Do you think its rude to ... ?

[lollygobble]

Hi there,

Just want some advice and opinions.

We are going to plan our baby shower soon, however, we would rather have an anonymous wishing well (where people give us cash and money) rather than gifts. Firstly because some of the things people have been pointing out to me at the shops and they say "OMG thats so adorable" ... when really I'm thinking "thats horrid". And secondly, we would rather choose the stuff we want. Thirdy most of the money (if we go ahead) will go to the nursery furniture we would like to purchase.

Do you think it is rude..??

I am not going to say "hey give us money instead" but moreso in our invitations attach a poem asking kindly for money or gift cards

:confused::confused::confused:
Much Love
and Peace:bee:

[Chunkydunks]

Why not. Explain to people why you'd prefer money (because you'd like to buy the furniture with it) and I'm sure most people will be fine with it.

[MsMummy]

I think it's a good idea.

It's really wasteful when you get presents you don't need.

Maybe just phrase the invites in such a way that people still feel like they have the option to buy a gift, as some people are uncomfortable with the cash option.

[Opinionated]

I understand where you are coming from, but when I recieve those sorts of cards, I just feel a bit blah about it all. Sure, it makes it easy and I don't really have time to shop anyway, but it just feels like a cash grab. I always wonder if I was invited because they want me there, or to make more money.

Sorry, I guess this isn't what you wanted to hear.

[breechmumma]

I don't think it is rude if you do it right. As you said a little poem could work. But don't make it one of those cheesy ones that rhymes weird words together like wedding invites. I hate them.

At my baby shower I put in a little letter saying that i really didn't want any gifts at all (I wanted to pick my own things too) I also put a list of "the things I had lots of already" and "the things I still needed" for those that I knew would buy me a gift anyway. I had 32 pairs of socks already so i didn't want anymore, haha. I also specified that there was to be no pink. We were having a girl but I don't like pink.

So maybe you could write something along the line of "That you are not expecting any gifts but if you would really like to get something a gift of cash or gift vouchers placed in the nappy bucket (wishing well) would be very helpful as there are somethings that you have your eyes on that you really want your bub to have. Or even write it in the point of view of your bub. Eg "Mummy and Daddy have some certain, special things picked out for me. They know I will just love them. So if you really want to get me a gift maybe you could help them out by giving a small gift of money or gift voucher. I can't wait to meet you all soon. Love from (bubs nickname)" Of course this needs some work. I am not the greatest at writing and wording things. Hope this helps.

[lambjam]

What about setting up a baby registry? That way people can buy a gift, avoid giving cash, and you can choose what you'd like.

Personally I want to feel as though I'm giving the child something from my family, a toy or piece of clothing from us to them. I've also found that people really like to see a photo of my bubs wearing or using the gift they gave, I don't think they'd get the same feeling from knowing they'd contributed a leg of the cot :laughing:.

[Little Gorilla]

At the baby showers I have been to, the presents haven't been anything over the top. It's more like singlets, bath goods, some little outfits, wraps - sort of inexpensive day to day items.

So, for me, I like getting little presents and I think asking for money towards something large is a bit rude.

Half the fun of a baby shower is opening the presents while everyone is there.

But that is just my opinion...which is what you wanted.

[Mum2Mimi]

i think its abit rude and agree that half the fun is opening the presents while everybody is there and i would wonder if i was there just for my donation.... Weddings are different i wouldnt mind putting something in the well to go towards house deposit or furniture for couples new home or money for hooneymoon but for a baby shower....bit taccy but thats jmo

[luv2shop]

I personally wouldn't ask for money in lieu of gifts....not rude as such but it just doesn't sit well with me..IYKWIM??
you can never have enough basics..like shampoos,singlets,face washers,nappies!..maybe have your best friend or family member hint to others what you like or maybe a gift voucher @ toys r us or target...??
I dont mind giving money at weddings but a babyshower just seems a bit like asking too much?

Probably not what you wanted to hear..sorry!

[bada]

I understand where you are coming from, but when I recieve those sorts of cards, I just feel a bit blah about it all. Sure, it makes it easy and I don't really have time to shop anyway, but it just feels like a cash grab. I always wonder if I was invited because they want me there, or to make more money.

Sorry, I guess this isn't what you wanted to hear.
:iagree:

As wasteful as it is receiving gifts you'll never use, I think many ppl take a lot of pride in choosing the gift they want to give you, and them giving you a gift they think you'll love makes them feel good. I have quite a few family members like this and I know that although they'd smile on the outside they would be offended and even a bit saddened if I asked for money instead of gifts.

Besides you can always re-gift, just be sure to label the gifts so you don't re-gift to the original giver :laughing:

I also think you mostly end ip using a lot of the stuff you think you'll never use. Sure you might get some ugly baby suits but you might just need them as back-up when bub has spewed on everything else. And things that look ugly to you now, you may find actually do look cute on your baby!

[Mathermy]

I understand where you are coming from, but when I recieve those sorts of cards, I just feel a bit blah about it all. Sure, it makes it easy and I don't really have time to shop anyway, but it just feels like a cash grab. I always wonder if I was invited because they want me there, or to make more money.

Sorry, I guess this isn't what you wanted to hear.
^^:yes:

TBH sometimes I think the poem makes it worse- at the end of the day you are still asking people for money and they will be aware of it, "cute" poem or not.

[RedPanda]

I think it's a little rude because baby showers are generally token presents (wraps, face washers, lotions etc). Guests will generally buy another gift when the baby is born, so the baby shower one is usually a smaller gift. If I got a cash request, I'd be a bit put out and I'd think the whole thing was a present grab instead of a nice, celebratory morning/afternoon tea.

[Fuchsia!]

I understand where you are coming from, but when I recieve those sorts of cards, I just feel a bit blah about it all. Sure, it makes it easy and I don't really have time to shop anyway, but it just feels like a cash grab. I always wonder if I was invited because they want me there, or to make more money.

Sorry, I guess this isn't what you wanted to hear.
I feel the same way

[RmumR]

I would not like to receive an invite to a baby shower with a note in it requesting money rather than a gift.
If there are some things you need more than other than go ahead and spread the word that you have lots of ..... but not many of ......
Contributing to a larger present like baby furniture would not be my cup of tea at all. I personally don't spend a huge amount on baby shower gifts i usually get a couple of small things that i know will come in handy

[biscotti]

I think it's a little rude because baby showers are generally token presents (wraps, face washers, lotions etc). Guests will generally buy another gift when the baby is born, so the baby shower one is usually a smaller gift. If I got a cash request, I'd be a bit put out and I'd think the whole thing was a present grab instead of a nice, celebratory morning/afternoon tea.


:iagree:

I love choosing thoughtful gifts and put a lot of time, thought and love into it. I would probably not attend if I was asked to give money, cute poem or not....it just doesn't sit well with me sorry.

[River Song]

i think it is rude as well.

I am having a baby shower, and i really don't expect people to spend much on a present...more something token.

Weddings, very different kettle of fish as it is a more expensive occasion.

I will be grateful for anything i might get...but more grateful to spend a lovely time with my girlfriends.

I think if you are thinking about what you will get....your motives are a bit off for having the shower.

[missie_mack]

Yeah I think money is tacky too. I rarely give money as a gift regardless of whether it is a wedding or not. If I didn't want the gifts I would just make it gift free or set up a registry for those who don't want to make up their own mind on what to buy you (Not that I always like these either but it seems that some people would rather this than having to decide for themselves)

[Lastcenturymum]

I pretty much agree with others comments who don't like the idea.

As said, it's often a small gift with thought put into it and if you don't like it, either don't use it, or if it's clothing, put it on the baby when at home and not out.

It's like doing the same for weddings - I'm just not a fan of them, it's too money centric and almost says 'we don't like your taste and don't want your gift, but would like your money'

Sorry.

[TurnedBatty]

I dont think I could do it for mine, but a friend asked for donations towards the new pram they were getting, and I didnt hear anyone say anything bad about it.

[Twins Kelly]

Interesting. I can see where you're coming from if money is tight. Maybe you could speak to those closest to you and tell them you have laybyed a pram cot etc and would love, instead of a gift, a small contribution to paying it off. But I wouldn't ask people who weren't in my closest circle for cash, not for a baby shower, that is, like many have said, more of a get together to wish you well and a token gift for baby (I don't I've ever spent more than maybe $25 on a gift and would feel silly putting such a small amount in card)

[Bexta]

I think it's rude... & the poems are just plain tacky IMO.

I've never liked the wishing well idea for weddings, engagements & baby showers. Sounds like a money grab to me.

[Teegzie]

I also think you mostly end ip using a lot of the stuff you think you'll never use. Sure you might get some ugly baby suits but you might just need them as back-up when bub has spewed on everything else. And things that look ugly to you now, you may find actually do look cute on your baby!

:iagree: DDF and I were given some stuff we thought was awful, but we still ended up using it (mostly at home so no one could see :p) and those that we didn't end up using we put aside for regifting to people who were happy to recieve hand-me-downs (my sisters mainly).
Even the hundreds of J&J products we got and couldn't use on DD we ended up using! DF actually prefers to wash with J&J baby soap now because he used so much of it after DD was born! :laughing:



I think if you are thinking about what you will get....your motives are a bit off for having the shower.


Maybe you could speak to those closest to you and tell them you have laybyed a pram cot etc and would love, instead of a gift, a small contribution to paying it off. But I wouldn't ask people who weren't in my closest circle for cash, not for a baby shower, that is, like many have said, more of a get together to wish you well and a token gift for baby (I don't I've ever spent more than maybe $25 on a gift and would feel silly putting such a small amount in card)

I agree with both of these. I think it is fine to request a contribution to big ticket items from close family (my patents and IL's basically paid for all of our nursery furniture, car seat and pram etc), but to ask friends who really only want to celebrate your childs upcoming birth seems a bit rude.

[lollygobble]

Thanks Guys.. A lot of you said that this isnt what i wanted to hear.. but you have all made valid points. :) Much Appreciated <3

p.s i didnt intend for asking for money as a cash grab.. lol.. just clearing that up.

[JasmineLouise]

Ordinarily I don't mind wishing wells for weddings etc, however I don't think they are appropriate for baby showers. I would buy a present regardless.

[Sheer Bliss]

If it's just a generic 'wishing well' then I find it kinda weird...not totally rude, but a maybe a little bit. I have had 3 friends have wishing wells at their weddings (well, the last one was a wishing suitecase!) and it was all good from my POV then.

One had a new house, full of everything they needed, but they had their eye on a fountain for their front garden....the poem indicated that and that's what they spent the money on. The seond had a new house that needed re-carpeting, so wedding gifts paid for that. The last one - had a nice old fasioned leather suitecase and asked for spending money for their honeymoon! I guess it didnt' really bother me because I kinda knew what my money was going towards, and I could remember that I bought them 'part' of the fountain/honeymoon/new carpet. So maybe incorporate how you have nursery furniture picked and that's what the money will be spent on??

I honestly don't see how a registry is any different to a 'wishing well' too.

[GreenEnvelope]

Hi :)

I'm in two minds about this. I DO think that part of the fun of a bbay shower is opening everyone's gifts while they're there and I agree that people take alot of pride and feel special being able to choose a special girft for your baby. However, I understand the wishing well scenario as we had one for our wedding. We didn't include a poem, however, as i do think they're a bit tacky, and didn't want the 'gift issue' to be the focus of our invitation. At the bottom of our wedding invitations we had a small note that sadi 'Gifts not expected. However, if you would like to give something, a gift of money towards our future would be greatly appreciated". You could perhaps use the same approach, maybe something like:

"Gifts not expected. If, however, you would like to give something, a gift of money towards Bubby's baby furniture would be greatly appreciated".

Hope this helps. One thing i learnt is that no matter which way you approach a delicate topic like this one, you're bound to offfend SOMEONE! So don't worry about what other people think and make sure you won't have any regrets :o

Good luck!

[Guest]

I'm a bit late on this one, but yes I think it's rude. I personally don't like invitations asking for money, and I know a few people that have done it for b'day parties, christenings and I just think eew, the only thing I don't mind is weddings where you can put money towards their honeymoon or just give money, but not for anything else + the whole point of a baby shower/kitchen tea is to open presents infront of guests and receive gifts so you don't have to go out and buy them.
I think a registry is a better idea and include an option to put money on your big ticket items at the shop you've laybyed them at. Then you can have a card from the store and thank people at the party when your opening gifts and say so and so put money on our cot etc. At least people can see what they've given money for and they have an option on what to buy, rather than being told 'give money' especially if people can't afford to put alot in a card.

[CharlieSuki]

If I got an invitation with that request on it I would be like..... "YAY - now I don't have to go looking for a gift, just bang in some money in a card - sweet!"

In fact..... I think I might steal your idea! :yes:

[Princess Drama]

I dont really like the money tree thing. What happened to being happy with what people give you? Baby showers should be about fun and celebrating with the mum to be. Not for the guests to deck out the babys stuff. My first baby shower my friends gave little singlets with embroided animals, or a pair of knitted booties. It was wonderful.

[whitgal]

I agree with most people not a fan.

When mum and I go to baby showers we always grab a washing basket and fill it with stuff like (baby shampoos,singlets) little things like that

[SAgirl]

I think for a baby shower it's a bit rude but that's just my opinion.

A baby shower for me is just hanging out having a fun day with the girls before bub arrives.

If u ask for money instead of a gift then it just feels like that's all u r after.

Personally I would just appreciate anything I received. People put a lot of time and effort deciding on what gift they want to give u and I think that's really nice.

To me it's kinda like telling people what to get you for your birthday - as if they r expected to get u something.