What did you think about being an only child?

[mummysbabyboy]

I am thinking of probably having only one child but I was just wondering what people thought about being an only child (if you were an only child)? Positives and negatives.

[zenifa]

Growing up as an only child, I guess it was all I knew. I had lots of cousins nearby (7) plus lots of family friends with children my age, so I didn't feel 'alone'. My best friend was also an only child, we met in kindy and were friends for 23yrs, like sisters I guess in a way.

I am very sociable, but also like to spend time alone and it taught me to be independent and to interact well with adults, as well as other kids. I don't really remember any negatives, as I didn't have to share my parents, room or toys with anyone and there was no sibling rivalry etc.

Its only been as an adult with parents that are aging, that I wish I had a sibling to share some of that with.

[mimsie]

I am not technically an only child, but I may as well have been. Stick with me, it's a bit complicated, lol.

I have 8 brothers and sisters, but I am the only child between my mother and father together. My mum had 2 children in a previous marriage, my dad had 3. Now they are onto their third marriages, my dad has another plus there are two step siblings.

When I was born the closest half sibling was 11, they ranged from 11-16 when I was born. So by the time I had any conscious memory they were either late teens or adults. They all lived with their other parent, and not with us. So at home it was mum, dad and me. When they divorced it was just mum and me.

I saw them on and off, but it was a matter of seeing them for about 5 minutes and then they would go chat to the parent and talk 'adult' stuff. My little brother wasn't born until I was almost 17 and pregnant myself, and the step siblings are 21 and 50 - But I never lived with the 21yo.

Ok, how's that? So I was raised like an only child but I'm not technically.

My mum regrets not having another baby that was my full sibling now. She wishes she'd given me what the others had, and someone to be with. She feels some of my traits now are because I was alone so much as a child - not alone per se but without a sibling at home to play/fight etc lol.

I see my DH who has 3 brothers and is very close to one in particular (they are 4 years apart and full siblings, then they have 2 half brothers who are in their very early 20's) and that is a relationship I just have NO understanding of whatsoever. I don't 'get' it. I watch my mum and her sister fight and carry on, and I don't 'get' it. I see my kids - who are 21 months apart - and they are sooooooo close, sometimes I wish I had someone like that.

I had my DD because I didn't want DS to have a big age gap between siblings, like me - so we had our second when I was 19, even though people expected me to wait til I was a 'normal' age. If we have another now (we're ttc) I'd like to have another 2, same reasons. Before she died - just before she got sick actually, my sister said to me she regretted having her youngest without having a 4th. She had a 23yo, 19yo and 12yo. She and my half brother (mums other kids) were about 2 years apart as well. In hindsight looking at it now you wonder if it is better that there isn't a 9 or 10yo out there who could have just lost his/her mother.


Anyyyyyway sorry about the long winded post. Obviously it's up to you, it depends on your child and what they are like as a person, but based on my own experiences I wouldn't want to have one child or have one more child now without a close sibling.

[mummysbabyboy]

Thanks for the response ...I'm finding it really interesting.

zenifa-when you said..
Its only been as an adult with parents that are aging, that I wish I had a sibling to share some of that with. Do you mean emotionally or physically?

aylaah- I find this really interesting when you say

I don't 'get' it.
because I had two siblings and I get it...I couldn't imagine not.

Thanks again ladies....if anyone else has any opinions/stories I would love to hear them.

[Lil M]

Growing up as an only child, I guess it was all I knew. I had lots of cousins nearby (7) plus lots of family friends with children my age, so I didn't feel 'alone'. My best friend was also an only child, we met in kindy and were friends for 23yrs, like sisters I guess in a way.

I am very sociable, but also like to spend time alone and it taught me to be independent and to interact well with adults, as well as other kids. I don't really remember any negatives, as I didn't have to share my parents, room or toys with anyone and there was no sibling rivalry etc.

Its only been as an adult with parents that are aging, that I wish I had a sibling to share some of that with.
:iagree: That is how I feel too, never felt like I'd missed out or longed for a sibling. Although I now occasionally wish I had a sibling back in the UK (where my parents live) as I feel a little guilty for moving so far away. I have a DS & I'm not planning to have another though.

[mummysbabyboy]

Thanks for sharing :)

[zenifa]

There have been times when its been hard to be an only child, but its more about my own relationship with my parents, we are close but they have traditional expectations of me. I was the only one who could give them grandchildren, so since my early 20s, there was some implicit pressure to marry, have children etc. Also I lived in the UK for 5yrs and although they visited me and I visited Aust, it was hard to make a long term decision to live so far from them. Now they are ageing, and I feel I need to support them practically, emotionally, as things change for them healthwise (there is no other family that will do it, its all up to me).

In fact today one of my best childhood friends visited with her elderly father, she's also an only child and we were talking about this, its common and not easy.

My DH had a younger sibling and always wished he was an only child.

We do have 2 children and I enjoy seeing my daughters' developing sibling relationship, and wanted DD1 to have a sibling despite my own positive only child experience, and my parents also agreed with me. My dad was one of 10, mum was one of 2.

also there is an interesting podcast on ABC Radio National on "Only children" on Life Matters program which I recommend.

[icugal]

I have to be completely honest... I HATED being an only child. It was a very lonely life... and even now I'm envious when people talk about having great times with their siblings.

When I had kids, I made it my lifes work to NEVER have an only child... hence the reason why there is less than an 18 month age gap between my two. I wanted to make sure that my oldest had a sibling as quickly as possible.

Some people love being an only child... I am not one of those people :D

[mummysbabyboy]

Thanks ladies you are really helping me have some understanding of what being an only child is like. It is such big descision to make...


zenifa
There have been times when its been hard to be an only child, but its more about my own relationship with my parents, we are close but they have traditional expectations of me. I was the only one who could give them grandchildren, so since my early 20s, there was some implicit pressure to marry, have children etc. Also I lived in the UK for 5yrs and although they visited me and I visited Aust, it was hard to make a long term decision to live so far from them. I have two siblings and have exactly the same pressures...even though my parents have 4 grandchildren now I am still getting pressured to have a second child. I would also be the worlds worst person if I moved away!!

[Jabies]

There is 8 years between me and my older brother and when we were younger we used to fight all the time. Now that we are both adults we get along fine.. but he still see's me as his 'little sister' he can boss around and isn't liking that I am standing up to him. My younger brothers were born when I was 11 & 13. Bit of a shock to the system at that age to have the ground taken out from under you!!! (Remarried...) I am more like a friend to the younger ones than anything else. Take them places and stuff...

I see the relationship between my DH and his sister and it's close. They are 2 years apart.

What DH and I have decided is that if we only have 1, we can give that child everything possible in this world! Private Education.. Any sport/hobbie/scouts/nippers etc it wants to do.. and because I do Family Day Care.. it will always have other children around, but will also have 1 on 1 time with just mum and dad.. It's a very hard decision to make... cause if I do have 2.. I want them to be close... but don't know whether I can repeat this last 12 weeks or not.. it's been horrid!

[meant2b]

Hi,

I didn't like being an only child either. :no: My mum was a single mum and our relationship was horrid. I guess if she was a lot more 'motherly', loving, caring etc things would have been a lot different. I was terribly lonely.

When I watch my children play (DS 2.2yrs, DD 11mths also currently 8wks preggers:)) I often wonder what it would have been like to know someone and have that love and support your whole life, right from birth (I know this is not always the case).

I think you should do what is right for you and make sure that you give your little one all the attention and love it deserves, like we all should anyway. There's no point in having more then one if you'll only end up resenting them or regretting it.

Good luck with your decision, it would be hard.

[Gabi]

I hated being an only child. :no:

I didn't like having no one to share a room with, no one at home to play/fight with, and as an adult I hate not having a sibling (or five;)) to share my adult life with. I always hoped to marry into a large family and have a large family myself, mostly because I never want to be lonely again.

[jalibali]

I really didn't mind being an only child, I was sociable and would usually just go and find a neighbor to play with or have friends over. It was also good as an adolescent as I was very confident and happy to go and do things by myself.

But now that I am married with kids, I really wish my kids had aunties and uncles to spoil them or cousins to play with. I just wish there was more of a network of siblings, I am young and my parents are still in their 50's but I really stress that I will be "it" after they have gone, I also worry that with my kids I won't be able to care for my parents if they need me.

[Teley]

In one word: horrid!

Not something I want or plan to put my child through:no:.

[Blonde Assassin]

Well I completely enjoyed my time growing up as an only child :yes: I had two loving parents who were incredible! As well as plenty of other family members who spoiled & adored me.

I had a best friend who lived in the same street & other friends from kinder & school that I saw regularly on holidays & weekends. I used to spend lots of time at my grandparents place too.

For most of the time though I played by myself - it didn't bother me at all!

I don't see why choosing to have only one child is a bad or cruel thing to do. I had the best of everything growing up, because having only one child, my parents could afford to do that. At the moment I am very undecided as to whether we want another child. If we do, it won't be too soon because I never liked small age gaps between children. But meh! If we don't, I'm sure DS will turn out just fine :D

[BabushkaMumma]

I had a yuk childhood compounded by being an OC. My mother was older - 27 years ago and my dad was really old when had me, he was 47 at the time. Add that to the fact they had recently immigrated from two cultures from the opposite ends of the world , they were out of touch on how to raise a child in Australia, and that continued on into my teenage years. They didn't engage in a much play or activities as they were blue collar hardworking ppl so they worked most of the time in odd shifts.
I wanted someone to play with - as an intelligent child i wanted interaction so much, so I buried my head into books and academia so that was ok. Socially and emotionally I developed early but what I needed was a buffer, a protection, someone who I could love unconditionally but who wasn't parenting me at the same time - above all I wanted a brother, I wanted someone to look after me as the adults had failed me.
Now, I feel a heavy responsibility to care for my ageing parents. I am their only family in Oz, and my father recently was confined to a wheelchair so we've made our downstairs their house which helps me fulfil my reponsibilty to care for them.
So, for me, siblings are something I think about and we will be having 1 more. However, if my financial or emotional situation may make having siblings very difficult, I wouldn't have any more and be ok with that because I know what do differently now... Hth x

[maestroandme]

I HATE BEING AN ONLY CHILD!!!!!!!!

yep that much...... Dont get me wrong I have great parents that gave me everything.... toys , technology - that my friends could only dream aabout, trips interstate and sking, but you know what who cares about toys if their is no one to share them with.
It has made me who I am today confident , independant , but someone who values people over material things. I also value alone time. I was inventive, daring and willing to take a chance. I grew up thinking i was that- hey I was the centre of attention. But always got better with adults , even now I get on better with older people.

Christmas bday = boring noone could ever play. My daughter has no uncles or aunties or cousins!!!! Our family consits of me , DH, DD nan & pop small & cute.

I know my daughter hates having no aunties or uncles or cousins. So it very much has an impact on future generations.

Yes you have more money to spend on 1 child , maybe if you come from a large family that is close with lots of cousins yes. But i have 1 DDand have tried to compensate her whole life cos I know what it is like ....... we have heaps of friends with children - but it is not the same as family.

I would trade any day to come from a bigger family. Maybe thats why I married2 men from large families lol. It's also why it breaks my heart so much that DD is also an only child though no choice of my own.

[meme]

I didn't like it either for so many of the reasons already mentioned.

christmas sucked because myparents split up so it was only ever one parent and me.

Even though my parents socialised with other families with kids, so I could play with others, it just wasn't the same because home was lonely. I had pets and loved them and played a lot of imaginary games alone and quite like alone time now, but I also crave company and that unconditional freindship that I think a sibling would give.

emotionally as well as physically I am starting to wonder about when my parents get older and what that will be like. I will be alone in the world one day as my father is quite distant from his family adn my mother is a world away from hers so there isn't much extended family connection.

Especially having my own kids I wish I had siblings who might do that too. a lot of my friends come from larger families and there was a lot of siblings al having babies at the same time, which gives them a lot of support and in built friendship. I often feel like a ring in tag a long at some days where my kids are the odd ones out not related to anyone.


I had an only child for 6 years and she loved it, but the amazing love I felt at the joy of being able to give her siblings was fantastic. even if she complains about it now, I imagine mygirls going out into the world as adults and hope that they have each other to lean on should they realy need someone.

I'm sure there are lots of fabulous things about being an only child and it suits some children and families.

but nope, I don't like it;)

[studyingECS]

Hate it..it's lonely!

[Kyles72]

Growing up as an only child, I guess it was all I knew. I had lots of cousins nearby (7) plus lots of family friends with children my age, so I didn't feel 'alone'. My best friend was also an only child, we met in kindy and were friends for 23yrs, like sisters I guess in a way.

I am very sociable, but also like to spend time alone and it taught me to be independent and to interact well with adults, as well as other kids. I don't really remember any negatives, as I didn't have to share my parents, room or toys with anyone and there was no sibling rivalry etc.

Its only been as an adult with parents that are aging, that I wish I had a sibling to share some of that with.
:iagree:I didnt mind being an only child -I have nothing to compare it to. I certainly dont think I was spoilt. Sometimes I felt pressure to be "Everything" - sporty, smart, pretty (bombed out there Im afraid!), but I think that pressure came from myself, I dont remember it coming from my parents.

I understand what the others are saying, now I am older and my parents are getting old, if something were to happen, it would all fall to me, and I would like to have someone else to share that load - who knows, I might be lucky and nothing "bad" happens.

My parents were young when they had me (23& 25). It was a bit more unusaual to be an only as I was growing up, these days it appears more common. My son is going to be an only (through no choice of my own), and I am aware his experience will be totally different than mine, if nothing else I had him at 36 and DH was 40.

Im very concious of socialising DS, we have childcare, mothers group, and toddler gym, so even though he doesnt have family his age, he has a lot of friends and I will draw on my experiences as an OC to help him become the best person he can be.

It doesnt have to be a negative:)HTH

[Made in England]

:iagree: That is how I feel too, never felt like I'd missed out or longed for a sibling. Although I now occasionally wish I had a sibling back in the UK (where my parents live) as I feel a little guilty for moving so far away. I have a DS & I'm not planning to have another though.

I'm from the UK too, and have a 10 month DD, and feel like I'm taking my parents only grand child away from them. I feel very guilty for moving away. And this just makes me wish I had siblings back home.

As a child, I felt jealous of my friends who had siblings too, and even now I wish I knew what it was like to have the brother/sister relationship.

[Ruby Sneakers]

Sorry to crash here... After a nightmarish pregnancy we are considering te fact that this bub may be our one and only.....

I'm sorry to read that many people hated being an only child..... I hated having a sibling! Me and my bro are 18months apart (he's older) and had a horrid relationship - and still do. I only stay on contact with him for my parents sake. Parents still married and were very even stevens with us our whole lives but my bro is just an a$$hole and always has been.....

I would have loved to be an only child.... Still would TBH....

[august]

I grew up with 3 siblings and really i am not friends with any of them.
My brother (2 yrs younger) is an *******
My sister (6 yrs younger) is just diff thatn me.
My other bro is 8 yrs younger than me and is still in highschool.

There is no garuntee that the siblings will enjoy each others company.

[Subzeromum]

Hi all, I was an only child and I think it has to do with your parent's awareness of the different needs of an only child. An only child will require more of your attention (No brothers or sisters to play with just parents at home) and parents need to ensure there are many opportunites for their child to have lots of interaction with other kids - sleep overs, play dates, out ofschool activities, etc. On the flip side though I was very resourceful in keeping myself occupied and I have never needed others around all the time or have been clingy.

I did used to dream about being born into my friends and cousin's families who seemed to have happy families have since learned that those families were not perfect either. I think if you create your own traditions and let your child know that they are being respected and valued in their little family will help.

[Nel]

I'm an only child. I didn't hate it but I can't say I loved it either. I only have 1 son at the moment but I am very determined to give him another sibling in the next couple years.

After reading through the posts in here, it seems most (not all) only children didn't like all that much & wanted siblings. Yet the couple people who replied saying they had siblings wished they were only children! Seems its a case of wanting what we didn't have :laughing:

Overall I think there is probably more negative aspects to being an only child (this is my personal perspective)
- i feel i'm a little timid/shy because I never had to stand up for myself in the fighting/terrorising stage that siblings go through.
- my mother never seemed to have any friends when I was growing up. She never took me to daycare, playgroup or kindy etc. I didn't have interaction with kids until preschool when i was 5 years old! I think that has affected me somewhat..
- I have just moved from WA to NSW and left my parents behind who are getting old (mum's in her 50's, dad's in his 60's). They have given me guilt trip after guilt trip because their only child has left them, and taken their only grandchild as well. So the pressure to be everything can be stressful.
I would have loved a brother or sister, someone I could have fought with, shared toys with and hopefully in adult years being close with.

There is positives as well such as giving full attention to the 1 child, getting everything the child needs without having to share it out.

My DF is 1 of 4 - and at the opposite end of the scale I think that is too many.
So, in my opinion, I think 2 children is the perfect balance.

[mmlc]

I am an only child and absolutely loved it growing up and still don't mind it now.

I lived with my grandmother growing up, we survived on a pension so being spoilt was never an issue. However, I do have aunts (who have no kids) who took me overseas each and every year because I was an only child. And I absolutely loved that, and knew I'd never, ever have got that opportunity if I had siblings. However, I did give up Christmas and birthday presents very early for these trips, but I know what i'd rather!

I remember only some holidays being a little bored if friends couldn't come to visit, but I learnt to play very well by myself and usually it didn't worry me at all. I was lucky I had a grandmother who spent lots of time with me, she played board games and took me for walks, fishing etc so I usually had someone to spend time with, even it wasn't friends. I guess if you have an only child they will want more of your time, but not all the time, and not when they get older.

I am also shy but I'm doubtful if having siblings would have helped that, it's just me. I have very loud friends and I can deal well with them ok.

I considered only having an only child myself, as I really loved my experience. But husband is one of 5 and really wanted more so we've now got 2. People say that only children are spoilt, but let me tell you I'm spoiling my 2 just fine. Just be a little careful with one that they don't get their own way each and every time and you should be ok. But spoil away I say, your kid/s are only young once!

I guess as an adult the only consideration I've got now is that probably I will be looking after my aunts (perhaps for your child it would be her parents-my situation a little different) all by myself when they age. And sometimes with my family that isn't going to be easy, but it is my life and I accept it. My aunts are currently taking care of my aging grandmother (their mother-whom I lived with), but in time it will be my turn to look after them. I don't look after my grandmother much as I live too far away but I know that when she passes on my aunts will be moving close to me! It's not so bad.

I married a man who has 4 other brothers and sisters so my kids have plenty of aunts/uncles and cousins. If I had have married another only child I guess my kids may not have had a very large extended family, but I truly believe kids get use to what they've got, so if this is not your situation (large extended family), I seriously don't think your child will care.

Teach him/her to accept life for what is it and not whinge about would could have been and they will be fine.

[earthfairy]

I absolutely hated being an only child. And even now at nearly 30 still do.
However, it wasnt my Mum & Dad's choice, both Mum & I nearly died during delivery & they left the placenta inside my mum after the csection & 6 weeks later she collapsed & it went gangreene. Hence no more kids. The damage was done.

Mum often still says she wished she could have more children.

My parents split when I was 7, it was so hard on me to try & keep it together for my mother as she fell apart. In 6 months my mum lost her marriage & also both her parents :(

When i was younger I hated not having anyone to play with, I think i was actually forced to grow up a lot quicker than my friends as I was always surrounded by adults more than children my own age.

Now, at nearly 30 what do i hate about it?
My biggest fear is when my parents die. Who will be there to feel what I am feeling? No one.
I will be responsible for taking care of absolutely everything from the funerals, their houses & belongings. This terrifies me to no end.
And even though I have my DH & my kids, I will be an orphan. Silly I know, but It is how i feel.

The other thing that annoys me is that DD will have no cousins etc on my side of the family. Lucky DH has a brother & will "hopefully" one day have kids too....

Sorry to post such a miserable reply, but it is the reality of my world. That is why DD's brother or sister is being baked as I type, I want her to have what I didnt.

Best of luck to you :hugs::hugs:

[Teley]

The other thing that annoys me is that DD will have no cousins etc on my side of the family. Lucky DH has a brother & will "hopefully" one day have kids too....

Sorry to post such a miserable reply, but it is the reality of my world. That is why DD's brother or sister is being baked as I type, I want her to have what I didnt.

Best of luck to you :hugs::hugs:


This is what I most dislike. That now it is essentially just DS and I. Nobody else.

And thats also why I am also adamant about giving DS a sibling. What if something happens to me? Not now, five years later, ten years later, twenty years later? Cant imagine it would feel good...

[RipperRita]

I liked being an "only". The characteristics that have served me best in my life I believe came from being an only child... The worst thing about it for me was the stigma attached to it and the looks or labels I'd get when I revealed I was an only child. I do wish my children would have cousins though... At the moment dh's brothers don't look as though they are having children. I loved playing with my cousins growing up and it's a pity ds and dd don't have any..

[Subzeromum]

The thought that all only children are spoiled is a myth - we lived in Housing Trust units and we didn't have a car until I was about 11. In contrast, my 4 cousins whose parents were my God Parents had the best house and the best everything including trips to America when they were kids and other kids at school who had siblings got to holiday at the Gold Coast, etc. I had hand me down clothes and toys.

I was always labelled by others at school as being 'spoilt' and they labelled any behaviour (Including teachers) I displayed as being because I was 'spoilt'. Quite the opposite actually!

[lealea79]

I would love for ds to have a sibling.. I can't wait... I have 3 sisters and couldn't imagine bring up af a only child.. If I was younger I would want another 10 kids.. I think of christmas and easter and birthdays I think its more fun to wake up ay home with your family around you..

[SAgirl]

I'm an only child and I found it boring and lonely. We lived about 15 or 20 minutes drive from town where all my friends lived and none of their parets would drive them to visit me at our house. But my mum and dad would always drive me to their place if I wanted to go. (I come from south Africa and there r no buses or trains were we lived)

I always longed for a sibling and still do today. I see my dh and friends so close to their siblings and I wish I had that, especially when it comes to my parents marital problems - I can't help wanting to help them and feel responsible to make them feel better etc but always wish I had a sibling to share the load with and talk to about it all.

I was extremely shy as a kid and I think it's partly due to not interacting with other age groups etc. It took me close to 20 yrs to come out of my shell.

I'm a lot happier now as I have a lovely dh who I share everything with but i'll always still want a sibling.

[Meant2BMum]

I have a sister, but when my parents divorced they each took a child, I lived alone with my dad from when I was 9, with a few brief exceptions which I wont get into.

Until I was 12 I still saw my mother/sister 2 weekends out of 4 on a freaky rotating routine they'd worked out. From when I was 12 -14 I saw my mum and sister most holidays, then it was maybe twice a year after that. My father and I didn't have a very good relationship. My sister was about 3 years older.

When we were younger my sister and I used to fight almost all of the time, as we got older from when I was about 13 we didn't so much. The thing is we used to fight about stupid stuff, I know because I don't remember what it was. I do remember times when we got along though. Like when we'd lay in bed at night talking, I still remember what some of those conversations were about. I still remember silly stuff we used to do together. Even the bad stuff that happened was stuff that happened to us together, just having someone else have the same thing happen at the same time, it doesn't feel quite so bad.

I'm not very good at the social stuff, but that's something that's always been true, I'm an introvert, that has nothing to do with being an "only child" for half the time I was growing up. As an adult it's nice to have a sister who's always there. We did have a major fight as adults and didn't speak for about 6 months, but because we're sisters we got past it in the end, if we'd just been friends I really don't think we would have.

It was lonely during my teenage years, I had a best friend who I used to spend most of my time but it's not the same. Even if parents have a good relationship with their child, they're still not quite in the same world, I'm yet to meet a real life example of the "gilmore girls".

I have met examples of siblings who don't get along at all in adulthood, I don't really know how they were growing up though, I guess probably not much better. Every situation is different, I don't think it's fair to say everyone should or should not have an only child. Do what you think is right for you and if you have an only child make sure there is someone for them to play with, if they don't have friends (which some kids don't or they don't outside school) you need to be prepared for that to be you.

[2pink 1on way]

Sorry to gate crash but just wanted to tell you my experience I am 1 of 4 my eldest sister is 10 years older then me I have a brother 8 years older and a sister 2 years older we all get along fantastic our whole lives yes we do fight but we get over it quickly I speak to both my sisters everyday we all have kids the same age (my eldest sister youngest is the same same age as my dd the girls are bestfriends) I love having someone to call rely on ad they are family and we all but family first I love boring weekends when we call each other and have a huge BBQ we siblings our patners and all the kids we all have 3 each play chat ect together it's loud it's fun and everyone has a smile.

So personally I am thinking about having 4 myself so my kids can have lots of really close special people in their lives

Mum and dad love the family they have created and are not boared as other older people are they have visitors all the time

Sorry for long post but wanted to share how wonderful siblings can be