Anyone else have 1 child by choice?

[maldives]

Does anyone else here have an only child by choice?

My daughter is only 4 months old, but I'm 99.9% sure we won't be having more.
I love her so much, but having more children is not for us.
I had a very difficult pregnancy, somewhat traumatic labour, and continuing health problems afterwards. I almost got post-natal depression, didn't cope with sleep deprivation at all, and have zero support from family. My husband is wonderful, but he has to work.

We're both happy with our one beautiful daughter. I am a good mum, but I think I would break down if we had more, and then I would let down both my children.

However I do feel pressure from society about the "only child" thing. I don't believe it is socially acceptable to have just one child.

It makes me wonder... how many people have 2 children, not because they truly wanted to, but because they felt that one child was 'wrong'?

[MumNeedsCoffee]

My daughter is one year old and I'm 100% certain I'm not having anymore.

I had severe postnatal depression and a hospital stay after suicide attempt.

Then just as I started to feel better at 4 months, DD got sick and she has an extremely rare disease.

I'm still struggling with depression.

I split from her father.

I have alot of reasons not to have any more children.
Not that I need these.

I'm happy just having my beautiful daughter.
And when people ask when I'm having another, and I tell them I'm not I always get told I'll change my mind.

I won't.

[MummaBear03]

Initially I wanted 2 children, but then became a single mum of 1 child. I also had a very difficult pregancy, though the birth was straight-forward with no complications at all. I was put off ever having sex again and ever being pregnant again and never wanted to be near another male for as long as I lived! All those things make having a second child not very possible :laughing: so now here I am, 1 child, aged 6.5 years, and not wanting more. Of course, there is always the possibility of meeting someone who already has other children, especially as I get older! But I'm still not wanting to be near a male, and when I think of having a baby, memories come back of the pregnancy which also left me with ongoing problems for a good couple of years following the pregnancy.

[Amara]

I wont be having any more. I wish people would stop saying I will. Hello, I am 43, happy with just the one and I am single.

[bellarosey]

Just the one for myself too. I am quite content with my decision as life would change too much if i were to have another child.

[aquarius]

maldives my history is very similar to yours. i won't be having any more children. when people ask if i'm having any more, i just say 'no' and nothing else. i don't have to give them a reason or a justification.

but it still doesn't stop the know-it-all comments 'oh you'll change your mind' or 'it's cruel to have just one child, they get so lonely' or my mother putting on her martyred expression and saying to people within my hearing 'oh, i WISH she would have another baby!' :rolleyes:

[nugglyboysmum]

google "only child" and you will find support from other mums with onlies and also lists of positives about only children.

Whilst ttc, DH and I wanted 5 kids, fell pregnant and wanted 3 kids, got to the end of pregnancy and wanted 2 kids, DS had an operation at 3 weeks old and we looked at each other while DS was in surgery and both said at the same time "we are NOT ever having another child again".

Over the last few years I have had big issues arguing with myself back and forth over whether to have another baby or not. We have ttc a few times but after a month or 2 of ttc I freak out and change my mind.

I had PND and am still medicated for anxiety and depression. DS had severe reflux for the first 2 years of his life and it was horrendous. DH and I split up last year for 9 months due to parenting differences mainly.

We know that we cant handle having any more children, and to be honest when I see new born babies I feel really queasy and feel sorry for the parents. When i see mothers with multiple kids I smile to myself that i never have to deal with juggling several screaming children or referee sibling rivalry.

DH will get the snip very soon, just have to convince the Dr that we definately dont want any more babies. I know once DH has had the snip a weight will be lifted off my shoulders, the decision will be final.

I am looking for a job atm, havent worked since DS was born and am really excited about starting a new chapter of my life, with a school kid and earning my own money again and having that extra independence.

I am loving that i never have to worry about lugging all the baby gear around ever again, no night feeds, no rocking to sleep, no teething, no toilet training, no seperation anxiety, no screaming car trips.

I could go on forever about how great having an only is!

Oh and yep, i constantly get all the cruel comments for having 1 child, but i have a very well adjusted happy extremely out going little boy, I know he will not suffer without siblings.

It is a good thing to know your own limits and know how much you can handle.

Enjoy your life with your only :D

[MummyCat]

'it's cruel to have just one child, they get so lonely' ' :rolleyes:

that arguement is crap I have a sister whom I love dearly. But I still spent most of my childhood feeling incredibly lonely. I'm not great with people, and a sibling is not a substitute for friends.

[MummyCat]

I thought I'd throw a different perspective in. My daughter is 15 months. I had a brilliant pregnancy, my only complication was carpel tunnel towards the end.

I was induced and had a pretty straight forward birth.

I would love to be pregnant again, I would happily give birth again.

I love my daughter to bits.

I am happy with just her.

We aren't getting anything cut or tied yet. There is always a possibility that a few years down the track we may change our minds.

But we feel that our family is complete with just the three of us. When my husband commented he wasn't that sure about a second one I started thinking about just having one and I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

I think this is how our family is meant to be.

[Petlover]

I have an easy going child and had an easy birth and stuff but no interest in having more than one child. It's just nice and she's happy. I look at families with more kids and although I realise it makes them happy which is nice feel very glad I'm not doing it.

[mummymack]

My husband and I are only having the one.
Our son is almost 9 months old but we decided before he was even born that we only wanted the one.
And now that we are a family of 3 it feels perfect - we don't want to change it!

We get ALOT of critism for it - especially from the grandparents - who only want us to have more for their own reasons ie more grandkids! But we are 100% happy with our decision!

Has anyone here made their decision permanent - by their partner/husband having a vesictomy (sp?) or having the operation yourself?
I want to get it done but we have been told we will struggle to find a surgeon willing to do it beause we only have the one child...
I am yet to discuss it with my family dr.

[jem07]

I have a 2.5yo son and so many people are asking 'when is the next one coming along?'. I have no intention of having another child, just for the sake of having a companion for my son. He has a loving family and i'm sure will have many friends throughout life.

An explaination isn't required, there is nothing wrong with choosing to have one child.

I called a friend of mine on the weekend to wish her a happy birthday and she excitedly said 'I thought you were calling to tell me you are pregnant'. Why do people assume that two children is better? It drives me crazy!!:banghead:

[Jaz85]

I had my dd four weeks ago and am fairly certain that it is not something I want to do again, even though I always wanted three. I had a slightly traumatic birth and love my baby but get sick at the thought of having to do it again, I also get annoyed when I am told its only early days and I will change my mind or that its cruel having one child.

[Lil M]

I have a 5 month DS & love him to bits, but don't intend ho have any more. I had a great pregnancy & birth, no PND. We didn't cope too well with the lack of sleep for the 1st 2.5 months & I can't imagine having to do all that again. I find it's great with just one - you can still get things done. I'm a very organised person & don't think I could cope with another!! I'm 38 anyway so it's unlikely.

[Maybelline]

Love my girl soooooooo fiercely.........but
we have no interest in being a "family"..we like to be a couple with a child..

one child is a accessory ..two is a mini van... ha ha:laughing::laughing:
kids give me a headache!!!!:ecomcity::ecomcity:

[spagbog]

I love it.....
Love my girl soooooooo fiercely.........but
we have no interest in being a "family"..we like to be a couple with a child..

one child is a accessory ..two is a mini van... ha ha:laughing::laughing:
kids give me a headache!!!!:ecomcity::ecomcity:

[spagbog]

We have 1 by choice sort of. I have a cronic illness I live with and pregnancy and a general anaesthesia birth was not great. Now with 1 3 year old running rings around us I am now sure I no we are sure we are happy with 1. I sound greedy, but we can afford all the nice things in life anytime we want them. I look at other relations in my own family with 5 + kids and scratch my head and say Why???? I can cope with one I can't even cope babysitting for them. Maybe I have bad nerves who knows...... but yes we are a Happy 1 child family.

[nugglyboysmum]

I have an only and love it :D I could right about the positives of an only for hours.

I love also being a couple with a child.
I love having my tiny little 2 door hatchback to zip around in, while other families struggle to park their Taragos
I love having so much 'me time'
I love that gettinga baby sitter for 1 child is so easy
I love that we have a spare bedroom in the house
I love that I dont have to break up fights between siblings
I love that I can get my baby fix by baby sitting other peoples babies, and by the end of the baby sitting session I want to have my womb removed to ensure no more babies LMAO
I love that there is only one birthday party to oganise and cook for each year
I love that I only have to keep track of one childs busy social life
I love that on long car trips there is no fighting in the back seat
I love that the parents outnumber the child!

I just blimey LOVE it!

[kurtiskraft]

I am an only child, my parents were lucky to get me in the end, so there was little choice for them in that matter, we have a near 2 year old boy, who is just the best, and we are not planning on any more.
As a child you don't worry about being the only one, you only worry when someone treats you differently because of it and alerts it to you as being different or 'special'.
As long as you are loved and supported in your home and friends and family, that is all that matters. If anything it has taught me to be very independant, self assured and self reliant, all good qualities I think to get you by day to day as you learn you don't have to rely on anything or anyone if you don't have to.
You do get attitude from other Elders as feeling sorry for you and its cruel, people say these things because they dont understand it.
My son is not 2 yet and I can already see he is very capable of his own ability, very independant and curious in how things work and why. He will be just fine.
The choice for us to have once child boils down to 5 main factors.
1) Me being an only child not knowing how to handle a larger family.
2) My husband being the youngest of six boys in a family did it rough and don't want to him go through it too
3) PND sufferer
4) Financial, being able to provide the best education and sporting opportunities and family travel
5) Home life being made less stressful and a less extravagant home as others in favour of quality time, travel and social opportunities for him to experience.

[Emcee]

i loved reading all the reasons ppl love having an only child its made me feel alot happier! im single and have a almost 4yrd old boy. i dont want another!! you know what, who cares about society and what they say at the end of the day u feel good about ur life and decisions, ppl say alot of crap but thats all it is.. others opinions, it is not the truth, when ppl say to me.. aww just one, why dont u have another one, i say no waaay! ppl that have more than one are crazy! that usually shuts them up or... if they lay the cruel thing on u.. id say are u serious, its cruel bringing so many children in the world the way it is.. the less the better! im sure that will make them think twice!! one is good, because u get to experiance being a mother but also u still get to be you!! if you have more than one.. it seems you just become a mum and lose ur identity. Us mums of only children are soo lucky! i look at other mums with more and they get stressed and im so glad i have realised that i just want the one b4 having an accidental 2.. that happens to alot of ppl. woohoo for us i say!!

[London]

I only ever wanted one boy.
Growing up I said 'I want one son....with blonde hair and blue eyes'. I have olive skin, brown eyes and brown hair so the odds didnt look good.
I had my gorgeous blonde haired boy almost 6years ago and still cant get over how blue his eyes are.

No more for me.

[Myztiks#1Fan]

a little by choice and a little as i am a single mother. i am pretty content with just having coop but i do yearn for another one but its unlikely i will have another child. i know it would be great but esp while being single and dont have a secure path in life, i got no ambition to have another child atm.

[Lisa1976]

I have one DD who is 3, and she will most probably be an only child. I have no desire for another child, and enjoy the lifestyle we get to have with only one. I've never been the most maternal person and do not think I could handle, or enjoy, having another. I am very happy with the one child I have. With only having one it is so much easier to juggle working and parenthood, we can afford private education when the time comes, holidays, DD can join any clubs (sporting, dancing, etc) she wishes. We can give her a really good life. And myself and DH can have a life that isnt just about parenting children. I agree with a previous poster saying if you have more than one you lose your identity and it becomes all about the children.

[spagbog]

Are you talking about me... we must be twins. I love being a 3 person 1 dog family. We both work.... private education.... holidays a couple of times a year... 5 star camping... you dont loose your identity when you have time for yourself. My sisters 5 boy family and still going say they are happy but their kids cant even have new shoes... 2nd hand all the way.... do own haircuts.... kids miss out on soooooooo much including medicines,family goes shopping in council clean outs on the foothpath , YUKKY>>>>>> I cant believe they are a happy family. I wouldnt be.

How can a large family be so happy to go without so many things. If I want to take us to dreamworld for the weekend we just go... My sis saves for 12 months promising her boys they are going and then never goes.... She says Im mad that I work and we only have one daughter but We have the best of both worlds and it suits us well. Call me greedy sister but I am happy and you can be happy with what you have, We are just different.

Maybe I am odd, greedy, SELFISH, my sister calls me all of these things but 1 beautiful daughter makes our family complete.


Do you know others in large families? Are they happy or do they wear a badge of poverty as a honour to their large family?????

[Jaz85]

I know a family with 4 kids, they couldnt afford the first one and yet went on to have three more and if what I heard from the youngest child this morning is true then mum is pregnant again with TWINS!! I just wonder how they will manage financially if she is having twins. I dont understand having babies you cant afford its sad to me. How do you keep having babies when you know you can barely feed and clothe the ones you already have?

[Luna Lovegood]

I am only having 1 "lonely child".

I always thought I would want 2 children, but now DD is 2 I can't imagine sharing my life with another person.

Our life is pretty perfect. I love that we still go out on Sunday mornings for brunch, I am able to study full-time while looking after DD, and I am able to go out with my friends for evenings...

As for comments; whenever DH calls his parents and tells him we have good news they always assume we're pregnant...

[laras mummy]

When we first talked about kiddies I wanted three, and DH wanted 2 (he's an only child and hated it!)

I had a great pregnancy, I loved it - my body was gorgeous, I had great skin and just loved everything about it... until I got to 2 weeks before I was due.

I was on MAT leave and bored, lonely and suffering from depression but I didn't get help. I didn't get help until my baby was born and was sent to a psych hospital when she was two days old. I stayed there for six weeks and wanted out, anyway I could.. it was the worst time in my life.

I put a strain on my husband and my family. It was horrible, but we are here today and plodding along. I think if I didn't go through the PND then things might be different, but it was a really hard time for us.

Plus, we don't have any close family in QLD so never get to go out and do things alone or never just get a few hours to ourselves which is difficult.

If my husband said we could have another baby I would probably do it. I see Lara and feel as though she gets lonely sometimes and I do get bored of playing with her (mean I know, but I also work and am extremely tired most of the times!) But other times I think I'm not mother material, I feel as though I failed her when I wasn't there for six weeks of her life.

[ThomasMum]

We have one and love it. Life is simpler, no debt no stress my DH doesnt need to work hard, we are here to enjoy life, we travel a lot (currently living OS).
DS is super smart healthy happy, we are like a perfect lil team. I could not ask for more :sunshine:

[Happy2be3]

We've only got the 1.. not sure if it was by 'choice' or not.. but certainly by life circumstances...

*Me/my personality = NOT maternal

*Pregnancy = not good, horrid actually (except for the kicking and 1st butterfly feelings of course)

*Labour = left me emotionally and physically scarred for life

*The 6 mnths post birth = PND & PTSD

*Now = Love him to bits, but dont want more

[JJJRain-crew]

100% certain I dont want another one, I dont like babies (shock horror, I must be a homicidal maniac). It would be selfish for me to have another one. Im 23 and people do say that Im too young to be so sure...Ive met plenty of 23 year olds who have children and cant wait for more. Ive also met 40 year old who HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN that they have no desire to have children or more than one child. 27 years till I reach menopause so I'll be having 5 IUDS over the course of my fertile life (with the secret hope that one will perferate my uterus LOL

[surfergal]

We thought we would have two children. Then I had multiple operations for severe endometriosis and we needed IVF. Thankfully we fell first go. I hated being pregnant and was so uncomfortable I couldn't stand it. We were blessed with our beautiful little daughter and we decided one was enough. She has been challenging with her chronic reflux, but we are both really happy knowing that financially we will be able to provide well for her. Having two children would mean a big cut back on sending DD to a private school, overseas holidays etc. We love her to bits and sometimes the idea of having another and having to share the love just doesn't cut it.. One it is for us..:)

[notoverlymaternal]

We agreed early on we will only have one.

Our reason is purely financial. At the moment we have a good life, we go overseas every six months, buy what we want when we want (within reason, of course), buy tickets to the theatre at the drop of a hat etc.

I never want to have to rely on a bonus from the government just to get me through - I absolutely admire the people who can.

I am super organised, I know which school I want to enrol my child (you are looking at 18000 a year for secondary)

Taking my child overseas for new experiences is important to me, likewise European exchange programs in Secondary years.

To be able to provide all of this, one child is right for us.

Surfer gal, I just read your post, and I should have just copied and pasted it!

[melindamumof1]

I love being a 3 people family for all the reasons everyone else has mentioned. We also have a large extended family so DD still gets to interact with family, they just don't live with us! DD is very self reliant and independant and happy- why mess with that by upsetting the balance?! So many people shake their heads like your the most thoughtless person in the world having an only child, but i say thats their issue and their hangup. A lil ol lady the other day in the supermarket was baffled by it to the point she said it was absolutely necessary to get a dog to replace the 'missing' child... a family dog? Don't think so. At least we could take a child on hoilidays!

3 cheers to being a family of 3!

[Belle79]

My Husband and I have one child by choice. My Husband is 39 and I am 31, although we would be physically capable of having more, I don't really want to spend my 30's going through pregnancy and the whole newborn stage again.

I love my daughter very very much and I personally I don't wish to focus my attention on another child.

Research shows that only children are more advanced academically and have higher self esteem, probably because they get all of their parents' attention.

[Mumof3furbabies]

I'm in the same boat.
My girl is 3 wks old but I know 100% that I don't want more. After a pregnancy where I was sick the whole way, had depression then a traumatic labour and birth thst went on for 24hrs as bubz was posterior and now dealing with PND I will definitely not be having more.

I still have ppl like my mil say you'll change your mind blah blah but I know I won't and I feel okay coming to this decision which Dh supports 100%. Financially we can't afford another (I'm 32 next month Dh 30) and we want to still experience alot of things and give our child all the opportunities in rhe world.

[bambino]

DS is 4 yrs and he's our only child.
He will be our only child.
DH and I are completely satisfied with the one child.

We too are sick of hearing (esp from MIL) that he needs siblings. I just keep telling her to mind her own business.

I had a great pregnancy and great labour. But still we don't another one.
It's our choice, our life, our family and we are 100% happy.

:reindeer:

[LilliansMum]

I had a perfect pregnancy.

No morning sickness.
Could eat anything.
Could function normally all the way through.

I had a perfect birth.

Was induced... only pain before getting into the nitty gritty was a slight muscle pain in my right bum cheek. The nitty gritty (i.e pushing... only lasted 1.5 hours)


I had the perfect child.

Slept easily, didn't scream, only soaked for 5 or so minutes when going to sleep.

I had my tubes tied 8 months later.

I love my child, I love my life, I really like my work and I do not want to change that. The balance worked out so well, yes sometimes money can get tight but nothing that causes stress. Because I only have one child I don't feel guilty about working fulltime being that I only need to give her one on one attention and not split it. Economically my future looks bright and I can afford more things for her i.e tutors if needed, trips overseas for fun and life experience. All this which if I had more than one may not be possible.

Higher childcare fees equallying reduced ability to work. Equiling double cost for everything...

No I chose one.

Although she is getting a little bit more demanding.. But only have to handle that with one.

[LilliansMum]

that arguement is crap I have a sister whom I love dearly. But I still spent most of my childhood feeling incredibly lonely. I'm not great with people, and a sibling is not a substitute for friends.


I want to also throw something out there for thought. I mentioned to my mother how important it is that I allow Lillian to visit friends, form friendships as she is an only child and she said to me... "I didn't have to worry about that as you had your sister". Now I don't have many social skills and I have noted that learning social skills, especially the ability to feel confident with them, starts very early. I wonder if I had been an only child my mum would have put more effort into helping me make friends and in the long run would have improved my social skills.

[MunchiesMummy]

Omg this is something I am in serious turmoil about right now - we are actually ttc no 2 but tbh I have nights where I wake up in a sweat thinking 'do I want 2', 'why am I doing this I love having 1', I just dont know if I am mentally and phyically equipt to have 2 - I am 33 and I really struggled with dds first 6 months - right now she is 29 months and I think can I realllly do the new born thing again.

I am at a loss of what to do.

I feel like I should have a sibling for her, I feel as though somehow I am letting her down if I dont - so do I really want another child or am I only doing it because of pressure from my friends, family, society??? TBH i dont know and thats the problem!!!

I dont want to wait much longer if I do decide to have another but at the same time I dont want to have another just because I feel I SHOULD??? Does that make sense?

I am scared about dd not having a sibling in case something happens to me and dh and also I love my sister dearly and she is my best mate so there is this guilt coming in too??? And what if 10 years down the track I regret not having another one???

Gahhhh and then I hold a new born and get clucky, see dd with my friend kids and get clucky, dd saying 'I want a sister mummy' - hmmm haha as you can see I am all kinds of messed up and undecided. I am going away for hols with dd for 2 weeks with my family and I am at this stage not pregnant and we are just holding off for a bit - I think we need to really really sort this.

DH is happy either way but I know if he was realllly honest he would like to stick with one.

Sorry to crash thread xxx

[London]

I have one son and thats it for me. Not because of any health issues...my son is healthy and I had a complication-free pregnancy/birth...its purely by choice. I have always just wanted one son and thats what I got and Im sticking to it :)