Overeating - it's not about the food

[SassyMummy]

I've put on a fair bit of weight since DD was born a little over a year ago...20kg to be exact. I know that I'm now "fat"...before I was reasonably large too...but now I'm "FAT". I wish I weren't...but I am, and I have no problem admitting that.

Most people tip-toe around it...if I mention it, the majority of people do the "oh...no you're not" thing...or say, "Really? 20kg? I can't see it!" I know that they're just saying in order to protect my feelings...but I know that it's obvious.

Some people though, when I mention it (generally those that are closer to me, and don't have a problem confronting me about things - which I really appreciate)...have dismissed my weight gain as a simple case of eating too much of the wrong stuff. Obviously, that's the case...but they seem to think that's ALL there is to it...that if I just decide to eat better, and decide to eat less...all will be well again.

I feel like I'm writing this on behalf of all the "fat chicks" out there...and writing it TO all of those who think that being overweight is a simple case of bad decision-making.


Basically, it's not all about the food. In fact, generally, it has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the food. I stuff myself until I'm sick sometimes...I just eat and eat, and although I no longer like the taste of the food, I still cram it in.

Why? Because I can't help it.

I've come to the realisation that my over-eating is caused by the fact that I am disappointed with myself, and want to punish myself as a result. It's a weird feeling, because I want to lose weight, but at the same time, somewhere in the back of my mind (not a conscious decision) I want to make myself fat and uncomfortable. I want to take all my anger out on my body...and, I guess while some people "cut" themselves, and some people drink/do drugs...whatever...I eat. It eases my pain...even though it makes me suffer more. It's a weird situation.

I do believe, that in my case, it's all about my caesarean and my disappointment with that. I think there's also some other factors involved too...but mainly the c-section (since it all started happening AFTER I had DD).

Sometimes, I want to eat salads and veges and make the "healthy choice." However, like an addiction to a drug, I just can't make that decision. I HAVE to choose the greasy burger, the pizza, the ice-cream (etc)...even though I don't even CRAVE those foods.

I don't really know why I'm writing this...there was just another post a while back about weak women making silly choices and such (though my post is kinda not related...after reading that post it made me think...and therefore led me to write this).

Basically, to anyone who can't understand why people can complain about being fat...and then eat and eat and eat (and eat the wrong thing)...it's not about the food. It's really not.

And for those who ARE just like me...I hope that we all can get better...and I hope that by reading my post you realise that you're not alone.

[babylover111]

I know exactly how you feel i used to do it myself, i didnt even enjoy the food taste i just enjoyed stuffing my face and that overwhelming full feeling of literally not being able to eat anything more.

At the beginning of this year i decided i was sick of it so i booked myself in for a personal training session and at the end of the session i got that too much maccas feel! So now i do it for the exhausted excerise feeling and get fantastic results! Ive lost 23kg :smiliedance: and i think i want to lose 10 more. Anyway im blabbering but if u wanna chat feel free to PM me :)

[V8]

I hear ya!! I have a problem with over-eating!! When i open a packet of chips or lollies i gotta eat the WHOLE packet! I can't have it for the next day or anything like that. I am also ALWAYS hungry!! So i like eating and it helps me when i get stressed i eat. I don't smoke or do drugs or gamble, i eat! :) So yes i am not alone!

[vavavanny]

Stacey,

Firstly, I would like to express how sorry I am that you feel like this. Although I cannot relate directly to your situation, I have been in a similar situation relating to food.

Next, there are organisations and individuals in the community that can help and support you. And I would be more than happy to provide contact details for them. It sounds to me like you have an eating disorder, and please correct me if I am wrong - or too quick to judge. Eating disorders are about a lot more than anorexia.

What you are going through does not make you a lesser person, and having a c-section certainly doesn't either. I am sure that the c-section was the healthiest option for you and your baby.

I had a vaginal birth and DS was 10.2lbs - needless to say, I needed stitching, suffered infection and now have severe prolapse of the bladder, uterus and bowell - this will need surgery and I cannot give natural birth ever again. Until I do have the surgery I have to wear a pessary every single day! I don't mean to trivialise what you went through - but instead show an example of why vaginal birth is not all "that"!

I am here to support you, so please feel free to PM anytime.

:hugs:

[damien's mum]

I know excatly what you mean, and how you feel.
I am glad that i came across the hub, as it has been a great support for me, more so for the issue of "weight" If you ever read any of my threads, you will see how much we are alike.

[LittleBoysRock]

I know what you mean. I have been on a diet for 3 weeks and lost 7kgs as I have decided that if I dont do something I dont know what will happen.

The way I decsribe it to DH is that I have an addiction which is similar to a drug or alcohol addiction except it is for food.

I am in the process of learning how to eat right. I never ate badly, just too much and foods that are bad for MY body like carbs.

If you ever just want to chat, PM me. I know exactly how you feel. Thanks for posting this.:hugs:

[Kaileysmum]

I so feel the same way. Half the time I just eat because if I dont I wont stop thinking about food, so yes "I have the food addiction too". Its so frustrating!! Please PM me if u wanna chat, as I know how ur feeling about both food addiction and having a c/s (dissapointing c/s).

[Mummabear]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Thank you for being so brave and for voicing what goes through my head every single day.

I have struggled with my weight all of my life, only ever being even remotely thin when I loaded myself with weight loss drugs in lieu of food, which worked until I stopped the drugs and then stuffed up my body and my metabolism so much it hardly seems worth it.

The hard thing with food as our 'drug' is that you can't just go cold turkey as with other drugs, you still need food in order to survive. So while people often think it's as easy as changing your eating habits just try teaching an alcoholic to switch from a bottle of bourbon each night to a few glasses of wine - great in theory but it simply doesn't work. They're not addicted to the flavour of the bourbon but to how it makes them feel, so whether it be bourborn, wine, beer, whatever they have to stay away from all of it. But tell me - how do we stay away from food??

I've often wondered why I do this to myself. Just so you understand, I am medically considered 'obese'. I have a BMI of 38 (on a good day). I have done all sorts of things to myself over the years as a form of punishment and I don't know why I do. I tend to think that everything in my life would be so much better if I could just lose the weight and then I'd be happy. But I wonder whether I subconsciously choose not to lose the weight because if I did, and then discovered that I was still unhappy then what?? Then I'd have to really start looking at myself and I probably wouldn't like what I see, so in some respects it's easier to hide behind the weight.

Anway, I could rant forever about this. But thank you for being so open and honest and giving us all somewhere to come and talk without judgement.

[nicoleE]

I agree with Babylover111, the best thing to do is to turn your self beating (with food) around and into excercise exhaustion! The 'pain' you will feel when you are working out will be enough punishment, trust me! Plus this way you will see results in your weight and how you feel inside and about yourself so the beating will decrease because you wont need to anymore... (hope that all made sence!)

Plus excersising will mean you can give yourself a treat, every day if you like (as long as it is not too much!) without feeling the guilt.


I go to an all womens gym Fernwood www.fernwoodfitness.com.au which is great because you dont feel self concious with all your flabby bits bouncing around everywhere! :laughing: There are all shapes and sizes however at my gym I find there is mainly women 30+ who have either just had kids or wanting to get off past baby producing fat or older women 40+. Of course there are all kinds though. But the main thing is they are friendly and the environment is comfortable. I am not really that overweight (164cm & weight 65kg - but hey i have not had kids yet!) but have lost about 7kg and 6% body fat in the last year or so and even for me at my heaviest (72kg) I felt self concious... the gym helped me accept my body's unique shape as I saw others of all shapes and sizes walking around proud. The effort i put in and the results I get are satisfying and so is knowing that i am healthier for it.

Not sure about other states but our gyms have Simplicity Consultants, kind of like helpers to look at your diet and excercise to steer you in the right direction and motivate you. Also Personal Trainers who can tailer a program for you to do on your own or you can have a session and work with them once a week or something and they can push and motivate you. Im sure other gyms have similar services though and there are other all female gyms around.

GOOD LUCK! :hugs:

[ChubStar]

Food and eating disorders are so common now days, yet no one really speaks about them. Bulemia and Anorexia hog the limelight, while overeaters just get accused of being lazy and fat. As with all eating disorders, overeating stems from deeper emotional problems, it's not just about food.

I would recommend counselling to anyone who has an overeating problem. A life coach might be helpful also. You don't need to hide, there is a whole world out there waiting for you to join in! :D

[GirlGerms]

I agree with what a few others here have said about exercise. Here are some tips from me (limited experience though as I am also overweight - 163cm and 75kg).

1. Start exercising. Just get out of bed and go for a walk with your bub. If you can, try not to leave it until the afternoon because you WILL make up excuses. I find that when I exercise, I am more likely to eat healthy food because my mind almost says "Hey, you worked so damn hard this morning - don't ruin it by stuffing your face!".

2. Baby steps. Perpahs you can start exercising for a few weeks, THEN begin to concentrate on changing your eating habits. Often starting a diet and exercise plan in one hit can be a shock to the system - hence we fail.

3. Don't punish yourself if you have a setback. Don't give up because you spend one hour indulding - move on.

4. Be positive. Look at the whole process of weight loss as more of a journey towards health than a journey towards being slim. I find this to be more motivating than the thought of being slim (as much as that will be nice).

5. If you don't already have one, buy a bike and get a babyseat. I realise that we can't all afford this, but remember - ebay is your friend. My sister takes my nephews bike riding and I've taken them previously and they have an absolute hoot. My younger nephew sits on the back and yells "Faster mummy!". How's that for a motivator?!

I really hope these tips help. Like I said, I'm also overweight - feel free to PM me if you like.

Cheers,
GG

[SassyMummy]

Thanks all for your replies!

I wasn't so much whinging about my situation so much as trying to educate people about why some people are fat (not all, obviously...).

I KNOW I should get to a gym...in fact, I'm quite excited about the day when I do join up (and actually go). Right now though, it's near impossible. Not only am I poor...but I don't have anyone reliable around to watch DD while I go (DP works stupid hours...and my mother is very much concerned with her boyfriend and therefore doesn't like to make plans in case he wants to see her...:rolleyes: ). DD is also SO CLINGY...that I'm afraid I won't be able to leave her at the gym's creche...

I'm actually very clued-in about healthy eating and such...I know what to do to get there...it's just making that first step (and actually jumping back on hte wagon when I fall off).

I do think though, I might try to find some counselling. Both for the over-eating and the c-section issue...I think I may have had a bit of PND earlier on too...but didn't tell anyone...mostly because my GP would always roll her eyes whenever I asked her anything...(I've changed GP's...but my new one I've seen only once so far...and he's new to it all...and young...).

There's a family health clinic in town...I might head down there and see if I can talk to someone (or call ahead).

I know i NEED to nip this in hte butt...but I guess KNOWING I need to and actually having the balls to do it are two completely different things...

Thank you all for your replies...

[nicoleE]

Just believe in yourself and your abilities! :yelclap:

Look what a wonderful daugter you have produced! You CAN do anything if you set your mind to it! :thumbsup:

:yes:

[angcaltam]

I hear ya!! I have a problem with over-eating!! When i open a packet of chips or lollies i gotta eat the WHOLE packet! I can't have it for the next day or anything like that. I am also ALWAYS hungry!! So i like eating and it helps me when i get stressed i eat. I don't smoke or do drugs or gamble, i eat! :) So yes i am not alone!


That is what I'm like. It's good to know that I'm not alone. I have started trying to eat better and not so much, like with my bag choc honeycomb I eat it over 2 or 3 days now instead of with a few hours.

I don't need to join a gym as we have a weight bench, exercise bike, treadmill and a gravity rider, now I just have to get my butt into gear when I get a little better. (I've been ill lately.)

My personal trainer is going to be DH. He doesn't care how fat I am but knows that I really want to get into shape so he will get the whip out, he is very supportive.

[♥My Innocent Angel♥]

reading this post i see my life in everyone i cant get over the whole thing but for me i know i am fat i dont deny it i am 162cm 103.7kgs and a bmi of 39.something i am obese but somedays when i look in the mirror i see a skinny person looking back and others i see me and then the worst days i see what i could become and i know i have to do something but i have just fallen into a cycle and i need help i need to be locked away and given only the right stuff and pushed to excercise because i can not resist that bag of chips or the biscuits and dip or whatever it is that day that i see and think i dont need this its not good for me but i eat it anyway because i feel good when i do

i really disgust myself and i think if i just right down what i eat for a week and then i will really see what im putting into my body but i know if i do it will make so sick:barf: to actually know :banghead: it is so hard to get through that wall and i hope we all can

thank you so much sassymummy this is the second post i have come accross of yours that i just feel omg you are in my head i swear it and i have wanted to say it myself but just didnt have the guts so thank you so much :hugs: for making me really be a lil bit honest

[k15s]

I haven't read all the replies so not sure if someone has said this or not.

I love to eat too! I would eat anything and everything so have made somewhat of a compromise. A friend who works in the health food/gym industry got me on to a protein shake/supplement. I now have one for brekkie, and anytime I'm hungry during the day. You can have up to 4 a day so morning tea, arvo tea, etc. I chose choc 'cause it's delish and gets my sugar cravings under control and fills me up so even the thought of any other food is yuk.

Having said all that I made choc slice last week and almost ate the whole lot myself - I chose it over the shake (hey, I didn't want it going to waste!) So I now make sure I don't have anything tempting in the house.

Since starting I have lost about 5-7 kilos. No exercise or anything. I guess every little bit helps. I'm sure if I did the exercise too the weight would really drop off. It has really taken my cravings away from fatty/sugary foods though. Guess I just needed time for my system to get used to no ****.

I can give you more details on the shake if you're interested - just pm me.

[neeky]

Thanks all for your replies!

I wasn't so much whinging about my situation so much as trying to educate people about why some people are fat (not all, obviously...).

I KNOW I should get to a gym...in fact, I'm quite excited about the day when I do join up (and actually go). Right now though, it's near impossible. Not only am I poor...but I don't have anyone reliable around to watch DD while I go (DP works stupid hours...and my mother is very much concerned with her boyfriend and therefore doesn't like to make plans in case he wants to see her...:rolleyes: ). DD is also SO CLINGY...that I'm afraid I won't be able to leave her at the gym's creche...

I'm actually very clued-in about healthy eating and such...I know what to do to get there...it's just making that first step (and actually jumping back on hte wagon when I fall off).

I do think though, I might try to find some counselling. Both for the over-eating and the c-section issue...I think I may have had a bit of PND earlier on too...but didn't tell anyone...mostly because my GP would always roll her eyes whenever I asked her anything...(I've changed GP's...but my new one I've seen only once so far...and he's new to it all...and young...).

There's a family health clinic in town...I might head down there and see if I can talk to someone (or call ahead).

I know i NEED to nip this in hte butt...but I guess KNOWING I need to and actually having the balls to do it are two completely different things...

Thank you all for your replies...

thank you firstly for admitting all this. it has made me really look at myself, and i know that i am a serious overeater! and i know there are issues behind it, major one being my PND that i have known about for awhile but as yet am still to take that major step and see someone about it!

i also know what you mean about being too poor for the gym, we found a great one down the road from us that has everything i could possibly need and more, incl child minding. we did a 2 week trial, i too was a bit unsure about leaving my ds there as he is VERY CLINGY! but after crying when i left him, he enjoyed the rest of the time and only cried again when he saw i was back. we still have not been able to afford membership but i intend to join from my tax return, i figure its a worthwhile investment.

anyway thank you, i think you have given me the little nudge i needed to ACT upon the things i already knew i should do.