What was it that made you want to procreate? [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

Baldie's Mum

14-03-2010, 14:30

I have wanted babies for a very very long time.....

I cant understand women not wanting children, but then again i cant understand women who have children and 6 weeks later, they return to full time long hrs work as a CHOICE.

But i do respect others and their choices. I dont understand alot of things.............but i will be damned if i disrespect others choices!

Fuchsia!

14-03-2010, 14:34

No i personally can't understand it! lol

Since as long as i could remember, i knew i wanted kids, lots of them too!

I just think it could be really lonely not having kids! Because they consume 99% of my life, i wonder what exactly i would do if i didn't have kids!

And also the immense love i feel for them, like nothing else in this world can even come close, and the joy and happiness they bring me. It does make me feel a little sad that they will never feel that, cause its just so strong and glorious!

My kids are going on holidays to their dads soon, and im starting to freak out what im supposed to do with myself!

But if someone doesn't want to have kids and feels that they aren't cut out, then its probably best if they don't. As long as they aren't disrespectful, it doesn't worry me what they do.

BabelFish

14-03-2010, 14:35

In our case it was a lack of choice about the matter :laughing:

CazHazKidz

14-03-2010, 14:42

I honestly think I was made to be a mum. Nothing in my life has ever felt right or given me purpose except my beautiful little boy.

My best mate doesn't want kids, and I look at her and immediately understand it. She is just not designed to be a mum AT ALL. Where is, I think for me it is the one thing I've ever been good at.

I waited till I was in a stable relationship, married with a mortgage and a decent job before I got pregnant. Now I wish I hadn't waited so long. This is what I should have been doing all along. I've wasted the past 10 years of my life.

WorkingClassMum

14-03-2010, 14:43

In our case it was a lack of choice about the matter :laughing:

You mayn't have planned to fall pegnant when you did, but you did choose to have your babies :yes:

There are some women whose aversion to children is so strong they'd abort the child after having jumped through hoops to avoid a pregnancy

Twins Kelly

14-03-2010, 15:16

I went through a stage in my 20's where, at that time, I seriously did not want children nor was I sure I would later on. But, I was going through a very selfish period and loving being single and travelling...i guess i couldn't see far enough ahead to realise that may change. I have always loved kids (I'm a teacher) but just wasn't sure if i'd ever be willing to put someone else 1st.
Obviously I got older, my situation changed and I guess I matured. However, if i hadn't met my husband and been settled as I am now, then I doubt I would be having kids.

Lemonhead

14-03-2010, 15:23

Here goes...

I never wanted children. When we were younger and DP would talk about children I would say he can go find someone else to ruin their body because I wasn't ever going to get pregnant. I was focussed on a career and I honestly had no desire to ever have a baby.

When I was 19 I unintentionally fell pregnant and I was rather adament I would go down to the doctors the next day and organise a termination, I acted so casually about it like it was just something I had to do that day. Chris wanted the baby so much he really begged for me to reconsider and so I did and I never regret it. Because he was just an apprentice I dropped out of uni as we couldnt affor it anymore and I took up more hours at the pub I worked at. Career just didnt seem so important anymore.

Now we have Lucas, I want more (3-4)! I dont believe I was born to be a mother because as bad as it sounds, kids are not my whole life. I am back at uni now and I look forward to being able to pursue that career I wanted, and I love having my nights out free from kids lol but my kids come first and I have no problem with that. Losses also made me want babies more, you dont know what you really want until its taken away from you a few times.

So fter all that waffling I would have to say that it was HAVING KIDS that made me want to have more...I cant wait to have a full house :D.

Misschief

14-03-2010, 15:28

Errrr I did not choose to fall pregnant either, but I did choose to keep going. Why? I dont really know.
When bubs is having one of his wind aggravated screaming fits I ask myself "What was I thinking???!!!" :confused:

Im single and have been since 6 weeks pregnant. I guess I kept going because I have always wanted children and when I was told I couldn't have any because I was sterile, I cried for a week. When I fell pregnant, it obviously was with the wrong man :rolleyes: But I basically thought "Its now or never. What if its a once off and wont happen again?"
So I kept going and kept thinking how much of a miracle my pregnancy was to me :)
Its very hard doing it on my own, but if I could go back in time, I wouldn't change a thing! He is the apple of my eye. He makes my life complete. He's my miracle bub.:cloud9:
When he's been waking me up every hour all night and then wakes up at 6.30am and gives me this gorgeous big gummy smile, I completely forget my exhaustion and give him a big "good morning" cuddle. :hugs::goodvibes:

bumMum

14-03-2010, 15:42

i feel it's part of who i am to be a mother.
its not the only thing but it is something inside me which I feel if that makes any sense. family is very important to me and I was raised surrounded by a lot of women, espescially mothers who were very natural mothers and I saw having children as a natural part of life and something nice too. not something which is a burden to society or even to the parents. i didn't see it as the end of life once you have children, or ever as an unaffordable expense or something. I also have my fathers side of the family where there is a lot of bitterness in some ways, on my grandmas behalf anyway, and she is not a good mother by any stretch of the imagination and to me it's very sad for someone to have children they can't love and I just can't understand her total lack of maternal instincts. not one drop of it.
BUT
I do know why and I can imagine that some people probably have no desire to have children for their own personal reasons, maybe because they weren't raised to see family as a nice thing, or maybe because they just don't have that drive I guess.

I do know one girl in her mid twenties who is very career focussed and a bit materialistic (i won't say all people who don't want kids are but she def. is) and she has always said she never wants children and I beleive her! I could never imagine her as a mum. she said to me once "if I ever had a child I'd need a full time nanny to do all the boring stuff like changing nappies and playing with them.." I'm not sure which part of having kids she wants to do then lol!

hales83

14-03-2010, 15:57

I have always wanted kids. When I was younger I wanted to be married by 26 (which I was) and then start a family straight away.... we're very close to starting our family, we have just put a few things ahead of having kids like buying a bigger house and taking promotions.
I CAN'T WAIT to be a mum. I just don't feel complete yet. I have never really wanted a career, being a mum has always been my dream :D

Yes I can understand people not wanting kids and I respect them.

Leeee

14-03-2010, 15:57

i've known since i was like 10 that i want children. of course back then it was like yeah one day i'll have children. i think i was 19 when i decided yeah i'd like them soonish and 20 when i was just like yep i want a baby and started planning middle names (i already had a couple of first names sorted for years). still don't have a baby and i can't even look at small babies i get too jealous and upset. but at least we're on the road.

i cannot understand people who don't want kids, it makes no sense to me. no offence to them, they're entitled to their choices. i have no desire whatsoever to have a career. and maybe they can't understand that. but that's ok cos at least we know what we want. or that's the way i see it anyway.

Mum2Mimi

14-03-2010, 16:03

nope i dont understand it either, ive always wanted kids from as young as i can remember

i was born to be a mother :laughing:

but it is a choice and i try to reserve judgement :yes:

crazymuma

14-03-2010, 16:14

I can honestly say I NEVER wanted to have kids.

Simple I never wanted to be tied down to anyone.
I never wanted to be responsible.
I was just not into screaming babies.
I wanted to work hard, play hard and travel.

Now I have 2 kids and wouldn't give them up for the world but I must admit I often have days where I think what my life would be like if I hadn't had them - and sometimes it actually upsets me on what I am missing out on.

Me&MrMagoo

14-03-2010, 16:48

I never wanted kids, and i really mean never. The thought used to freak me out and give me panic attacks.

it wasn't unti last year, after 12 years of marriage and turning 32 that i changed my mind ...

all i could think was if anything happened to my husband and i didn't have his children i would be devastated!

and now i can't imagine life without my son and definitely want more!

but i definitely understand both sides of the coin...

OneBabyBoy

14-03-2010, 16:49

I've never had that 'clucky/want a baby badly' feeling. I planned my baby because I was in love and it felt like the right thing to do. I love him to death but definitely won't want/have any more.

jaq

14-03-2010, 17:07

I WAS that person who others look at and think will never be a mother, because they are just not motherly. I was very career driven (since age 12 :rolleyes:) and all my favourite things are less than compatible with having children.

I never had any desire for children. I didn't dislike them, just ... couldn't see myself able to be that person. The thought was alien to me.

As fate would have it, though, I met my life partner early on in life, and when - after 10 years together - he asked me were we ever going to have children, I realised I had to at least think about the prospect.

It took me four years to figure out that maybe, just maybe, I could be that person. I will admit, though, even after being pregnant, and being excited about the prospect etc - I still wasn't 100% sure I COULD do this.

But I did. And now, my girls are - perhaps not everything, but most. The biggest, most joyful part of my life. And now I'm the one who wants more, but the man is happy with two. Doh!

TripleTime

14-03-2010, 17:32

In our case it was a lack of choice about the matter :laughing:

Same here. Took me a while to get my head around the idea but i got there.

DF used to work with a guy that hates kids (& animals for that matter), didnt have kids at his engagement party or wedding. Cracked the poo's when people didnt go because they couldnt take their kids.

SIL1 doesnt want kids & SIL2 wishes she never had kids.

I dont understand it but its their choice.

tootiredtosleep

14-03-2010, 17:37

Í didn't really want kids until I met DH, then I wanted it all, marriage, kids, mortgage etc etc.

5 years ago my sister was NEVER having kids. She just couldn't do it, part of that was because of her DH at the time (he was horrible!). Now she is divorced, has a great partner, loves my kids and is considering having her own.

peanutbutter&jelly

14-03-2010, 17:47

I was meant to be a Mummy. I trained to be a child care worker. I will train to be a primary teacher, though being a middie has crossed my mind a number of times.

I always thought I wanted 2 kids... So why does it not feel like enough now that I have them? :laughing:

bubbasmum

14-03-2010, 17:51

I don't know its just a feeling I have to want to procreate. I cant explain it I just have a need to be a mother. Sometimes I can understand why people dont want to have kids. The whole freedom thing is an issue for me sometimes but the thought of my children overides that.

Lily of the Nile

14-03-2010, 17:51

I wanted to have my own family and share my life. After my wedding, I realised those are the moments you live for and the small day to day things are quite meaningless. I also remember my parents being so happy and my dad so proud and now being grandparents it's priceless. So being pregnant, having a baby, their first day of school, graduations, weddings, grandkids, are the things I'll look back on when I'm in a nuring home and feel fullfilled. Not how much money I made, what happened at work one day, where I went on holidays, how much I drank one night, what shoes I bought, you know....

Bountiful

14-03-2010, 18:01

Misschief

14-03-2010, 18:15

*raises hand* Yep, I'm another who never thought I'd have children ... I don't 'not like' them, I just never had the urge you know?

Then I fell pregnant and was forced to terminate when I was 19yrs old. It's as though a switch was turned on inside me, from that time on I couldn't wait to meet someone and start a family :yes: Of course, in my case I met someone, fell pregnant then learned he was a scoundrel so my family only consists of DS and I, but I have plans to add to our family in the next few years -- if a man comes along that wants in, I'll consider it ;):laughing:

Biological urges aside, for me it's about leaving a legacy, someone to carry on after I'm gone.

Im exactly the same. Except for maybe you planned your DS? Sounds like you did. My bad if you didn't :)
I didn't plan, hence his daddy being a scoundrel and my family now existing of just 2, me and DS :) Would love to have a sibbling for him. But this time only if the right guy comes along. If not, looks like he's going to be an only child. Not that he would care, the spoiled rotten kiddo!

1+1=5

14-03-2010, 18:15

i always wanted children and a big family. I had a beautiful childhood and i wanted to have that too, for my kids. i never really thought about it any deeper than that.

i was 19 when i fell pregnant accidentally and while i was terrified and the timing was so awful, DH and i embraced it and never looked back. we are having #3 now and i can see myself having more babies after this. we'll see how we go :)

i can totally understand why people chose not to have children too. i do think about what that life would be like and i think i could be happy either way to be honest...as long as it was a choice and not infertility. most of my friends and my sister don't want children. my best friend despises them, which is going a bit far but meh. each to their own

14-03-2010, 18:24

I kinda did but I didn't. In the end I got pregnant accidentally, and I was not clucky even through my whole pregnancy, and it was only after giving birth that I began to get the 'mother' feeling, and after that I was sunk!! Babies galore!! :laughing:

Ana Gram

14-03-2010, 18:57

I didn't have any interest in having children. I had not urge to procreate. Even when I got pregnant, I was a bit meh.

ummmm

14-03-2010, 19:05

My son kinda just happened. We weren't expecting to fall pregnant as babies were not even on the mind of either of us as we were too busy being career focused.

MumtoD

14-03-2010, 19:50

I didn't want children for a long time - so yes I can understand people not wanting them. I know plenty of couples in their 30's and 40's who have no intention of having kids (career driven) and I see no problem with that. I would rather then not have kids then have them and have a nanny raise them.

My partner wanted kids and I became more open to kids eventually. I love my son more than anything in the world but I would not have been devestated if I hadn't had kids.

BigRedV

14-03-2010, 19:56

I always loved kids, even became a teacher but was never sure if I would have any myself. Been around children since I was young. I am the youngest of 6 kids and by a big age gap. I have nephews and nieces closer in age than 2 of my sisters are to me :laughing:

I thought I only wanted one at first, but here I am, pregnant with number 2 and probably another 1 (maybe 2) after this one :D

Mrs Nietzsche

14-03-2010, 19:56

Altruism - I felt a responsibility to pass on my superb genes.

mumma2ajem

14-03-2010, 20:01

i was born to be a mummy :yes: i love kids always have always will

i trained as a childcare teacher due to my love of kids and now i have been thinking of getting into midwifrey :yelclap: that would be my dream job

me and dp had dd young but she was planned we were both 21 when she was born and as it took a while to ttc her we would have been merely 20 if we fell pregnant as soon as we started ttc and we would love another 2-3 kids to complete our little family which we are trying for now :fingerscrossed:

14-03-2010, 20:02

Altruism - I felt a responsibility to pass on my superb genes.

Tee Hee... so true!! :D :laughing:

FertileMertile

14-03-2010, 20:04

I was 13 when my sister was born and was put off having kids for years as I realised how much hard work they are. I told my mum for years I wasnt having kids and might as well get a hysterectomy.

I think my 'moment' was when I was working in a nursing home and realising how alone the residents who dont have kids are. It was so sad as they never got any visitors. Some would get the occasional niece or son/daughter of a friend visit but their siblings and friends were all old and in nursing homes themselves most of the time.

I didnt go out and start trying to have a baby or anything from that time, I had just changed my mind.

Boobycino

14-03-2010, 20:22

I cant imagine not wanting to have children.

I wanted to have children from the time I learned about reproduction - maybe 9-10ish. I was HORRORFIED that I'd have to have sex to have a baby. I didn't know what sex was as I was only 9-10 years old, but I knew enough to know it was GROOOOOSSSSSSS and I planned to have IVF :yes: Yuck, boys, ggrrrooossss!

My mum commented a while back she wasn't at all supprised I got pregnant at 20. She knew I was impatiently waiting to grow up so I could have a family from about 15.

Jasper wasn't planned, but he wasn't unwanted. DP and I had been together for a fortnight and he asked me what I wanted to do with my life. And I told him, expecting him to jump out the nearby window, I wanted to be a mother. Career, travel, wealth, nothing else really mattered to me, at 19 I was thinking career and earning money was just a stepping stone to being able to then have a family.

So Jasper was a shock. But he most certainly wasn't unwanted, because when I said that, rather than DP going "errr, well, **RRRUNNN AAWAAYYYYYYY!!!!*" he smiled and said "me too"

(though, I didn't point out to him that I'd said "I want to be a mother" cos, ya know, he cant exactly ever be a mother, no matter how badly he might want to be :laughing:... but I knew what he meant)

Which is why it was such a BS line when he wasn't participating in caring for Jasper when he said "oh, I'm just not a baby person" because I CHOSE him as a partner based on the fact he wanted to be a father.

He's a good dad now though :yes: He's not a fantastic partner just yet, but he's realised that this is his one and only chance to get it right with Jasper!

Anyhoo, that was a long answer!

The "what made me"... I dunno.... I wonder if it truely was just hormones. Because my desire to have children was equal intensity to my sexual needs... so... i suspect on some level it was purely biological....

:detective:

nugglyboysmum

14-03-2010, 20:39

Everyting i did revolved around babies since i was 2 years old. All i ever wanted to play with as a kid was dolls. I worked in childcare then I got married and had DS. Since DS has been around however, DH and I arent wuite as kid crazy.

THere are heaps of people in here that have said they werent into kids til they had their own now they want a house full...well we are the opposite of that... we wanted a house full then once we had one we adore him but dont want any more.

TheCatsMeow

14-03-2010, 21:28

I always knew I was destined to have a baby! I love the fact I can feel a love so strong for such a little person.

I love my little bub, and really want another one. Granted it is a shock to the system at first though!

I can understand why people would not want kids. I realise now, I was inherently selfish before I had DD, and coming to terms with the fact that life was no longer about me was hard to deal with. I have no regrets though. DD is so worth the hard work, I wouldn't want it any other way!

supa_star323

14-03-2010, 21:30

I never planned to have my son but that said I couldn't imagine life without him. I do not want any more children though.

MsMummy

14-03-2010, 21:33

I hated my job and thought having a baby was my ticket out of working. Obviously I had seen too many movies or the stress had made me delusional.

When I suggested procreation to my partner, his eyes lit up at the potential of a lengthy conception period.

More fool on both of us; I got pregnant on the first attempt, and I went back to work part time within weeks.:D

moozle

14-03-2010, 21:35

DF says I was born to be a Mummy. It's something I've always wanted ever since I was old enough to look after dolls :)

amy12

14-03-2010, 22:08

I haven't pro-created yet, but I do want to in the future, I just don't have a partner :no:

I think it's just a trait I was born with, it's nature. Some people have the desire, others don't.
I've never understood the mentality of people who don't ever want kids.

My cousin is 37 and is yet to find "the one", in fact, she has given up on finding a partner and is not even contemplating having a baby on her own. She says it would be too much work and she doesn't want to give up her carefree lifestyle. It seems so sad and lonely.

On the other hand, I am 22 and want to have a baby soon - (whether I have a partner or not) - so obviously there is a huge difference between people.

Mrs Nietzsche

14-03-2010, 22:09

Yes, and you both share the same genetics(kabung)

SassyMummy

14-03-2010, 22:16

I had no desire to procreate when I had DD. She was far from planned. I was just a randy 18-year-old.

I've never considered NOT having children. I never had any experience with them, or a deep desire to have them (like some people who grow up with the sole dream of being a mother)... I just knew that I'd have them oneday. It was kinda like there was no real question - it was just what was gonna happen in my future at some stage.

I am clucky NOW, and I imagine it's probably my natural instincts. I'm 24, I've a got 4.5-year-old... I'm in love and living in a fairly stable relationship and home environment... I think my body has gone, "well... what are you waiting for then?"

I'm waiting for LOTS of things to happen first, but it doesn't stop that yearning... I just have to suck it up and try and ignore it. My body is just ready to do its thing... I think it's wanting it even more now because there's very little I have to do for DD. I mean, I feed her, I buy her stuff, I walk places with her... but she can do a lot of things for herself. It's worlds apart from having a newborn, and I think my body is ready for the challenge of a newborn again.

sockstealingpoltergeist

14-03-2010, 22:19

The first time, the condom broke. It wasn't soemthing I desired at that point.

Second time we both kinda wanted one, but I was scared, then it happened and I was quite beside myself, untill he was born.

Benji

14-03-2010, 22:32

My son wasn't planned, but was certainly wanted by me.

I've always wanted to be a mum. I can't really explain it but when I pictured what I want my life to be it always included a child! I've always been the kind of person who loves looking after things. I'd bring home hurt birds, lost dogs, etc. I always babysat and loved it (although boy it doesn't prepare you for reality of parenthood!!)

I CAN understand the mentality of people who choose not to have children. I don't think it's selfish or lonely or.. whatever! Friends of my family lived together as defacto husband and wife and decided to not have children but focus on other things - politics, charity, fixing the world first.

My parents didn't want children. My poor dad often thinks that this world is too cruel for children and they didn't have children until they were 28 after babysitting and falling in love with the kidlets (which was pretty radical for their days).

SpecialPatrolGroup

15-03-2010, 01:21

I just always wanted to have kids. My sister and I were always the bigger kids playing with the little kids, especially the babies. I used to hold a wedding for Barbie and Ken and then I would tape tissues around Barbies tummy and keep adding to them until eventually she would have one of those really tiny plastic baby dolls.
I can't say what made me want to procreate, I just knew that it was right for me, and then when I had trouble conceiving it was a cruel blow but I couldn't give up on my dream and didn't want to contemplate never having a baby. I really think it is what I was put on this earth to do, and a lot of people have said the same thing. :smiliedance:

Luna Lovegood

15-03-2010, 08:10

I never wanted children. Then I got into a relationship, and everything changed, so I agreed to not use contraception, and take it as it came...

But, I have one child and some days I want a second, and other days I don't. Considering the physical struggle my pregnancy was, losing another baby, ect ect, I doubt I will have another.

So I guess my relationship made me want to procreate to begin with. Having a child makes me want to do it a second time. Painful experiences and health reasons are the reasons I won't have a second child.

mum2bubba

15-03-2010, 09:54

I've always wanted children. I just thought it was normal that everyone wanted them/had them. Now that I am older and wiser I understand it's not everybody's cup of tea. Each to their own.

SimplyMum

15-03-2010, 10:24

But, I was going through a very selfish period and loving being single and travelling...i guess i couldn't see far enough ahead to realise that may change.

I'm there right now. :) I have one DS, and I love him to bits. Like WCM, I didn't choose to fall pregnant but I did choose to have DS. Now though I am loving life and perhaps being slightly self-indulgent to myself, DP and DS and am not sure if I want to go back for more and run the risk of sacrificing our life and luxuries.

Deserama

15-03-2010, 10:43

It was an inbuilt instinct in me.

I think those who don't want kids had environmental impact on their instinct, so it isn't able to develop. Not that it's a bad thing...it's not. But that's how I see things.

I see that all have the instinct to procreate, it's just that sometimes these instincts are overidden by environmental factors...fear, a desire to do other things...whatever. I've also known many people who would swear that they didn't have a maternal bone in their body, yet would goo and gaa over a puppy and treat it like a child. Then go on and get pregnant and they suddenly realise that they are maternal afterall.

bookwormmum

15-03-2010, 11:00

I have always been very maternal. Like others have said, I too feel like I was born to be a mother. In high school I was always the maternal one out of all my friends, the one everyone went to when they needed a chat and a hug. I could see myself having a career, but I would have become either a midwife or a teacher.

DF and I had been together for 2 years when I got pregnant, I was 18 and he was 20, we were deeply in love, living together, and knew that one day we would get married and have kids. So even though she wasn't planned we were so excited and felt so blessed to have her. It hasn't been easy but we are coping, and now that I have her I couldn't imagine my life any other way. In fact if anything having her has made me want more and we're trying for our second :D I would like 3 or 4 kids but DF is adamant he wants 2, he'll come around though :p