How to tell grandparents we are moving ???

[kimba80]

DH and I have just decided to move to Darwin. DH can start a career he has dreamed about since being little, I will advance in my career at a rediculous rate compared to now, we will be $50k better off even when DH's in training... over $70K when he's trained. We can have our mortgage paid off in 5 years - all without dropping our living standards (we do splurge a bit :laughing:)

It all makes sense for us, both career wise, and financially.

The only major hiccup is my mum & dad, who are grandies to DD, who is the first grandchild of the family. They are absolutely smitten with her. I know they will both be heartbroken if we leave. I intend to do the Skype thing, and fly back 3-4 times a year, and they will visit. Still, it will pretty much kill them for DD to be away.

I feel incredibly guilty already, and get teary when I think about it ... and we plan to move in 6 months! THe choice is keep grandies happy and stay in debt for 15-20yrs & plod along in careers, or upset grandies & pay off loan & have stellar careers.

By the way, we only plan to move to darwin for 5 yrs, then move back after that.

Has anyone else been in this situation & how did you deal with it?

[pinkfluffymarshmellows]

wow firstly congrats on this great opportunity for your family,
i know how hard it can be even thinking about being away from your family, i moved from W.A to sydney on my own with no family and no friends where i was going it was very daunting thought and for the first few weeks it was very hard but i quickly adjusted and found myself busy that by the time i had time to think about it it had been a few months and i had adjusted to being away
skype is amazing i use it all the time if you get a good camera and mic it almost feels like you are in the same room
and with your husband on a good wage maybe you can even offer every now and then to fly your parents down ,
my friends moved here from NZ and she flies her mum down for 3 months at a time ( that is how long she can stay on her visa )

there are always ways to work things out
and when you have been back and forward a few times it wont seem that far away
now when i go back to W.A even though it is a 5 hour flight i see it being very close, now i see america as far away

good luck to you and your family , you will have a blast im sure

and i always so at the end of the day if it doesnt work , you just going back, nothing is set with super glue :)

as far as how to tell your parents that you are going im not to sure, just be honest and let them know they are always welcome to visit

[Seacretsquirrel]

I agree be honest and upfront and make sure you tell them they are welcome to visit often too as well as your planned trips back.

Good luck hope you love Darwin! - don't forget to add in the added expense of living here though - homes are much more expensive as is rent and food and electicity and everything else (just so you know).

There are also heaps of graet things about being here too. Oh and if you visit all the attractions make sure you show them your NT licence as you get a 12 month pass so you don't have to pay everytime you take visitors!:smiliedance:

[trishalishous]

WOw, that sounds like a great opportunity. we moved to melbourne in stages.
First it was "I have annual leave saved so Im taking a temp job in Melb for fun"
Then "we should buy a flat over there for holidays"
and finally "been offered a permanent job. Its a great opportunity"
Before "yes we are moving end of the year"
Got everyone used to the idea of us being away again.

[mimsie]

I'd also suggest telling them sooner rather than later. Perhaps start with a 'we are thinking about...' and then slowly you can explain the reasons and by the time you're ready they might actually accept that it's the best thing for you guys, a great adventure for your child, and a new base for holidays :)

I have to tread carefully with my mum and I can tell you how not to do it, lol. When we moved to Newcastle it got to the point where she thought I was taking her grandies off her and was threatening to go to court for custody! This time around we're considering Melbourne but not for 18 months-2 years, so I've brought it up a number of times with her already lol.

[bgbgbb]

We had to tell DH's mam that we were moving halfway across the world from Ireland to Australia (my homeland) and take her only 2 grandchildren with us. DH made the mistake of not telling her until we had only a few months to go. It was a shock to her and made the parting even harder.

Firstly, you have to think of yourselves first. You cant live your lives for your parents or you'll resent them for inadvertently holding you back. They also, deep down, want you to live your own lives, although they will be naturally disappointed that they wont be a daily part of it.

Secondly, the sooner you tell them, the longer they have to prepare for you moving away. Try and play the distance down as much as you can, like "We're only a few hours flight away", "You can pick up the phone and call us whenever you like".

Try and time their visits with you with important grandparent events, such as birthdays and Christmas. When the kids start kinder you'll find that most kinders have a grandparents day/week every year. Try and find out what those dates will be so you can get your parents up to coincide with them.

I often send some of the kids paintings or drawings to their Nan in Ireland and she loves receiving them. I also do up a calendar every year to send to her, with pictures of us all in them, so she has a constant daily reminder of them. And if your parents are computer-savvy, copy their photos onto disk so they can print them out easily.

Best of luck with your move.

[Boobycino]

DP and I are seriously thinking about moving to the Gold Coast after Easter - though DP is back pedaling a bit, I really think its a smart move.

We're planning to drop the bomb and leave in a hurry with DP's -parents, but they only have themselves to blame. They would make life unbearable if they knew we were leaving.

But, if it was my mum, I'd give her as much warning as possible, she'd be sad and try to talk us out of moving, but she'd be reasonable and see if its whats best for us, she wouldn't try to stop us.

Which is why I'd like to move to the gold coast to live near my mum, because she'd actually be helpful with Jasper and make our lives more pleasant.

[kirra]

Wow sounds like an amazing opportunity.

I'm sure your parents will be disappointed but if it reduces the amount of financial stress on you in the future they will understand. I know that's one thing my parents worry about us being able to own a home and be secure. If anything my dad would push us to go as its such an amazing opportunity, they would miss us but as it is we talk everyday on messenger. As you say its for 5 years and if you are earning such great money you should be able to afford to catch up quite often.

Goodluck