friend says baby is too big

[lilly]

Hi all,
this has really been bugging me the last few days so I'd love some feedback/comments on it.

Two of my best had babies within weeks of me having my first. It's been great sharing this experience with them however one of them has made some funny comments which are starting to eat at me. For the purpose of this dicussion I'll call her donna and my other friend emma.

Out of the three of us, donna had a baby boy, we other 2 had girls. All through her pregnancy she was saying how much she desperately wanted a boy and luckily enough she had one who was 7.1 pound. When I came to see her in the hospital her and her husband were saying how she didn't care for little girls - given I was pregnant at the time knowing I was going to have a girl (they didn't know) I didn't feel great about this comment but didn't let it bother me as I thought if she had had a girl, she wouldn't feel that way or that when they met my girl, they would love her because she was mine.

When I had my girl (9.8 pound) they came to see me at the hospital and she couldn't stop gushing about how big my baby was and even asking nurses if it was normal to have a baby this size. Again, that didn't really bother me at the time because even I was surprised about how big she was!

Anyway since then we have gotten together once a week for our own little mother's group. Donna's boy has been growing like fury and he is now the biggest out of the group - 7.2 kilos at 14 weeks, whilst mine is not far behind at 6.7. Emma's girl is quite petite and is 6 kilos. Donna keeps saying how Emma's baby is the perfect baby and how she now believes her son is TOO big and doesn't even look like a baby now. She's been comparing him to other baby boys who are a lot smaller at the same age. Emma and I said she was being ridiculous but I now get that she thinks my baby is too big as well. She has really never said anything about my baby other than 'she's big' while meanwhile making a big deal about Emma's baby's petiteness.

I went home feeling like **** because I really just thought we would all be happy with each others babies and not be judging them on their appearance. My girl is a big baby but I've never compared her to others and wished she was smaller!
As I'm writing this I feel stupid because it is just such a silly thing - how can a baby be too big!?

Has anyone else come across this sort of thing? Am I being too sensitive??

Lil.

[jessgray]

i think comparing a baby is silly. all babies are different. my ds1 was 8 pound 15 when he was born and i got the comments of "how did you manage to fit him inside you?" lol
your friend will realise her bub is special and there is no other bub like him :)
i mean this is just a thought i could be wrong on this but not even twins ( i dont have any twins) are the same.
i wouldnt worry about the size of bub, like adults babies come in all shapes and sizes and colours :Dand they are all beautiful

[Little Gorilla]

My bub has always been big and only started to thin out a little once he started walking at 13 months.
I loved having a chubby bubba, I was actually very proud of the fact I did.
To me this friend of yours is just jealous and I think there are other insecuries she has and she is just picking something to make you feel inferior, so she feels superior - you sound like you are a great mother.

[~Emmylou~]

I think your friend needs professional help :laughing:

Seriously, this is totally her issue and she's deflecting it onto everyone else - or more to the point everyone else's babies. "perfect sized baby" screams "issues" to me ;) there is no such thing. Some mothers are never happy, and some think motherhood is a competition - she sounds like she has a bit of both.

I would try to ignore it as much as you can. Or otherwise tell her you dont' want her making comments about your girls size as it's not something you would like her to be hearing - at any age. You wouldn't want her carrying on like this when your DD is a little older that's for sure.

[*Jetiza*]

i wouldnt worry about the size of bub, like adults babies come in all shapes and sizes and colours :Dand they are all beautiful

Hi Lilly, I really wouldn`t be worried about the size of your bub, just like jessgray said they`re all different but loved all the same! My kids were all different in sizes born, 1st was 6lb 13, 2nd 8lb 10, and lastly Zaq who was 9lb 10. People would always be telling me how big he was and he looked like he was already a few months old, but it never really got to me. Now he is 15 months old and weighs 10.5kgs, my friends son who is 3 weeks older than him weighs in at 17kgs, but doesn`t look big. My daughter who will be 4 in Novenber weighs 13kgs, and people always say how petite she is, so I guess everyone is always going to be commenting on kids sizes, big or small.. :hugs:

[*Chels*]

Bubbaganoush has it spot on,your friend obviously has some insecurities.
I would tell her how you feel about it all.good luck hun:hugs:

[LilShenanigans]

Is your friend also the type of mother who "desperately needs to fit back into clothes that she wore when she was 10???" ...

Sounds like she has a few weighty issues on her shoulders and no doubt she'll be passing them onto her kids in time to come...

Depending on how she would react, I think get her some help! The last thing you want to do is watch your friends kids to grow up to have eating disorders/anorexia/bullimia...
I know it's a long shot, but if she's starting this early, god only knows how far it will go!!!

[Poopa]

Some people are so retarded... Seriously... Does it matter what size they are?

My son was born the average size, but because everyone else's babies were born maximum 6 pound 12 my baby was big :rolleyes:. To be honest, a baby with a bit of beef is better because if they get sick they won't be too skinny.

Friends can be so stupid sometimes... I had a friend (no baby, CLUELESS no idea about ANYTHING!!) say that 'he wasn't very cute when he was younger was he'... WTF?? I think he was beautiful, he had the newborn look... All babies do... She has absolutely no idea. Mind you, this girl made these comments;

Does he like breastmilk better than normal milk? :confused:.
What are paternity pads? (I was talking about maternity pads).

And she didn't know about how you bled for so long after having a baby.

Sorry just having a vent about my friends now.

[ziggie]

I agree with the others, that your friend may have some insecurities, but try not to let it bother you... maybe you should gently talk to her about it? My sister keeps comparing my DS to her 3 kids, with everything, size, behaviour, feeding etc... At first I was getting peeved with her, but I'm over it now. Good luck :hugs:

[FourAngelKisses]

Okay.....I had 3 babies, one of which was slightly above average weight at birth and 2 others who were huge. DD was my smallest, 8lb 3oz. She started off big, but ended up below average (in all fairness though, she was very sick). My boys, they both started off huge and have stayed huge. I am forever getting people saying "gosh they are big" and comparing them to their own kids who are the same age. DS1 was in size 1 clothes at 6mths and size 2's at 12mths because he is built like a brick you-know-what.

Each child is different and grows differently. Genetics plays a big part, so does health and diet. This "friend" seems very insecure and jealous. I also don't think I would be wanting to see this person again if I were you. With friends like that, who needs enemies??

[Tam-I-Am]

My bubba was 8lb 3.5oz (3.75kg) born, so reasonably large too. And I copped all those comments too.

Here's how I've processed that and come to my conclusions:

1) I ate REALLY well during pregnancy, very healthily, and DH is quite a big lad himself - big boned - I actually had midwives while I was pregnant make comments that I would have a broad-shouldered baby, and it was a good think I was built for childbirth :eek: :laughing: . So the fact that DD came out quite a reasonable size was something to be proud of - I nourished her and myself well while she was still inside

2) DD was exclusively breastfed for the first 6 months of her life. So the fact that she put on weight at a fast rate was something to be proud of - my body was continueing to nourish her well

3) DD had gastro when she was 5 months old. She was FINE because she was a larger baby - she had some pudge that she could lose without becoming unhealthy - so having a chubba bubba can be so much more reassuring than having a tiny weeny baby

4) Like others have said - all babies are different and all babies are gorgeous. (Mine more so than anybody else's of course!:p )

It sounds like your friend has problems herself. You either need to ignore her comments, or let her know that they're not on (or, alternatively, stop seeing her altogether!)

Good luck. Be proud of your beautiful bubba - and yourself!:hugs:

[Chub Chub]

It is funny (funny weird, not funny haha) to have friends that compare babies. They should know better than anyone the worry wether your baby is healthy or not when you're a mum.

I have two friends that both had bubs too around the same time I had my daughter and the competition started early on but the only problem is that I didn't want to be in the race! I have eventually backed off from two people who were very close to me (one was my bridesmaid) as I was over constant comparisons with our kids.:(

The best advice I can give you is that she is insecure about her abilities as a Mum and is trying to deflect them onto you as well. Be confident that you are a great Mum and that your daughter sounds extremely healthy but don't take her cr@p on board!

Soon enough all of your kids will be much the same size and hopefully good little mates (thats if she stops being painful!) and that is all that should matter....supporting one another.

Good luck and congralutions on having a healthy little girl!;)

[bekkyboo]

My friends and i compare our bubs all the time. Nothing nasty - just wow kinda thing. Especially with Garrett growing so quick. He was 6.66kg last wed (7weeks 3days - he was 9pnd1 when born 2 weeks early) so your babys have nothing to worry about in the size department (he is now 8 weeks and fully into 00).

I understand your friends feelings tho. Garrett has grown so big so quick that i didnt get the chance to enjoy the small cute baby clothes (he was out of 0000 in like 3 days). I dont ever say that he is fat or anything, but for being so big at 8 weeks, its alittle surreal - people think he is closer to 4mnths+ that 2.

Ok ive lost my train of thought, i best go. But yeah - they cant be too big...

[sharvs]

Take no notice - you cant stop a baby growing unless you stop feeding it and I'm pretty sure there are laws against that.

2 of my friends had babies around the same time I did. Here is their age & weight now.

Girl - 8 months - 7.9kgs
Boy - 7 1/2 months - 8.2kgs
Boy - 6 1/2 months - 9.2kgs

The youngest is the heaviest, but he is also the tallest.

Your baby is fine, keep doing what you are doing.

[mumma_jessy]

I had and still have a big boy! He was 9lb 1oz and never a very little baby at all. Everyone would comment on how big he was, i didn't care, he is still bigger than most kids his age, but thats just him, and i love him for it!

I guess the best thing to do is ignore her comments, the kids will even out soon, and all be around the same size, or the smaller one may take over, you just can never tell with kids!

Ask your friend not to compare, she may be upset that she never got a 'small' baby, but that is her problem and she should be happy that you both got big healthy babies!

[Rainbowbrite]

I have the opposite problem with my mothers group. MJ is & always has been small. Not even 9kg at 14 months, whereas all the other bubs are 12kg and over.

I agree with others though, you friend has issues. As hard as it is (& I know, i have to try to do it all the time) try to ignore the comments :hugs:

[vavavanny]

I feel you!

My son was 10.2lbs at birth and was always (and still is) in the top percentile for height and weight...

A lady at mothers group told me he was monsterous! I could have slapped her at the time... but now I think it's funny, and silly.

[SassyMummy]

My DD was born bigger than yours...4.67kg. She was a whopper! So you can only imagine that everyone had something to say about it!

I sometimes gush over little tiny babies...mostly because mine was never actually tiny. It's just a case of "the grass is always greener on the other side" thing IMO.

I think your friend is going a bit overboard though...why would size matter? In reality, sometimes having a chubbier baby is good...if they get sick, they HAVE the weight to lose. Skinnier babies don't.

I might be bias, but I actually prefer chubbier babies. I love that DD is a little fatty boom-bah. It's cute. It's the only time in her life where rolly thighs are considered adorable, so she might as well have them.

Try not to think about what everyone else says regarding size. Babies come out in all sorts of ways...size being just one of them. So long as he is happy and healthy...then just ignore everyone else. (Especially those without kids - they're always saying ridiculous things that offend!)

[EskimoMumma]

My DD was born bigger than yours...4.67kg. She was a whopper! So you can only imagine that everyone had something to say about it!


Whats that in pounds? DD was 10lbs 8ozs at birth, she was my second. First 8lbs 12ozs.


Ignore your friend and tell her how you feel. If she reacts badly to that shes not a true friend.

Best of luck and btw YOUR BABY IS GORGEOUS! :yelclap:

[Elijahsmama]

You got a little one then, my DS was 10lbs 11oz. Your friend dosent sound like much of a friend. I felt a bit annoyed for the first few months as my SIL and sister both had babies, all of us due on the same day and theirs were 5lbs5oz and 7lb12oz and the first comments i'ld hear from anyone was about the size of him but now im proud i had a biggie because it's something different. However i do hope i get a smaller one next time!!
You should say something to her though how shes hurting your feelings, she will be sorry if she is a true friend!
p.s the 5pounder (nephew) now is the biggest by far with DS in the middle and my niece the chubbiest.

[Elijahsmama]

Whats that in pounds
Ds was 10lbs 11oz and he was 4835g, not sure how to convert kgs to pounds.

[my_lot]

I might be bias, but I actually prefer chubbier babies. I love that DD is a little fatty boom-bah. It's cute. It's the only time in her life where rolly thighs are considered adorable, so she might as well have them.


thats funny!

my second was 6lb 3oz at 5+ weeks early and had extra skin round her legs which she soon filled out into the cutest chunky thighs. i called her fatty bum bum.

my first daughter was av build til she got sick at 19 months then we had 4 years of problems relating to growth...

my two girls are two years apart, 2 inches different in height and weigh the same.

again i get it from everyone how small the elsest is- and she hates it!

my youngest was 1.8kg ( 1880g )when we left the hospital. i got soooo many people saying how small he was. and now he is four it hasnt changed. from mothers at his school to strangers that talk about him then ask his age- they then go on to tell me how small he is to their grandson/daughter or some other kid.

my friend has a daughter 2 months older than him and she towers over him and the parents never shut up about it- calling him midget ( they think its funny)

theres always going to be someone who will say something like that.

hold your chin up.

[subaruforestermum]

I wouldn't worry about them, every child is different, my son was born 8lb 11oz, which is 3950g or 3.95kg, everyone said he was big.....

and people still say he's a big boy..but he is healthy, as normal as a toddler can be and happy.

People compare babies all the time, unfortunately it's the way of human nature.

[Belinda05]

ooh thats silly of your friend to say things like that, I agree with a lot of other people on here that she must have some insecurities! Look at what everyone is saying and how different sized all their babies are! I bet if you asked everyone how big their babies are, they would all be different even at the same ages!! It's so crazy to think babies should be a certain weight at a certain age, they aren't clones.

-Belinda

[SammieSnail]

Whats that in pounds? DD was 10lbs 8ozs at birth, she was my second. First 8lbs 12ozs.


Ignore your friend and tell her how you feel. If she reacts badly to that shes not a true friend.

Best of luck and btw YOUR BABY IS GORGEOUS! :yelclap:

To convert:

Kilograms to Pounds multiply by 2.21
Pounds to Kilograms multiply by 0.45

So Chanel would be 4.67kg x 2.21 = 10lbs 3.2ozs approx.

I think.....

[Mamaduke]

I've had the 'best' of both worlds...
Jesse was a premmie and weighed 4lb 1oz when he was born...the only reason I didn't join a mother's group was that I knew he was tiny, I didn't need a bunch of strangers comparing and pointing it out to me.
With Lucas he was born 8lb 9oz and we've heard the comments of how much bigger he was in comparison to Jesse...which I abruptly nip in the bud!
Lukey's now just turned 2 and is 20kg and over 92cm tall - now I get the 'gee...he's in a good paddock!', 'doesn't mind his food!', 'look at the size of those legs!':ecomcity: :ecomcity: :ecomcity: which I don't really mind, whereas with Jesse I took it very personally when someone mentioned his size/weight, as if I wasn't feeding him enough.
Give me the comments on a big baby any day...but if it upsets you tell her!

[FourAngelKisses]

Lukey's now just turned 2 and is 20kg and over 92cm tall - now I get the 'gee...he's in a good paddock!', 'doesn't mind his food!', 'look at the size of those legs!'

Oh yeah, I get all that too. My 11lb baby is now 8.5yrs old. He is 45kg and 145cm tall, his friends all come up to his shoulders and he comes up to my nose. It's pretty bad having an 8yr old who is almost the same height as me and people make all sorts of comments......but I also get all sorts of looks in regards to the tantrums that 8yr old boys tend to have.

[bronny-jane]

she's just being an idiot:D
by the way i saw a 10 week old baby who was over 9kg:D he was one big boy, but it was just in his genes:D

[hpercival]

i cant believe she was sayin that to you take no notice all babys are different. when i was born i was 10 pound 14 ! it doesnt matter how big the baby is when its born all babys are different in there own little ways i wouldnt worry about it at all. they say anything between 6 and 10 pounds is healthy and i think 9 pounds 8 is a good size x x

[Cupcake]

It sounds like she just blurts without thinking, maybe she is jealous of you for some reason or another & feels she needs to put you down to feel better :confused:
Anyway as for the BIG BABY comments I totally hear ya my FIL is constantly saying it & my DD is now 23mths,he is always saying how big she is compared to there DD's little girl(my SIL) DD was 11 pound born & I was so sick of people saying she is HUGE!! I swear I was going to explode.
My room in hospital was like a display cabinet for all to come see the Big Baby :banghead:
Anyway maybe ask her if she has some sort of problem with you & if she makes you feel really unhappy everytime you are around her it might be better for you to stay away for a little while. Look at it as this, your baby is so cute she cant handle it & big or little all babies are precious & she should grow up!!

[Pixie]

Some people will always compare, I get it all the time someone even asked me if my Daughter was normal as she seems advanced for her age..I sai dno idea I don't compare she's just who she is, and yes she's a big baby 7.7 kilos 16 weeks old so we get the "wow she's huge" comments all the time I pride myself on her size I know I am doing a good job feeding her!

Ignore your "friend" don't let it bother you easier said than done, but really she's not worth it, even her previous comments on girl/boy show that!

:hugs::hugs:

[arthursmum]

Hi, congratulations on your baby girl, what a cutie!!
I must admit that i haven't read all of the posts so apologies if i'm repeating an already familiar theme. (later-ok, read them now)
This is about her and not you or your baby and anyone else's bubbas.
Any woman who has to compare babies and make ridiculous, insensitive comments is not feeling so good about where she is right now.
Is it possible for you to gently tell her that you don't think constantly comparing and singling out is constructive or particularly interestingor that it hurts you? or maybe just avoid her for a few weeks?
I had a sh*tty experience at my first mothers' meeting when arthur was 3 weeks old due to another woman doing a similar thing. after that, i really made a point of saying how fantastic it is that they all are different and that's what's so good about them,etc..especially when people started to single out big/small/round/bald/crosseyed/flat-headed/etc kids
ds is a biggie and there'll always be someone who looks at him like he's the biggest most clumsy boofhead and another who worries 'cos their smaller child of the same age doesn't 'do' the same things that ds does. comparing s*cks!
One person said to me that often 1st time mothers' worst enemies are other new mums. sad but true, as if we don't have enough on our plates!
As jessgray said, we should celebrate their differences as they all come in beautiful different models.

[mythreelittlemonkeys]

seriously just ignore the comments!!! My baby was born 9lbs 5oz and yeh everyone said wow big baby and I bet you glad you had to have c section (no I wasnt I was sad!!)...and even now when I say she is 6 weeks people say big baby or presume must be a boy...but she is long totally in proportion and hey just a baby - like adults they come in all shapes and sizes and I not worried she too big...sounds like your friend has some really serious issues - personally I would be turning around and telling her enough is enough and to get a grip...I feel sorry for her... I am sure just like my little girl your baby is gorgeous and helathy and that is what matters!:hugs: