Tantrums - how do you handle them?

[supamumma]

Just a quick question - how does everyone respond to their child's tantrums? My 18 mth old has just stepped up a level - screaming at fever pitch, hitting, throwing self on floor. Sometimes it's funny and doesn't bother us but other times when we are tired I know it has really pushed my buttons. And of course that's when she gets more grumpy...

We are saying 'no hitting' etc, getting down at her level and then walking away for a few minutes until she calms down. We don't know how effective this is but we're trying it for now.

What do other people do and have they found it useful? All ideas very welcome!

[polony]

I'm also interested to know because DD has already started them at 15 months!!!
HELP!!!

[Mum&bubs]

Summers tantrums have been getting worse lately, we try to ignore her & wait for it to pass but when im tired & stressed out i usually just have to walk away then she comes to me when she has calmed down!

[kirstenriley]

yeah we just tend to walk away and start doing something else...even if its pretending to refold the washing or something....once he realises we are not even watching....the tantrum stops...most of the time....lol

[rynosmum]

We cut preservative 282 out of his diet which decreased the severity of his tantys dramatically.

His tanty's now are generally for a reason - not getting enough attention, over-tired or just simply frustrated. I get down to his level, hold him if he is crying and needs to calm down, and then tell him what we are doing and why. Often I give him a choice of some fun things to do later (play with play dough, in sand pit etc) and he will choose one to do after we have done our current task.

He's only just 2 but I've found that I can actually reason with him. It's amazing how clever our little ones really are:yes: :hugs:

[reAllytee]

We try to ignore them as hard as they are expecially when you have a 16mth old child headbutting the floor repeatedly :rolleyes:
Its best to diffuse the situation before it starts though but of course thats not always possible.
Usually they are more from frustration at this age so we try to ignore them then try to "help" with whatever problem he is having whether it be getting blocks to stack or a toy to work.
We also say " no thankyou " if he has hit us or acted out & then show him the correct way to handle the situation. This of course doesnt always work because of him being so young but then we want to lay the groundwork for the years ahead.

Its a hard stage but you will get through it :hugs:

[supamumma]

Thanks heaps for the ideas..I think we are on the right track but I might fine tune it a bit and explain why we are doing what we are doing etc a bit more. Some days she is great but others, it seems the moment she wakes she uses screaming as her way to let us know she is frustrated. Tonight in the bath she was pointing and ughing at a toy and I tried to understand what she was wanting but after three failed attempts on mummy's part she lost the plot. I dread to think what the neighbours think sometimes. I guess I'm feeling abit inept - we seem to be surrounded by placid bubbas who never seem to shed a tear meanwhile DD is screaming and throwing herself about!!Lol. (about!!Lol.@gihThe)I've known she was spirited since she was in the womb ( a real mover and shaker) and we wouldn't have her any other way but it does seem that its especially important to handle this stage well.

Thanks for the input. I guess we're also keen to get on top of it before things get out of hand and to be consistent. Any other ideas would be great!:o

[damien's mum]

My DS, who is 18 months has also started this, when u tell him off, he runs away then does this leap to the fall. And when he gets himself back up again, he runs over to you and smacks you, sometimes i ignore him, and not pay him any attention, but then on the other hand, i smack him back, which is probably mixed signs to him, that mummie is smacking you, so it's ok to smack.. argh i dont know im lost aswell!

[Mumshmum]

I am really lucky in that neither of my girls have tantrums. My youngest (almost 3) will sometimes cry over not being able to have something - I let her know that I will have to take her to her room to help her calm down (i don't get angry) When she is there I tell her to come back out when she is feeling happy again, and she does.

[natasha]

DD has been doing this for a while now (18 months). The high pitched scream is the worst, she uses it to cominicate that she doesn't like something, or that she wants something, or that something isn't going her way. I hate it! I try and understand what she wants but sometimes i just have no clue!!:confused: That just frustrates us both!!:banghead:

I use distraction as much as possible. When she is about to start throwing a big tantrum I suddnely jump op and go 'WOW!!!! OH MY GOSH!! LOOK AT THIS!!! WOWWWW IT"S A GREEN CUP!!! WOW!!! SHALL WE GO AND FILL IT WITH SOME GREAT WATER???!! YEAH? WOULDN"T THAT BE SOOOOO MUCH FUN!!"
The poor thing doesn't know what to do!!:laughing: It stops her tantrum though because she is just so suprised!! Then i get her all excited over this magical green cup!!! You have to go really over the top and praise her lots!! Yay, we are going to fill up this cup! You are so good for walking with mummy'.... and all that.

Most times this works. In situations where it doesn't work, or I don't know what she wants, I go and get her a drink of milk and a sandwich, put them on her small table and leave her alone for 5 mins to calm down. Most times she will just scream her head off for about 10 mins and then i come in and give her a little cuddle and say 'now, shall we go and play?' She forgets all about her tantrum and we go and play.

[onabreak]

My daughter is 20mths old and does all those things. Especially the screaming, it is so loud it hurts my ears and every one stops and stares when I am at the shops. All I am doing is trying to help my DD with something and she is so determined to do it herself that she screams her lungs out at me, so I usually smack her on the hand and say no or just ignore her.

[Miaow]

EJ started throwing herself backwards at about 6mths when she doesnt like something :( She also will scream and throw herself back if she doesnt get what she wants - ie something being taken away from her when shes playing with it ....

I'm really dreading what she'll be like when she gets older :eek:

[aardvark]

DD#2 would still chuck a wobbly when she was 3.

I would simply (and calmly) say that I wasn't putting up with the nonsense, and if she didn't calm down, I would pick her up and carry her under my arm (horizontally, against the curve of my waist) as uncomfortably as possible, and carry her "like a piece of baggage" back to the car.

I did do it several times, always after a warning. She really hated it for some reason, especially the bit about being carried like baggage. After a few times, it would generally stop her in her tracks.

The advantage of carrying her horizontally like that was that I found I could do it with one arm only, and if she continued to kick her legs, she was doing that behind me, so I didn't get kicked.

[EskimoMumma]

EJ started throwing herself backwards at about 6mths when she doesnt like something :( She also will scream and throw herself back if she doesnt get what she wants - ie something being taken away from her when shes playing with it ....

I'm really dreading what she'll be like when she gets older :eek:



So does my DD :eek:

Its reminding me of all the horror stories my mother told me of how horrible a toddler i was!

[supamumma]

So good to know I am not the only one. I know it logically but in the heat of the 15th tantrum for the day it does feel like you must be doing something very wrong! We've had a better week this week - trying to make sure I stay calm, consistent, working on lots of distraction ( wow, is that a truck i hear, can you see it?) . I think its the screaming that really pushes my buttons...and hurts my ears!

I guess too I'm in a phase where I feel a bit more sensitive to the comments of others. Went for aplay date this morning and DD hit the other child over the head with a cup ( frustration, not sharing etc). I set limits, apologised to the Mum etc. Had to go away for half an hour, came back and asked how she'd been. The other Mum said she was fine once I left. Once I returned DD started whingeing and I was worried what the other mum would think about the link between me being present and DD being difficult. Sigh. I'm sure the other mum didn't mean anything by her comment but I find after a tough week I'm a bit paranoid!:(

[SassyMummy]

DD actually had her first REAL tantrum today (she turned a bit over a week ago).

The awful thing was, we were in public...

She was sleeping really peacefully, then all of a sudden, she woke up and started to freak out. She sometimes does this when we're out (wake up with a shock)...so I'll usually get her out of her pram, give her a cuddle and in a few mins she's right as rain.

Today though, she just went NUTS. She too tosses herself backwards when angry...and she jsut kept doing it...over and over, as I clung onto her for dear life. She was pushing and kicking me, leaning backwards, then sitting up, then flinging herself sideways...and SCREAMING.

I didn't know what was wrong, and didn't have a free hand to have a look...so I tried to put her in the pram. Just as I was about to strap her straps in, she stiffened up and tried to slip out of the pram. She almost did too...but I managed to catch her. I didn't know if she had a poo (she's never acted this way before), or needed some teething relief (teeth coming in) or WHAT...and even if I DID know, I couldn't fix it because she was just going NUTS!

After 10 whole minutes of trying my best not to drop her, I managed to sms "call me" to my mother and asked her what to do. Instead of giving me advice, she came down and got me. I felt like a bit of a failure for needing her help...but I would have felt worse waiting it out for much longer...DD went CRAZY (and she can't walk or anything...so it's not liek she's a little kid I can just tell off or leave on the ground to whinge or anything).

ARGH! I'm definately dreading how she'll be when she's older...

[treightonsmum]

Oh dear I hate to tell you all this but tantrums are here to stay. Once they start they never leave.

My eldest boy, almost 12, still has hissy fits over things and my darling 7 yr old daughter still wails and throws herself about.

I have learnt - at the shops just walk on by, :wave: and ignore them- they soon catch up if not someone will bring them back to you. Just smile and say "Oh you've stopped forgetting yourself! Wecome back sweet heart!":thumbsup:

Dragging them while they are attached to your leg is great for the thighs!:yes:

At home total ignorance is bliss. The more they carry on - the more I pamper myself, they soon realise they are not getting the attention and snap out of it.

In public just smile at all the people who think your a child abuser and start singing your favorite song as loud as the child screaming. Sometimes they get more embarrassed than you are and stop staring at you.:D

Seriously though even the littlest bubs can be safely put down somewhere and just walk away or turn your back and ignore them. I have found it helps to shorten them at the very least.
LOL ...................Kathy.