"Oh cut it out" you're interupting the story....

[Electric Rodeo]

would you feel bad if this is how your crying 2yo was spoken to by his Day carer.

I was just putting the boys to bed and reminded them that tomorrow they will be going to DC. They go every Tuesday. I asked DS(2) how he was feeling about going. He has been going for around a year and appears to have quite a good day but has recently started crying when I go to leave him of a morning. I have always been encouraged to just 'leave' even if he's in a state as apprently that makes it easier. As an early childhood trained teacher myself I would agree in theory but when it's your own little one it becomes a different kettle of fish:)

Anyway as I was speaking to them DS(4) pipes up and tells me that ***** told DS(2) to cut it out(his crying) last week because the other kids couldn't hear the story because he was so loud.
The thought of him being spoken to harshly for being upset made me feel nauseous. Am probably overreacting but I just feel really sad that he is upset and is obviously not being made to feel any safer/better. I understand it's not all about him :ecomcity::ecomcity:

I don't know what to do.

I am able to stay for a little while in the morning, anyone got some good ideas of what I could say??
I don't want to get my eldest in trouble for dobbing as such but I don't want him to be left there upset and be seen as a nuisance.

The crying has only started since we returned from holidays about a month ago.

When I think about it now there is another crer tha snaps at the kids even in front of me. Makes me wince but I haven't felt it was my place to do anything as it wasn't directed at my two.

Maybe my boys are having a horrible day with snappy carers, I would probably cry too if I was dumped of there by my Mum:o

Anyone had similar or got any suggestions on what I can do??

[Nanay]

I had my boys at a day care where as i was leaving the carer actually yelled at the kindy kids to stop running or else they'll have to read a book...hmm..reading a book is actually a good thing so why threaten them with it and the fact that she yelled at them when i was within hearing distance..i thought to myself, right gotta find a new one (this was not a once off, but other times id find out things that is sorta not too bad but was not good enough for me either).
As for crying when leaving, with DS the carers (at the new place) usually let him cry it out, have a tanty whatever just get it out of his system, then when he knows that nobody is actually paying attention he stops. At one time they told me that they just talked to him (as they had another kid upset but he is new to the daycare) so he stopped. but one time he was quite upset and the assistant just tried to ply him off me...no one does that to my child upset or not!..so i just simply carried him back to the breakfast table and talked to him for a bit trying to calm him down. Basically reiterating what he already knew that mum has to go to work and then after work i will come and pick him and his baby brother up (and maybe bribery for the first week will do mention you will have a special surprise..like a biscuit or apple or grapes etc something to look forward to at the end of the day). this calms him down a bit that i could quickly sneak away, i could still hear him crying out for me but just keep going and dont look back and call a couple of hours later to see how he is going.

[traseal]

And thats the reason i wont put my child in daycare. I have no control over what they are doing, seeing, saying, hearing, or being told. I would definatley be observing closely and finding the problem. I hope you do

[PeppaH]

It would all depend on how it was said. I tell my son to stop whinging/crying because I cant hear something alot but its (98% of the time) said in a calm/gentle way not a snappy way.

[Electric Rodeo]

Thanks Nanay, I am going to go early tomorrow so that I can stay for a bit and not be forced out while he is upset. He is always happy when i go to get him so I'm pretty sure he ends up having a good day. Feel bad for him and haven't before. I must have stupidly imagined that whilst he cries thaey cuddle and soothe him. Obviously not:(

Treasel I have been very trustworthy up till now but will definitely be doing some observation.

Peppa, As I wasn't there I am imagining worst case scenario and that being she was snapping at him. I've heard her speak to other kids so just assuming the worst.

Sheesh the more I think about it the more I wonder why I send them there.

Any ideas on what I can say when I insist on staying tomorrow morning without dobbing my 4yo in for telling me what was said.

[Isabeau]

they can't make you leave just tell them you want to stay and watch him play and see what he does during the day with all his DC friends :) take a camera if you want a prop :)

[NonnyMouse]

I used to use this technique on DD when she was crying for attention and sympthy ratrher than because anything was actually wrong (ysometimes they just keep on going long after the apparent insult or hurt feelings).

When I got sick of pandering to the tears I'd just ask her to cry quieter because the rest of us were trying to talk/watch tele/read etc.

If it had happened to her at day daycare I'd be wanting to know in what context it was and whatr tone was used, but on the face of it I wouldn't have been *too* concerned.

[Boobycino]

I would probably talk to the director about it. Its what they're there for (or ya know, one of the MANY things they're there for)

If you don't want to directly question the child carer involved, or don't want to feel like you're dobbing in your eldest, then maybe airing your concerns with the director is the best way to go.

Also it might be a good idea to stay around for a bit, to settle him in before you leave.

As you would know - generally leaving quickly does help children settle in faster, if you're happy and confident and comfortable, your child will be happy confident and comfortable (once your out of sight and out of mind ;) ) BUT, definitely, SOME children do settle better when their mum goes in, sits down, gives them a clear amount of time - says "I'll stay for 10 minutes" "I'll stay and read you three books" ya know, so they know when you're leaving. There was a mum and dad who did that at our centre for a little while, one or the other would come in, get him to put his bag in the locker, encourage him to say hello to his friends, take him into book corner, read him 2-3 books, then cuddles, bring him over, sit him up for morning snack and then sign him in, say goodbye from the gate and leave.

SOMETIMES he'd still cry, but because it was a very clear routine they had, we knew about it, we also didn't really talk to him until his parents were leaving, because that upset him and by the time his mum or dad was out of sight (not even out of the building) he'd be calm and happy and ready.

he was about a 20 months when they started this and they weren't doing this when he moved into the 2-3 year old room, so it was just a phase, as he'd been coming since he was 10 months old.

So, there are options for the transitioning into childcare, it doesn't have to be drop and run and hope for the best. :yes:

[Electric Rodeo]

:) Don't get me wrong Annoymouse I like quiet crying myself when I'm trying to listen/see something etc.

Guess I'm just feeling a bit guilty that I'm still sending them there even though hiscrying makes me feel awful and I've heard the way some of them speak to the children, now that it's mine it makes me feel worse.

Isabeau I will be staying tomorrow, best go get lunches made and bags packed so I can get 3 of them organised and out the door early:yes:

[Electric Rodeo]

Thanks Chel for your response.

When he first started at around 20 months there were tears, then for around 8-10 months there were none he would just toddle off and play.

I'm hoping that the tears have returned because he missed 3 weeks,wnet once and then issed weeks, and also that his big bro has moved up to the preschool room so he doesn't have his buddy with him:).

I won't drop and run tomorrow and see if that makes a difference.
Totally agree that for most kids the drop and run method works best.

[lovinmybub]

I'm having a problem with my son who was always excited about his one day a week at kindy and has started to cry the last few weeks. From the time we start getting dressed to go:no:, it's very stressful. It's been since he started in the next room up. I've told the group leader and the Director that he's been upset since moving but they both just say it might be because there are more kids in the bigger room.

I worked in childcare for 10 years before I had my son, so I think I have a fair idea of how it all works! I know more children MAY upset my son but I also think there might be more to it. Ds has been telling me he's been crying at kindy and someone pushes him. His language isn't great yet but he's not old enough to make things like that up. I know 3 year olds push, and it's hard to watch them all at once, but he's so upset I think I need to do more about it. I'm sure he was pushed in the old room but it didn't make him not want to go!

I'm going to stay this week aswell but not with him, somewhere I can watch what's happening to make sure he is actually settling. I'm told when I call later that he's fine but I know from experience that sometimes that's just what Mums are told to make them feel better. I will just be saying if anyone asks that I want to make sure he's ok!

If you want to stay with your son, just do it. I wouldn't bother offering a reason, but if they ask why you could just say he's been really upset since coming back from your holiday and you want to help him settle again.

As for the snappy carer, I would tell the director I was concerned with the way they spoke to the children. And, if they're happy to do it in front of parents I'd be even more worried about how they are when parents aren't there. Ds had a KindaDance teacher that was just snappy to all the kids and no fun. She didn't yell at my son while I was there, but I called KindaDance to talk about her. I was just honest and said although she wasn't speaking to my son I was concerned that she was speaking that way even with a parent in the room!

Ds started babbling about Kindy and being pushed the other day and I just cried. I'm going to hang around and watch, talk to the director, and if he's still so upset in 2 weeks I'm taking him out.

[sueliz]

My DS1 started to do this. He only had gone one day a week and loved it at first. Then he moved rooms. The room he was in kept having new carers as they tried to find someone suitable to stay, the director left, then the next director left vey shortly after. I was getting very upset at him getting upset and when I when I went in one day I noticed about 6 kids crying. While I can understand that perhaps there are just bad days where most kids are tired and cranky, (he used to go on a Friday so any kids there the whole week were probably pretty tired some of those Fridays), it was what the carer I had a very unwarm and unfuzzy feeling about that worried me. She turned to one of the crying kids and said 'Oh get over it <name>, I have had just about enough of you already today' in a very cranky voice. I know as PARENTS we might all be guilty of snapping at our kids, but for me, as someone I was paying to watch my child in what I thought was a warm, caring, nurturing environment I felt this was not on. I spoke to the interim director about it and her response was 'Oh'. That was it.
I took DS1 out and never went back. He told me afterwards that they never hugged him when he was sad. 2 and half years on I still feel guilty for not taking him out sooner.
I hope it turns out to be nothing serious but I also encourage you to trust your instincts. If you feel this is not the place for your DS, then take him out and find another one that does.
Good luck - :hugs:

[Electric Rodeo]

I know as PARENTS we might all be guilty of snapping at our kids, but for me, as someone I was paying to watch my child in what I thought was a warm, caring, nurturing environment I felt this was not on.


That sums up how I was feeling perfectly. You want to know that when you don't have them with you that the person you left them with is treating them as you would.



it's very stressful. It's been since he started in the next room up. I've told the group leader and the Director that he's been upset since moving but they both just say it might be because there are more kids in the bigger room.



I spoke to the director and assistant director when I picked them up on Tuesday and they said the same thing. The kids from all 3 rooms are all together till 9am so there is lots of kids and they think he finds it daunting, makes sense. He hasn't said anything about what makes him cry, not like your little guy with the pushing.
How did you go did you stay and watch this week? My DS was taken from me before I got a chance to argue. I'm too much of a wuss to argue. He was taken outside on Tuesday straight away. He had stopped crying before I left this time so I dunno. Hope your DS is happier soon.

[MummaMilk]

I would probably talk to the director about it. Its what they're there for (or ya know, one of the MANY things they're there for)

If you don't want to directly question the child carer involved, or don't want to feel like you're dobbing in your eldest, then maybe airing your concerns with the director is the best way to go.

Also it might be a good idea to stay around for a bit, to settle him in before you leave.

As you would know - generally leaving quickly does help children settle in faster, if you're happy and confident and comfortable, your child will be happy confident and comfortable (once your out of sight and out of mind ;) ) BUT, definitely, SOME children do settle better when their mum goes in, sits down, gives them a clear amount of time - says "I'll stay for 10 minutes" "I'll stay and read you three books" ya know, so they know when you're leaving. There was a mum and dad who did that at our centre for a little while, one or the other would come in, get him to put his bag in the locker, encourage him to say hello to his friends, take him into book corner, read him 2-3 books, then cuddles, bring him over, sit him up for morning snack and then sign him in, say goodbye from the gate and leave.

SOMETIMES he'd still cry, but because it was a very clear routine they had, we knew about it, we also didn't really talk to him until his parents were leaving, because that upset him and by the time his mum or dad was out of sight (not even out of the building) he'd be calm and happy and ready.

he was about a 20 months when they started this and they weren't doing this when he moved into the 2-3 year old room, so it was just a phase, as he'd been coming since he was 10 months old.

So, there are options for the transitioning into childcare, it doesn't have to be drop and run and hope for the best. :yes:
:iagree:

[loving6]

Treasel I have been very trustworthy up till now but will definitely be doing some observation.



Any ideas on what I can say when I insist on staying tomorrow morning without dobbing my 4yo in for telling me what was said.

I would just say that you want to check out what he is doing that day. Don't make it a big deal.
I would be making surprise visits too.

[lovinmybub]

How did you go did you stay and watch this week? My DS was taken from me before I got a chance to argue. I'm too much of a wuss to argue. He was taken outside on Tuesday straight away. He had stopped crying before I left this time so I dunno. Hope your DS is happier soon.

Today I was determined to stay but he didn't cry! He started getting upset when he knew it was time to get ready at home (sunscreen on starts it!:() but I told him he could have Smarties in the car so that stopped the sadness until we pulled into Kindy at least! Then I mananaged to keep him distracted by reminding him to tell everyone we went to 'Grandma's farm' on the weekend etc.

They were all inside as it looked like rain and he didn't cry, he did tell the ladies in his room about the farm but they weren't listening.:no: I just piped up and said "He's telling you .. etc etc". They weren't busy with other kids, just standing there, and I'm thinking THAT may be the problem. Yes there are more kids for them to watch but working in childcare that never stopped me from paying attention to their stories or giving cuddles ESPECIALLY when they first arrive to help them settle. They all need to feel important and cared for and heard no matter how many kids per room! I don't think the ladies in this room seem to care alot, IYKWIM.

When I picked him up this afternoon the group leader said he'd had a good day and seemed fine this morning and I told her I'd bribed him with smarties. Once again she said 'it's just the transition to the new room', I didn't say anything to that. If it keeps going I'm going to ask the director if I could make time to talk to her so it's not when everyone is arriving in the morning. I don't think he'd be unsettled from moving to the room next door even longer than he took to settle into going to childcare! And now he's been upset for longer!

The girls also seemed really snappy and all the other kids when i picked ds up this afternoon. :no: I just don't think that's acceptable. The other ladies are right, we pay these people to care for the most precious things we have. When I worked in childcare I NEVER forgot that these parents were leaving the most important things in their lives in MY care, and I wasn't paid to be grumpy and not care. I was paid to make sure every one of those kids had a good day and felt secure.

I'm at a bit of a loss myself, I'm a bit worried the director will tell the ladies I was the one complaining and they'll take it out on ds even though it should be confidential!! I hope it gets better for you soon too!

[Electric Rodeo]

I would just say that you want to check out what he is doing that day. Don't make it a big deal.
I would be making surprise visits too.

Thanks
He was taken off me before I could say anything:o. It's OK though, he didn't cry for long this week and is always happy when I go to get him at the end of the day.
I was probably overreacting from the start.

[Electric Rodeo]

I'm at a bit of a loss myself, I'm a bit worried the director will tell the ladies I was the one complaining and they'll take it out on ds even though it should be confidential!! I hope it gets better for you soon too!
That was a concern of mine, if I said anything to the director then of course they would know it was my older DS saying it.
Mine is in a different room without big bro so I am going to see if that is the cause and also the big group of kids in one room of a morning.

Oh and my ds's would have loved to hear your son's farm story and compare notes. We live on a farm so they are obsessed:laughing:

Good luck.

[Boobycino]

:o I do that. If I mum isn't sure and is kind of hovering, I'll reach out and offer to take the child, but in a firm way, and whisk them away and go outside and go "look, look, its a tree! can you see the bird! I can see it, wheres the bird?" real or imaginary birds usually seem to work ;) that or planes... so many times I've thanked the universe for a well timed plane or helicopter going overhead :laughing:

But if you want a slower separation, talk to the room leader, or carer, because they're only doing it to make it easier on you, if its not what you want, you're paying them, so tell them. They should be happy to accommodate whatever works best for you.

[Electric Rodeo]

:o I do that. If I mum isn't sure and is kind of hovering, I'll reach out and offer to take the child, but in a firm way, and whisk them away and go outside and go "look, look, its a tree! can you see the bird! I can see it, wheres the bird?" real or imaginary birds usually seem to work ;) that or planes... so many times I've thanked the universe for a well timed plane or helicopter going overhead

I think that technique has such has it's merits for sure. It just happened to be the carer who'd made the comment the previous week so I wanted to have a tug of war with my DS as the rope:laughing:.

I can see that they are trying to make things easier, I just feel bad that for times when he can't be taken outside he be seen as annoying.

Hopefully in the next week or two he will get used to the new set up, fingers crossed anyway.