I am going to get relationship couselling...you?

[futureherder]

It has been 8 months since A was born and although the first 2 months while stressful they were wonderful however things quickly went down hill with DP and I after he returned to work and things have gotten harder since I returned to work 1 month ago...

We are not about to seperate, nor are we having any major issues, we still love eachother deeply and love being with eachother but we have two very different parenting styles and some communication issues which makes sharing the care of a child very hard. Particularly one that is still not sleeping through (both parents sleep deprived not good!)

We get a long wonderfully as a couple just like we did 10 years again but I have to admit I want better for my partner and me.

I want us to be on the same page atleast the same book :D

So there you have it I am going to go the relationship counselling and see if we can sort some of these issues out.

There I got it off my chest...have you ever thought about going to relationship counselling, did you go ahead with it...what were your experiences?

[Tam-I-Am]

Yep, we went for some quite deep-seated issues that cropped up on a cyclical basis in our relationship and were causing lots of iss-ewes. Same as you, we never fell 'out of love' with each other, still wanted to be together very much, but I felt that I was being forced to make the decision to separate from DH because I couldn't be happy with what was going on.

In the end we saw a relationship counsellor for about 2 months, and then once or twice again about 6 months later, and we're doing really well together. We rarely fight these days and when we do, we're able to recognise when we're in the wrong, respectively, and apologise. The issues that we had in the past have all-but resolved, and when they do rear their ugly heads, we're able to work together to sort them out pretty quickly.

I'm so happy that we went, it was well worth the time and heartache at the time to get to this point.

:)

[TurnedBatty]

I said no because we haven't gone yet, but I intend too later this year. We have some problems too, so I really want it all sorted before our wedding in november. What's the point in getting hitched if we aren't satisfied with the relationship?? I think it's a good way of keeping couples together,

[futureherder]

Cazza - I feel the same! DP and I are not married but I do wish we had ironed these issues out and gained more skills to help with relationships issues before we had our baby...I think we would have had a much better experience and not be so hesitant to have another baby any time soon.

Tam - that sounds like a really great result and makes me feel better about going.

[sweetseven]

I put "yes but it didn't help" however in my case a large factor was that it was too late. The other reason was that XH wasn't changing his underlying attitudes.

[Tam-I-Am]

I put "yes but it didn't help" however in my case a large factor was that it was too late. The other reason was that XH wasn't changing his underlying attitudes.

Yeah, I think those are really good points. From the *other* side of the counselling chair (ie I'm a psychologist), a lot of people do leave it too late to seek out counselling. If you're at the point where you feel you can't love your partner anymore, or there's so much resentment between you that you just can't work things out, then it's probably not going to work.

I also think that both people have to be committed to the process, to the sometimes very hard process of looking at your own behaviour and seeing what it is that *you* might be contributing the problems going in the relationship. If one person goes in with the attitude that they're only there to fix the *other* person, then of course it's not going to work for them.

But if you're going to fix a little bit of distances that's grown between you two, and you're both committed and wanting to improve your relationship, then there's no reason why it wouldn't work.

[Alexander Beetle]

I really want counselling, we have talked about it but not done it. Having a child is very stressful sometimes, plus we have financial worries. We don't want to just give up, but sometimes I just don't want to be in this relationship. So yeah, I think counselling is a good idea. I have had a few friends who get it, and they swear by it.

[JimJamsMum]

Best thing we ever did. We did pre-marriage counselling which helped iron out some very minor issues but lots of stuff cropped up after DS1 was born. It was mostly related to us each having completely different ideas of what we expected of each other in relation to child rearing and running the household. Anyway, we did six sessions of relationship counselling and it helped LOADS. If we hadn't done it I think we would have split.

You can claim relationship counselling under medicare if you get a mental health plan and referral from your gp. It's heaps cheaper. My gp actually congratulated me for going to relationship counselling. She thinks more people should do it :D