins out and/or basically do everything your DP might normally do :D) and have a generally positive outlook, then you will definitely make the most of what can be a fantastic opportunity.

If you're a more clingy introvert, that really depends on your partner for everything and struggle on your own, then it's not the life for you

EquineMum sums it up pretty well in those two paragraphs.

If you don't like change, you'll crash and burn .. your kids, each are different but alot adjust well with their new environment. The internet helps them see where their new house is .. where daddy will work and the school they go to which gives them and you piece of mind. Kids can have such a positive experience and that positivity often flows from you as a parent. You react negatively to a situation, they'll take that on. Be excited and positive and it will work for your kids. (hopefully). Having dad in the Army, Navy or RAAF is something for them to be proud of. Anzac Day watching dad march is a buzz. So many positives.

I've been with my hubby since 1993, 3 kids, cats and dog later and it's been 20yrs since he joined up (17yrs of togetherness). He loves his job as a CIS in the Navy and has gained so much from it. Frustrating days oh yes, times when he loathes his heirachy yes, steady income, cheaper housing, allowances when move. So many positives and a few negatives.

Be proud of your man, your kids be proud, take the good with the bad and stand strong :)

PS: I didn't know what I was in for when I hooked up with hubby. I didn't have the internet to find other Defence spouses. We lived in a complex that had a mix of Army and Navy families and that was it. I feel ancient when I say 'these days you have the forums, facebook and msn'. to connect with others. You are very lucky. :)

I guess I feel that if I were not to have met up with my man, I would probably be still living in the same suburb (like my friends are) and not experiencing our beautiful country.

[tootiredtosleep]

It is hard, but fun too. Things constantly change, so you need to be flexible and go with the flow a fair bit. You need superhuman patience and understanding, because at times it really feels like the Army comes first and I found that so hard!

There are some great benefits - the constant pay (my DH always had 6 weeks paid leave over Xmas, with maybe a few days duty here and there, but was mostly home).

The housing is good and we have now taken advantage of the Defence Home Owners Assistance Scheme - once they have been in a few years, you can get a subsidy towards your mortgage.

I would encourage anyone joining the Army to get a trade at the same time, my DH isn't trade qualified - after a long time in artillery he really isn't qualified for much in the real world.

[RubyRedToes]

Thanks for all your help everyone!

You've definitely made my outlook on the opportunity a lot more positive. At the moment, DP is working away for around 3 weeks at a time with 2 or 3 days off in between so I guess I'm already pretty independent with the kids, however those jobs only go for a few months each so I'm now hoping he gets in to the defence force so we can have stability for a while!

Thanks again :)

[mrsc84]

Hubby has been in for 8 years, and for almost 6 of those we have been together. He is coming up on his third deployment. He has probably spent out of those 6 years we've been together, about half or less with me. We had our first child (missed the birth due to deployment) 2.5 years ago and it has gotten harder since then. I don't just have to worry about myself when hubby is gone, i now have my two gorgeous sons to look after. He hates been away from the kids too, but loves his job.

It is bloody hard, not going to lie but you learn to deal because you have to. If you can get a good network of friends it is so much easier, but theres a lot of fakes you have to watch out for!

There is a lot of positives to defence life, cheap housing, seeing the country, making new friends and experiencing things you never otherwise would have. As long as you get involved, you'll have no issues. And as you say, you are used to him working away already. You may get to the point where I am sometimes where if hubby is home too often I just say 'go away again will you' lol!!

[Bellini]

I would encourage anyone joining the Army to get a trade at the same time, my DH isn't trade qualified - after a long time in artillery he really isn't qualified for much in the real world.

This is a good point, DH is in the army and has obtained many different licenses/tickets which he can use on civvy street (that's such a defence term lol :rolleyes:). So he feels pretty secure that he would have a very good chance at getting some decent employment outside of the army. It's a good idea to do so, because the army pays for it all so really it's a win-win situation.

[KJEmum]

I totally agree about getting a trade. My DH is a CIS so is involved in communications but he also is qualified to instruct and also counsel the drunks and drug users (yes there are drugs users in the ADF). Right now he's doing some work for a company who is contracted to the ADF and is creating 3d model ships and other vehicles. He is emailed the designs and creates it using 3D Studio Max. Gets paid for it too.
If you have heard of Vehicle Simulator or Virtual Sailor games you will know what i'm meaning.

Anyways yeh .. trade trade trade, learn as much, get the certificates and so on.

Make the time in the ADF worth while as there are so many companies that are linked with the ADF he can work with around the country and even Customs.