Teenage sex

[Phyllis Stein]

What do you think about it?

In light of another thread that mentioned how many parents are against teenage bf/ gf sleepovers, I'm wondering what people think about teenage sex, in general. Is it inherently harmful, or can it be made safe/r.

I'm also wondering, if you really wanted to have sex as a teen, was there anything anyone could do to stop you? And if you did have sex, was it ever in less than safe/ ideal places, such as in cars or strangers houses?

*The poll is multi-choice*

[MummaBear03]

I chose option 2 :)

[Fuchsia!]

I think we have to give our children the tools to make the best possible decisions. Make sure they are aware of safe sex but most importantly that they have self respect and respect others.

As a mother of boys I will make sure my boys are taught to respect women. I hope that i will drum into them the importance of safe sex and the consequences of what sex involves.

I personally think that when they want to do it, they will do it. I remember being a teenager and noone could have stopped me, and if they tried i would have wanted it more and I will bear this in mind with my children.

I had a lot of respect for myself when i was a teenager and i was actually teased for being "friget" because I once told a boy that below my waist it was forbidden. I got teased really bad because the boy went and told everyone and everyone called me "Forbidden" And at the time I guess I was embarrassed because all my friends were losing their virginity but I also didn't care because I told myself that i would wait until i was 16yrs before i lost my virginity and I ended up waiting till i was almost 17yrs old.

I believe it was because my parents taught me to have self respect and to be confident in my decisions. They never pushed me and told me i couldn't do this or that but respected that i would be smart enough to make my own decisions.

So I thank them for that i hope i will be able to do this with my boys.

I think it can be harmful if they aren't prepared. If i found out my boys were having sex, i will make sure they are aware of safe sex and i would supply them with all the info they need and a huge box of condoms.

[WorkingClassMum]

I figure I can't stop my kids having sex before I am ready for it, so I better get ready.

My kids (6 & 8) know the very basics of human conception and sex and puberty.

I figure that by teaching and talking to them young, we'll open the lines of communication and therefore by the time puberty hits , I'm hoping I am ready.

I want them to know the facts, the pitfalls and about protection. I am also trying to teach them self respect and morals and respect for others.

I don't think sex is inherently bad, but there are minefields and pitfalls like STD's, unplanned pregnancy, reputations, respect and self-respect and personal safety that we can safely negotiate

[Phyllis Stein]

Thanks for the responses so far. I'm getting DS down, BBL to discuss. :)

[Crazyfamily]

i voted that no one could have stopped me having sex as a teenager. but in saying that it doesnt mean i willmake it easy for my teenagers either. I do have son who is 19 and he came and told me he was thinking about it with his gf of 9 months and then told me when he did. He also talks to me when there are any problems regarding sex. I dont think we can stop out kids but we can eduacte them and not "allow" it. I believe there needs to be some safety around it all. As i said in another thread my partners dd went away with a 17 yr old boy (she is 14) and no one knew his dad at all or what kind of morals, beliefs and rules he has. that in my opinion is just asking for trouble.

[delirium]

i don't think it's inherently harmful, but other factors make it so. Boys pressuring, the media that glamourises it, STD's, when one or both teens have self esteem issues and feel the need to have sex so someone 'loves' them :ecomcity:

i voted that nothing anyone could have done would of changed me having sex. I was really young when i lost my virginity. I was pretty mature though and certainly wasn't pushed into it by any guy, I often was the instigator :o.

But upon deeper reflection I do think something could of been done. For all my maturity, I was damaged goods, raised in a house of alcoholism and DV and a mother who was emotionally and physically abusive. I wanted to feel loved, special, grown up, I wanted to remove myself from my life.

My mother gave me the birds and the bees talk at about 6. She was open about the processes of sex and periods etc, but only in principle. If it involved ME and sex, she would turn crazy and I soon learned to not discuss anything with her.

Gee, that was long, sorry. I'm just writing as I'm thinking. I think parents have to 1)create a happy environment where the teen (especially girls) don't feel the need to gain affection elsewhere and 2)that they can talk about their own sexual experiences in a healthy way.

[MimiGrace]

i don't think its inherently wrong for teenagers to be having sex.

And while i'm sure that if i had decided i WAS going to have sex, nothing could have swayed my mind...i didn't, so i chose that there were things that they could do - simply because whatever my mother did to stop me having sex, clearly worked :p

That said, i think education is the key. I would rather have my teenage children having their sleepovers under my room, than 'somewhere random' *shudder* - because there isn't really much i could do to stop them once they have their minds set to it. I can just hope that ihave given them all the tools they need to make the right choices for themselves, and try to keep the lines of communication open so they feel comfortable telling me things :thumbsup:

[Pippi Longstocking]

I think that we as parents need to be mindful about the issue from when our children are babies. We need to raise them in such a way as to equip them with the skills to make safe choices.
I have kept an open dialogue with my children about issues to do with sex. I have instilled in them the belief that they are valuable, worthy of respect and have autonomy over their bodies.
If teenagers respect themselves, their bodies and have a good clear understanding of how STDs are contracted and how to avoid them, and how reproduction works and how to avoid it, then no, consensual teen sex is not inherently harmful.

[RedPanda]

I don't think it's wrong. I was raised with a fair bit of strictness (almost shame) about sex. It didn't stop me doing it - all it did was create feelings of guilt and shame that took some time to shake off as an adult. If my children end up sleeping around as teenagers, I'd be concerned about safety obviously, but I'd also be worried about whether it was self-esteem issues that led to those decisions.

I plan to educate my children about safety precautions and not be naive and assume they're not having sex. I hope to give them the honesty about my teen choices that I wasn't given by my parents so they can avoid shame and guilt. However, I'll also be urging them to take sex seriously and not view it as a hobby or something to be entered into lightly.

[bumMum]

i personally enjoyed teenage sex :laughing:
but it did get me pregnant that one time
lol..

it's normal for teenagers to want to have sex. it's just biology :yes: and nope, nobody can stop someone having sex if they are that curious/think they are madly in love and have passionate feelings about it.

I think it's sad when people just have sex so they can lose their virginities though. like it's a badge.

all sex can have same consequences, young or old though. it can lead to unwanted pregnancies, STD's, or feeling used.. and teenagers are probably a bit more naive about those things, but at the end of the day, some things you have to learn on your own.

[bookwormmum]

i don't think it's inherently harmful, but other factors make it so. Boys pressuring, the media that glamourises it, STD's, when one or both teens have self esteem issues and feel the need to have sex so someone 'loves' them :ecomcity:

i voted that nothing anyone could have done would of changed me having sex. I was really young when i lost my virginity. I was pretty mature though and certainly wasn't pushed into it by any guy, I often was the instigator :o.

But upon deeper reflection I do think something could of been done. For all my maturity, I was damaged goods, raised in a house of alcoholism and DV and a mother who was emotionally and physically abusive. I wanted to feel loved, special, grown up, I wanted to remove myself from my life.

:yes: I agree, and my situation was kind of the same as yours. I had moved out of home, I was pretty much living as an adult at age 17, I grew up with a father who controlled my every thought and every move. I wanted to be in control of my life and I wanted to feel strong enough to live my life without him. Looking back, I should have waited (I was 16 when I lost my virginity to DF) but back then nothing and no one was going to stop me. Teenagers find ways around parents as we all know. My friends were doing it, they were doing it on shows we all used to watch like the OC, it was plastered all over magazines. It was my choice - but outside factors don't make it easy.

This is something I think about a lot because well... as much as I love DD and I could never regret her, I don't want her to have the same kind of life I do. I want to have the kind of mother-daughter relationship with her that we'd be comfortable talking openly about sex and she wouldn't feel embarrassed or ashamed. How am I supposed to tell her not to have teenage sex, when I did at 16? I know it's a while off, but I think about these things sometimes. Mainly because I want to be better at it than my mum was with me.

[bumMum]

I'm also wondering, if you really wanted to have sex as a teen, was there anything anyone could do to stop you? And if you did have sex, was it ever in less than safe/ ideal places, such as in cars or strangers houses?



I had sex in
a skate park
a strangers house
a car
on a construction site

my mother never could have stopped me. she had a "no bedroom door closed when the boyfriends over" rule.. i loved her a lot but it's just something I wanted to do. when she found out i was sexually active she cried and i remember feeling so sick.. not because I felt bad for what i'd done, but the idea that my mum had lost respect for me. it was horrible. it's not something she could have prevented. It usually happened on the weekends when I was doing my own thing.. the only way she could have stopped it was to go everywhere with me.. I thought it was really exciting and romantic at the time :rolleyes: but then when she found out, it seemed really dirty.

[Phyllis Stein]

So it seems most people who have responded accept teenage sex as part of life, which is also my perspective. I'm wondering how far your acceptance goes, though. Would you knowingly allow your teenager to have sex in your house, for instance?

My parents were pretty liberal with these things, but drew the line at having my bf sleep over. This meant that we ended up having sex in all kinds of risky places, often with no access to condoms. We has sex in half-constructed houses, at much older friend's homes, in cars parked in isolated places, and houses where alcohol and drugs were being used, etc. In fact, the desire to find a place to have sex led to some of my first exposure to and experiences with drugs, experiences that changed the course of my early adulthood. I wonder how different things would have been if my parents had simply accepted us having sex at home?

With DS, I plan to do everything the ever so wise Pippi said, and when he's old enough, I will endeavour to be the kind of parent I needed as a teen - not one without boundaries, but who saw their role as minimising harm, rather than clinging to what they saw as "right".

At least if he's having sex at home, then I get to meet his partner/s, there will always be contraception on hand and I know he's as safe as is possible when indulging in a potentially risky practice. The only exception I would make is if his partner were significantly different in age, and therefore maturity.

[Fuchsia!]

My parents let me have sex in the house when i was 17, i didn't have a boyfriend before that though.

Would i? Yeah i would probably let them in my house as long as it was ok with the girls parents.

They are going to do it anyway, so i might as well make sure they are in a safe place with quick access to protection. If they are in a risky place, and they don't have a condom they may just go ahead with it anyway.

[SassyMummy]

I think it's mostly dangerous because I don't think teenagers are the best people to rely upon to utilise contraception and protect against STDs.

I also think the REASONS teenagers are having sex is a bit sad. They do it for a number of reasons, but IMO, two people loving each other deeply is perhaps one of the lesser reasons, which again, I find sad. Perhaps one person loves another, but I doubt that love is always mutual.

Would I allow sex in my home? God no. Sorry, but I'm not condoning you to shag like a cat in heat under my roof.

Being able to have sex at home doesn't stop you from having sex in stupid places either - I was allowed to have boyfriends over with a closed door, and I still had sex in stupid places. I'd at least prefer to make the "at home" option difficult. Having sex in my home doesn't guarantee my daughter will be kept safe - all it guarantees is that if a boy stays over she is more likely to be shagging him in her room than if I said no.

I'm HOPING she isn't an idiot, and I'm HOPING she knows the difference between an idiot who tells her fibs to get in her knickers, and someone she should feel happy to call her boyfriend. (I'm also secretly hoping she is just far too busy reading books to give a stuff about her knickers either way:p).

I had sex as a (late-ish) teen. I did so because I wanted attention, I wanted to feel loved, and because I wanted to feel attractive. If someone slept with me - then it must mean I'm not all that ugly after all.

This mentality still hasn't left me now really - I still place value on myself depending on whether others "want" me or not. Sad really.

[bookwormmum]

So it seems most people who have responded accept teenage sex as part of life, which is also my perspective. I'm wondering how far your acceptance goes, though. Would you knowingly allow your teenager to have sex in your house, for instance?

My parents were pretty liberal with these things, but drew the line at having my bf sleep over. This meant that we ended up having sex in all kinds of risky places, often with no access to condoms. We has sex in half-constructed houses, at much older friend's homes, in cars parked in isolated places, and houses where alcohol and drugs were being used, etc. In fact, the desire to find a place to have sex led to some of my first exposure to and experiences with drugs, experiences that changed the course of my early adulthood. I wonder how different things would have been if my parents had simply accepted us having sex at home?

With DS, I plan to do everything the ever so wise Pippi said, and when he's old enough, I will endeavour to be the kind of parent I needed as a teen - not one without boundaries, but who saw their role as minimising harm, rather than clinging to what they saw as "right".

At least if he's having sex at home, then I get to meet his partner/s, there will always be contraception on hand and I know he's as safe as is possible when indulging in a potentially risky practice. The only exception I would make is if his partner were significantly different in age, and therefore maturity.

If she wasn't a very young teenager, say over 16, I think I would allow her to have sex in the house (I've got 15 years to go though so I may change my mind :laughing:) but like you, I'd rather she was safe and used contraception. I lost my virginity in my boyfriend's fathers' bathroom and it wasn't nice :no:
It's obvious strategies like straight out forbidding kids to be in any situation where it's possible for them to have sex isn't working, didn't work for my parents, so I'm definitely going to try something different.

[RedPanda]

I'd like to think that I'd let them have sex in my house, but I may change my mind as they get older. DH's parents let us (I was a teen when I first got together with him), which meant we were quite safe and rarely did we have to resort to cars or other places. My parents would have had a coronary if a boyfriend had stayed overnight. We weren't even allowed to be in our rooms with our doors closed if there was a male in there.

I plan to be more like DH's parents. They were realistic, they knew it was going to happen so they allowed it under their roof. It's not like we ever had an embarassing chat. DH and I just knew it was permitted because they never got upset or even mentioned it if I stayed over. It was treated as normal when I came out for breakfast with no guilt trips or judgemental looks.

ETA: I don't think it's a coincidence that DH had a much healthier view of sexuality than I did when we got together. For me, sex was ultra-secret, shameful and a major means of forming a judgement on a person. He was just a loving guy with no hang-ups or judgements (and no, he wasn't promiscuous).

[Ffrenchknickers]

My parents were pretty liberal with these things, but drew the line at having my bf sleep over. This meant that we ended up having sex in all kinds of risky places, often with no access to condoms. We has sex in half-constructed houses, at much older friend's homes, in cars parked in isolated places, and houses where alcohol and drugs were being used, etc. In fact, the desire to find a place to have sex led to some of my first exposure to and experiences with drugs, experiences that changed the course of my early adulthood. I wonder how different things would have been if my parents had simply accepted us having sex at home?

.

It's a hard one (no pun intended :p. There really is no black and white answer. As you said, I also will endevour to be the kind of parents, my parents weren't only in my case, I WAS allowed to have boyfriends sleep over from around age 15.....and I still went and sought out drugs, alcohol, etc etc....and had sex in carparks, cars, sheds, bowling alleys, the disabled toilet at school :footinmouth:

We are teaching our kids the reasons why we believe it is wise to wait until marriage and then trusting them with the decisions and will always be there when they fall/get hurt/need to share or need to talk or whatever. I don't think we will allow partners to say over though, it doesn't sit right with me at this stage.

Good topic.

[Lillynix]

Would you knowingly allow your teenager to have sex in your house, for instance?

Absolutely, without a doubt.

When my children become sexually active, I want them to be safe. If they are in my house, they are in a safe environment, we will be around if we are needed, to talk to etc and while I have heard people say that by "allowing" sex under your roof is encouraging the behaviour, I strongly disagree.

If we have a 'no partners/no sex' rule in our house, they are simply going to find somewhere else to go if they are determined to have sex. I'd MUCH rather know where they are and know that they are within that safe environment.

As for the poll, I voted that no, sex isn't inherently dangerous and that no, no one could have stopped me having sex.

[Pippi Longstocking]

I would "allow" my children to have sex at home. In fact, I'd prefer it over them having sex elsewhere. Now that my daughter is older I intend on keeping a box of condoms in the fridge (they keep better there, for those that don't know) that she has full access to. I have already spoken to her about it and explained that they are there for her to do whatever she wants to do - to give them to sexually active friends, to blow them up and play with them (getting used to the feel of them, playing with them, reading the info in the box etc is all really important learning) or whatever.

Obviously I don't want my children to become sexually active. But I trust them to make choices for themselves and I want to do what I can to keep them safe.

Signed,

Mum @ 16yo. :p

[HowCrazyCool]

I ticked the 2nd option.
.
.
I will be telling my kids that being in love does not mean you are ready to have sex. And not being in love doesn't mean your not ready to have sex.
.
.
And i don't mind about teenagers having sex in my house.

[WorkingClassMum]

I'm wondering how far your acceptance goes, though. Would you knowingly allow your teenager to have sex in your house, for instance?




I don't live in fairy lala land I hope, but it will depend on age and how long the bf/gf has been on the scene

Before 13 - not a hope in hell...

As a 13yo - probably not, as an 18yo probably yes

In b/w 13 and 18 is murky waters IYKWIM

I want my kids 'first' time to be a precious moment, not a grotty 'foot on the dash and the gear stick in your hip/back' kind of moment. I want them to have respect for themselves and their partner and I want it to be comfortable and consensual.

I want my kids to be comfortable with their sexuality and their decisions.

I want what I never had, and I hope I can work out how to do that for them.

[kar]

Delirium hugs to you, I feel very similarly. Thought it was all my own free decision, on reflection as an adult, whole lot of issues going on.
I hope to bring up children who are confident and strong enough to make positive decisions about love and sex

Have about 14 years to see if I can do it!

[twotrunks]

I chose the first option, not that "bad" is a term I would choose, but I do think there are aspects of teenage sex that are inherently dangerous.
Teenagers IMO do not have brains which are developed enough to fully understand the implications and ramifications of their actions. Wait that is biology, not just my opinion :)
Yes teenagers have been having sex and in some cultures are parents very young etc etc. It does not change the fact that their brains are a million miles behind their bodies. And in our culture there are sooooo many possible negative consequences that they are not able to forsee, or often understand. Yes, some of us lose our virginity early and are fine. But I would guess that the majority of teens who have sex grow up to think that they would have been better off waiting (no stats to back that up, just personal opinion).
In an ideal world our teens would be able to experiment with their sexuality in a safe and supported manner, free from risks of disease, social problmes, parenthood etc etc. But that is not the culture we live in.
So ideally I would stop my kids from having sex till they were 25. But that isn't likely, unfortunately. So as others have said, I will educate, I will keep the lines of communication open, i will emphasise the emotional over the physical in sexual discussions, and I will be there to support them when they make poor choices. Cause lets face it most of them will. Oh and I will encourage contraception!
TT

[Mummaholic]

I plan on educating my children about sex, contraception etc and will most likely allow closed doors, but probably not overnight until around 17. As a teenager, I managed quite well in the daytime :laughing:

I will also educate them on common courtesy around family members etc when it comes to sex - ie being somewhat discreet.

[SomewhereOverTheRainbow]

my mother never could have stopped me. she had a "no bedroom door closed when the boyfriends over" rule.. i loved her a lot but it's just something I wanted to do. when she found out i was sexually active she cried and i remember feeling so sick.. not because I felt bad for what i'd done, but the idea that my mum had lost respect for me. it was horrible. it's not something she could have prevented. It usually happened on the weekends when I was doing my own thing.. the only way she could have stopped it was to go everywhere with me.. I thought it was really exciting and romantic at the time but then when she found out, it seemed really dirty.

:hugs: This is EXACTLY how I felt. I remember not wanting to go home and face her knowing that she knew. We were all raised quite strictly, and she assumed we would all wait till we were married I think.



Now that my daughter is older I intend on keeping a box of condoms in the fridge (they keep better there, for those that don't know)

Ooh, I hate to think of what a cold condom might do to the wearer of it... :laughing:...might be a good trick to get them out of the mood.

I had no idea they lasted longer in the fridge though!


I don't know how I feel about this to be honest. I would like to think that I would respect DS and DD's (heaven forbid when the time comes) decisions about partners and be open enough to have them welcome to have sex in their own rooms etc...BUT I know that both DH and I were raised with very strict views on sex (hell, in DHs house it was never ever discussed, he never had 'the talk') so I don't know how we would feel come the time.

I also think back to my ex (DS bio dad) who was more than welcome to have sex in his own bed from when he was 13 or 14 whenever and with whomever he liked and his mum would just make them breakfast and act like it was all normal the next day. And even when he brought home a different girl every weekend at the age of 14 or 15 (and sometimes even more than one) it was still OK.
I couldn't stand for that...but I probably would be OK if it was a long term relationship thing.

[missie_mack]

I do believe teenage sex can in some instances be dangerous particularly to their own health. However given a good understanding of the physical and emotional consequences of their actions, a good sense of worth and effective contraception it can be harmless and part of growing up too. But it really depends on the child. Really an 11 year old in many ways is a teenager (I know I was 11 when I was in my first year of high school) and I don't think sex at that age is without harm particularly should it result in a pregnancy or STI both of which are a risk even in protected sex.

As for having sex in your home. I don't think I can honestly answer that question without knowing the supposed partner because whilst I might hold ideals to a certain level for my own child I don't think I really am able to make those decisions for another minor inplace of their own parents who may not be consenting.

TBH I wasn't given a lot of liberties as a teenager until I was over 16 (bearing in mind I was still 17 when I started university!) to have had the opportunity to have sex with anyone in a dangerous location. Wandering the streets aimlessly anywhere and everywhere simply wasn't allowed and being deceitful wasn't really an option as I knew I was on a relatively short leash.

Although I have to wonder what exactly is dangerous about having sex in a car??

[Ffrenchknickers]

Although I have to wonder what exactly is dangerous about having sex in a car??

Depends how fast it is going :laughing:

[Mummaholic]

Depends how fast it is going :laughing:

:laughing:

[Freya]

I think that we as parents need to be mindful about the issue from when our children are babies. We need to raise them in such a way as to equip them with the skills to make safe choices.
I have kept an open dialogue with my children about issues to do with sex. I have instilled in them the belief that they are valuable, worthy of respect and have autonomy over their bodies.
If teenagers respect themselves, their bodies and have a good clear understanding of how STDs are contracted and how to avoid them, and how reproduction works and how to avoid it, then no, consensual teen sex is not inherently harmful.

I absolutely, wholeheartedly agree!

I was the teen with no respect for myself or my body, I wanted to feel loved and to me that mean't letting myself become an object and being unable to say no. This is not healthy and I hope to God my children are never put in the position.

But I hope that with the right education and an open line of communication between myself and my children can avoid that.

[delirium]

I'm not sure where I stand with sex under my roof. If they are 16+ and in an at least somewhat committed relationship, yes I would. But at 13 or 14... I don't think so. I know they are going to do it elsewhere anyway, I was at that age, but I dunno.... it's so young to be condoning. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

That would be like allowing a 13 or 14 yo to smoke pot under your roof so they are safe, and I'm not sure many parents would do that. Sure, it's illegal, but so is having sex at 13 if kwim. I just hope I've instilled enough respect in my kids that they won't be even having sex like I was at 13 or 14. :no:


Delirium hugs to you, I feel very similarly. Thought it was all my own free decision, on reflection as an adult, whole lot of issues going on.


Thanks :) The good thing is, I did come out of it balanced and ok. I got a grip, went away to uni at 17, met my DH and have never looked back. My teenage years were the reason I started working with at risk teens. I guess I just wanted to help them, like I wish someone would of helped me. Many of them just needed someone to listen to them, some stability and kindness, something I was missing.

[anewme]

I am the Mum of a 16 yr DD.


In our house we don't have "The talk". We have anytime you have question, I'll answer it if I can and If I can't I will find out and then tell you ( Yes have had to go and google words that are new terms for old acts:laughing:).

We are very open and talk regularly about sex, love, stds, pg's etc...

In saying all that we teach our kids that we would like them to wait for marriage, but the decision to do so is up to them. We also tell them that if they decide to go ahead and have sex and fall pregnant that we we be disappointed but we would fully support them to keep the baby or that we would raise the baby ourselves.



Under no circumstance would we allow our children to have sex in our home.

[Theophania]

For myself, I had sex at 15, I am still with my partner now and am very happy with the decision I made. I honestly thank my mother for bringing me up to know how very special my virginity was and I would have never just slept with anyone. I was very well educated (thanks to the school nurse) on contraception, std's etc so I took all necessary precautions.

I think it is very important to teach our children about sex and to show them it is something that is special between two people who love each other. For me I definitely want my children to feel confident that they won't need to use sex to be popular etc which is something I see going on a lot these days. I think also as parents we need to be ready to deal with this and not bury our heads on the sand and pretend its not going to happen because it will. I would prefer my child come speak to me about it before they make that decision so I can guide them to make the safest choices.

Hope that made sense lol.... made sense to me :laughing:

[Pippi Longstocking]

Although I have to wonder what exactly is dangerous about having sex in a car??

I have a funny story about that, but I'm not sure it's PG rated. It involved a moving vehicle, a 'distracted' driver, a crash into a road sign resulting in teeth marks where dudes really do not want to feel biting....:laughing:

Sex in a car can be very, very dangerous! :yes::laughing:

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

I don't think teen sex is inherently harmful, but other factors can make it so.

My DD is 17 this year and has not yet had sex, but if she does I will not have an issue with it and will see it as a part of life.

We have a good open dialogue about sex and I hope she will come to me if she needs to.

I would let her have a boyfriend over, because I just had sex everywhere but at home as my parents wouldn't allow it. I fell pregnant at 16. If someone really wants to have sex, then no one will be able to stop them.

[WorkingClassMum]

. Sure, it's illegal, but so is having sex at 13 if kwim..

But Sex at 10 isn't illegal if the couple having sex are less than 2 years of age in difference. (Link) (http://www.aifs.gov.au/nch/pubs/sheets/rs16/rs16.html)

So your 14.5yo DD can legally have sex with her 16yo boyfriend, or your 10yo can have sex with a 12yo...:(





Although I have to wonder what exactly is dangerous about having sex in a car??

Jeesz have you never watched an American Horror Movie? Kids making out in cars ALWAYS get attacked by a swamp monster or equivalent...


Sex in a car smacks of a lack of dignity and comfort (unless it's a panel van :p or a winnebago) and allows pressure for intercourse to take place.

I think it stems from a girl can more easily pressured into sex once she's in a car alone with a boy than if she's sitting at home in her bedroom with a boy

[Crazyfamily]

But Sex at 10 isn't illegal if the couple having sex are less than 2 years of age in difference. (Link) (http://www.aifs.gov.au/nch/pubs/sheets/rs16/rs16.html)

So your 14.5yo DD can legally have sex with her 16yo boyfriend, or your 10yo can have sex with a 12yo...:(





Jeesz have you never watched an American Horror Movie? Kids making out in cars ALWAYS get attacked by a swamp monster or equivalent...


Sex in a car smacks of a lack of dignity and comfort (unless it's a panel van :p or a winnebago) and allows pressure for intercourse to take place.

I think it stems from a girl can more easily pressured into sex once she's in a car alone with a boy than if she's sitting at home in her bedroom with a boy

i read the link to say that there is a legal age of consent but if someone is charged then the age difference factors come into it. this was also what i was told about my 16 yr old daughter

[Bellini]

inherently[/I] harmful, or can it be made safe/r.

I'm also wondering, if you really wanted to have sex as a teen, was there anything anyone could do to stop you? And if you did have sex, was it ever in less than safe/ ideal places, such as in cars or strangers houses?


Nope, absolutely nothing would have stopped me from having sex as a teenager. I was curious about sex, it intrigued me, and I was the one who actually initiated it at age 14.

I was allowed sleep-overs when I was 16+, but I had been having sex long before that. If I wasn't allowed sleep-overs, I still would have found a way to have sex. Geez, I sound like a nymphomaniac, but that's really not the case at all :laughing:

I don't think it's inherently harmful. I think it can be an issue if a teen is not able to talk to their parents about sex, or has to sneak around and engage in sex in random places which could be potentially dangerous. Adolescence is a stage of many physical and mental changes - physiologically, hormone production commences which eventually leads to sexual maturation...so sex is likely to be on the agenda! The sooner parents accept that fact and support their teenagers, the safer teen sex will become.

ETA: I thought I would also add a little story concerning what can happen if a teen is unable to talk to their parents about sex. I went to a strict all-girl's Catholic highschool and we didn't have sex ed. lessons at all. My friend came from a very religious family, and the topic was considered to be extremely taboo. When we were 17 years old, this same friend asked me why couple's need lube if the female is on the pill. :eek: I explained that lube isn't a spermicide/contraception, and that it's a substance used to prevent friction, but she still had no idea what I was talking about. I explained a few things to her, and I was surprised at the number of things that she had never been taught - about contraception, STD's etc etc. She actually had sex for the first time at schoolies (in a random park) and contracted Chlamydia because she thought the pill protects from STD's. The whole situation freaked her out completely and she hasn't had sex since and now at age 24 has an awful opinion about sexual intercourse. Sex ed is so important. If it isn't taught at school, I think it's important for parents to teach their teens, regardless of their beliefs about teenage sex. I'm SO thankful that my parents were able to talk to me about sex, and educate me about it.

[studyingECS]

I don't see anything wrong with teenagers having sex, I don't think it's wrong:no:.

I won't do anything with anyone in my own house out of respect for my parents and the fact that we have a small house and my room plus the spare room share a wall with my parents room. I'd rather avoid an awkward situation plus I know that the thought makes them uncomfortable as they kept getting up last time my ex-boyfriend stayed over.

I used to also get uncomfortable talking about it, but as I got older I couldn't avoid hearing about it from friends and what not.

I will tell you though they my coupled friends have sex in their beds at there houses and wouldn't dream of doing it anywhere else because they have the option to do it at home, sure if they weren't allowed..they'd have to be abit more inventive, but because that's a non-issue they do it at home.

Parents aren't stupid, if they know their kids are already having sex they take the apropriate action and equip them with information and give them the option to go on contraception etc.

I don't think that sex is nessesarily the issue, but what might happen if their not sensible about it (i.e not on contraception or don't have access to protection, not aware of the risks of STD's, plus the emotional side of it aswell).


I'd also like to add that I DON'T and have never had an open discussion with my parents about sex, I'm also not on contraception because my mum is anti-pill, does that mean I don't know a thing about it or am not responsible when it comes to sex? absolutely not. I got myself educated because I needed to for my benefit.

[OJandMe]

As a teenager we had this on our wall. (I shared a room with my sister)

You're not ready for sex if:

- you think everybody is doing it
- you think you 'have to' to stay in a relationship
- you think it will make you more popular
- you think it means he loves you
- you think you 'owe' him
- you don't feel comfortable standing in front of a mirror naked
- you need to drink alcohol to 'feel like doing it'
- you're worried about what he'll tell his friends
- you haven't thought about, talked about, and researched the most reliable method of contraception for yourself
- you don't understand that you are just as wonderful, incredible, interesting, exciting, fun, and worthwhile being with if you DON'T have sex

I don't think anyone should be having sex while they are young enough to be at school... personally I think people should be developing close platonic friendships with the opposite sex, going out in groups, or one on one without the pressure of needing to impress that person... I feel that the more stable, deep, platonic friendships a person has... the less likely they are to rush into a relationship... because the need for attention from the opposite sex is being met in a healthy, responsible way.. and that way you really can tell the difference when you meet someone who makes your heart flutter. :cloud9:

And honestly, I think that concentrating on your education is more important than concentrating on discovering your sexuality...

Do that at uni, there's a bigger fishpond too..