Feeling overwhelmed expecting number 4

[Aquamarine]

I am currently pregnant with number 4 which was a planned pregnancy. DH and I always wanted 4 children even though I am not a fan of being pregnant due to morning sickness etc.

Anyway, now I am pregnant with number four I am feeling overwhelmed and sometimes think I may have made the wrong decision and that we should have stopped at three.

I am not enjoying this pregnancy at all and feel quite detached from the situation. I am teary and concerned about the future - handling four children etc.

My youngest is 3 and will be 4 when this baby arrives so they are all quite independent but I can't help but feel like I may have made a mistake by not stopping at three where I was happy and starting to gain my life back.

Has anyone else with a large family felt like this while pregnant? Feeling as though you may have just pushed it too far?

Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for my healthy children and so grateful that I can have children when so many find it difficult but I am just feeling overwhelmed.

[smog]

:hugs::hugs: i think all mothers and mothers to be feel overwhelmed at times. i know i sure do.
do u have much friend/family support if you need it once the bubba comes?
im sure u will be fine:hugs::hugs::goodvibes:

[tomtom]

We had a planned for number 4. All the other pregnancies were enjoyable, not this one, the morning sickness was way worse, I was constantly aching, it was an effort to do anything. I cursed the pregnancy, I was constantly in a bad mood, every body gave me the sh!ts. I constantly asked my self what was I thinking. I even told my mum if I ever decided to go for number 5 take me out the back and shoot me!
Once our little bubba was born it all changed. The nice, happy, contented me came back.

You will cope, it justs seems daunting.
I'm not quite in the same situation. My first two are much, much older, more of a mental draining than a physical one.

I would say it the hormones sending you a little crazy. Hang in there.

I told my mum I wanted another one, she looked at me like I was mad.

[Kells]

My fourth pregnancy wasnt planned - my third was 8 months old when I found out. I was devastated. I spent the entire pregnancy in denial and didnt buy anything for the baby until I was 8 months pg. I felt like everyone treated my life as a joke - they all just laughed at the idea of having four children, which made it worse for me!! I laughed with them, but behind closed doors it was a different matter.....:(

On saying that, I am now nearly 2 years in to having four kids, and I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now. I think you will be fine - I'm not sure it was the number of kids I had, but more the baby/toddler combination, which you wont have, so hopefully you will get time during the day to rest up and get things done whilst the other kids are at kindy/school.

Four kids seemed to me a big jump from three, but like I said, I think the 16 month age gap was the thing that took its toll the most. My biggest piece of advice (which I am only just starting to take myself now :rolleyes:) is not to think you can achieve it all, or prove to everyone else that you are cruising along...ifykwim....I have spent two years cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking and working at a 3 day a week job, mainly through fear that people will look at me as a bad person if I let things slip...I'm not making sense, I know. I guess I tried to do all the same things I did with only two kids, instead of admitting to myself that yes, there is a lot more washing/cooking/preparing/cleaning/cooking to do with four kids and just accepting that maybe I cant do it all! ;)

As I said, I am only just beginning to take this advice myself....and can slowly feel that knot of tension coming undone in the pit of my stomach......

Goodness...I have raved on! You will be fine, take it a day at a time, and dont worry about the feelings during pg - as the cliche says 'as soon as they put that baby in your arms you will love it with all your heart'.
Good luck, and try and get some rest during the pg if you can..(which is a crazy thing to say with three kids I know :laughing:)

[jade24]

I didn't feel like this throughout the pregnancy. I was actually quite calm and excited and felt like everything would be fine. Which it has been, don't get me wrong. However, I have found it a huge leap with 4 children and I sometimes feel like I never get a break. Now that my youngest is 13 months and only being breastfed at night, things are slowly beginning to ease up and like Kells I am finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm realising that it doesn't last forever and in a few years, it'll be great having all these children (not that it isn't great now, it's just also a lot of hard work).
"One Day At A Time" has become my mantra (especially towards the end of last year when I had the 3 youngest at home).


I felt like everyone treated my life as a joke - they all just laughed at the idea of having four children, which made it worse for me!! I laughed with them, but behind closed doors it was a different matter Me too! Even now I still get the "Oh, when are you going back for number 5, hahaha" comments.

:hugs:Once bubs comes you'll fall in love and even though it won't be easy (or if your lucky, it will!), you'll get through it and come out the other side with 4 beautiful, loving children and it will all be worth it. I doubt it will be something we'll regret in 10 years time once all the early years drama has faded IYKWIM. Good luck! :hugs:

[mummaduck]

Aquamarine, I read your post and burst into tears! OK...perhaps slightly over emotional, but I feel exactly the same way as you. DH and I had probably, in the 2-3 weeks before finding out we were UTD started to agree that perhaps we were good with 3 kids. Coping fine, being able to go out a little more often as a couple etc . Don't get me wrong, we are very happy being devoted parents but we do everything on our own and it's just been in recent months that we've been able to go out without the kids.

I think Supermumof3 is right though. It's only natural to be slightly apprehensive. It keeps us in check as mothers! I remember feeling this way with all of my kids, it just usually happens at about 36-37 weeks when I begin to freak out, not right at the beginning!

The fact that most people aren't super enthusiastic when they hear we're having another one doesn't really help either. For us, I don't know if it's because this bub will be number 4 for us or because they don't know how to react seeing as we lost our last bub.

I'm sure you will be fine, as will the rest of us. Best of luck! xo :hugs:

[cuddlebunny]

It is very natural to feel this way, i felt that with my fourth, as i found 3 pretty hectic. All mine are 2 yrs apart but after a couple of weeks of bubby being born and still now, youngest 7 i feel that 4 is easier than having 3.

[Sharai]

I feel much the same but am struggling as I'm so fearful. The hardest thing for me is I got pregnant on the mini pill and DH and I were already in discussion with him having a vasectomy. We couldn't have one earlier as we were told we are too young and to wait after the last child was 12months old. I have 3 boys all planned but this one wasn't. I feel rather sad a lot and disappointed in myself for feeling this way.

I feel so unprepared. I was content with 3 and felt like I was done and wanted to be done. I was so upset the other day I wrote a poem to myself. Just to let out the negativity welled up inside. This is what I wrote

I grieve for the life I’m leaving
And frustrated at the thought I let myself get here
Tears gently trickle down my face
With guilt heavily weighing in my heart
I’m scared - and fear failure
For my new expanding family.

It is not your fault but mine
I should’ve been more careful
But now I worry I will not love you enough
Due to the shock of discovering you
I feel so ashamed and selfish
Of the numb feelings I have

I feel your growth changing me
Through the general symptoms pregnancy brings
Nausea and insomnia rule me
And mimic the ocean crashing into shore
I feel helpless against them
Like I’m caught in a rip.

I know I have a guilty heart
And I’m trying to contain my emotions
I should love you
But instead I feel nothing
I feel like a bad Mum
Harbouring unwelcome wishes

You are precious
And there’s a reason God sent you to me
To which I’m unsure of
But no matter what
I’ll be here to protect you
From the harsh ways of the world

You’re still so tiny
And don’t quite understand just yet
But give me some time
And my love will turn to you
Please forgive me
And the guilty ways of my heart

I fear for my ability to cope. And the MS and hormones are not helping the situation.
I know I will change but for now I feel really stressed. So I know how you all are feeling. I'm hoping that perhaps the time I come to either my 12w scan or 20w scan that my feelings change otherwise I feel I may need more help coming to terms with my fears of not coping.

[babesX4]

hello:wave: i'm a mum of 4. I'm only 28, which i'm told is very young for 4 kids, but meh!

My older 2 kids r from my previous relationship, amd DH and i have 2 of our own. Ages r 9, 7, 3 and 10 months. I felt the same, very overwhelmed and thinking what have i done! once it came time to my due date, i was excited, and now bub is here, i feel it is no different in stress, etc to 3 kids. I think u will be fine with 4, if u can handle 3 kids. Good luck with everything :)

[motheroffour]

I have 4 and yes I was overwhelmed as I had just gone back to work after dd3 but it is wonderful and even lol