What to do when your child isn't fitting in at school

[MummaBear03]

So there's a bit of bullying, but what do you do when your child is the instigator of such bullying? Not being a bully, but annoying other kids who are notorious for picking on others until they lash out and cause harm.

[jenpeterock]

have you been approached by the teacher or principle? they would be my first port of call to have a chat with and explain what you have noticed/heard. each school normally has an action plan for bullying.

[MummaBear03]

Yep, the teacher told me that DD would find the child most likely to swing a punch and say something really out of line that then provokes that child to get physical with her. She said hitting is never ok, but also that DD needs to learn to control herself. The teacher understands that her impulses like that are part of the Autism, but there's not much else they can do. She does have an aide for a good part of the time, but not the entire day. The funding doesn't allow that unfortunately and I'm not in a position to provide one myself. They're only in Year 1, so only 5/6 years of age, but some of these kids are heaps bigger than she is and way stronger and can really hit hard!

[crazymuma]

Does your DD even understand what she is doing and why?? Does she understand that she can't behave that way at school.

Seems like a ****ty attitude of the school though - its sounds as though they are defending the child that is hitting as they are being provoked :no: No matter why they have done it hitting in schools should never be tolerated.

[RaryGirl]

OMG ... that makes me so angry. The school are basically saying she is bringing it on herself!

What about the children with anger issues? Why aren't they being taught self control and not to hit out if someone says something they don't like.

Not good enough on the school's part! :no:

Have the children in the class been educated on autism? Do they understand how things work in your DD's head iykwim?

I really think the school need to be taking responsibility here ... all the children should be educated on bullying and the school should have a ZERO tolerance policy, no one deserves to be hit/swung at/bullied for any reason.

I would be asking the teacher how she is dealing with it? What is the process she is following for these 'incidents'? Most importantly, what is the schools bullying policy?

[*Cj*]

Been there. I got hold of the mum and had play Date's.

Good luck

[Nowhere]

HUGS, You need to speak to the schools inclucsions officer, ( its gernaly the deputy head) and get them to re asses her schools pluss aplication, Her behavour is putting her at risk of getting indured so she needs closer supervision.

On the schools pluss aplication there is a section about social skills and puttng them selvs in harms way etc.

DO you know what level of an aid she is eleigable.

[sweetseven]

My Miss10 was like that at that age. She has not been diagnosed with autism, but has (or had) a lot of the checklist features that indicate the possibility. In year1 and year2, she was attrotious for deliberately antagonising people. Then, later, when she decided to be nice to them, she couldn't understand why they would shun her. Thankfully, she has improved with age, and no longer displays such behaviour.

I was also on the opposite side with my Miss8. When she was in year1 and I went to school to help with reading groups, there was another little girl in the class that would alternate between deliberately antagonising people, and being nice and expecting those same people to be friendly in response. At the time, it was my daughter that she had latched on to, and was shunning her in return. So I spoke to her about the difficulties her older sister had had, and suggested that it would be a nicer environment for everyone if when this other girl was being friendly, she responded in kind. This resulted in the two becoming best friends. However, in year3 there were added difficulties of this girl being possessive of my daughter, and not wanting her to play with anyone else, which provided a new reason for her to distance herself. (And with this fresh perspective, I believe my Miss10 might've been in a similar situation to this girl when she was in year3 - overly possessive of her friends to the point where they felt smothered.)

I realise those little stories don't really help you, but hopefully they provide hope that this phase may not last forever, and a window into a possible next phase. Of course I understand that your child may not follow the same patterns as these other two, and the autism diagnosis may reduce that liklihood also.

I hope your daughters school experiences and emotional development improve in a positive manner. :hugs:

[MummaBear03]

OMG ... that makes me so angry. The school are basically saying she is bringing it on herself!

What about the children with anger issues? Why aren't they being taught self control and not to hit out if someone says something they don't like.

Not good enough on the school's part! :no:

Have the children in the class been educated on autism? Do they understand how things work in your DD's head iykwim?

I really think the school need to be taking responsibility here ... all the children should be educated on bullying and the school should have a ZERO tolerance policy, no one deserves to be hit/swung at/bullied for any reason.

I would be asking the teacher how she is dealing with it? What is the process she is following for these 'incidents'? Most importantly, what is the schools bullying policy?

They are dealing with the physical hitting, but it was just the teacher letting me know that she is verbally provoking them. The school is very quick to respond to these issues, I can't fault them. It wasn't said in a way that she deserves it or anything, more just telling me what my child's behaviour is like and the fact that she's doing it to the kids that are known to be a problem. This one particular child was sitting on his own instead of his desk being with a group of children, and DD kept looking at him and laughing silently, you know how kids do with a big grin and hand to the mouth, no sound but just that laughing. He eventually got up, ran over and hit her in the mouth. He was taken to the office and his parents were called. I think what they were doing is saying that DD's behaviour is not being excused either. Sure, she's not hitting, but she wasn't being very nice by doing that.